PunchDrunk
by DragonsExist
Summary: AU/AH OOC E/B Edward moves to Portland to start college and a new chapter in his life. After meeting a brown-eyed girl, he wonders if love is truly blind.
1. Feelin Good

A/N This is my first fanfic...

**Disclaimer: **I claim no ownership to any publicly recognizable entities, including Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series and its characters. I don't own any songs either.

It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life  
For me  
And I'm feeling good

Feelin' Good, Nina Simone

Today had to have been the best day of my miserable fucking life. _Graduation Day_. _Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, just run as fast as you can. _"Free at last," I muttered to myself because as usual, I was alone.

I walked around to the trunk of my car, taking off my Spartan-blue cap and gown, and forcefully shoving it into the trunk. I should've turned around and put it in the trash where it belonged, but the nearest one was in the auditorium, and I refused to go back. There was barely any room for it in my car anyway; I spent most of last night filling the Volvo with everything I'd need to get by. My clothes, shoes, baseball card collection, and keyboard were stuffed in the trunk. My books and CD's were in the backseat, and a map to my new place in Portland was strewn across the pile of crap that overflowed from the passenger side of my car.

Completely ignoring the tiny scrap of blue fabric dangling out of the trunk due to my half-ass packing, I leaned back against the scorching hot back panel of my car. The heat seeped through the thin fabric of my shorts as I took a long look at the small campus of Forks High. The parking lot was still full, but I didn't remember it ever being so quiet. Everyone was still inside. Most of them were waiting for their names to be called, telling each other well-intentioned lies about keeping in touch. But as soon as I walked across that stage and grabbed my diploma, I high-tailed it out of there.

I wasn't looking around because I enjoyed the scenery, nor because I was feeling suddenly nostalgic. I gazed out at the pitiful cluster of buildings in goddamned elation. I promised myself that once I got behind the wheel of my car, I wouldn't look back. Shit, I wouldn't even chance looking in the rearview mirror—lest I be turned into a pillar of salt. Clallam County had nothing to offer me, it never had. So I was taking one last look at the shit hole because I knew things were going to change.

_I wouldn't live this life anymore._

Working hard the last few years gave me a plethora of schools from which to choose. I was expected to attend Dartmouth, but I enrolled at Portland State University instead, which pissed off Daddy Warbucks. I didn't do it because the school had a specific program that appealed to me. I enrolled there because I'd grown accustomed to the Pacific Northwest and I wasn't ready to leave.

The wet days and crisp air I once dreaded were now relished .It didn't faze me that most of the days were gloomy; they fit my mood perfectly. Portland would be the best of both worlds, giving me the luxuries of a big city, and the kind of weather l loved. It was a fucking bonus that all the sheep of Forks High who could afford college were going to the University of Washington, far enough away from me. That was what excited me the most.

After moving from Chicago—the only home I'd ever known—I immediately hated Forks. One day I was playing soccer with my friends in Illinois, and a week later my parents and I were dashing off to West-Bubba-Fuck, Washington. I wasn't asked my opinion, just uprooted and transplanted without a second thought.

Edward Senior and Elizabeth Masen, better known as Daddy Warbucks and Mommy Dearest, decided to retire some place quiet, saying they needed a change from the city life. Ironically, they hadn't actually stayed in Forks for longer than a few weeks at a time, preferring to jet set across the globe. I still didn't see the point of our relocation. We moved to Forks four years ago, and apart from a handful of nannies and maids, I had practically raised myself.

Despite the normalcy we established during our first few months here, something still felt off. As soon as I learned my way around the pitiful town, the 'rents jumped ship, disappeared in some kind of Criss Angel type shit. A few weeks later, the postcards started showing up. They came from Paris, London, Dubai. It was like they forgot I ever existed. Worst of all, they couldn't even be bothered to show up to my graduation! I shouldn't have been as surprised and disappointed as I was, but…fuck.

_And no, I'm not bitter._

I knew I seemed ungrateful, but I wasn't. The 'rents had always been there for me financially. Every physical need I'd ever had was met, and my trust fund runneth over. Daddy Warbucks even sprung for a waterfront condo for me in Portland so I wouldn't have to live on campus. Okay, so, maybe that wasn't the reason he did it. He said, and I quote, 'it's bad enough my only child is going to PSU, but God forbid you live amongst commoners.'

I rolled my eyes long and hard but didn't complain. At least I'd get my own space and wouldn't have to worry about a nosy roommate. And even though freshmen were required to live on campus I was granted an exception. One call to the Dean from Daddy cleared that up, because money could do things like that.

Since the post cards had stopped coming, and the visits had become sporadic at best, I thanked them the only way we seemed to communicate anymore. One quick press of my thumb and the text was sent. It simply said 'thanks,' because truthfully, I didn't have the balls to send the picture of my one-fingered salute.

It was time for me to stop screwing around unless I wanted to be dragged to the after parties. I turned each and every graduation party invite down, telling everyone I wouldn't be around. Since the ninth grade I had told everyone that come graduation day, that would be the last anyone in Forks would ever see of me. I figured when I failed to show, those fuckers would see once and for all when I didn't show up that I was a truly man of my word.

I gave my car a quick once over, kicking the tires to make sure I wouldn't get derailed by a flat, and eased myself behind the wheel. I reached over and grabbed the map, backed out of my spot without checking the rearview mirror, and got the hell out of Forks.

***

I was completely lost in thought as I drove, which wasn't an unusual occurrence. Luckily for the other motorists my reflexes were intact, and I managed to obey most of the traffic regulations.

I had a tendency to space out. Sometimes I got entirely caught up in my thoughts, letting my attention stray during whole conversations. As a result, some people thought I was mute or high. But I shrugged their opinions off—they were idiots anyway.

Because of this,I preferred to keep to myself, but I hadn't always been that way. When I first moved to Forks I tried to be social, but everyone was just so…trite. It got to the point that even when I was surrounded by people—classmates, coaches, tutors or whatever—I still felt alone. I wasn't sure what I wanted or expected from people, but I was definitely left wanting, _needing_ something more. And ultimately I found it easier to escape within myself.

I didn't mind the insipid girls. As long as they could keep their chatter to a minimum I was content.

They were all just so conniving and easy, yet for some unknown reason they wanted me. Not one to pass on having certain needs met, I tolerated them. I wasn't a man-whore or anything; I loved my dick too much to risk it stupidly, but I wasn't afraid of the pussy either.

It didn't take much to get those chicks worked up. After flashing my crooked grin, panties dropped, and I was willing to catch a few. Getting some was the easy part. It was the basic conversation that was difficult for me. Trying to have an intellectual conversation with those girls was like trying to get Joan Rivers to register some type emotion on her face. Impossible. I made a foolish attempt once or twice, but it didn't take long for me to learn my lesson.

None of that mattered anymore. I was going to college, and hoped that I could change things up before the new semester started. Start a new life of sorts. No, I didn't hope. I _would_ start a new life. Get to know people, and fill the void where my heart used to be.

That was the plan anyway.

After driving the entire way to Portland in La La land, I followed the directions I'd printed out from MapQuest, finally leading me to my new place. When the building came into view, my jaw dropped. There was no way I had the correct location. Just to be sure, I circled around the building to check the address, and after I confirmed I was indeed in the right place, I smiled.

_I can't believe this is my new beginning. _

The building was easily thirty stories, and architecturally stunning. It was covered in glass, giving each resident a view of the South Waterfront. And to top it all off, I saw a covered parking area off to the side.

_That's right, got to keep my baby safe._

I turned off my iPod, which had been blasting Thibaudet's _Postcard to Henry Purcell _onrepeat forthe whole trip and hopped out of the car. I couldn't believe something good had come from my birthright, but it was a welcomed bombshell. As I popped the trunk, I was greeted by an older dark-haired man in uniform. I assumed he was the doorman. He was a few inches shorter than me, and had a huge smile on his face, making me feel all welcome and shit.

"Mr. Masen?" he asked.

I nodded, still too astounded to speak.

"Great, we've been expecting you. Your parents had some things delivered for you yesterday. They said you wouldn't waste any time in getting here," he chuckled. "My name is Ross, I'll see to it that your belongings make it upstairs, and I'll have your car moved into the resident parking area. Are you ready to see the penthouse?"

I nodded again. Apparently the people in Forks were right; I was mute.

I grew up with an insane amount of money, so the fact that my parents were putting me up in such a nice place shouldn't have surprised me, but the penthouse? Daddy Warbucks really must have felt guilty about missing my graduation, but fuck if I was going to whine about it. The building was exquisite.

I did my best to feign indifference, finally getting my vocal chords to work.

"Thank you, Ross. Is there a restaurant nearby? As you mentioned I didn't waste any time getting here, and I haven't eaten since breakfast," I inquired.

"Your fridge has been fully stocked sir," he replied. "If you find nothing to your liking I will be glad to have something delivered," he smirked.

OK, so, screw pretenses, my jaw was completely unhinged and that jackass Ross knew it. I seriously needed to work on maintaining my facade.

I followed Ross into the building's lobby and observed everything. The place was so much more than I expected. There were so many layers of light shining through the wall of windows that it felt like I was standing inside of a diamond. Paintings adorned the walls, and all the furnishings were sleek and stylish, giving the building a modern edge. I loved it already. We made our way onto the elevator, and Ross pressed the button taking us up to the thirtieth floor.

It was right about then that he started babbling.

He explained that as the doorman (he preferred the term 'concierge'), he heard all of the gossip about the neighbors. Apparently, a Dr. Cullen and his wife Esme lived above me on the 31st floor, the most exclusive condo in the building. They didn't have any kids so I wouldn't have to worry about any upstairs noise, which was fine by me. Esme Cullen decorated my place as a favor to mommy dearest Elizabeth, and if the Cullens were acquainted with my…creators. Well, there was no telling what kind of people they were.

The condo below me belonged to an Emmett McCarty. I was pretty sure I knew what to expect from someone named Emmett. I pictured a country bumpkin in a red and black plaid shirt for some reason, and that shit made me laugh. Luckily Ross ignored me and continued.

"His parents helped fund the building, and supported it when the community was concerned about developing the area. As a thank you of sorts, they were gifted a place to stay if they ever needed it. Coincidentally, they had a son going to Portland State University, so he moved in last year."

While I was trying not to zone out on what Ross was saying, the elevator chimed on the 28th floor. When the doors opened, in walked the biggest guy I'd ever seen. I felt like an old church lady, curious to know what kind of gossip Ross had on him.

The guy was clearly on some type of human growth hormone, and looked seconds away from having roid-rage. Instinctively, I stepped back, giving him plenty of room to accommodate his large frame.

"Ross, my man," the hulk said. "How's it hanging?" Ross pressed the button for the 29th floor as I stood there staring like an idiot.

"Very well Mr. McCarty. I was just telling Mr. Masen about you," Ross said, quickly turning in my direction. Fuck, I hated that I couldn't blend into the wall.

_This guy was Emmett? _

Apparently my judgment was off, he was no Paul Bunyan. He not so subtly gave me the once over, and I just stood there, nervously shuffling my feet for some reason. Well, I was nervous because Emmett was huge, and that shit just made me uncomfortable. I finally stopped being a pansy and looked him in the eye. He had the goofiest grin on his face. I held out my hand to formally introduce myself, but Emmett balled his hand into a fist, prepping for the manly fist-bump. We ended up doing a weird rock-paper-scissors deal before he pulled away while I muttered an apology.

_Yep, that's how I roll._

"Nice to meet you, I'm Edward," I said.

"Same here. You can call me Emmett, even though this guy," he stopped, pointing to Ross, "never will."

Lucky for me, the elevator chimed, offering me a retreat from my embarrassment. Emmett said goodnight and told me he'd see me later, and I breathed a sigh of relief, momentarily forgetting that I wasn't yet alone. Ross continued on speaking as if I hadn't almost wet my pants just seconds ago.

"Emmett's a sophomore, and a fine young man. He has no verbal filter though, so don't be too put off by him. He means well," Ross added. "He was just leaving Isabella Swan's; her father is the retired Chief of Police for Portland. He works as some type of consultant and now.

Ms. Swan's mother recently married Dr. Phil Dwyer, head trainer for the Portland Trailblazers. Bella decided after splitting time at both parents' homes that it was time for her to be alone, so they put her up here," he finished.

_Well aren't you just a fucking wealth of knowledge?_

I didn't stop Ross from talking, even though I thought he was rather nosy. Instead, I took all the information in. If I was going to change, make friends and what not, any information he could offer me would help. He was oblivious to my internal ramblings anyway.

"…she's a beautiful soul," Ross said.

_Wait. Who?_

"The name really fits her too. She's always so lively, always smiling. She and Emmett have been joined at the hip since the day they moved in the building, and they spend a lot of time with the Cullens. Esme acts as the housemother to Bella and Emmett, and I'm sure now that you're here you won't be any different. In fact, they've already requested that you meet them for brunch at ten tomorrow. Should I confirm your attendance?"

I agreed, still trying to focus on what he was saying. Well, as much as I could focus. My figurative A.D.D wasn't helping.

"So enough with the building gossip, we're here."

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed, walking through the front entrance.

I'd gathered from the moment I drove up that Mommy and Daddy were feeling guilty, but I truly underestimated to what degree. I sprinted to the center of the room to the raised platform where a _Bechstein_ polished black grand piano sat. I could see Ross watching me as my jaw dropped for the second time in ten minutes.

As I stepped up onto the platform, I noticed a silver frame placed on the piano bench, a note sitting beside it. I grabbed them both and sat down too look closely at the picture within the frame.

I had no idea when the picture was taken even though I was in it. I looked maybe eight or nine, and Daddy Warbucks was covered in flour, standing in front of the ugliest fucking cake I'd ever seen. I forgot how much we looked alike, both of us sporting lopsided grins. Mommy Dearest was only a blur of flesh in the corner. I put the photo down and read the note.

_Nothing can make up for memories that were never created, but I hope that the joyous times in our past will suffice until we can make memories anew. We love you more than you know. Congratulations and enjoy!_

_Love, Mom and Dad_

To say that the note was a surprise would've been the understatement of the year. It was almost _personal_, and they just didn't _do_ personal. I snapped out of my fog, completely forgetting about the doorman, fuck…concierge dude. But when I turned around he was gone and I was alone.

I tucked the note into the corner of the picture and stood up so I could get a better view of my new baby. She was beautiful; her craftsmanship, her elegant lines. Everything about the piano was perfect, right down to its smooth black finish. My hands trailed the soundboard and ribs, and the European spruce felt silky under my touch.

I shook my head in amazement.

After feeling up my new piano, I sat down and lifted the lid covering the keys. I skipped all the scales I would normally warm-up with, and let my fingers glide mindlessly.

I'd take the time to check out the rest of the place later, because as soon as my fingers began massaging the black and white keys, it was as if nothing else existed.

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	2. Gotta Get Up

Gotta get up, gotta get out

gotta get home before the morning comes.  
What if I'm late, gotta big date

_Gotta Get Up, Harry Nilsson_

When I woke up the sun was streaming in from the windows, and I wondered if I'd actually slept in for once. I was used to being up before the sunrise, so I blindly searched for a clock. Realizing I was still fully dressed, I dug around in my pockets until I felt my cell phone. A glance at the screen told me it was a little past eight AM. I still had time to take a run, but after the long drive and playing my piano until four AM like a dipshit, I felt utterly exhausted.

Ross came back at some point last night to return my keys, and had the rest of my things brought up. It was the only moment I paused in my playing. Then out of nowhere my stomach had rumbled so loud that it sent him into hysterics. In that moment I had a hard time remembering my plan to try and be friendly. I hated to be laughed at, and he was seconds away from being junk-punched. Instead, I gave him a nod that said 'thank you-get the fuck out,' and went to find myself some food.

Ross wasn't kidding when he said the fridge was fully stocked. There were meats, gourmet cheeses, and any kind of beverage I could've wanted. Settling on a turkey sandwich, I decided to check out the place to see what Daddy Warbucks had sprung for.

I started with the living room where my eyes were immediately drawn to the entertainment center. There was a flat screen TV, game consoles, and Blu-rays already organized. As I made my way to the bedrooms, I noticed that each one seemed to have a theme ranging from nautical to modern. It was all fucking amazing. My own room was decorated in a color scheme that I could only compare to being forest-like. There weren't any trees or anything, but lots of greens, and the four-post bed had a brown comforter with white, green, and brown pillows on top. The shelves were stacked full of music and books. And the master bath had one of those elaborate multi-head showers and a deep tub.

_Again, amazing_.

But the best part was the size of the place. If I could stick to my plan and make some friends, it would be a great place for entertaining. Assuming Portlanders weren't as brain-dead as… Forkians, Forkers…Washingtonians or whatever.

I sat up in the bed and cursed myself for wearing my jeans to sleep because they were doing something awful to my morning wood, and I needed to handle that problem immediately. Sighing, I adjusted myself and hopped off the bed. Once I took off my shoes and socks, leaving them in a messy pile, I headed to the bathroom.

When I walked into the marble mausoleum, I peered into the mirror, wiping the sleep away from my eyes.

"God, what died in my throat?" I said hoarsely, jumping a little at the unexpected echo that carried throughout the large space.

Shaking my head for acting like a little bitch, I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste, brushing furiously to tame my foul morning breath. With my free hand, I reached over into the shower and turned the water on, making sure the temperature was just right. I was slightly more excited than I should have been, having never used a multi-head shower before, but I was curious about the activities I could partake in with that wonderful feature. Once the steam had clouded the glass, I spat into the sink, unzipped my jeans, and proceeded to take care of my not-so-little problem.

After showering, I pulled on a fresh pair of boxers and searched my closet for clothes to wear. I gave up on that, remembering that I had other clothes in my duffel bag. I made my way back to the foyer, finding the bag in the same place where Ross had dropped it off last night. As I rifled through it, I settled on my favorite t-shirt, which had a cartoon piñata on it that read, 'I'd hit that,' and a pair of brown cargo shorts. Glancing in the mirror, I wondered if I should've even attempted to do my hair, but eventually decided against it. That shit had a mind of its own.

Once my morning routine was complete, I noted there was still an hour before I needed to meet the Cullens for brunch. It wasn't like I had a whole hell of a lot of options, so I figured I'd check out the neighborhood. After I did a quick cell phone and key check, I hopped on the elevator, pretty excited about what I would discover.

I groaned when I reached the lobby, Ross was standing at the front desk talking to Emmett. I didn't want to embarrass myself again, and Emmett scared the shit out of me. By no means was I a punk, but I just didn't think I would last a minute in a fight against him.

I spent most of my childhood playing sports and other shit the 'rents _forced_ me to do. Mommy Dearest said it was because she wanted me to be a 'well-rounded' individual, but I knew better. The more I was gone, the less they had to deal with me. So even though I could box, fence, and run like hell if the situation called for it, just thinking about being anywhere near Emmett's bad side made me squirm. And I did _not_ fucking squirm. Of course Ross picked that moment to wave me over, so I stopped pretending I was invisible and walked over, needing to pass them in order to leave anyway.

"Mr. Masen." Ross nodded and smiled. I did the same.

"What's up, man?" Emmett asked. "Ross here was just telling me about you. Couldn't wait to fly the coop, eh?" Emmett grinned, showing all of his teeth and a deep set of dimples. His eyes were filled with humor, and that helped me to relax.

"You could say that," I responded.

"I was just heading out for some coffee. Wanna join me?"

I was actually glad to get the invitation as I had no clue where I was planning to go. Therefore my reply seemed overly excited, even in my own ears. "Yeah sounds good," I agreed. Ross bid us 'farewell,' and we headed outside into the sunny Portland morning.

"So, Edward," Emmett began. "I hear you got roped into the Cullen Sunday brunch?"

My smile slightly faltered at the use of the word 'roped.' _Is something wrong with the Cullens?_ I was about to question if that was a bad thing, but he hurried to speak as if he could read my mind.

"Don't worry man, they're completely cool, just very uh… parental. Ya know? I thought I'd get to live the bachelor's life here—away from my parents and all—but I swear they have an 'Emmett's about to fuck up radar.' Makes it hard to sneak in the ladies," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

I considered that for a moment as I took in the view from the front of the building. Directly ahead was the waterfront with the city skyline as its backdrop. To the left, there were some hiking trails that led through the mountains. And on the right, there were small shops. When I turned back to Emmett I shrugged.

"Can't be too bad having someone concerned with your well-being, or the well-being of helpless young women," I smirked.

_Couldn't be too bad having someone care at all, really._

Emmett laughed then, and it was loud and raucous. He clapped me on the back, amplifying the nervousness I felt in his presence and said, "It's not so bad when you look at it that way. I like you Ed. We're going to get along just fine."

I froze. There was nothing I detested more than being called Ed. People called my dad that, and we weren't anything alike. As a matter of fact, any nickname pissed me off. Every nickname I had ever been called was related to a fucked up person or situation, but Ed was by far the worst. I was internally seething, and Emmett must have noticed because even though I tried, I didn't succeed in removing the scowl from my face.

"The name is Edward, not Ed," I tersely replied.

Fuck, part of my plan was to make friends and _not_ alienate people. I was already failing by snapping at him, so I made a lame attempt to lighten the mood. "Besides, Ed is my father's name, and imagine overhearing your mom chant that," I added. It was pretty much a lie, I'd never walked in on or overheard the 'rents in the throes of passion. Thank God for that.

Emmett shivered at my implication, "Ewww, I get it man, Edward from here on out!"

We continued on, walking the two short blocks until we reached a small coffee shop called _Brewed Awakenings_. The door clanged behind us announcing our arrival, and Emmett immediately straightened up. His dimples were on full display, and all of a sudden he seemed like a shy little boy. His swift change in demeanor baffled me, so I followed his gaze, hoping to see the reason for it.

My eyes landed on what had to be one of the most attractive women I'd ever seen; she was sex personified. She was very tall with legs that went for days, and she had them on display wearing black short shorts. Her hair was bone straight, just barely skimming her shoulders. She turned as we entered, sending her strawberry blonde locks in disarray, focusing her light blue eyes directly on Emmett. Emmett was still appraising the girl as we walked to the counter, but I had pulled myself out of my temporary lust-filled stupor.

"Hey Em," the girl called. "Caramel Macchiato for you?"

Emmett swallowed so loudly I could hear it from a foot away. "Yes, Tanya, that sounds good."

As soon as he answered, she shifted her gaze to look at me. I pushed my shoulders back, standing at my full height so that she could eye-fuck me all she wanted, and she shamelessly did just that. I didn't mind it one bit.

Women checked me out all the time, so I stood there letting her enjoy the view. When she finally made it to my eyes, I gave her my orgasm-inducing smile, laughing internally as she faltered in her steps. It took all my will power not to say something cheesy about her blatant ogling.

"I-I… I don't think we've met. I'm Tanya. Can I get you something?"

I stepped forward to take her hand. "I'm Edward. It's a pleasure," I replied, making sure my voice sounded like it had been marinated in sex. I knew women liked that velvety shit.

There was no doubt in my mind that she was as mindless as the girls back in Forks, but that didn't matter. I had other _needs_ that could benefit from her assistance.

In preparation to leave Forks, I didn't allow myself to mess around. I intended for it to be a time to concentrate on my studies, to decide exactly what I wanted to do with my life. However, while doing that, I took a self-imposed journey into monkdom—a nasty side affect that I needed to rectify soon. Tanya seemed more than suited for the job, so I started scheming, trying to figure out a way to get her back to my place.

In my peripheral vision, I could see that Emmett looked sullen. I was still holding her hand, so I dropped it quickly, not wanting to encroach on his territory.

"I'll just take a coffee, black," I said. She left to start our orders, and Emmett was giving me a weird look, something between suspicion and curiosity.

"So, you interested?" he inquired.

I lied smoothly. Well, what I hoped was smoothly because I wanted him to believe me. "Just trying to get in good with your girl. I don't want her to think I'm a bad influence on you."

Emmett smiled then, and thank fuck he did. I didn't want to test my self-defense or running skills today. Tanya was sexy, but not worth any drama or losing my first possible friend. Besides that, she wasn't really my type. Girls like her were only good for satisfying my baser needs. It didn't help that she reminded me of a girl back in Forks named Lauren Mallory. If Tanya was anything like Lauren, well…no thank you.

Lauren was the number one reason I didn't want a woman who even appeared to be high-maintenance. I knew there had to be someone who was the complete package; someone could satisfy _all_ my needs, and I would wait for her.

My resolve quickly faltered as Tanya bent over, causing her tiny shorts to reveal more of her thighs. I shook my head. I didn't want to ruin things with Emmett.

Since Tanya was out of earshot, I thought it would be a good time to question the obvious.

"So," I started. "What's up with you two?"

He appeared to be deep in thought, before finally shrugging. "I don't know man, there's just something about her. I mean…just look at her," he said, gesturing over to where Tanya stood. "She started working here about six months ago, and I make it a habit to stop in. At first it was… well, shit, man she's hot, but I feel like there's more to it, like fate brought her here for a reason." He shook his head. "I just don't know if I want to get to _know_ her, or take her to the stock room and have at it. Until I figure it out though, I'll be on my best behavior."

I wanted to tell him that he should try having a real conversation with her. That usually helped me decide which option to choose, but apparently Emmett was still mulling over the issue as he spoke up again.

"It's like she has some kind of voodoo over my dick and mind," he smirked.

_Ah, there's the Emmett I first met._

When our orders were ready, we politely thanked Tanya and headed back to the building. Emmett talked non-stop the whole way back, filling me in on area bars that didn't card, and other activities we could get in to.

"I use the gym on the main floor. We could meet up sometime if you want?" he suggested.

I usually abhorred gyms. One, they were full of smelly people in a confined space. Two, I'd always been more of a runner. I liked feeling the wind in my hair as I bounded across the terrain, watching as the scenery passed. I reminded myself for the hundredth time that I wanted to make friends, and therefore couldn't continue my solitary existence. Figuring I could still fit in time for both running and working out at the gym, I agreed.

"Once I get settled in, sounds good," I promised.

Emmett continued prattling on until we arrived at the building, dumping his untouched coffee in the trash. I looked in his direction with an odd expression, silently asking him '_what the_ _fuck_?' In answer to my unspoken question, Emmett shrugged.

"Like I said, she's hot, but she can't make coffee for shit."

I laughed then, my first genuine laugh in what felt like forever. Emmett was right, we would be good friends.

"You wanna come up to my crib? We still have half an hour before brunch," Emmett offered.

The use of the word 'crib' made me giggle like a girl. I quickly coughed to mask it, not sure what had gotten into me. I adjusted my nuts to make sure they were still fully descended. After feeling that they had not shrunk, I tried for a more manly response.

"Sure."

The ride to the penthouse level seemed much shorter than the previous night, and we were at Emmett's place in no time.

"You live here alone?" I asked. Vaguely remembering Ross had mentioned Emmett's living situation, but thought it would make for good conversation. Besides, I didn't like to take anything as truth that didn't come from the source.

"Yeah man," Emmett replied, plopping down on the leather sofa. "My dad got this place as a favor or something, and I figured it's better than staying on campus, ya know? They presumed with Dr. and Mrs. Cullen around I couldn't get into too much trouble, so they agreed to let me stay here." There was a brief moment of silence before he continued.

"I miss them though. I don't want to sound like a pussy, but mom's home-cooked meals, and Dad coming home like clockwork every day…I just miss the bond, the repetition of it all. It took some adjusting, but don't worry Ed…ward, you'll get use to it."

I nodded, not feeling the need to correct him; I knew all too well about adjusting because I'd done it at an early age. I felt a small pang of jealousy that he had home-cooked meals and a father he saw every day, but quickly let that train of thought go. I couldn't change the past. I could only ensure my future would not be the same.

"I'll adjust," I said simply.

Thankfully the conversation changed to a lighter topic as Emmett threw me a Playstation 3 remote, assuring me we had plenty time for one quick game of _Warhawk_.

After going one round, he easily outscored me, but I wasn't far behind when Emmett's cell phone rang. I laughed out loud when I heard the ringtone.

_She Hates Me_ rang through the air repeatedly. I gestured toward his phone. "Who did you piss off?"

Emmett jumped up then muttering 'shit.' "Bella," he answered his phone apologetically. "Yeah, I know….hanging with Edward…I'm a dude, I'm not answering that…on our way." Before ending the call he mumbled something that sounded like 'Nazi' under his breath.

"We should get up there. We're forty-five seconds late, and Bella does not like tardiness; especially when she assists with the cooking."

"And the ringtone?" I inquired.

"Part of my punishment from Bella," he groaned, as if that explained everything.

We were already late, so I just nodded as we headed back to the elevator to meet Bella and the Cullens. I was curious about the little spitfire that could boss Emmett around, but figured I'd get to know about her soon enough.

***

When we arrived at the Cullen residence, I found that it felt strangely _comfortable_. There was something very warm and inviting about being there. Their home was easily three times larger than mine, but it still managed to feel cozy. I could tell that Mrs. Cullen had used the same method when decorating my place, and I was grateful she had.

Following Emmett through the foyer and into the living room, I took a seat on the plush white sofa. The furniture in the living room was mostly white, and the walls were painted in various shades of blue and silver. There was a large fireplace with built-in bookshelves on either side that were brimming with books. I could make out a few titles from my position, and they were mostly books on interior design.

I felt a nudge to my side and heard a woman's voice simultaneously. Looking over, I saw Emmett hobble to his feet, greeting the woman I assumed was Mrs. Esme Cullen. I followed suit, trying to remember what she had just said.

When I finally stood, she repeated herself. "I said those are all mine. Carlisle doesn't like to share his library so he had those built for me," she said, pointing toward the books. She stopped and looked at me as if she were welcoming home her prodigal son. "You've grown into a handsome young man, Edward. It's good to see you."

This woman was entirely too young to be Mrs. Cullen; she could barely pass for thirty. She wore a simple violet dress, belted at the waist, which accented her deep green eyes that were similar to my own. Her auburn curls bounced as she approached me. I reached out to shake her hand, but she brushed me off and pulled me into a tight hug.

I tensed at the foreign contact, but quickly forced my body to relax. How pathetic was it that I couldn't remember the last time I had been hugged? If Esme sensed any hesitation on my part, she ignored it and held me tighter; speaking softly in my ear so only I could hear.

"My dear boy, this too is your home. If you need anything, anything at all, please come and see me."

The hug felt so…reassuring? I wasn't sure, but what I did know was that I held on to her a little longer than was socially acceptable, and my eyes were slightly watering. Mrs. Cullen had turned me into a sniveling mess in less than five minutes.

I was sure I was PMS'ing, so I pulled myself together, not needing Emmett to witness what was going on. Esme must have sensed my issue as well, and moved so she slightly blocked me from his view as I wiped the wet substance from my eyes. Thankfully, he didn't appear to have noticed the emotional exchange we had.

"Emmett, dear, Bella is waiting for you in the kitchen. She mentioned something about programming a new torture?"

Emmett groaned and shuffled his feet to the kitchen after he gave Esme a quick peck on the cheek. "Be right back," he mumbled to me.

Esme took the spot Emmett had vacated, signaling for me to sit down with her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, afraid my voice would crack if I spoke any louder. "It's just been so long since…" I trailed off. The truth was that it had been too long since I had been touched so lovingly. Of course there were the more intimate touches, but no one had hugged me like that, like they gave a shit about me. Esme cut in then, drawing me out of my reverie.

"Don't you dare offer apologies, every child needs a mother. Tell me, when was it last that you saw Elizabeth?"

"It's been a while," I replied. It had been at least four months, but I spared her the details.

Due to all of the forced extracurricular activities I'd been participating in, I couldn't recall a single conversation I had with Mommy Dearest. Foolishly, I was excited when they told me they'd be in town, and wanted to skip baseball practice that week. But slacking off was not tolerated, and by the time I got home from all the clubs and sports I was exhausted.

Esme sighed loudly and I tried to remember to stop zoning out.

"Dear, I know you probably don't remember me from the hospital fundraiser about six years ago, but that's where we met you and your parents for the first time. Your father was once on the board there and served as an accountant for Cook County Hospital. Occasionally he sends messages to Carlisle from their various places of travel. I just always assumed you were with them.

It wasn't until a few days ago, when we got the message you were coming, and were asked if we could help get your place together that…" she trailed off, lost in thought.

I didn't remember her from Chicago, and even though she was a stranger to me, I couldn't handle the sadness in her voice. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me.

I wanted to interrupt her but didn't know what to say.

"We would have come to your commencement if we would've known. It's a great accomplishment. I hear you were at the top of your class?" I nodded, wondering how she knew that.

"Well, I'm very proud of you," she finished, smiling brightly.

I couldn't help it, I smiled too. Twice in the same day at that, it had to be some sort of personal record. I felt light and…happy? Esme was proud of me—she thought _I_ was worthy of pride.

I wasn't sure what she was smoking, but I liked her and the maternal vibes she gave off. The tone of her voice told me that she was sincere, not just sympathetic, which I appreciated more than she would ever know. I mumbled my thanks and tried again to clear my watering eyes. I wondered if Dr. Cullen could write me a script for birth control pills to balance all of my new-found hormones.

"Well, shall we eat?" she asked, rising to her feet. "Carlisle was called in to the hospital, so it will just be the four of us."

Once we arrived at the dining area, I pulled out a chair for Esme—I hadn't lost all of my manners. The kitchen was not clearly visible from my point of view, but I could hear Emmett being chastised for sneaking food. That didn't shock me; food and trouble seemed to be his favorite things. Esme laughed quietly at his antics and poured herself some coffee while I wondered if this was what having a family felt like.

The few dinners I'd had with my own family were more like interrogations. The cooks would serve us and I'd be drilled on everything from my grades to my life plans. That was heavy shit for a fifteen year old.

"He does this at every meal, eats like a bear. If Bella didn't keep him in check, there would never be food to serve!" Esme supplied.

I smiled at her confirmation of my thoughts, watching as Emmett sauntered in. He joined us at the table, where he poured himself a glass of orange juice, and then poured one for me. The maid followed shortly, carrying a tray of bacon, pancakes, and eggs. When she placed the serving dishes on the table, she removed her apron and took a seat beside me.

_Okay._

I thought it was odd because the staff _never_ ate with us when my 'rents were served. But fuck, Esme wasn't an asshole either; it was easy to rationalize that someone as kind-hearted as she was would've expected no less.

"Now, Emmett, you may eat," the cook instructed and he hurriedly dug in. There was something about the cook's voice that made my stomach flip-flop inexplicably, but I ignored it and fixed myself a plate. I'd only had a sandwich in the last forty-eight hours, so the hunger had to be getting to me.

With a mouthful of food, Emmett made introductions. "Bella, Edward. Edward, Bella."

I glanced toward the kitchen, preparing to greet Bella, when the cook spoke up.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," she said with a knowing smirk.

I stilled, letting my embarrassment color my cheeks. I had barely looked at her and was now ashamed to even meet her eyes. I knew I was a dickhead for making such an asinine assumption, but fuck, that wasn't my intent. I wanted to stand and properly greet her so I pushed my chair back, but before I could get up, she waved me off.

"No need for formalities," she whispered, gently laying her hand on my forearm. Her touch shocked me a little, and I just looked at her hand on my forearm wondering what that was about.

"The pleasure is mine," I replied finally, and looked up to her face.

_Fuck me._

There was no way she should've been mistaken as anything but a deity. Her chocolate eyes drew me in and her smile was overwhelming; I couldn't help but return it. Her long hair was pulled back into a high ponytail revealing her neck, and with my eyes l followed it down to her collarbone. When I noticed her red tank top, I smiled. Her shirt read, 'I'd hit that…with my car,' and it had a beat-up red pickup in the background. I smiled even wider at our similar shirts, but realized I'd been ogling her chest. Despite my intent, I didn't want her thinking I was an asshole _and_ a pervert, so I turned away quickly. my bacon and eggs suddenly fascinating me.

We all shared in light conversation, but I couldn't pay attention to any of it. The only thing I could focus on was the warmth radiating on the right side of my body. I tried to steal covert glances at Bella, but she caught me every time. My shame left me completely taciturn during the entire brunch.

With each glance in her direction, I took in a new attribute: her full lips, the way the red of her tank top made her skin glow, how she licked her lips after she took a sip of her drink. She was beautiful, sexy even, and I wondered why I assumed she was the 'help.'

It couldn't have been the apron; my own mother wore one when I was a kid. I thought maybe it was because she carried the serving tray in. But that was just as stupid because carrying a tray doesn't make you a cook, and Emmett had already told me that Bella would be helping with the meal. The more I searched my subconscious for an answer, the more disturbed I became by the truth, and the truth made me feel like an ass.

I assumed Bella was the help for one reason alone. She was black.


	3. Frontin'

**Disclaimer** I do not own Twilight.

I know that I'm carrying on  
Never mind if I'm showing off  
I was just frontin', you know I want you babe

Frontin-The Neptunes

After brunch, we all said our goodbyes and planned to meet up next Sunday. I plopped down on my living room couch and flipped through the channels on the TV, completely dazed. Usually when I had a lot on my mind, I would take a drive to clear my head. Today however, I succumbed to my thoughts as soon as I walked into my place. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be behind the wheel, and it was all because of Bella.

There was clearly something about her that drew me in; her smell, her voice, and her laughter were on constant replay in my mind, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly _what_ it was about her that captured my attention. It didn't help that I was still upset with myself for assuming she was the cook. Even if she wasn't the maid or cook or whatever, that didn't make me prejudiced. Or did it? I knew it wasn't because I was some stuck-up rich kid. She lived in the same building as me and probably grew up with the same privileges I had.

So I analyzed _everything_. I mentally replayed every interaction I'd had with Bella. How she always made instant eye contact whenever I tried to steal a glimpse of her. The knowing look she gave me when I had mistaken her identity. I wondered if she could read my mind and knew that I'd thought she was the help.

I'd never met a woman who could hold my interest. Any attempts I made in the past to actually get to know a woman left me frustrated. It seemed as if they only had one thing on their minds, well at least the Forks High female population did. They were _only_ interested in me physically. I was pretty, and I had accepted that, but things had gotten to be ridiculous.

Women were always going on about my 'sex hair' and crooked fucking smile. I got so annoyed that my sophomore year I shaved my head, and didn't smile at all, which wasn't hard for me. I thought that would weed out some of the girls by showing me who could see past the superficial things. But that shit backfired on me. I was then referred to as that 'mysterious kid,' and consequently _more_ women approached me. It wasn't just the cheerleaders anymore. I had to weed through the emo-chicks as well. I quickly learned my lesson, and to avoid any future frustration I kept conversations short and to the point, usually asking 'your place or mine?'

Bella broke through all of that. I _wanted_ to know her. I wanted to make her laugh like she had done so freely with Emmett during brunch. I wanted to be able to decipher the expressions that flitted across her beautiful oval face. And so I sat, trying to ease my rigid posture and make sense of my odd fascination with her so I could move on already. It took me a few minutes but I figured out why I was so captivated by her. It was the plan.

_That's the reason I'm drawn to her_.

I'd never had a friend of the opposite sex, and I surmised that was what had piqued my interest. I quickly brushed off her appeal as nothing more than my desire to be her friend. The fact we shared the same humor—evident by our taste in t-shirts—had me convinced. Maybe once I got to know her, she would be a good friend like Emmett.

I relaxed and settled into the couch, letting my head fall back with a soft thud. I hadn't realized how tense my body was until I understood what it was about Bella that had attracted me so. Closing my eyes, I deliberated on what I should do with the rest of the day. It was only noon and I didn't feel the need to take a drive any more. I could've unpacked but felt like being lazy, so I sunk further into the couch, making myself nice and comfortable.

As soon as I was fully relaxed, unbidden thoughts invaded me. I remembered Bella gathering dishes at the end of brunch; the way her jeans sat lowly on her hips enticed me. When leaned over the table, they hugged her every curve. Normally I'd zone in on a woman's chest, but I'd never been as tempted by someone's ass as I was when she bent over. The phrase _badonkadonk_ came to mind. Her skin tone tempted me. It reminded me of caramel, and I wondered whether her nipples were a shade of pink or brown.

_I wonder if I'll ever get to find out._

She wasn't wearing a bra, she couldn't have been. I watched her ponytail swish around her breast with every movement she made, and I could clearly see the outline of her nipples. And the thought of what I could do to make them fully erect… I needed to snap out of it. I was already hard and those thoughts weren't helping.

"Fuck," I whispered, slowly opening my eyes. Apparently my subconscious didn't give a shit about 'the plan.' Me and my raging hard-on got off the couch and went to the bathroom. I had no plans to jerk off twice in one day which left me in desperate need of a cold shower. Evidently I needed to take that drive after all.

_Fucking plan. _

After I showered and redressed, I made my way to the parking garage, but couldn't find my baby. It didn't bother me that the people in Forks had picked on me for driving it. They called me a soccer dad or an old man, but I fucking loved that car, and I'd be damned if I was embarrassed by it.

The Volvo S40 was one of my prized possessions, second only to my new piano, and the fact that I couldn't find it had me slightly anxious. I walked around aimlessly, pausing at every glimpse of silver I saw. I took the stairs two at a time, carefully checking each floor and still no dice. Finally, I pressed my keyless remote to sound the horn but didn't hear anything.

At that point, I was past anxiousness and went into full-blown panic mode. Jumping back on the elevator, I decided to search for Ross. Surely I didn't have to worry about grand theft auto, right? When the doors opened I stepped into the lobby. I would cause a scene if I had to; I just needed to find my car.

I hadn't taken two steps before I was assaulted by the laughter that had me enraptured all morning. Stealthily peeking around the corner, I saw Bella chatting with Ross. I reminded myself to play it cool, but my cock scoffed at the suggestion.

"Friends_,"_ I internally chanted as I willed my body into submission. I took a few deep breaths, feeling more in control with each one, and prepared myself for another encounter with Bella. Plastering on my friendliest smile, I moved forward to greet the two.

"Bella," I said, nodding in her direction. "Ross…"

Bella's smile was resplendent, and I was momentarily stunned. I knew I was staring too long, but it couldn't be helped. She was utterly breathtaking. I didn't know what to do, so I looked away quickly, breaking our connection. Ross cleared his throat and I had to remember why I'd interrupted them to begin with.

"Oh yeah, I can't find my car," I said, finally directing my gaze to Ross.

"Yes, Mr. Masen, the penthouse suites have private garages. I'll take you there." Ross turned around to lead me back toward the elevators, but before he could take a complete step, Bella intervened.

"I'll take him down Ross. Tell the wifey hello, and I'll see you tomorrow." Ross nodded, waving goodbye as Bella started to walk.

I didn't know how to feel about the situation. I could admit that I wanted to get to know Bella better. What I didn't know was what to make of the sexual attraction. I'd never dealt with such an overpowering and all-consuming… lust? I wasn't sure what to call it, but I felt bewildered.

I was giving myself whiplash from all the conflicting emotions that passed through me. _Get to know her, avoid her, take her upstairs and bend her over the sofa._ The only thing I knew for sure was that I was confused, and I needed time to think before I proceeded. My traitorous body, however, willingly followed her lead.

I peeked over at her, wanting to see her expression in hopes that it would give me an idea of how to behave. If she seemed annoyed, I could easily blow her off. If she continued to be friendly, I could do the same. But I couldn't see her face from my standpoint. The earlier anxiety I felt at not being able to find my car resurfaced, morphing into agitation. I needed to think, and having her in such close proximity took that choice away.

I knew I was being an ass by overreacting, but couldn't help it. There were so many emotions hurled at me in that moment that I could only focus on getting out of there. So I steeled myself to stare her down and tell her no thanks, I could surely find the car on my own. That proved harder than it should've been. _I mean, who in their right mind is a jerk to a stranger who's only being polite? _All the conflicting thoughts I had continued to wreak havoc on me until Bella turned around and smiled.

I swore the earth stood still and the heavens parted at her smile. I saw rainbows, and I heard a bird singing _Zippity Doo Dah_.

_A bird. Singing._ _Zippity-fucking-do-dah!_

I shook my head to get rid of the Bella induced hallucinations along with the mental breakdown I seemed to be having. It was fucking bizarre, as quickly as my internal tirade began, it stopped. All it took was one smile from her and everything faded away. It felt like we were alone in a bubble.

_A Bella bubble_.

I didn't understand it, and sure as hell couldn't explain it. Unless breakfast was laced with some heavy narcotics—courtesy of the Cullens—I was pretty sure I was going crazy. I decided that I wouldn't over-analyze, I would just live in the moment. So I chilled the fuck out, sure that my face would crack from the huge smile I'd plastered on it; my facade already had.

"After you," I said, standing aside so she could take the lead.

"Right this way Mr. Masen."

"Please, call me Edward."

"Is it just ok for me to call you that, or does that apply to all the uh…help?" That omnipresent smirk I'd seen at brunch was back, and it was obvious that she knew what I assumed earlier. I wanted to fix my idiocy, opening my mouth to apologize, but she cut me off.

"Relax, I'm just messing with you." She turned around and looked over her shoulder to Ross calling out, "Mr. Masen prefers you call him Eddie. He feels Mr. Masen is _too_ formal."

Ross nodded, trying his best to hide his smile.

Deep down I wanted to correct her, but couldn't see myself doing that. If she wanted to call me Eddie or Ed, she could. I wouldn't stop her. I had a feeling I would always let her have her way. I wished she'd have her way with me, which wasn't helping to ease the tension in my boxers.

Caught up in my ramblings, I didn't realize how close Bella was to me until her lips brushed the shell of my ear. My cock twitched.

"That's your punishment for assuming," she whispered. "Now let's get going."

She was so close that the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. Her warm breath fanned across my face, and I swear she smelled liked lemon drops. Whatever it was smelled fucking amazing. Since I _was_ a pansy, I just stood there wearing a stupid grin. She must have gotten tired of waiting, because she grabbed my hand, pulling me into the awaiting elevator. As the doors closed I stared at our hands. The contrast was perfect; small on large, black on white.

I could feel her eyes boring into me so I looked up. The expression on her face was indecipherable, but if I had to guess, I'd say she looked curious. Her chocolate eyes studied mine so intently that it was impossible for me to look away.

Returning her gaze, I examined each feature of her face. Her eyes had specks of hazel, and they were framed by thick dark lashes. Her eyebrows were perfectly arched, her nose slightly crooked, and her lips were…exquisite. They were naturally full and evenly proportioned, with a hint of gloss accenting the intrinsic dark cherry color.

The air around us was charged, thick with promise, and my eyes impulsively locked on her lips. I watched her tongue dart out, wetting her bottom lip, and wondered how it would feel against mine—what she would taste like. My fantasies took over and I visualized how those lips would look wrapped around my cock. Plump, full, and wet, taking me in inch by inch. I wanted to kiss her. Licking my own lips, I briefly considered what would happen if she objected.

_Maybe she would bitch slap me; black women do that, right? _

Internally I shook my head, noting that my politically correctness had abandoned me. Of course _anyone_ could bitch slap anyone. It wasn't race related; if anything she could bitch slap me because she was the ex-Chief of Police's daughter.

_Shit! _

With that in mind, I took a step back. I thought that Bella looked somewhat dejected as she made her way out of the elevator, but that had to be my imagination. When I was sure her back was turned, I adjusted my erection, moving quickly to catch up to her.

In the few hours since I'd met Bella, I felt mentally and emotionally inebriated in her presence. First I'd feel nervous, but all she had to do was flash me a warm smile and I'd completely relax. She drove me crazy then she'd put me at ease. Two opposing forces she held over me entirely unaware, and it was too fucking much.

While I was still on the verge of a breakdown, she had already taken several steps away from me. I jogged to her, following her to a door that led to a separate parking structure.

"PH-3O, here we are," she said. "Your elevator key works here too." She pointed at the numerical keypad and lock situated to the right of the garage door. "It's best to program a separate code, but until you do…" she trailed off, reaching for my…hand?

_Had she felt it too? _

No. She was obviously reaching for the keys_,_ but my heart rate skyrocketed nonetheless. When the garage opened, I contemplated whether I should ask her to accompany me. I knew the point of taking a drive was to put my feelings into perspective, but I could work that out with her there.

So, despite my inner Dirk Diggler, I decided I'd get to know her mind. What I felt could've been sexual attraction intertwined with my need for friendship. For all I knew she was like all the other women I'd encountered. And if that were true, it would kill the attraction, allowing me to move on.

After she handed me the keys, she turned to walk away and I instantly panicked. I felt an inexplicable pull to her and I wasn't ready for her to leave. I didn't hesitate when I grabbed her elbow, successfully halting her movement.

"Thanks for showing me down here I really appreciate it. And about earlier… uh, fuck, I'm sorry if I came off like an ass, it wasn't my intention I just... Well, I may have asshole tendencies. I apologize," I said honestly.

I waited to see what she'd say, assuming she'd tell me exactly how much of an asshole I was, but she surprised me and laughed. It wasn't a cute feminine giggle either, it was loud and obnoxious. Coincidentally it was the most beautiful sound that I'd ever heard. I smiled in response, overjoyed that I could make her laugh like that.

"No harm done," she replied, turning to fully face me.

"Besides," she took a step closer. "You already have your punishment…Eddie," she said, patting my chest right over my heart. The heat of the contact and the proximity of her body severed all contact with my frontal lobe.

"Come with me," I blurted out.

I was positive the double entendre was not lost on her, and was curious to see how she'd respond. She looked deep in thought for what felt like hours before she finally spoke.

"Well, if you think you can take me somewhere I've never been, I'll gladly _come_ with you."

The way she stressed the word come... I couldn't handle it. I exhaled a ragged breath while considering my next move. Walking to the passenger side door, I pitched it open, raising one eyebrow in her direction asking her to trust me. After studying my face for a moment, she walked to the door and slipped in. I was ecstatic. When I made it to the driver's side and started the car, I leaned over the center console and just looked at her.

_Yeah my swagger's back and in full effect._

Once I had her attention, I smiled. Not my normal smile, but my patented 'panty dropper.' "Bella, I'm sure I can give you a new perspective on everything," I replied.

Reaching over, I grabbed her seatbelt, slid it across her waist, and clicked it into place. Just to gauge her reaction to my closeness, I took my finger and slid it under the sash belt. Straightening it out where it had twisted, causing me to lightly graze her breast. It was kind of a dick move on my part, but when I heard her breath catch I knew it was worth it.

We left the parking garage and headed onto River Parkway. I was forced to think on my feet. I'd visited Portland enough, but couldn't think of what to show her that she hadn't already seen. I thought back to the research I'd done on the area when I decided to go to PSU, hoping some idea would manifest. Lifting the lid on the center console, I picked up my iPod. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, but I wanted her to enjoy every second with me.

"I don't know what kind of music you like, but feel free to play DJ," I offered.

She picked up the device and began scrolling. Every now and then I heard her mutter, 'not bad,' or saw her smile in appreciation. I was certain she said 'white boy got some taste' once, but when I looked at her for confirmation she just rolled her eyes.

"You have some keepers in here, but there is some unworthy crap here as well. I mean seriously, Johnny Mathis?" I'd forgotten that was there, but wasn't embarrassed by it. Johnny was the shit in my book.

"I'll have you know Johnny had many hits in his day. I even play some of his holiday songs at Christmas."

She appeared impressed and concerned all at the same time. "First off, 'hits in his day,' what are you ninety? I'll let that slide for now because I'm more interested in what it is that you play. Wait! Let me guess."

We had only been in the car a few minutes, but I had formulated a plan. I thought we could do some sightseeing, and maybe grab a bite to eat when out of nowhere I felt tiny jolts of electricity. I looked over to see Bella tracing my fingers that rested on the gear shift. She carefully examined them, ghosting over each one with her own before gazing at me from underneath her lashes. I had to tear my eyes from her to avoid wrecking the Volvo. The sensation of her touching my hand in that innocent way had me hard, again.

"No harsh calluses…very long," she lilted, trailing her fingers up my forearm to my shoulder. "Muscular arms, do you play the drums?" she asked.

I shook my head, "I do not."

"What about the trumpet? Your lips are kind of pouty and beautiful," she breathed.

I laughed when she said that, and the shocked expression told me she hadn't meant to verbalize that thought. I was elated to know I wasn't the only one having trouble keeping my cool.

"Nope, you can guess again, or I can show you before the night is over. What would you prefer?" I questioned.

"I think I'd like to see. If that's alright?" she added.

"It's more than alright," I agreed. Any doubts I had about inviting her along now entirely vanished.

She focused her attention out the front window, smiling as she quietly song along to the music. I never focused on the lyrics of songs, preferring to listen to the _actual_ music. I loved the way music was layered. How if you listened closely you could pick out each instrument; the keyboards, the 808, and the high-hat. Mentally reciting the words of the song that was playing made me fidgety. I glanced at Bella, and we locked eyes. I felt like one side of a magnet, being drawn closer and closer to her. I focused back on the road, and hoped my inability to interact with her like a normal person would go unnoticed.

When we arrived at our location, I drove around for a bit, looking for a parking spot. I didn't like parking too close to other cars, fearing the owners would scratch my baby's paint. Scratched paint and dents were enough to send me into hysteria, so I took my time looking for the perfect spot.

After I finally found a secluded enough place, I parked and jumped out to open Bella's door, but she had already beaten me to it. I was frustrated at not being fast enough, and my face had to have shown it. I tried to mask it, yet I wasn't quick enough.

"Is everything ok?" she asked.

I knew I was being melodramatic—apparently I'd sprouted a vagina when I crossed the Portland state line—but I really wanted to impress her. I nodded, that I was indeed OK, but she refused to drop it.

"Is this about getting my door? Don't worry about it," she said, pointing to herself. "Strong, independent black woman and all," she laughed.

Laughing along with her, I grabbed her hand. "Come on," I said.

I lead her to Portland's Saturday Market, which ironically was open on Sundays. I let the calming effect she had wash over me, satisfied that she seemed to welcome my touch.

"You do know that our building is right over there," she pointed to the large skyscraper. "We could've walked the few blocks to get here and avoided that whole parking fiasco."

So, the market idea sucked. But after the science experiment in the car, and the resulting electric jolt to my dick, I needed to escape—pronto. I remained resolute in keeping my cool though, having had enough of her seeing me sweat. I wanted her to know how it felt.

"But then Isabella," I said, rolling her name off my tongue, making sure to pronounce every syllable. "You wouldn't have had the opportunity to molest me in my car."

She playfully swatted at me, calling me a 'snatch.' I laughed at her, simultaneously pulling her along.

As we moved through the market, I wondered if this was how it felt to let someone in. I could admit that my being alone previously was self-inflicted. At first, I welcomed it because I missed my friends in Chicago. I missed my whole damn life back in Illinois, and I didn't want to start over again.

Back then I would see my parents daily. Dad would spend time with me after coming home from work, and play duets with me on the piano. Mom was always there offering her hugs and smiles. I remembered building forts, climbing trees, and just being a kid. I wanted my old friends, and my old life back, so I just kept to myself in some type of silent protest.

Once we had settled in Forks, and I'd accepted that we weren't moving back, I tried to change and make friends. But I felt unaccepted in the small town where everyone had known each other since birth. Being alone had become easier, and so I started to close myself in, not speaking unless spoken to. I would talk to my parents, but even that became strained with their frequent absences.

When they were home, they enrolled me in activities, hired special tutors, and encouraged me to join afterschool clubs. I'd done it all reluctantly, holding some small hope that it would make them proud, or make them want to be around more. But I was so off that it was fucking comical. I learned the hard way that I would never be good enough for them. It was around that same time that I started to alienate myself, appearing apathetic to some, and arrogant to others, when in fact I was just fucking lonely.

I'd worn a mask for so long that it was hard for me to differentiate it from who I really was inside. I hadn't always been a moody bastard, and I was sure that I'd missed out on forming meaningful relationships because I'd kept people at arm's length. It was easier not letting people in. I knew that if no one got close, I could avoid the inevitable pain I would experience when they suddenly disappeared.

I hoped Portland would be different.

While at the market, Bella dragged me to every vendor in sight. The place was filled with artisans and booths selling specialty foods, but it looked a little like a hippie-fest. From the tie-dye that appeared to be on every surface, to the distinct smell of weed. I felt like at any moment someone was going to jump out and yell 'far out.'

Through it all, I noticed Bella rarely let go of my hand, even squeezing it when something really captured her attention. The excitement in her brown eyes and her dazzling smile sent tiny electric shots through me, and I never wanted the day to end.

"This way!" she exclaimed.

I blindly followed, mesmerized by her. It wasn't until I literally ran into her that I snapped out of it. The toe of my shoe had caught the heel of hers as she was mid-stride, and she started to fall. Instinct kicked in and I reacted immediately.

I reached for her waist, nearly picking her up as I brought her flush against my body. I had intended to put her back on her feet, but my body refused to release her. The wind whipped her ponytail around sending her scent straight up my nostrils, she smelled fucking edible. I could feel the way her stomach muscles contracted with each breath she took. Best of all, I felt her ass pressed firmly against my cock. If we were naked, I would only need to bend her over a tad more to slide inside her warmth. Tensing at the thought, my hand held her roughly as my cock was resurrected. Wanting to spare myself the embarrassment, I steadied her, creating some much needed space between us.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Are you okay?" I questioned.

"I'm good thank you," she timidly replied.

I hadn't known what to do or say, so I awkwardly shuffled my feet, trying to avoid eye contact with her. I knew if I looked into her eyes there would be nothing to stop me from taking her behind one of the exhibitions and having my way with her. Hippies were all about free love and shit anyway_. _

The blood that hadn't already rushed to my cock, pooled in my cheeks and I prayed to God she hadn't noticed my hard-on…

"Hey!"

"Uh, yeah?" I asked, pulling myself from my thoughts.

"Where were you? I've been trying to get your attention." Bella paused for a minute, her brow furrowing as she took in my stance. "You've been spaced out all day. Did you get a nickel bag from one the Rastafarians?" she smiled.

I thought I was playing it pretty cool up to that point, but clearly my acting skills needed some work. Something had to be said, but honesty wasn't an option.

_Bella, I don't know what it is about you, but If I don't bury myself inside of you soon, I might explode. _I'm sure that would've gone over well.

"What will go over well?" she asked.

Great, now the verbal filter was gone. I tried to figure how much I'd said out loud, hoping it was just the tail end. The confused expression on my face probably resembled that of a mental patient. Fuck, I felt like I belonged in an asylum most of the time, so my expression was fitting.

The absolute truth was not the way to go. Nevertheless, I didn't _want_ to lie to her. Deciding it was best to give her as much of the truth as I could, I hoped I wouldn't scare her away.

"Sorry, I get lost in my thoughts when I'm nervous, and you make me nervous." I replied. "I didn't have a lot of friends back in Forks, and I didn't have any girlfriends…I mean, friends that were girls. Fuck. I just don't know how to act around you. I promise I'm not normally this socially inept. I just like you and I hope we can be…friends," I finished, holding my breath and waiting for her to speak.

"I like you," she said, giving me a shy smile. She closed the distance in between us, ran her nimble fingers through my hair, and pushed a rogue piece from my eyes. I made a sound that could only be described as a purr at the action. Yes, I was sure I fucking purred. If she heard it, she didn't acknowledge it, and continued to speak.

"And I would like to be your friend, too. Besides," she paused, taking a large step backward. "I don't have any friends that purr," she added as she turned to run away.

Although it took me a second to overcome my mortification, I quickly caught up to her, grabbing her by the waist. She kicked and squealed against me until I gave in and let her go.

"Oh," she cooed. "Let's stop here!"

I followed her to a booth labeled 8 Sticky Fingers that specialized in everything duct tape. I watched as she sorted through the duct tape wallets, purses, and ties. Fascinated at her child-like enthusiasm for the…shitty duct-taped _art_? I joined in, sifting through the collection of neckties.

"Found one, and it is perfect for you," she declared.

Moving behind her, I peeked over her shoulder to get a better look. But she clutched the tie to her chest, hiding it from my view.

"Now close your eyes," she playfully warned.

I obliged, closing my eyes tightly. Her hands lazily brushed against the hair at the nape of my neck, recreating the sparks of electricity I'd felt in the car. When I felt her moving away, I opened my eyes, coming face to face with a mirror.

"So?" she questioned. "What do you think?"

Looking away from the mirror and down to the monstrosity around my neck, I shuddered. Upon closer inspection of the tie strewn chaotically around my neck, I saw pink kittens. I looked at her, then back to the mirror she held, scowling at the fuck-ugly tie the whole time.

"See, I told you it was purrrfect," she laughed.

"You're not going to let it go are you?" I asked, feigning annoyance.

"Nope," she chirped. "But I will tell you a secret to make up for my teasing…after you play your instrument for me. Deal?" she asked.

Intrigued by her offer, I quickly agreed. I knew exactly what I would play for her, and hoped her secret was worth the wait.

**Please review : )**


	4. Still Frontin'

I'm ready to bet it all  
unless you don't care at all  
but you know I want you

Frontin, Jamie Cullum

I was drenched when I finally returned home. After trolling around the market with Bella for another hour, we decided to head back for the 'secret exchange' as she had taken to calling it. I would play for her, and in return she would reveal something about herself to me.

On the way to the car, I could hear the rain as it pelted the bridge above. I offered to go alone, since it was my idea to park far away enough so that my car remained unscathed, but Bella had told me she didn't mind getting a little wet.

I adjusted myself for the millionth time after that comment.

We took the elevator up and made plans to meet in an hour at my place. I only hoped that it was enough time to get my shit together. When I entered my home, I removed my wet sneakers, leaving them at the entrance, and made my way to the bedroom. I opened my closet, quickly selecting a simple gray t-shirt, pair of jeans, and searched for dry socks. Carrying it all to the bathroom, I began taking off the clothes that were now stuck to me like a second skin.

As I undressed, my thoughts turned back to Bella. I really enjoyed how easily conversation flowed between us. How we already felt comfortable enough to playfully tease one another—touch each other even. Although the time I spent with her was fucking fantastic, I wanted more. I wanted her to tell me about her parents, her favorite color, and any other inconsequential detail she had to offer. I wholly planned on getting all of those answers. Hoping if I knew, I could make sense of the pull I felt toward her.

Dressed in only boxers, my thoughts turned to the physical pull I felt as well. I wanted to know her in the most intimate of ways, and that wasn't simply explained. It wasn't like what I felt when I saw Coffee Shop Girl, whose name I couldn't even remember. When I met her my thoughts were of sex, and only sex. If Emmett hadn't made his interest in her known, I wouldn't have hesitated in getting her into the back room to find the release I hadn't had in months. But now, now that I knew Bella even existed, I only wanted her. I wanted her mind and body, and that fact both excited and scared the shit out of me. I reminded myself constantly to go with the flow…that she was just a girl

The electricity I felt when she gently touched my hand in the car had sent tremors through my whole body. My cock, needing no reminders, sprung to life.

I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the anticipation and need low in my belly. I slid my boxers down, freeing my cock, and kicked them to the side. The cool air of the bathroom surrounded my engorged cock, that was slightly damp from my clothing, and I hissed. An image of Bella smiling shyly popped in my head; and I envisioned her splayed in the center of my bed with that same smile beckoning me forth. I reached down and cupped my balls, gently massaging them as I imagined seeing her naked for the first time. I teased myself, sliding my thumb up and down my shaft.

_I could see her clearly now, her brown skin glistening, as her mahogany hair fanned out above her. Her ripe breasts, large enough to fill my hands, were rising and falling with each breath she took. Her caramel colored tits thinned to a milk chocolate, then darkened more at her pert nipples. My eyes followed the curve of her body, landing on her navel. Her skin looked so soft and silky there, and I couldn't wait to caress and nip at it. Her tiny waist gave way to thick hips, thighs, and a firm ass. It was like she was built to handle as much as I could physically give her. My cock twitched eagerly at the notion. _

_She sat up with her back against the headboard watching me from beneath her lashes. She began massaging the back of her neck, trailing her fingers down to her collarbone, then the center of her heaving chest. I moved closer, fascinated by just watching her, but wanting-no needing-to touch her._

"_Not so fast," she warned. _

_I paused to watch as her lithe finger drew lazy figure eights around her chest before fully grasping her luscious breast. She threw her head back in ecstasy, letting out a soft moan. She manipulated her nipple; twisting, pulling, and pinching her succulent peak until it was fully erect. My bulging cock got impossibly harder seeing her so turned on. It was so fucking erotic knowing that she liked me watching her, showing me how to bring her body pleasure._

I wrapped my hand firmly around my heavy erection and began stroking, biting my lip when I felt my cock thicken in my palm. This wouldn't take long, as I'd been yearning for this release all damn day, but I loosened my grip minutely, hoping I could prolong the experience.

_As she closed her eyes, her hand went to her taut stomach, the muscles automatically contracting at her touch. Her hands continued on, heading straight toward her velvety entrance. I was impatient at being just a voyeur; I needed to participate, so I dived in tasting her in one languorous lick. Surprised by my sudden movement she let out strangled moan, spurring me on. She began swiveling her hips, and I tightened my grip, stilling her movements so I could gently lap at her clit. Once it was fully swollen, I circled it using my flattened tongue, pressing it up and down. She tasted exquisite, and her heady scent was driving me crazy. I applied more pressure to her pussy, flicking her clit and sucking it into my mouth greedily, rhythmically._

The loose grip I'd had on my cock was quickly replaced by my tight fist. I stroked from base to tip, twisting and letting my thumb rub in the pre-cum that had collected. I voraciously repeated the actions, reaching out to steady myself as my legs weakened.

_I could tell she was getting close by her erratic movements, and the way her carefree expression switched to one of deep concentration. I slowed my movements and sucked her clit one last time before stopping completely. She didn't protest when I stopped, making me feel mildly insecure. I assumed she didn't like what I was doing to her, but that thought was silenced as I looked into her dark brown eyes, now only inches away from my own. _

"_I didn't know if I'd be able to tell you to stop," she panted. "I want you in me when I come."_

_Needing no further reassurance, I leaned in to kiss her. I was as confident here as I was behind a piano. Biting her bottom lip, I then gently thrust my tongue into her mouth. I set a slow pace, massaging her tongue with mine, sweeping it behind her lower lip, and occasionally reaching for her inner cheek. As the lust between us steadily built to an all-consuming height, I began to breathe through my nose, refusing to pull away from the kiss. I briefly wondered if tasting herself on my lips was a turn off, but didn't have to worry long as she attacked my lips with fervor. The kiss was full of the eagerness and need I felt, yet I pulled away, needing to bury myself deeply within her. I leaned back to situate myself in between her thighs, but she was quicker and flipped over, landing on all fours in front of me._

Fuck, I was so close now. The lazy strokes I'd used had morphed into hard pumps. I turned around to lean back against the sink, and rubbed faster, harder. Holding the base, I worked my way up, squeezing the head at every pass.

_I rose up to my knees, admiring her as I stroked my cock. I'd gotten so caught up in my own fondling, and the view of her curvaceous ass, that I momentarily forgot she was straining for release too. I released my cock, and moved closer to her as she backed up to me. The head of my cock pressed into the flesh of her ass cheek and I groaned. And as if she wasn't perfect enough, she lowered her torso, pressing her chest to the bed causing her ass to rise up in offering. I quickly positioned myself at her slippery entrance, coating the head of my cock with her wetness. I grabbed her waist pulling her closer and when I looked down to see my pale cock about to disappear into her caramel heaven... _

"Ah fuck," I grunted, pounding my hips into my fist and exploding seconds later. The sheer force of the orgasm gave me an asthma attack. I'd never come that hard or fast, and I was desperately needed to catch my breath.

After cleaning up a bit, or a lot because I'd splattered my bathroom with my climax, I got dressed and sat tinkering at the piano. I hoped the song I'd selected would impress her, as I feared my previous attempts to do so had failed. I was dying to know what her secret was. It didn't matter how insignificant, any tidbit she wanted to share I would leech onto.

I didn't have long to wait before a chime signaled an arrival. The piano bench toppled over as I rushed to get the door. When I'd made it there, I took a breath, and buzzed in my new neighbor.

"Hi," I said greeting her with smile.

"Hi," she replied.

"Hey," I said, getting lost in her eyes.

"Konnichiwa," she said arching an eyebrow at me questioningly. "Are you going to let me in or are we going to exchange greetings all day?"

"Sorry," I replied bashfully and stepped out of the entry way to allow her in. I hadn't intentionally kept her there; I was just so fucking happy she'd shown up. I led her pass the foyer and she immediately spotted the piano.

"I knew it!" she proclaimed.

I boldly checked her out as she walked toward the piano. She wore a simple black dress that practically covered her entire body; her ankles weren't even visible. But I could still see some of the best parts. The sleeveless dress accentuated her collarbone, breasts, and God she was braless. The fabric fitted her every curve before gradually flowing out at her hips. Her hair was no longer in a straight ponytail but long cascading curls, and I wanted to reach out and touch it to feel the texture. As I was daydreaming, she looked up at me expectantly.

"Are you checking out my ass or my afro? Please tell me it's my ass 'cause I know I look a hot mess right now," she finished, trying to tame her curly locks.

She was crazy; she looked amazing. I didn't respond right away, instead making my way to the piano bench. As I sat down, I was happy my emotions were less erratic now and decided to play with her.

"Your ass," I responded cheekily. "As a matter of fact, I was going to ask you to sit next to me but that would obstruct my view. If you wouldn't mind laying on the piano, I can get started." It took a lot to maintain my serious facade, especially when her doe-like eyes made her look like an actual deer in headlights. Nevertheless, I cleared my throat and nodded toward the top of the piano in mock seriousness.

I could feel my laughter bubbling to the surface, and waited for her to laugh or tell me off. She didn't do either though, and her next move threw me for a loop. I watched as her expression shifted from shock to delight. I swallowed audibly when I felt the entire left side of my body warm to her nearness. I looked over to catch her eye to see what she had planned, but in my position I was eye–to-tit. Try as I might, I was helpless to look away. I couldn't remember a lot of what I'd learned from Daniel Beccles and his lectures on how civilized men should behave. The only detail I could recall was that you shouldn't attack your enemy while they're taking a shit, but that clearly wouldn't help me now.

"A little help up," she demanded mischievously.

Breaking the eye-to-tit contact to look into her soft eyes, I stood up and reached out to pick her up. My hands wrapped around her tiny waist perfectly. Where my pinkies met the small of her back, I could feel the beginning curve of her ass and I shivered. I could sense a sound trying to force its way out of my throat, and I swallowed hard. That purring shit didn't need to become a habit. I tightened my hold on her, surprised at how light she was, and placed her on top of my baby. When I was sure she was safe, I slowly and begrudgingly let her go.

I sat back down, smiling at her as she made herself as comfortable as she could get. After I'd watched her test a few _positions_, I cursed myself for being overly cocky. Honestly, I had no idea what the hell I was thinking when I suggested she sit up there. I wanted to add each position to my mental catalogue to be fantasized about later, so I did. When she had finally lay on her side and propped herself up on her elbow, I sighed in relief that she hadn't ended up in a compromising pose.

_Wait. No. Fuck!_

Bella would be the death of me. She hitched her leg up and over, so that her bent knee kissed the top of the piano. Every curve of her body seemed to be emphasized this way, and it gave me a great view of her breasts and ass; she looked so beautiful, so sexy, like an angel or…

"I look like a lounge singer," she laughed pulling me from my thoughts.

I laughed with her as she softly sang the theme from _The Love Boat _witha faux drunken slur. I liked Bella, there was no doubt in my mind.

Gently, I placed a palm on her knee and told her honestly, "You look beautiful."

She muttered something about looking like a 'Flava of Love reject', which made bile rise in my throat. I'd remembered being sick once and out of my mind with boredom. Somehow my incessant changing of the channels ended with me watching VH1 and a marathon of that show. Funny as it was, I compared it to watching TV through a black light, literally seeing the S.T.D.s running around that mansion. I shivered just thinking about it. Looking at Bella, I was grateful that she looked nothing like those women.

That got me to thinking. I wondered if she shared any characteristics with those other black women. She looked fine, more than fine, but was she promiscuous? Did she have a bad attitude? Is that even her real hair_? _I tried hard not to make any more assumptions, but this was all new to me. Forks had a minority population of less that one percent, not including the neighboring Quileute reservation so I didn't have the advantage of exposure. I wanted to know the answers -but figured no woman- race aside- would take kindly to being asked some things. So I let it go for now.

I didn't speak again. Instead, I let my fingers dance along the keys, effectively silencing her mumbling. Looking down at the keys I smirked, the blacks and whites holding a completely new meaning to me. I played a few variations of scales before letting it morph into a song. Her eyes sparkled in recognition and I patted myself on the back. As I finished the intro to Jamie Cullum's version of _Frontin'_, I sang the chorus.

I hadn't intended to give an impromptu concert but she was just staring at me so intently. And I needed something to take my focus away from her, lest I take her right then. When I'd completed the song, I finally looked up to her.

"That was just perfect," she said praising me.

Not wasting any more time I spoke up, receiving compliments made me feel very uncomfortable. "So, I believe you owe me something, equivalent retaliation?"

"You're so weird sometimes, why don't you just say tit for tat? So you want to know a secret, let me think," she said, tapping her fingers on the piano's slick black top. "I got one, I speak Japanese. There, that's my secret," she deflected.

She seemed shy all of a sudden, and I knew she was stalling. She picked at imaginary lint and twirled a piece of her hair around her finger, looking anywhere and everywhere but at me. I wasn't going to let it slide that easily, I'd revealed more of myself to her than I had done with anyone. Moreover, anything that could make this girl nervous, I wanted to know.

"First of all, I'm not weird; you knew exactly what I meant," I said, daring her to disagree. "Second, bullshit, that's not what you were going to tell me earlier."

I watched as a plethora of emotions passed over her face before she just looked plain embarrassed. I hadn't wanted to make her uncomfortable for fear she'd leave, and for some reason that thought plagued me with feelings of abandonment. I decided to put that information away for later examination, but knew that people didn't really do that shit unless something triggered that exact memory. So I attempted to work through that shit right then. Why didn't I want her to go, when just hours before I didn't think I wanted to be in her proximity at all? Not knowing what to say, I very softly started playing again. As the opening notes of Clair De Lune filled the silence, she spoke.

"I hate that song," she declared.

_Okay._

"It reminds me of my mom, always jumping from trend to trend. Before I moved here, she was on a classical music kick, and bought the best of Chopin, Mozart and just-insert any well-known composers name here. She played this one over and over; if she wasn't my mama, I would cut the bitch, seriously," she sighed.

"Anyhow, she dragged me to these different galas and fundraisers with her and Phil, my stepdad, and told me I needed to be more 'cultured'. But the only fucking thing she could recall of classical musical was Debussy," she finished deep in her thoughts.

It wasn't the reaction that I had expected, but I'd take anything I could get. I continued playing, wanting her to give him me more details of everything to do with Bella Swan. "Is there anything of Debussy, you do like? I'm sure I could play it," I questioned.

"There is, but you can't play it," she replied confidently.

"Try me; I'm sure I can at least figure out the melody." I watched as she smirked and turned to sit Indian-style facing me.

"'I want to sing my interior landscape with the simple artlessness of a child. How much has to be explored and discarded before reaching the naked flesh of feeling… Claude Debussy,' she quoted.

_Fuck Me._

I was confused before, but things seemed to be clearer in that moment. I wanted Bella. I wanted her so badly that my cock strained against my button-fly jeans painfully. She was made for me; I had no doubt about that, but what that meant exactly… I had no fucking clue.

"His words were so much more powerful than his music to me. Don't get me wrong, his compositions were great, even _Clair De Lune_, but his theory on music and life is just…wow!

'Before the passing sky, in long hours of contemplation of its magnificent and ever-changing beauty,'" she continued.

This quote I knew. I knew it as well as I'd known my own soul. "I am seized by an incomparable emotion," I said, cutting her off to finish the quote as the last note of the composition I was playing softly reverberated throughout my place.

I didn't know how I came to be standing in front of her with my hands resting on her knees. I was on fucking auto-pilot and my body craved less space between us. Trying to explain the pull I felt rationally left me with no answers because I was never a social butterfly and had nothing to compare my feelings to. But science I knew.

I recalled Quantum Theory and the study of ferromagnetism—how a permanent magnet in the presence of a magnetic field remains magnetized after that field is long removed. Bella was that magnet for me. I'd been drawn to women before, but my disappointment kept me from making any real connections. Yet, everything I felt with and for Bella was different, it was so much better. In the recesses of my mind, I knew that she would change me, and now that I'd been in her presence, I would inevitably and irrevocably feel that magnetic pull to her and her alone.

My hands moved on their own accord to encase her face, and I heard her sigh in contentment. I needed to know if she was feeling any of what I'd been through in the past few hours. I didn't want to be alone in this.

"Tell me your secret, Bella" I urged, liking the way my heart sped by just saying the simple syllables of her name. I could see her resolve slowly crumble as she tilted her chin to look me straight in the eye.

"When I said I knew it, that you played the piano, I really did know already. I was here when it was delivered, helping Esme get things together for your arrival," she revealed.

She quickly ducked her head and I withdrew my hands. I shoved them in my pockets and halfheartedly tried to hide my smile. _Why didn't she mention it earlier?_ Good. I wasn't the only one that felt like I was in some alternative universe where the smell of someone was enough to turn your world upside down.

"I just wanted to… I didn't know how long we would be together today, and I wanted…" she trailed off.

I wasn't sure what she planned to say, but the fact that the mystification I felt was shared would suffice. "You just wanted to assault me in my car, I fucking knew it," I joked as she lightly smacked my arm in feigned anger.

"No, you twat. I just wanted to spend more time with you. Get to know you," she said genuinely.

"We've hardly done that. Come on, let's get you off my baby so we can sit and talk," I suggested.

I walked over to the piano's side as Bella scooted to the edge. Once I had a firm grip on her, I put her down, and deliberated on where to take her for this conversation. What I had not intended on was for my hands to fuse her hips, making it impossible for me to release her. I stood there, still as a statue with a litany of curses running through my head for putting us in another awkward situation.

God, I just really wanted to kiss her, if for nothing more than to calm the monster within who wanted her turned and bowed over my piano. Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, as I was learning that Bella Swan was anything but conventional, she stepped closer. Closing my eyes, I allowed my remaining senses to be blissfully assaulted. I pressed my nose against her brow, smelling the citrus on her breath, and then ran the tip of it lightly down to her cheek, feeling the delicate skin there. I wondered if her lips were equally as soft. Her breathing accelerated, and then she seized my shirt, pulling me closer.

My decision was made.

Despite the many reasons I shouldn't kiss her—mainly because things were happening too fast—I wanted her, and if her pressing into me wasn't a sign she wanted me too, I didn't know what was.

I trailed my fingers up her arms until I reached her face, memorizing every miniscule detail before tilting her chin upward. Her eyes were closed and her lips were slightly puckered in preparation. My determination to feel and taste her succulent lips against my own grew, and in just a few more inches I would be in heaven. Moving closer, I obliterated the last bit of space.

In chorus, a screeching alarm went off, and the doorbell chimed, letting me know someone was at the front door. My eyes popped open, landing on Bella who looked less like a willing participant and more like a lamb before slaughter. I watched as she shook her head, stepping around me to grab her cell phone and silencing the annoying alarm. I walked back to the foyer pissed off, and opened the door to be greeted by a smiling face.

Trying to hide my annoyance wasn't working, but I still worked to appear indifferent. I couldn't see Bella, but felt her presence as she approached me from behind. I watched as the smile left my company's face, and the situation I hoped to never encounter was staring me right in the eye.

"What the fuck is this?"

**A/N Check out my LJ account for photos, etc. And I do tweasers on Twitter, see my profile for a link.**

Please review : )


	5. Stellar

**A/N I do not own Twilight**

* * *

How do you do it, make me feel like I do  
How do you do it, it's better than I ever knew

Stellar, Incubus

I hadn't paid any attention to how fast and hard I ran. I was used to running outside, feeling the balls of my feet bounce off the jagged terrain. The automatic tranquility that followed would encompass me. But running on the treadmill didn't provide that same outlet. It was stifling. I felt like a hamster on a runged wheel, held by the constraints of a glass box, or in my case a windowed gym. I needed solace from the discordant and meaningless thoughts that hunted me, and without the exterior scenery to keep my mind occupied, I was in danger of running the treadmill through the floor.

Thanks to Bella my concentration had been screwed. Nine days after I'd almost kissed her, I could think of nothing else. I'd relentlessly replayed images of her from our quasi date, to her on my piano. As a result, I had a constant erection.

When Emmett showed up, interrupting what should've been my first taste of heaven, I thought he'd kill me. The ominous look he'd given me had me slightly terrified, and had it not been for my developing case of blue balls, I would've cowered away. Initially, I was too annoyed to conjure up the right amount of fear, but eventually the panic did come, and I was thankful that Bella intervened. She told Emmett that we were discussing which positions were most comfortable against a piano. I couldn't do anything but stare at her slack jawed and wonder whose side she was on. To my horror and relief, they both started laughing hysterically. I wanted to be pissed—that being my go to emotion—but instead I joined in.

Bella ran around the apartment like Speedy Gonzalez scooping up her things, saying she would see us later, but she wouldn't make eye contact with me. She didn't single me out in her goodbye either, so I knew I had done something wrong.

Having her up against my piano, feeling her small frame pressed against me was the sweetest sensory overload I'd ever experienced. To top it off she quoted Debussy to me.

She quoted a fucking composer.

In that moment she owned me, and I was more than OK with that.

Back in Forks, I never experienced any sort of mental foreplay. I'd only been with a few girls—one multiple times—and they did not appeal to me on that level. It was purely sexual, the need to get off with something other than my hand. And though I was ashamed to admit it, the feeling of being close to someone was something I craved.

I had hoped the physical contact would ebb the pain I felt from being unrequited, uncared for, and easily forgotten. The moment of orgasm, when a woman would scream my name, held all the comfort of a gentle caress for me. It was kind, loving even. In return I would whisper words of affection, and pretend the girls returned my feelings. But as soon as the ecstasy subsided, I would retreat into myself—rushing to get the girl out of my home—knowing the pain of watching someone leave me was a threat to the little self-worth I retained.

After my encounter with Angela, that became a practiced ritual—to dote on women then quickly flee to protect myself. Like a fiend, I required the high, but was smart enough to shield my heart from the fall.

Angela Weber was the girl I'd lost my virginity to. The experience was everything a first time promised to be, earth shattering and swift. We met in Biology, and because we were both stellar students, were consistently partnered together. As a result, we shared many nights hunched over books in the school library, or in one of our homes. She wasn't like the other girls I conversed with, and I enjoyed her company because of it. She was very intelligent, kind, and didn't dumb herself down to be accepted into cliques.

One night we were working on a lab assignment, and out of nowhere she attacked me. She had thrown her book down and came to stand by my desk. We were both frustrated that night because we working on a hard assignment, so when she stood there I wasn't really paying attention. I'd felt my chair being tugged on, so I swiveled around to face her to see if she had figured out the problem we were working on. She didn't say a word, and I'm sure I had a perplexed expression on my face. Before I could blink, she had straddled me and started to plant kisses on my neck and jaw. My cock was instantly hard, yet I tried to gently push her away. I was nervous and worried that I'd embarrass myself due to my inexperience, but she never suspended her movements. In that moment it felt good to have someone there needing me, wanting me, so my acquiescent was imminent.

Her opalescent skin had me hypnotized, and when she started to rock her hips over my cock I came undone. I'd kissed her then, probably a little too roughly due to my aroused state. My hands had groped her every piece of skin they could reach as I watched her pull her cotton panties off. She then unzipped my pants, pulling them down just enough to free my erection. I sat there in a trance, just staring at the engraved YKK on my zipper, I couldn't believe what was about to happen.

At some point I snapped out of my daze and grabbed my wallet in search of a condom. I hadn't thought I'd be lucky enough to use it when they'd offered them in Sex-Ed, but I was thankful to have it. I slid it on and sat back down so she could resume her position. Seconds later, I was sheathed in her and coming before I fully comprehended the ramifications of what had just happened.

I knew enough about sex to know that it could ruin a friendship, but things between me and Angela had always been easy so I assumed we would take the next logical step. Well, what should've been the _first_ step. I had it all worked out in my head, she would be my girlfriend. She was cute enough with her dark brown hair and eyes, on the skinny side, but her chest more than made up for that. Whatever I thought she lacked physically, her intellect made up for.

I was excited about the prospect of having someone to hold hands with and kiss; someone who cared about what _I_ was up to. More so, I was excited to have someone—who wasn't obligated—fill my lonely evenings.

Enthusiastically I started to tell her of my epiphany, but she cut me off before I could articulate one word. She told me I was 'gorgeous,' and that any girl would be lucky to have me. However, she was in love with Ben.

She continued on telling me about how she and Ben were meant to be together, but by then I had tuned her out. I hadn't even cleaned myself up yet and she was ranting on about someone else! I found out later that Ben had supposedly cheated on her, and I was just a revenge fuck. I was hurt, but wouldn't let her know it. It was then that I perfected my mask.

I couldn't explain how I knew, but something deep within told me that things with Bella would not be that way. There was no sane reason to endorse my theory, but my wants were past reason.

Bella seemed far too kind to use me or abuse my feelings. I was just irritated as hell by her 'see you later.' Why hadn't she said more, or spoke to me privately before she left? What I needed to know was exactly _when_ she would see me. I needed to know _when_ later was. I needed her phone number. I needed to have a GPS tracking system implanted on her so I would know where she was at all times.

_The Fuck?_

Not being able to give her a proper goodbye—because Emmett had blocked my path—left me pining over her. And nine shitty days later, I was still pining. There had been no phone calls, no accidental meetings or anything. Like the desperate man that I was, I'd taken the elevator down to the lobby once an hour, hoping to run into her. Either my timing was horrible, or my luck had vacated me as I didn't see her once. I thought about getting her phone number from Emmett, but didn't want my infatuation broadcasted just yet.

When Emmett had asked me if I wanted to meet him at the gym, I promptly agreed, knowing that I could take out my frustration on the equipment. It was better for the treadmill to suffer the brunt of the abuse; my cock could use the break.

"If you don't loosen up, you'll have to donate a new machine to the building. Why don't you try some weights?" Emmett suggested.

I pressed the button for the cool down mode and slowed my pace until my sprint became a slow jog, then gradually stopped. My chest heaved with the effort it took to catch my breath, but I eventually had enough air in my lungs to answer Emmett.

"Yeah Em weights sound good."

"OK. I'll spot you," Emmett concurred as he gazed at me with concern.

I wiped the sweat from my face, catching the beads that had trickled down my neck, and then lay on the bench. My muscles were already aching from the intense workout, so I stretched out as I waited for Emmett. Turning my head to look out the frosted glass entrance that faced the lobby, I silently prayed that Bella would magically appear.

"So how much do you think you can bench," Emmett asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"I don't know Em, I've never lifted. Let's start light."

Emmett lowered the bar weighted with 150 pounds, and I latched onto the cold steel, wrapping my hands firmly around it. I felt the strain in my muscles immediately as I pushed through the burn to raise the bar. Emmett counted out the repetitions to twelve, giving me a brief respite in between only to start again. I tried to focus on anything other than the blazing sensation that burst throughout my triceps. And just when I thought I would pass out from overexertion, the fire altered into something else entirely. It wasn't a foreign feeling anymore, and I heartily welcomed it. It was the feeling I'd felt for the first time just a week ago, and I knew she was near.

_Bella. _

I turned my head again to face the lobby, and there she stood. She looked so fucking beautiful as she retrieved her mail. Lifting the weights became mechanical as every nerve in my body, and thought in my head, zeroed in on her.

She was wearing some sort of uniform and her hair was straight again. The smile that curved her lips set everything straight for me. I wanted her. I wanted to run to her, and made to do just that, but that feeling of breathlessness you get from a demanding workout intensified to a point where I'd felt totally immobile. Occupied with the task at hand—getting to Bella—I hadn't realized that Emmett had singlehandedly pinned me under the weights.

_The fuck?_

"So Ed, what are your intentions with Bella? And please don't insult my intelligence by telling me nothing's going on. You could've cut the tension with a knife when I found you two. You've been spacing out for the last week, and I've called your name a thousand times just now and you've barely acknowledged me. To top it off you tried to pull a roadrunner off that treadmill," he stated. "You know what, screw it. Don't even answer that question. I didn't want to have to do this because you seem like a good kid," he added, applying more pressure.

I hated the way he devoiced _Ed_, but I was literally in no position to retaliate. I was petrified and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. As I mentally replayed everything I'd learned in self-defense classes, I found nothing that could help me out. If they had covered 'how to free yourself when the Hulk has you pinned,' I had definitely missed that week.

"If you do anything to hurt her, _anything_, I will maim you. If I even see Beelzebub with a frown, you're fucked. Do you understand?" he asked, minimally withdrawing the weight.

I shakily inhaled, trying to get much needed air to my lungs and brain so I could think. If I pretended not to have any idea what he was talking about, I imagined he'd hurt me. Obviously I wasn't as good as hiding my emotions as I thought. Furthermore, I didn't really give a fuck; I wasn't ashamed of Bella or my feelings for her, I just wanted her to know how I felt before anyone else did. I wanted to know how _I_ felt. Before I had a chance to answer him, and swear on my life that I would never do anything to hurt Bella, I focused on something that was of little significance.

"Beelzebub?" I questioned.

I watched as Emmett fruitlessly tried to control his smile, eventually shaking his head to answer.

"She can be the devil incarnate, and you'll be lucky or cursed if you get to find why," he stated matter-of-factly, as if the vague message made any fucking sense.

"I swear I wouldn't do anything to harm her," I replied, taken aback by the truth of my own words. "Besides, we're going to be …

_Slapping skins, doing the nasty, screwing, knocking boots, copulating, making love, holding hands, exchanging rings, making babies._

_Fuuuuck!_

"Friends, we're going to be friends," I choked out as Emmett finally released me.

"Good. I would hate to kill you so soon. Nobody would miss you if I got to you," he added.

Though his words were meant to instill fear, they just made me sad. Nobody _would_ miss me. I'd been able to keep the loneliness at bay for so long, and didn't understand why all of these emotions were swimming to the surface, but they overwhelming with that simple truth.

Emmett, sensing my melancholia appended, "maybe Bella would miss you, she has asked about you," he said with a hint of annoyance.

I snapped out of my funk, and sat up attentively. I didn't know if he said it to placate me or if it was the truth, but I didn't give a shit either way. I wanted to giggle, but my cock protested and suppressed the sound. My inner woman squealed in delight.

_So what did she say? What did she say? Whatdidshesay?_

"Yeah?" I inquired instead.

"Yeah Dorothy, but don't get all Golden Girls on me, I'm not reciting details," he said.

Not wanting to push at the risk of sounding like a pre-teen girl, I jumped up and headed to the door. I glanced back at Emmett silently asking if we were good. When I received what I thought was a nod of approval, I left the gym at a half-gallop, half-sprint to catch up to Bella.

When I finally made it to the lobby she was gone. My head whipped around frantically to every exit to see which direction she could've taken. That citrus smell still lingered in the air from where she stood, and that just bothered me even more because I wanted to talk to her. I sighed exasperatedly and turned around running right into Emmett. He held my gym bag out to me with a smirk on his face.

"Come on Dorothy," he said, gesturing toward the elevator. "Let's get you cleaned up and go see Bell-zee before she starts her shift."

I didn't bother hiding my smile as I grabbed my bag and followed his lead. Finally, I'd get my moment with Bella.

"Thanks Blanche," I replied.

***

I entered the coffee shop anxiously searching for my sepia-toned goddess. I knew the sight of her would grant me some much needed peace that had eluded me all week. Before I could take a step, what's-her-face sidled up to me.

"Hi Edward, good to see you again," she said.

I couldn't remember her name to save my life. I just wanted Bella and she was halting progress. Thinking back to their first meeting, I vaguely remembered her name began with a T.

_Tara, Tasha. Teresa. Tammy?_

"Hi Tammy," I greeted distractedly.

I watched, internally cringing as Tammy got closer to me, breaking all sorts of personal space boundaries. She leaned further until her coffee-tainted breath whiffed up to my nostrils. I instantly recoiled, longing for the smell of lemon drops or anything to get the dragon breathing Tammy off of me.

"Its Tanya," she corrected in a falsetto voice that did nothing to make her sound more feminine. "I was just on my way out. Can I get you something before my shift ends?"

I was so annoyed at that point. Her presence annoyed me, Emmett annoyed me by not running interference, and I was annoyed at Bella for not fucking showing herself already.

I took a step away from _Tamara_ and noticed two things. Emmett was back in his 'good boy' routine, observing Bella with an indecipherable expression on his face, and Bella was staring daggers at uh… err… _Tiffany_ while chatting it up with another blonde. Taking yet another step away, I gazed at _Trina_, and couldn't remember what I'd seen in her to believe she was sex personified. She was entirely wrong. Rather than dwell on that, I focused my attention back to Bella until eye contact was established.

"I'll take a coffee _Teresa_. Black," I added with a smirk as I walked toward my tempest.

Acting on impulse was something I'd never done; I preferred to have some sort of a strategy when I faced confusing situations. With no plan in mind, I didn't know how to express my feelings to Bella. Surely if I confessed my undying lust, or the deep _like _I felt, she'd run for the hills. But it was too late for me to turn back, so I had to get my shit together, fast.

The closer I got to Bella, the clearer my thoughts became. I was one third awestruck, one third nervous and one third fucked when I noticed the uniform she wore. She had the same short shorts as _Tina_. Her toned legs stretched from underneath the tiny fabric, long and smooth. My eyes travelled upward until they landed on her shapely thighs. The way she looked in the uniform surpassed all the fantasies I'd conjured up, and my cock became restless. Forgetting my manners, I interrupted the other blonde—who looked strangely like _Tammy_— as she was speaking to Bella.

"Bella," I sighed as my insides frolicked somewhere in a meadow far away, where birds sang, and people sparkled. The grin displayed on my face was perhaps idiotic, but I just gawked at her, trying to use that jedi-mind-fuckery to will her to speak.

"Hey you," she smiled.

_I knew that Jedi shit worked_.

"So… I…yeah, I didn't know you worked here," I lamely replied.

_Right, channeling my inner geek will win her over._

"I do. We can't all be born with silver spoons. Some of us have to get dirty," she responded condescendingly.

"What would you know? You live alone. In a penthouse," I retorted.

I wasn't sure why she bothered smiling at me at all if she was going to go uber-bitch seconds later. I needed her to get over it already so that I could go back to swooning.

_So maybe that black girl attitude thing isn't so far off?_

Bella and Blondie number two stilled, then started cackling like a pair of hyenas, leaving me vexatious. I was pissed, and I was positive my glare conveyed as much. Not having the heart to aim my contempt in Bella's direction, Blondie bore the brunt of it.

"Edward is it?" Blondie asked, seemingly not phased by my death glare. She didn't wait for an answer before she continued.

"I've heard a lot about you," she stated, glancing at Bella who looked like she wanted to gag Blondie. _Tammy_ who stood a few feet away, looked equally as pissed, but I had no clue as to why.

"I'm Rosalie," she continued, not derailed by the facial expressions of either girl. "The next time you want to examine the relationship between black women and attitudes, you should probably make sure you keep it to yourself," she said, reaching out her small hand for me to shake.

_Shit! I said that out loud?_

"Yes, you did," Bella affirmed.

I reached for Rosalie's hand, internally cursing my volubility, but before I grasp her palm in my own, I felt a jab to my side.

"I'm Emmett," my culprit announced, moving me out of the way to shake her hand.

_Now this mute motherfucker speaks._

"Good for you, you know your name," Rosalie said, side-stepping Emmett's hand and patting him on the head like he was a lost puppy.

I saw the muscles in Emmett's jaw tense after he'd clinched his eyes shut. He appeared to be somewhere between irritation and confusion. Deciding to step in to avoid any repercussions of Rosalie's actions, I took her hand, successfully diffusing the tension.

"Good to meet you," I said, perplexed at the resemblance between Rosalie andTammy.

"Yep, _Tammy,_ who likes to be called Tanya for some odd reason, is my twin. But trust, I am the brains of this here operation," she beamed, whispering the last part to me.

I saw the similarities. Same blonde hair, but different shades; where Tanya's was short, Rosalie's was long and flowing. They had the same deep blue eyes and great figures, which sparked my overactive imagination.

_Bella and the twins. _

I cleared my head of the thought and continued to stare. It was easy for me to see the subtle differences between the two. Tanya's blue eyes seemed cold and vacant; whereas Rosalie's had flecks of green that seemed warm and inviting. There was also a difference in their smiles. Rosalie's smile was alluring; Tanya's was more like a sneer.

Looking to Emmett, I noticed the way he shamelessly checked out Rosalie. He also looked freshly jizzed which was more acquainted with him than I ever wanted to be. I snorted at him and received a scowl in return.

Turning back to Bella, I noted she too was shamelessly checking someone out. Me.

"I'm sorry for assuming…again," I began. "Will you forgive me?" When she nodded I reached for her hand, reestablishing the physical contact I'd suffered without for… forever.

"Do you have a minute to sit with me before you start?" I asked, but pulled her along with me anyways. I plopped her down in one of the chairs, attempting to say god-knows-what, but she was there and if I didn't speak soon my time would be up. That was not an option.

"How long do you have to work?" I inquired.

"Eleven to four. I'm just going to train Ro mainly," she replied.

"Ro?" I asked.

"Rosalie, the object of Emmett's affection apparently," she speculated. I nodded in agreement. It appeared Emmett was taken with her, but I had more pressing issues. Bella had agreed to sit with me, yet something still seemed off with her. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

It was in the way she wouldn't hold eye contact and constantly fidgeted. It looked as if she wanted to say something, but then she'd just sigh.

"Are you bothered by it? I'm sure he'd leave her alone if you told him you're interested," she whispered.

_What? She can't possibly think I'm interested in Rosalie._

"What?" I vocalized, while she averted her eyes and began bouncing her knee.

"I mean," she started nervously. "You were looking at her like…I don't know, and then the same with Tanya. I'm just saying if that's your type…"

The light bulb in my head turned on and I finally put it together. She thought I wanted them and she was jealous. That shit turned me on and frustrated me all at once. I was comforted by the fact that she was at least interested in me enough to be jealous, but how she could be so blind as not to see that she was the object of my desire I couldn't grasp.

"I don't have a type per say, but you're the only one here that I'd even give a second look," I said, hoping that _who_ I wanted was clear to her.

As she lowered her chin to her chest, I saw her cheeks had puffed out with her smile. I didn't know what was going through her head and I didn't care as long as she was happy. Learning her quirks would be the fun and exciting part, and I couldn't wait to figure her out.

My time was running short and I needed to make a move. As I plotted, Tam…_Tanya_ dropped my coffee on the table with a thud, causing a bit of the hot liquid to spill out. She gave Bella a pointed stare that made me want to stand up and rip her head off, but the shit eating grin that Bella shot back at her calmed me down.

"Can I see you…after work?" I pleaded. "We could go grab some dinner or see a movie or something."

"Are you asking me on a date?"

Not having asked anyone on an actual date before I didn't know how to respond. Was that what I wanted to do? Date Bella? It didn't seem like an accurate reflection of what my mind and body had in mind.

I wanted to know her, have her affection, and return it tenfold. I wanted to bind us together in every way my cock could conceive, but surely I could start with a date. Apparently I took too long to answer, and her smile wavered as she rushed to speak.

"I wasn't implying anything," she quickly interjected. "Emmett and I go to the movies all the time…so yeah, like friends? That could be fun…yeah…"

My own words were biting me in the ass already. I had repeated that mantra more times than I could –count. Friends. As far I was concerned, that was no longer an option. If she was alright with the idea of dating me, I wouldn't let anything get in the way. I needed to tell her what I wanted, be bold, but that was difficult because saying what I wanted—out loud—wasn't something I was good at. I'd always found it easier to go with the flow. But Bella sparked so many new feelings in me that I was motivated to risk being rejected.

Storm clouds had settled over my life for far too long, pregnant with disappointment and regret. If Bella was the key to the new found jubilation I felt, I'd never let her go.

She was still mumbling when I closed my eyes, putting myself on that proverbial cliff.

"No, not friends. Well, not _just_ friends. I'm asking you on a date, be ready at six," I stated, standing up to pull her chair out so she could start her shift.

"Awfully sure of ourselves aren't we?" she joked, which made my confidence slightly falter. I smiled regardless. I wasn't sure of anything, but I was willing to take a chance. If that meant doing the opposite of everything I would've normally done, then so be it.

"Just optimistic. Now give me your phone," I said, waiting for her to take it out. When she did, I used it to call my cell, and told her to program my number as I'd done with hers. I needed to get out of there while my bravado was still strong.

Emmett was still conversing with Rosalie, and Tanya was still stumping around like someone had stolen her bike. It was a good time to make my exit. I tossed a wave to everyone, and added extra emphasis in my goodbye to Bella by winking.

Walking back home, I thought about everything that I'd accomplished. It was definitely easier to get my way when I asserted myself, and a perk that I didn't embody my inner bumbling idiot. My day had already turned out to be better than I'd hoped.

With only a few hours to prepare, I went through a mental list of date-like activities, all centered on dinner and a movie. I wanted to do something different with her and quickly scrapped the date slash movie combo. It was almost unnatural how quickly and effortlessly things fell into place after that. I planned to take her to the _Tuesdays by Twilight_ concert series, held outside at the Chinese Gardens. They featured music from several composers, and Wagner—one of my favorites—would be featured tonight. The weather had been agreeable to sit outside. And we'd be able to get to know each other better than if we had to sit in a quiet movie theatre.

***

The drive to the Gardens had been somewhat nerve-wracking. Bella sat in the passenger seat looking beautifully tempting as usual. I, on the other hand, was a wreck. Questions teetered on the tip of my tongue like seed heads of a dandelion, with one wrong word she could send my fragile hopes fluttering in the breeze. And I _really_ didn't want to say the wrong thing.

I doubted my plans. Although they sounded good in theory, I'd forgotten our…racial differences. Yes, I knew she was black, but I had no idea what—if any—part it played in her likes, her taste. She probably liked Beyonce or Puffy… Daddy…Diddy, or whatever the fuck his name was. All I had to offer was a night of Wagner and Strauss, and I wasn't sure that would hold her interest. I doubted _I_ could hold her interest as the steam of my prior confidence rapidly evaporated. It was simple enough to just ask what she preferred, but given my sporadic verbal flux, I remained tight lipped.

I was brought out of my musings by her sighing heavily. Parking the car, I jumped out to open her door which she let me do. However, she made no move to get out or take my proffered hand. My hand was hastily shoved back in my pocket as I shuffled my feet feeling like a complete failure. I hadn't said one thing and I'd already fucked up.

"What did I do wrong?" I felt so defeated it came out in a whisper, and though she was the only one present, I wasn't sure the question was meant just for her. What was it about me that drove people away?

She looked so beautiful with the light breeze blowing her hair as she stared intently at her lap. The sun was setting behind the translucent clouds, casting a shadow over her features. Her lips were shiny and plump, and I wanted so badly to kiss her into submission. To make her want me as I wanted her. There was a long exorbitant pause between us as I studied every one of her facial features with the exception of her eyes. I couldn't look there, too afraid of what I'd find. I couldn't, and wouldn't, watch another person walk away from me.

Eventually she reached for my hand and I inadvertently flinched away from the contact. She still hadn't spoken, and the silence alone told me everything I needed to know. I stopped shuffling, and seamlessly shifted into my mask.

I walked back to the driver's side, slowly sitting down and closing the door. No thoughts plagued me, nor did my internal dialogue chime in. I hid within myself, where I was undeniably safe.

Leaning back, I dug around in my pocket for the keys. When I retrieved them, and put them in the ignition, I felt her hand on my forearm. I forced myself to stay still as I waited with bated breath for her to speak. It felt like hours were passing in silence as I struggled to keep up my façade.

The force of the pull I'd felt in her presence was lulling me to serenity when I just wanted to drown in despair.

"Is this really what you want?" she asked, finally breaking the silence.

I turned to look at her creased forehead, still avoiding her eyes. Having no idea what she meant, I didn't bother to answer her question.

"I mean, you invited me out, but you haven't said a word since we've been in the car. Every now and then you turn and give me these looks like…you regret asking me? I'm not sure, but if you don't want to do this it's fine. Let me end your misery," she ranted.

No longer able to resist, I looked straight into her eyes, trying to figure out what the fuck she was going on about.

"That look!" she stated, giving me what I could only describe as the 'stink eye.'

"I-I'm just nervous. That 'look' means nothing more than that. It's not every day that I go out on date …"

"What! Just say it. It's not every day you go out on a date with a black girl." she interrupted with fierceness that I found…well, sweet.

_Mufasa oooooooh._

"No, if you'd let me finish. I was saying it's not every day I go out on a date…period. I'm completely out of my element here, and I'm worried you won't enjoy yourself," I exhaled, elated to have some of the burden off my chest. "And for the record, you _do_ have an attitude," I added. "Lucky for you, it's kind of cute," I complimented, grinning at her.

"Oh," she observed.

"Yeah, oh," I echoed. I knew the expression she had now. It, accompanied with the nervous bouncing of her leg, unmistakably said 'oops.' I tugged on my hair nervously, upset at how things were going, yet wanting to be truthful with her. I hoped that the rest of the conversation stayed upbeat as I continued.

"I have never dated a 'black girl,'" I stated, using ridiculous air quotes as I wasn't sure how she wanted her race to be referenced. "I do have a lot of questions, and I don't want to sound idiotic but, like I said this is all new to me. Trust me when I say that that detail has had no effect on what I'm feeling for you."

"What kind of questions?" she asked curiously. I felt more at ease when she appended, "you can ask me anything. I'll answer as truthfully as possible as long as you understand that I'm just Bella. I can't speak for an entire race, OK?"

I quickly agreed and hopped back out of the car to re-open the passenger door. Exhaling a shaky breath, I reached for her hand again and smile when she readily took it.

We weren't five feet from the car before my mind began organizing and making lists of questions I wanted to ask. Column A consisted of things I needed to know. Followed by column B, things I was just curious about. Lastly, was column C, the things to leave as assumptions to avoid any physical harm to myself. I started with what I thought was the most important question. Pulling her body close to mine, I searched for a quiet corner. The faint sounds of Strauss could be heard along with the soft murmurs of people passing by.

I didn't know where to go, the place was a lot larger than I'd originally thought which was pretty impressive. There were several serpentine mosaic pathways that each led to different landscapes. I stopped and looked around as I followed the paths with my eyes.

The first path led to plants, the golden larch bonsai's were visible from where I stood, and they were surrounded by ponds and streams. It appeared there were a lot of native Chinese plants, but I wasn't a fucking horticulturalist and couldn't identify any others. Bella was still holding my hand, and pulled me over so that we could look at the Koi fish as they swam in the small pond. Once we were settled, she began pointing out fish to me, telling me more about each one.

"Goshiki," she said, pointing at one of the multi-colored fish.

"What does that mean?" I asked, admiring her smile. She leaned over, studying the fish intently. It wasn't a deep pond, but I was worried she'd slip.

Stepping behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist. I didn't pull her back to me, but peered over her shoulder as she continued to speak.

"It means five colors. That fish right there," she said directing my attention to another fish. "Is a Goshiki Sanke, it has the five colors of a normal Goshiki; red, white, brown, and blue, but the black markings on its head identify it as Sanke. The rest of these fish are mostly Ōgon—the boring ones that look like swollen goldfish," she added, scrunching up her face.

God, she was so fucking adorable.

"You really do speak Japanese?" I asked, pretty fucking amazed.

She shrugged. "Maybe a little. But can I tell you the difference between Japanese Koi and Chinese? Or why Japanese Koi would be at Chinese garden? No. But I'd gladly Wiki it for you later if you're interested," she finished, turning her head over her shoulder to smile at me.

I pulled her back to me then, leaning forward to place a kiss on her forehead. I don't know why I did it, and I wouldn't have questioned it had she not tensed. But she quickly relaxed as she turned to face me.

"Show me more," she insisted.

Smiling, I held her hand and tucked her in to my side as we followed the signs to the 'Knowing the Fish Pavilian.' We sat in an alcove as the melody from Wagner's _Tannhäuser_ drifted towards us. I'd never felt so at ease with anyone. It reminded me of the calm I felt when I ran, and I knew it was all because of the woman sitting beside me.

She looked at me, crossing her legs so our limbs touched. "So, you have questions?" she stated, rather than asked.

I had a lot of questions. I was just waiting for the 'OK' to start. "First question. Have you ever dated a white guy and would you…seriously?" I asked.

"I'm here," she responded.

Those two words spoke volumes. She _was_ there, and if I had my way I'd never let her go.

***

My first date with Bella could only be described as paradise. After sitting and getting to know each other, I realized all of my worries and incessant hair pulling was for nothing. She complimented my choice of venue and we put our trivial miscommunication to rest. I learned so many things about her in the few hours we'd spent together, but my curiosity was not fully sated.

I hung on to her every word, her personal sycophant, and still needed more. The amount of familiarity we gained helped to alleviate any fluctuating feelings and thoughts I had on why I was so entranced by her. The things I felt came with time, and I knew it was too soon to feel the way I did, but I couldn't find it within me to care.

I learned that Bella loved Wagner, and she kissed me on the cheek in thanks for bringing her there. Her appreciation for the music almost rivaled my own, almost. I learned that she loved her father and mother, but had always been biased toward her father. Her mother was more image consultant than parent, and it weighed heavy on my heart that her mom was more concerned with what Bella looked like, how she dressed, and what she ate in public; as opposed to if Bella _felt_ loved by her.

I didn't know what would be the lesser of the two evils; having someone there to critique your every move, or absent all-together.

We had more in common than I expected, but we were just scratching the surface. We both loved all things music, where she liked the lyrics and ideas, I loved the compositions. We both enjoyed frozen grapes and detested apples. And like me, she had no clue what she wanted to major in, but figured she had plenty of time to work it out.

There were other things that I inquired about as the evening progressed, other more _cultural_ things. I may have started with her dating preferences, but soon I couldn't shut up. I asked everything: did she have a weave, could she tan, why does being ashy turn her skin gray? I was smart enough to rein it in before I got to the sexual myths, but hoped to get all the answers in time. Not once did I feel she was agitated. Bella would simply smile and answer the questions—sometimes laughing at me—but I took it all in stride.

As we rode the elevator in silence, still hand in hand, I needed to ask her one more thing before we separated for the night. My palms were sweaty, and I hoped she hadn't noticed the firm grip I had on her. I refused to release her for anything longer then a second, it wasn't as if she asked me to anyway.

She massaged the back of my hand with her thumb, successfully alleviating my stress. That was until the elevator chimed, signaling we had arrived.

I wanted so badly to kiss her, and if I didn't ask in the next few seconds, it would be too late.

"I've had a really good time, thank you for everything," she said, tenderly squeezing my hand a final time before letting go.

I turned toward her; mustering all the courage I could find to ask her to bestow that gift upon my lips. My fingers outlined her jaw, feeling how silky her skin was there. And when her eyelids slid close, I drew closer, smelling what I knew was lemonheads—as she previously confessed her addiction to them.

"I did too," I said, disregarding the question entirely as I remembered that things worked better for me when I asserted myself.

I removed my hands from her face and settled them on her hips. Leaning down, I brushed my nose against her cheek, trailing it up to the pulse point by her ear. I inhaled deeply, smelling her unique aroma as my nose continued its path.

When my lips met her ear, I took it into my mouth, skimming her lobe with my teeth as her throaty moan permeated the steel box. My hands moved in conjunction—ghosting over her body's natural path—starting at her neck, trailing down to her collarbone, and ending at her shoulders. Pulling her closer, rather vehemently, I bowed to her and planted an innocent kiss to her lips. I kissed her again focused on how plump and succulent her lips were how pliable they felt underneath my own, and how good she tasted. And then the most amazing thing happened.

She was kissing me back.

Sliding my hands to her waist, I then grasped her ass which had us both groaning in unison. In exchange she eagerly sought out my tongue, her fingers clawing at my clothed back. I wanted the kiss to be slow and sensual, but my chivalry was absent, and I was close to grinding against her to get some type of relief. All of the passion, confusion, and longing I felt went into the kiss, and all the feelings were returned with every bite my flesh took, every hair that I shed due to the force at which she pulled, and every inch of space that vanished between us.

As my tongue completed its mating ritual with hers, I exhaled, gazing into her veiled eyes.

"Tomorrow?" I asked, not coherent enough to form complete sentences.

"Tomorrow," she confirmed, slipping out of my arms and out of the elevator.

I rode the few floors back up to my place smiling like a fool, and my cock was harder than titanium. Once I had entered, I flopped down on the couch, letting my thoughts take over.

Bella kissed me back and wanted to see me again. _Me_! It was pure, raw, explosive gratification and it was better, it was fucking best. Better than liquor, better than ganja. Better than hand-jobs received from vapid Forks' girls. Better than frozen grapes, chocolate, lemonheads, Pinkberry, masturbation, trust funds, leggy blondes or parental visits. Better than McDonalds caramel sundaes. Better than Radiohead's Kid-A, and the year 2000. Better than Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Wood, Mrs. Smith and Beyonce's ass. Better than the B-side to Abbey Road, Jimmy Hendrix and Albert Einstein. Chicago, Santa Claus, Mother Teresa, Lazarus raised from the dead! Barry Bonds testosterone shots, Angelina Jolie's lips. The Volvo, My Bechstein. Better than Handel , Strauss, Wagner, and Debussy. Better than Mr. and Mrs. Masen, at that moment, it was better than life.

Indeed, my life was better.

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**A/N Please review : )**


	6. Glorious Day

**A/N Special thanks to m****y beta's AngryBadgerGirl and LillyBellis. I know your eyes bled over this and there aren't enough words to thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

* * *

Never mind the past  
Living for today

Glorious Day- Weezer

I spent most of the morning driving around aimlessly, desperate to escape the confinement of my home. With no one around, the silence was foreboding and it threatened to devour my sanity. I was reminded of how things _had_ been in my life, contemplated if the changes I'd made were just temporary, whether I would slip back into my old habits. Even worse was knowing that when my newness wore off, I would be alone again.

Trying to push those negative thoughts away, I thought of the people who had unintentionally helped me to open up, and constantly repeated to myself that Bella and Emmett were good people who wouldn't abandon me. But nothing worked to calm my nerves and the profuse depression and loneliness I'd been harboring overcame me.

In the short time I'd known Emmett I unconsciously relied on him to fill my days. Hanging out with him had become routine, and it was a comfortable routine. Today, however, Emmett had gone to visit his parents in Seattle, leaving early in the morning to make the short drive. I figured at the time it was good, because then I'd get to spend the whole day alone with Bella. Yet, fate had it in for me, and that wasn't an option either. She called to let me know that she would be spending the afternoon with her father, leaving me to my own devices. I still had plans with her later in the day, and that was the only thing that kept me from being completely miserable.

I called the 'rents, feeling a little upset that it was apparently 'parents day' and I was the odd man out. I wanted to check in, to hear about the latest country that had captured their attention. Calling them to just _talk_ was something I hadn't done in forever, but unsurprisingly, I got their fucking voicemail. Normally I'd leave a message that said 'I'm good, school's good,' but I was so damn pissed that I went off. Emotions that I held in for so long seeped out, causing me to leave a message I hadn't intended to.

_I'm still alive in case you care. I'll wait for your next_ _postcard. _

I felt strangely relieved after I hung up. I couldn't pinpoint why, but it felt good to finally voice what had been eating away at me for too long. The yoke that carried my infinite issues had been lightened, allowing me to breathe.

When I returned from my drive and picked up the mail, I noticed a handwritten note from Esme Cullen requesting that I come up when I returned. I didn't know what she wanted, but I didn't have anything better to do, so I went right over.

"How are you settling in?" Mrs. Cullen asked.

"So far, so good," I replied, mentally replaying my morning. "Emmett's shown me around, and Ross has filled in the gaps. I don't think I've properly thanked you for setting things up…so, uh, thank you."

It felt weird to say thank you and feel genuinely grateful. I mean, people didn't usually do shit for me that they weren't paid or required to do.

"Cut the shit, Edward," she said, smiling brightly.

My head turned so fast I resembled that chick from _The Exorcist_. I distinctly heard Mrs. Cullen swear, and in addition to that, she was calling me on my…shit. When she shrugged it off as if swearing was normal for her, I tried to loosen up.

"I'm not exactly sure what you mean," I countered, pretending to be confused by her line of questioning.

"What was it like in Forks?" she posed, evidently searching for another angle.

"It was okay. I was pretty busy with school, so that helped pass the time."

"And why is that you needed to pass the time?"

"Because…well…it was always quiet at the house and..." I hesitated. I had accepted the way things were, I hadn't enjoyed it, but that was my cross to bear. It wasn't until recently that my view on the whole ordeal began to shift. I finally felt the unfairness of the situation, but I didn't have a remedy yet. Yes, I kept myself busy because I didn't want to be alone, but that was _my_ problem.

"Mrs. Cullen…" I started.

"No, dear, call me Esme," she insisted, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "And before you continue, sometimes it helps to talk about things. I can't imagine that you've had someone to discuss these types of things with. And I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I want you to know I'm here."

I took a deep breath, exhaling it cautiously before speaking.

"I've always been enrolled in some kind of afterschool thing; sports, music lessons, et cetera. It was more or less forced in the beginning," I explained, letting out a morose laugh. "I'm not even sure when it switched from being an obligation to something I used as an escape. But I got by. No, I _get_ by," I corrected.

That was the most I'd said on the subject regarding my parents or my situation…ever. I never felt a need to burden others with my problems. I probably should've talked to someone sooner instead of allowing those feelings that I consciously avoided to fester. Weird thing was, I normally felt a pang of guilt thinking about my problems; I had food, shelter, and more money than most. Who the fuck was I to be angry? But seeing how Emmett defended Bella, how Esme watched over them all, it made me resent my circumstances even more.

"I used to feel like a terrible wife," Esme chimed in. "I couldn't cook, couldn't give my husband a child, and could be quite the nag when I wanted attention. Carlisle rarely had days off back then, and without any kids to keep up with…" she trailed off, sounding despondent.

"I felt like I had nothing. Carlisle was the only family I had, and I felt like he didn't care. I had an abundance of money and time, but as clichéd as it may sound, money cannot buy you happiness." She cleared her throat before she continued. "But I changed things around. I figured I could continue wallowing about how things should have been, or turn my life into the one I _wanted_ to live, and that's exactly what I did. It wasn't easy, and it's okay to grieve for things you've been deprived of, but you can't let them define you."

Illogical as it may have been, I thought Dr. Cullen was an asshole. He had yet to make an appearance at brunch because he was always taking extra shifts at the hospital, but couldn't he say no sometimes? Surely doctors took vacations, too. Anyone who could leave Esme feeling that way, so unsure of herself… well, they had to be an asshole. If I ever had someone who cared for me like Esme, I'd make sure they were never alone.

_They'd be lucky to take a breath without me._

That aside, I knew she was right. I did want to change; I wanted things to change _for_ me as well. Esme only confirmed the thoughts that had been swirling in my mind since I left Forks. She squeezed my arm, and I brought my attention back to her. The smile had returned to her lovely heart-shaped face.

"I told you all of that because I know what it's like to be lonely. Things have been better for me for a while now. My husband is still a very busy man, but he always makes time for me; although, it wasn't a change that came about overnight. First, I communicated to him how I felt, and from there things began to transform. But I signed up for this Edward. I knew what marrying a doctor entailed and didn't care because I loved him. You, on the other hand, had no choice in your current circumstance, and I hope you know that there is nothing about you that shouldn't be cherished. If people are too selfish to realize that, it's their problem. Do you understand?"

I quickly agreed, leaning my head back, and clenching my eyes shut. I was determined not to let the stinging sensation manifest itself into tears. I wasn't prepared to go through another round of PMS.

"Speak of the devil," she stated.

I had not heard Dr. Cullen enter, but he, like his wife, almost looked too young. He wore a t-shirt and jogging pants, and from the towel drenched in sweat draped around his neck, it was obvious he'd been working out. Dr. Cullen's hazel eyes were hidden beneath bronze-framed spectacles, and the only indication of his age I found were in the silvery streaks that wove through his dirty blonde hair. I briefly wondered if the Cullens dabbled in Botox.

"You must be Edward, I've heard a lot about you from Esme and Bella," he greeted.

"It's nice to finally meet you Dr. Cullen," I relpied, standing to shake his hand.

"Please call me Carlisle. How are you settling in?"

"I was just telling Mrs. Cul-Esme, that things are going rather well."

"Well, if you ever need anything let us know. I hate to be killjoy but I'll leave you two to it. I need to get cleaned up, and I have another early shift. Perhaps we can go out for lunch soon, Edward?"

For the second time today I did a double take. Why did Dr. Cullen want to have lunch with me? I didn't make an excuse as I originally planned to, instead, I willingly agreed. Everything could change for me, and if it meant I had to deviate from my normal tendencies and habits, I'd do it. I had nothing to lose.

"I need to get going too, thanks for having me over and for… everything," I stated awkwardly.

"No problem. Again if you need us, don't hesitate to find us," Carlisle said, patting me on the back.

"Don't be a stranger," Esme added.

"I'll do my best," I responded.

My best was all I could offer.

***

I paced the living room, wondering if time had come to a standstill. I hadn't heard from Bella or Emmett, and I was bored out of my mind. I debated on whether I should send Bella a text, but decided against it. So, I watched TV for a while, and then tried to play my piano, but nothing held my attention.

_Was it possible I had ADD?_

Out of curiosity, I surfed the internet, looking for the symptoms of adult attention deficit disorder. I started with Wikipedia, which linked me to the Illogicopedia. When it took me to the Dickipedia, I knew it was time to go. I didn't need the web to tell me I was just batshit crazy. I already knew that.

Soon enough, I was walking the streets of Portland, choosing to let my feet lead the way. Bella was still on my brain and before I knew it I was in front of the coffee shop. I peeked in even though I knew she wasn't there, but when I continued walking I bumped into Tanya.

"Sorry," I muttered, taking a massive step back. I may have had it bad for Bella, but my hormones weren't as discriminate.

"Oh! Hi Edward what are you up to?" she asked.

"Hi, Tanya, not much, just…uh… taking a walk," I replied.

"Want some company?"

Yes, I wanted some company, but did I want _her_ company? Following my new mantra of 'change,' I tentatively accepted.

"Sure," I said.

We followed the sidewalk with no particular destination in mind. As we walked, I kept looking over my shoulder. I wasn't sure why, but I didn't want to be seen with her. I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I was paranoid. It wasn't like I had a girlfriend, which honestly kind of depressed me. That simple fact had me grinding my teeth in frustration. If Bella was my girlfriend, it would be perfectly acceptable for me to be out with her and her father right now. Instead, I was killing time with Tanya.

The silence was too heavy, and the whole scenario was pretty fucking bizarre. The 'new' me could work on change later, I needed to escape. Before I could fake an illness, Tanya halted.

"Is everything okay? You don't look so good," she asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I've just got a lot on my mind. So, um, what were you going to do before I ran into you?" I responded, quickly changing the subject and aborting my plan to escape.

"Nothing, really. I was thinking of going to the bookstore for a bit. We could go there unless you were heading somewhere specific?" she asked.

_Bookstore? Tanya reads?_

I smiled, surprised and enthused by her idea. "Perfect, I can pick up some things too," I told her, heaving a sigh of relief.

I was surprised that the conversation flowed as easily as it did, and before I knew it we were in front of the bookstore.

Tanya liked to talk; mostly about herself, but I didn't mind because I really didn't want to volunteer any information. Through her rambling I learned that Bella, Tanya, and Rosalie all grew up together. They were pretty much joined at the hip until high school, the 'Three Musketeers.' She skirted over what happened in high school that changed their dynamic, which led me to believe she was hiding something, but I didn't push.

"Rosalie and Bella are besties now," she shrugged. "And I'm typically the odd man out."

Her expression had changed and she looked miserable; I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I took her hand in mine, squeezing it gently, hoping to give her some comfort. She snorted, letting me know that she was fine.

I held the door open and gave her a huge smile. She seemed to be lost in thought momentarily, but snapped out of it quickly, gliding into the store.

"So, where do you want to start?"

"I think I'll go to the magazines," she said batting her eyelashes and licking her lips.

_Of course she didn't want to read actual books. _

I followed her and picked up a _Men's Health_ while she left to browse the girly magazines.

The silence was comfortable, and Tanya wasn't anything like I initially thought. I probably missed out on a lot of friendships because I'd been judgmental. I had some prejudice toward everyone I'd met so far, and I knew that was the first thing I needed to change about myself.

Flipping through the magazine, I came across an article titled, _How_ _to Find Her Erogenous Zones_. I peeked up at Tanya, and saw that her attention was elsewhere. Trying to be sneaky, I began reading it. Engrossed in the article, I kept wondering which one of these tips or tricks Bella would like. I'd always made sure that my partners came first, but it was a selfish endeavor—I liked hearing my name chanted at the peak of their orgasm. I had never actually taken the time to explore someone's body, to learn which specific spots and actions heightened their sexual experience. And It dawned on me then how selfish I'd been, and I made a hushed vow to change that as well.

Looking at the erotic photo that accompanied the editorial, all I could see was Bella. The woman who was featured wore a sheer top and the tiniest panties I'd ever seen. She in no way resembled Bella. But I replaced the model's attributes with Bella's one by one. I started with her pale skin, which in my mind's eye became a creamy caramel. Her lips became full and dark pink, her hips widened, and her red tresses were now the richest shades of brown. As I read the description of each zone I slipped into a fantasy.

I wanted to caress Bella's neck, to feel the skin there. Then I would taste, bite, and lick my way up to her earlobes. Next, I would rub my nose along her neck, inhaling her citrusy scent until my lips could suck the skin there. As my imagination took over I stared into space, wondering if and when I'd get the chance to do those things to Bella.

The middle of Borders wasn't the best place to get a hard-on, unfortunately it was too late. I cleared my head; begrudgingly letting the visions dissipate. When I did regain focus, I was met with Tanya's lust filled eyes. Oh God, Tanya thought I was thinking of her?

_I was just reading…and I didn't know…no, not for Tanya…Bella._

My thoughts were a chaotic mess. During my daydream I'd inadvertently gazed up, not noticing it was in Tanya's direction. I was sure my hard cock was evident, and I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole. She just kept looking at me as I squirmed under her intense stare. I needed to say something.

"Yes Bella?" I squeaked, dropping the magazine to my lap.

Her expression quickly changed from one of lust to disgust as she spat, "_Tanya_!"

_I said Tanya, right? Right._

"That's what I said, Tanya. What's up?" I asked nonchalantly, forcing the pretense of normalcy.

She still looked livid, so I didn't repeat myself; I just waited for her to speak, staring back at her as if _she_ was losing _her_ mind.

She exhaled deeply, and muttered something I didn't quite catch. With a magazine still in hand, she took a seat next to me.

"You really like her don't you?" she inquired, tracing the lines of the actors face on the cover.

"Yes, I do," I said, nodding in affirmation. I didn't need to play dumb; I knew who she was talking about.

"A lot," she added, eyeing the spot where my magazine was situated. I was beet red but nodded again, shifting myself further away from her.

"Well, if you need any help with her or anything, you could talk to me. Maybe we could even be… friends," she stated with an air of determination.

The old reclusive Edward would've rejected her offer. But the new Edward, the friendly Edward, the Edward I wanted to be, needed friends. Tanya kept surprising me and was fun to be around, so I accepted her offer almost immediately. Her eyes studied mine for a moment, and then she suddenly got up and walked towards the periodicals. When her back was turned, I stood and adjusted myself. I looked around, making sure I was being discreet, and saw a guy with dreadlocks glancing between the two of us. I rolled my eyes. My embarrassment had reached its limit by then.

"I'm going to go check the music section, will you be alright here?" I had to ask because that guy was still staring, and the looks he gave Tanya made me uncomfortable.

She waved me off, studying the magazine in her hands, and scratching its surface before sniffing it. I looked over her shoulder to see what perfume had caught her attention. Maybe she could tell me what Bella wore so I could buy it for her. As I moved in closer I saw it wasn't a perfume ad at all, it was the actor's face she had been admiring before.

"Tanya, this isn't a scratch and sniff magazine," I laughed at her.

"Shut up Ed_wood_," she replied, daring me to follow through on my teasing. "That guy is hot," she defended. I didn't argue and tried my best to hide my smile. She shot me another look and I scurried off, not wanting to be stuck with the nickname Edwood.

***

As we walked back to the coffee shop, I thought that the afternoon hadn't been so bad. Tanya wasn't so bad either. She helped me pick out a book of compositions, and even showed me her favorites. We settled in on one of the sofas, getting to know each other a little bit better.

Tanya shared more of her memories of growing up with Bella and Rosalie, but didn't go in depth with anything beyond her junior year. I also learned that Bella's penchant for lemon drops was her version of the nicotine patch. Apparently she quit smoking a while ago, but didn't want to get hooked on nicotine gum. Tanya explained that Bella thought the candies would help. I snorted at that logic, but also found it endearing. She could do no wrong in my eyes.

Because Tanya was catching a ride home with Rosalie, who was still at work, she walked back with me. As she prattled on about nothing of importance, I checked my cell phone seeing I'd missed a few calls from both Emmett and Bella. I excitedly pressed the button to review my messages; Tanya didn't seem to notice so I didn't feel rude for tuning her out.

Emmett's first message said he was on his way back and that he had an idea for something we could all do tonight. His second message said to just meet him at the coffee shop. I checked the time, and Tanya and I would be arriving right at six, the meeting time Emmett had specified. I deleted the voicemail skipping to the next one in my inbox, anxious to hear Bella's message. Before I hit play, Tanya pulled me back by the hem of my shirt. We'd arrived and I was so caught up in my own world that I was passing the entrance to the coffee shop.

"I had fun. We should do this again," she said as she opened the door.

I agreed and gratefully added her to my small Iist of friends. "I did too, thanks for the company." I flung my arm over her shoulder, leading her in. Once inside, I gave her shoulder a quick squeeze and let her go. I resumed browsing through my phone, aching to hear the voice of the person who left my last message.

As per usual, I wasn't paying attention and bumped into a table. After I righted it, I saw the faces of all my new friends. Rose seemed… angry? Tanya appeared apologetic, and Emmett looked as perplexed as I felt. The confusion didn't linger too long once my eyes landed on Bella, who was clearly sad.

I went to sit by her, knowing that I needed to explain what she'd just seen. Whether we'd made declarations or not, it didn't do any good to be hanging onto Tanya when I'd just kissed Bella the night before. The hug was innocent but to an outsider, it probably looked way worse than it was.

It was then that the game of musical chairs began. When I pulled the chair out closest to Bella, Rosalie sat in it, and shook her head slightly in warning. I didn't let her deter me, and went to take the seat on the opposite side of Bella, but Tanya plopped down on that one. Tanya didn't stay long, though. When she looked at Bella and received a glare in return, she quickly abandoned her post, saying that she needed to check the work schedule for next week. Emmett hurriedly took the vacant seat and confusedly asked Bella what was wrong. She shook her head, not bothering to verbalize her answer.

_Fuck it._

I kneeled down behind her waiting for her to look back at me. When she did, I reached for her hand.

_Trust me._

She accepted it, and I stood, leading her outside so that we could have some privacy.

"You said you didn't _like_ her," she spat as soon as we'd made it to the side of the building. She didn't look sad anymore. She looked _pissed_. I shivered a little, feeling the fury roll off her.

"I don't. Well, I _do_, but not in that way…we're friends. Just like you and Emmett," I clarified.

"Tanya doesn't have guy friends. You don't know what she's like!"

The passion I felt in her presence was overwhelming. I didn't understand how she did it, but she had complete command over me, magnifying every emotion that coursed through my veins. The fact that they were constantly changing without a moment's notice was no help at all. Especially being that right then, I was irritated with her.

"You're right, I don't know her as well as you do. But I think I can decide for myself what she's like when I get to know her better," I argued. "Fuck. That came out wrong. I'm not planning on getting to know her better in _that_ sense, just that if I do…" I stopped, fighting to find the right words as I furiously pulled at my hair.

The incredulous look she gave me left me with little hope of this ending well, but I tried to think positively. She'd willingly followed me outside, and that had to count for something. I took a step closer to her and she took one back, stopping when I had her back pressed against the side of the building. I laid everything out for her then; how my day started, how I missed her and wanted to hear her voice so badly, to how I ended up with Tanya.

With each word I said, I could see the tension leaving her. When her facial expression finally softened I knew I had her, but my words meant nothing if she didn't accept them as the truth.

"Do you believe me? I have no reason to lie to you, I promise," I said seriously.

She shrugged, and the movement pushed her chest out, causing her breast to brush against my chest. My fickle emotions were pushed in yet another direction.

There was a chill in the air and I could feel how hard her nipples were through the fabric of her shirt. It was the wrong time to follow through on that train of thought, but I went with it. I closed the last inch of space between us, and bent my knees so that I was eye level with her.

"Will you trust me?" I tried again, because she had to choose _this_, choose _me_.

"Yes, I…"

That was all I needed to hear. I pressed her into the brick wall, feeling her slender frame pressed flush against my own. She radiated so much heat, and I greedily absorbed it all. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled the citrus aroma that encompassed her, and stared at her mouth as her soft lips called out to me, begging me to taste her.

She trembled beneath me as I moved forward to claim her, but with my emotions running high I was worried I was being too rough. I felt an overpowering need to take her, to physically show her the things I could not explain with words. Instead, I innocently pressed my lips to her chin, her full bottom lip, the tip of her nose, and ended with kiss on her forehead. My hands found their way to her face, and I gently stroked her cheeks with my thumbs before resting my forehead against hers.

Gazing into her eyes, I smiled like a fool, content to be exactly where I was. I stood up and attempted to put into words what I felt; aside from my evident arousal that was pressed against her thigh. Before I uttered a word, Bella kissed me with such intensity that I was nearly knocked over.

Her arms wound around my neck and tangled in my hair, pulling me closer still. I returned each kiss with fervor, thrusting my tongue into her welcoming mouth and letting it massage and caress hers. Trailing my hands down her sides, I placed kisses up and down her neck. My hands continued to roam, grazing the swell of her breast, and then moving to her hips. I repeated the pass, loving how her breathing sped up when I skimmed her breast, eliciting soft delightful whimpers.

When I sank my teeth into the delicate skin just below her earlobe, she shivered, bucking her hips forward. I lost all composure, groaning as I enjoyed the feel of her mouth on mine once again. Needing more friction, I palmed her ass, pressing her heat against my cock as she wrapped her legs around my waist.

_Fuuuck!_

I held her against the wall, not knowing what the 'new' me should do in this situation. Hell, I didn't know what Jesus would do for that matter, but he'd probably shoot a lightning bolt at my ass or something. Bella was special, and I knew she didn't deserve to be taken against a wall with strangers in such close proximity. Not _now_ at least. It pained me to do it, but I slowed my kisses, hesitantly releasing her as we both struggled to catch our breath.

"Is everything alright?"

I whipped my head in the direction of the voice, seeing Rosalie standing a few feet away, smirking at us. For once I was thankful I kept it in my pants.

"We're good Ro, give us a sec," Bella said, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Sorry to keep jumping to conclusions," she breathed. "I love Tanya, I really do, but because I know her, I don't always trust her."

"Don't be sorry." I assured her. "I honestly don't know what I'd do in the same situation. Can we just start over?" Bella nodded enthusiastically.

"How was your day?" I asked, taking her hand and leading her back to our friends, leaving the drama behind us.

* * *

**A/N Come follow me on twitter, the link is on my profile. I mostly spam Rob Pr0n there but haven't gotten any complaints. **

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	7. Whisper of a Thrill

A/N

Hello new readers! Thanks to all of you that have added this story to your alerts or favorites, and for all the reviews and kind PMs. I am seriously blown away by your kindness.

Just a few things I may have forgot to mention. To state the obvious, this is a story that will deal with race relations. I apologize now if something in previous chapters, or this one, offends you. There will probably be more of these instances, so consider yourself warned.

Yes, Alice and Jasper will be in this fic.

Below we have Bella's POV. Thanks for participating in the poll and requesting that she be heard.

Last, but not least, thanks to my fabulous betas AngryBadgerGirl and Lillybellis who have been patient and encouraging every step of the way.

I do not own Twilight.

* * *

Whisper of a Thrill

Composed by Thomas Newman

BPOV

After I had showered, I sat in bed replaying the kiss I shared with Edward. I wasn't sure what I expected from him, but the way he took control of that kiss shocked me. I mean, I expected him to be a great kisser. I'd even fantasized about it since the day I threw my happy ass on his piano. But sometimes he seemed unsure of himself; shy even. He would be physically present but I knew his mind was a million miles away. Not during that kiss though. During that kiss he was only attuned to me.

His lips were so warm and soft as they moved against my own. They caressed my flesh and manipulated a part of my soul. The kisses he placed against my neck, before descending upon my mouth, seemed hesitant. Yet in stark contrast to his lips, his hands were strong and sure, setting every nerve ending I possessed ablaze. That same searing heat, tinged with something electric, shot through me each and every time we touched.

Even more mindboggling than the electricity were the feelings that accompanied his touch. Butterflies filled my belly, my breathing would become erratic, and I felt like I was suspended in time. No, there was no concept of time at all when I was with him. We transcended it, becoming one being. It was an infinite, effortless beauty simply being in his presence, and I yearned for more.

I groaned at how utterly ridiculous I sounded. I'd barely known Edward three weeks and he already had me stuck-on-stupid.

Rising to my knees, I hobbled across the bed until I reached the bookshelf. It was past three AM, and I needed sleep. I _needed_ something other than Edward to focus my attention on, so I pulled out the closest book within my reach before settling back on to the bed.

My fingers brushed over the raised title imprinted on the book. _Attempting the Impossible: Rene Magritte. _The book was another one of Renee's attempts to 'cultivate my feeble mind.' It would provide me with a much needed distraction, so I didn't dwell on its implied purpose.

As I opened the book—mindlessly flipping pages—I wondered what the new day would bring. "Tomorrow" he'd promised, and with that one word I made up my mind. I would happily , and perhaps foolishly, give in to my desires. Give in to Edward. I just hoped he wouldn't make me regret my decision later. I'd been taught through experience that white guys were nice to hang out with, but they didn't date black girls for relationships. Dating was only a means to an end, allowing them to add the experience to their sexual repertoires. I was determined not to be anyone else's rite of passage, Edward included.

In spite of everything my past had taught me, I wanted him. The more time I spent with him, the stronger our connection became, and the less I cared about any consequences. It wasn't a decision that I made hastily. Being mistaken for the maid does sound the warning bells. But he'd apologized, and I could see the sincerity in his eyes.

_My God those eyes._

His eyes were too beautiful to be compared to jewels or leaves. They exceeded those lucid descriptions; they were the perfection of green. An adjective should be named after him just to pay tribute to his eyes.

_Maybe Masen green?_

Those brilliant green spheres looked so unbearably distressed. I had an urge to call him to me, hold him, and gently stroke my fingers through his hair, whispering that everything was going to be okay. But the rational part of my brain was rarely in control when he was around. My hormones transformed my intended gentle whispers of comfort into pleas to be taken hard and fast, so I'd kept my mouth shut whenever the urge struck.

I hadn't even formally addressed him; only offering a 'hi' or 'hey you' in place of his name. I was too scared to say his name; fearing that if I said it out loud, everything would change. Maybe he'd disappear into thin air, or perhaps things would become _real. _I shuddered at the thoughtof that happening. He'd see I wasn't worth his time or effort. The disapproving looks that came with this sort of relationship would destroy him, and I could already see something was hurting him. I didn't want to be the cause of more pain. So I tried to keep my distance, avoiding the inexplicable pull I felt towards him.

That barely lasted a week.

After our date, I knew fighting my feelings was a lost cause. I was initially upset when he'd asked me out— rather he _told_ me we were going out— then wouldn't speak to me. He could hardly look at me without recoiling, and I couldn't take it. His approval was something I craved like a junkie, and to have him look at me the same way Mike had…it was more than I could handle.

I lashed out at him, and it felt good…for two seconds. Then he'd looked at me, seemingly broken, and I was disgusted with myself. I tried to rein in my feelings of rejection and talk it out. My natural boldness, mixed with my prior misinterpretation of his behavior, came off as a bitchy attitude. He didn't hesitate to call me out on it, either. But we'd cleared the air, and by the end of our date I'd fallen for him.

My eyes drifted to the open windows above my bed and I could see the dawn approaching. The gray night had begun to fade as the light of the new day slowly trickled in. I abandoned any expectation I had of getting rest and turned another page in the book. The image instantly captured my attention. I was familiar with this piece titled, _The_ _Son of Man_. I'd seen it in a movie once, but never knew its history. It was a simple portrait of a suited man wearing a bowler hat.

Edward was the personification of the painting. I could see the form clearly, but I couldn't see the ocean for the wall, I couldn't see the man for the suit, and I couldn't focus on the man's face because of that damned apple! It was those same annoyingly invisible things that drew me to the piece, and in turn Edward. He brought out an intense and unknown emotion in me, and try as I might I couldn't stay away. I wouldn't be satisfied until I unearthed his secrets. He already owned a piece of me, and deep down I knew if he broke me, I'd be beyond repair.

Since I was freshly showered and still restless, I got out of bed to prepare for my day. My father expected me bright and early, and hopefully our time together would take my mind off Edward.

***

"Charlie Swan," I requested.

I was directed to a small table in the back of the diner where I could see my father's leg hanging out of the booth. His telltale scuffed black boots were a dead giveaway of his hardworking character. He was a blue collar man, who was respected by everyone, and fiercely protected those whom he loved.

"Daddy!" I exclaimed.

"Hey babygirl. You're late."

I ignored his last comment and kicked his shoe to show him I planned on sitting beside him, not across from him. My dad had a way of reading people, and I was not in the mood to be under his scrutinizing gaze. I kissed his cheek, knowing it would make him uncomfortable but he just had to deal with that.

"I wasn't late, I was here on time. I was just sitting outside trying to figure out why you chose this restaurant when there are others closer to us," I questioned.

Blacks Family Diner had been in business in the King neighborhood forever. It wasn't the greatest area, but minority owned businesses thrived here. The diner was opened by Ephraim Black, Quileute chief turned chef. It had been passed down through generations and was currently owned by his great grandson Billy. Dad had been trying to set me up with Billy's son Jacob since he'd moved to Portland.

When I was four, Renee separated from dad and moved us all around the country. A year later, after what little money we had ran out, we'd settled in Phoenix. Dad had refused to sign the divorce papers, and wouldn't send Renee any money unless she settled down and allowed him to see me. It didn't take long before we moved to Portland. Dad had requested a transfer from the Forks Police Department right away, and two months later he packed up all his stuff and moved nearby. The Police Bureau didn't have an immediate opening so he moved in with his best friend Billy until he could save enough money for his own place. Once he had, he worked hard to make sure I was cared for, since Renee generally only thought of herself. Years later, he was promoted Chief of the Portland Police Bureau, and had long since left the King neighborhood.

When I was twelve, I started sneaking out to take the city bus to dad's house. It was fairly easy since -Renee was typically out gallivanting around town. If dad was working —which he usually was— I'd come to the diner and play with Jacob; or Jake as I'd fondly called him. That was until Billy found out and scolded me for taking the TriMet so late at night. Then he'd called dad to pick me up. I would get in trouble, but the punishments never held. I think he secretly liked the fact that I always chose him over Renee.

Dad had his limit though. After I pulled that stunt a second time, he and Renee had it out.

Jake was a year younger than me and as long as I could remember a foot taller. His skin was the same caramel as mine, and he had silky black locks to match. At fourteen years old, he'd told me I would be his wife, he'd run the restaurant while I cooked all the food. He said we'd have cute kids because we both had 'good hair'. I'd hated his silky black hair that he kept tied in a ponytail, I hated it even more recently since he decided he was black. He'd actually tried to have it corn rowed once. Despite his actual Native American heritage, he told me his russet skin was dark enough to pass, and if someone questioned his aforementioned silky locks, he'd just tell them he had Indian in his blood. I loved him dearly, but as the brother I'd never had, and nothing more. Jacob had to be coming in today; it was the only reason Dad would've chosen Black's.

With a lazy smile on his face that pronounced his slightly graying mustache he finally answered. "I have no ulterior motives Bella. So how are things with Emmett?"

"There are no 'things' with Emmett," I answered. "Were just friends; you should know that by now Dad."

"OK, okay, what about that Mike kid?"

"Mike and I were never dating Charlie," I responded, a little harsher than I meant. I never told him how that ended and had no intention of doing so.

"Could've fooled me, I thought you kids were dating."

_I did too._

"Nope, just hanging out," I shrugged.

"I could've sworn when I'd asked if you were just frie…" he cut himself after he looked over and saw me grimace.

"There's no Mike, okay Charlie?" I took a deep breath and exhaled willing myself to calm down. After a few moments he spoke again.

"I hate when you call me that."

I hadn't realized in my haste to change the subject that I'd been calling him Charlie instead of Dad. I leaned over to give him a sideways hug and apologized.

"Sorry Daddy. Old habits, you know."

Not wanting to show any excessive emotion, he awkwardly patted my head as I cringed.

"Oops, forgot about the hair," he said.

I laughed loudly, "Yes Daddy, black hair kryptonite—hands and rain."

_I didn't mind getting wet with Edward so much though._

We shared more laughs, and discussed my plans for the upcoming school year. All the while I tried to keep thoughts of Edward out of my mind.

I still had no idea what I was going to major in, but as always dad was supportive, telling me I had plenty of time to figure it out. Our food came shortly after, and I shouldn't have been shocked when Jacob brought it out, but his unnecessary closeness startled me. When he said 'food's up' centimeters from my ear, I knocked over a glass of water, sending its contents trickling down the opposite side of the table. I looked up and sneered.

He'd filled out well, and I couldn't deny that his body was banging. I could clearly see the definition of his abs through the fabric of his thin wife-beater. The angry wolf emblazoned on his shoulder added to his allure, but his face was still chubby and dimpled like a child's.

"Good to see you too, Klutzerella," Jacob said, as he pulled a towel from his apron to clean my mess. As always, his charm vanished whenever he opened his mouth.

"Jake, don't sneak up on me on like that," I shrieked.

"I didn't so much sneak up on you as I walked, carrying plates, and clanking silverware around. You just need to be more aware of your surroundings," he replied cockily.

Dad just sat there chuckling, enjoying my momentary distress as Jake took a seat across from us.

"So you slumming B? Those suckers at Nob Hill realize you're black yet?"

Dad visibly flinched but didn't speak up to defend me, and I understood why. He had me scoot out of the booth so he could go see Billy. I didn't know if the conversation was too much, or if it was a ploy to get us alone. I was livid either way.

"Do you always have to be a dick? You know Charlie still hasn't forgiven Renee for that, and my situation has nothing to do with theirs," I spat. I was furious, another reason Jake and I would never be. He brought out the worst in me and I despised him for it. He hadn't always been such an ass, but after the Mike Newton fiasco, he'd become somewhat cold to me. He was so quick to judge me and indifferent about my feelings; constantly reminding me of how foolish I'd been. He had the nerve to look sorry but I wasn't ready to give in.

The whole situation redirected my thoughts to Mike Newton; the first white guy I dated…well _thought_ we'd been dating. It was during my freshman year at PSU and I was lost. There were so many buildings and I didn't know anyone who could direct me. My shyness stopped me from asking for help. Flustered, I'd sat down underneath a tree to fish out the campus map. That's was when I heard his voice.

"_Do you need help La Noire De?" _

_I looked up to see a guy smiling down at me. His hair was dirty blond and cropped short. His skin was perfectly tanned, and his deep blue eyes had me incoherent. He wore basketball shorts and a jersey with the letters _**ΚΣ**_emblazoned__in big bold print. I'd given him the once over, and when he reached for my hand, I gladly let him take it. _

"_Kappa Sigma huh?" I stated, nodding toward his jersey. He smiled wider then and motioned to the frat house I had been sitting in front of._

"_I didn't realize," I apologized and tried to run off, feeling like I was an intruder on Greek Row. Before I could go, he tightened his grip on my hand._

"_Hold on a sec. My name's Mike. Let me help you find your way?"_

I'd agreed, and soon after I was 'dating' Mike. Jake gave me a hard time about dating a white guy, saying I was just like my mother, which I was not. He even tried warning me; telling me that guy was only after the 'nappy dugout' and once he'd had his fill, he'd be gone. I'd ignored him, and told him he was just jealous because I was with someone who wasn't him. We didn't speak for months after that.

Looking back, I can see that Mike and I weren't dating at all. Not if dating meant you were ashamed of the person you were with. Once, he took me to the movies, but when people stared too long he dropped my hand and hurriedly ushered us inside. As the weeks passed, I was able to persuade him to go a few more places with me. But mostly we hung around the frat house or my dorm and just fooled around. This went on for two months and I didn't think too much of it until after we'd finally had sex.

I remember he'd asked 'Tu m'en veux alors Le Noire de?" I had no idea what the hell he was saying, just that it was sexy and I was down for whatever he wanted.

It wasn't until the next morning when I'd woken up alone and found a note that Mike had scribbled that I realized what I had been. The note thanked me for letting him cross something off his 'to-do list' and kindly told me to gather my things and get out. I wondered why he didn't just take me home and never call again, something a little less harsh than leaving me with that note. Apparently he'd wanted me to take that walk of shame, proof that he'd gotten me in bed.

I'd gotten dressed, sobbing the whole time, desperate to get out of his room and out of that house. With one shoe on, I'd made it down the stairs before I'd heard his voice echoing from the kitchen.

"_Dude, I think she thought I loved her some shit. I mean seriously, how could she not have known? Now to cross threesome off my list," Mike said laughing._

"_I wonder if she'll let me hit it. You gotta admit, she was hot Mike… for a black chick_ _anyways," a second voice added._

I'd tried to leave undetected but someone saw me. He was a geeky kid, but I could tell he wasn't trying to hurt me. He'd put his hands to his lips signaling for me to be quiet, and led me through a back door. Near silent sobs racked my body as he walked me to my dorm room. He apologized profusely for Mike and everything I'd heard as if it were his fault. He'd even offered me a handkerchief, which I'd covered in my snot and hot, shameful tears. When I attempted to give it back to him, he protested and was adamant about me keeping it.

I calmed myself down, and asked him why he was part of that fraternity. He was too kind to be associated with the likes of Mike. He told me he was a legacy and it was expected of him, and that I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I rolled my eyes at that—had I been more judgmental I would've never been in that predicament. After I'd gotten his name, Eric Yorkie, I thanked him and holed up in my room for a week, thoroughly humiliated.

Soon after, I moved out of the dorms, and promptly accepted Phil's offer to use the penthouse suite owned by the team. It was too much and I knew I would feel out of place, but I needed a place to lay my head and what better way to do it than on sheets made of Egyptian cotton and merino wool? Renee had coerced Phil into buying a house in one of Portland's affluent areas, lovingly dubbed Snob Hill, and the penthouse would be vacant for as long as he was employed by the team. The place was close to school, and I wouldn't have to make the long commute that living with dad guaranteed. Not having to live with Renee was just an added bonus.

I met Emmett the first day I moved in, and I was wary about talking to him. But he kept making jokes, even though I wouldn't respond. He tried any and everything to make me laugh, and I relented. We talked and laughed for hours and I told him the reason I was moving in, a fresh round of tears ensued.

The next week I contemplated skipping my Intro to Biology class just so I wouldn't have to run into Mike, as it was the only time our paths crossed. I put on my big girl panties, and walked to class hoping to avoid him and another breakdown. Unfortunately, I ran into Mike and his brand new black eye. It was so swollen that his right eye was sealed shut. I couldn't help myself, I laughed like a hyena. He cowered back as if he was afraid I'd hit him. My laughter didn't cease as I walked away.

I'd skipped class altogether and texted Emmett, telling him to meet me at Voodoo Donuts so I could tell him the good news. He showed up with bruised knuckles and a wide smile. We split a dirty snowball and we'd been happily joined at the hip since.

"B, shit, I'm sorry. You gotta stop giving me the silent treatment, boo," Jake said, snapping me into the present. I lamented, not ready to forgive him, but knew I couldn't stay mad forever.

"Just stop being so immature. I miss when you could go five minutes without insulting me." Because truthfully, I'd missed Jake; aside from Rosalie and Emmett, he knew me best. I wanted to break bread and get this come to Jesus session over with; we'd both been too stubborn for too long.

He got up and walked over and I scooted so he could sit next to me. "You know your dad set this up so we could kiss and make-up, right?" he asked.

I smiled. I didn't know he was aware of our drama. I just thought he was playing matchmaker again. "I knew he was up to something. Can we just be good already, Jake?" I said, laying my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me and squeezed.

"Sure, sure, were good."

Before I could say more, I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. Simultaneously, Jake reached for his phone that was playing some God-awful Southern rap. I didn't mind rap, but I preferred the lyrics have more to offer than bitch or hoe repeatedly.

I rubbed my thumb over the screen, lighting up my phone so I could read the text, secretly wanting it to be from Edward

**Hey Bellzee, drving frm seattle now. Plns 4 2nite? –Em**

Yes, I had plans. I wanted to hang out with Edward, kiss him some more, play with his hair, stare into his eyes… That was too much to text; instead I sent him something short and sweet.

**w/ dad /Jake. Will text you l8tr- B**

"Who was that?" Jake asked peering over my shoulder

"Just Em. He wants to make plans for tonight." I avoided bringing up Edward. Jake and I had just made a truce and he wouldn't support any relationship with Edward. I nodded towards his phone and asked the same question.

"That was Laurent. He was just leaving the bookstore. He's guest DJ at Aura tonight and wants us to swing by, yaknowwhutimsayin', you down?"

I mentally face-palmed at his forced use of Ebonics. "Jacob how are you going to get in? Em and I have fake IDs, and the twins…well those girls are persuasive."

_God, what about Edward?_

"Don't worry, B; I'll see you there if you're coming, alright?" he asked, stressing the 'i' until it sounded more like aw-ight.

_Cue eye roll._

We agreed and I sent Emmett a text with the details. I also added that if he couldn't get Edward in to count me out.

I made my way to the kitchen, greeting Billy, as my eyes searched the room for dad. When he didn't appear after a few minutes, I asked Billy if he knew where my dad was. If he thought he was getting off easy for all of his scheming he was dead wrong.

Billy pointed me toward the reception area where I found him, flirting, if you could call it that, with some hoodrat. Marching over there, I cleared my throat and gave that chickenhead the up and down. She didn't flinch under my gaze, just looked at me like she was amused by my antics. So I rolled my eyes at her, and made sure my neck rolled along with them. Then she laughed.

_I know that bitch_ _didn't_.

Dad was obviously in another world, because he'd yet to move his eyes from the Amazonian woman. She was a giant. Well, compared to my five-foot-four inches she _seemed_ like a giant. Charlie still towered over her, though. Her sleek hair was light brown with golden highlights—an obvious dye job as her black roots were prominent— yet the color did compliment her hazel eyes. It was probably a hair weave though. She spoke with a strong accent and although she seemed…decent, I didn't like her. I guess I'd always pictured Charlie with someone older, like Sue Clearwater, the diner's cook. I wasn't sure what type of power this chick had over Charlie, but I was putting it to an end.

"Charlie," I whined grabbing his hand like a kid mid-tantrum.

He snapped out of it as soon as I said his name, and I smirked at the now angry woman.

"Bella, you ready to head out?" he asked, still partially dazed. "Oh, where are my manners, Zafrina, my daughter Isabella," he added, pushing me forward like I truly was a three-year-old.

_Negro, puhleez. What kind of ghetto name was Zafrina anyway? _

I replied with something along the lines of 'nice to meet you,' and grabbed Charlie so I didn't have to witness any more of his old school mackin' attempts.

We said goodbye and made plans to meet up soon at a restaurant of my choice, and I hopped in my car to leave. When the keys were in the ignition, there was a knock on my window. I was alarmed and shot so far out of my seat that my head bumped the roof of the car. I turned to see Jake laughing at me.

_Such an asshole._

"Like I told you B, you need to be more aware of your surroundings, especially in this hood," he said, as serious as I'd heard him be in a while.

"Like I said Jake: stop sneaking up on me. What did you want anyway?"

He seemed pensive, before a grave expression graced his boyish features. "Just wanted you to know that Tyler is back in town…for good, so we might see him tonight…"

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

"No worries, Jake. That was high school," I said, trying to ease the anxiety dominating my nerves. I knew he didn't buy it, but he let it go, squeezing my shoulder before going back inside.

About one thing I was absolutely positive. There was no way I was going to Aura tonight.

***

When I arrived at home, I debated on whether or not I should call Edward. My fingers hovered over his speed dial entry for an infinitesimal amount of time before I gave in. Four full rings later, my call went to voicemail. After leaving a message, I hung up, leaving my phone on the kitchen counter. He had an automated voice message, and I wasn't able to hear his silken voice. It just made me all the more eager to see him.

With nothing to do and time to kill, I grabbed a flattened brown box from the living room and walked to my closet. After it was carelessly assembled, I began packing. I took stock of all of my things, and randomly started throwing shoes into the box. Though I would miss the penthouse, it was time for me to go. Phil's charity had sheltered me long enough.

My original plan was to move back into the dorms on campus. The prospect of seeing Mike didn't intimidate me anymore. If anything I was sort of grateful to him. If not for his asshattery and my naiveté, I never would've met Emmett or the Cullens. I probably wouldn't have met Edward, either. A year later the memories of his betrayal were still fresh, but I was confident that I'd put most of it behind me.

Now that Rosalie was back in the picture, we agreed to find an apartment together. When she first called and said she was coming back home, I was elated. She'd be transferring to Portland State in the fall and I'd have my girl back. Emmett had always been good to me, but I missed that bond you could only get from female companionship.

Tanya and I had fallen out during high school, so we were no more than passing acquaintances. Had we not worked together, I wasn't sure we'd speak at all. That wasn't completely accurate. Had she not been Rosalie's sister and looked so much like her that it made me long for my friend; I would avoid her all together. It wasn't everyday that you worked with the person who'd slept with your boyfriend behind your back.

I shook off those memories and assembled another box. If I was going to be out by the end of the next month, I absolutely had to get busy.

***

When I made it into the coffee shop, I was disappointed to see that Edward wasn't there. I pestered Emmett for awhile, questioning whether or not he'd remembered to call him. After he assured me that he had, I sat and looked out the window, waiting for him to appear.

As I people watched, a mess of Bronze hair caught my eye and I smiled. But the smile faded when I saw him being pulled back by Tanya. I vaguely registered Rosalie calling my name, and didn't turn to look her in the eye until she put a firm hand on my shoulder. She knew how I felt about Edward, and how much I loathed her sister. If she meant to keep me seated out of fear I would rearrange Tanya's face… well, it was a good move on her part.

I wanted to strangle Tanya Hale.

Images of _Fight Club_ flooded my mind, and I wondered how her nasal bone would feel splintering beneath my fist. I sat and stared as she waltzed in; her trampy ass all up on Edward.

_I am Bella's complete lack of surprise._

I only had two previous relationships and those hadn't played out well for me. Now that I found someone who made me want to try again...

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, but I could hardly breathe so anything that required oxygen was out of the question. Edward's presence was overpowering and I couldn't continue to ignore him. That mysterious part of me, that had intertwined itself with his very being, pushed me closer to him. So I turned to face him, took his hand, and blindly followed his lead.

My anger took on a life of its own as soon as we made it outside. I know he didn't owe me any explanations, but he had just kissed _me_, he had asked _me_ on a date. Didn't that mean something to him? Hadn't we connected? I thought of Mike and how stupid I had been then, and wondered if I was bound to repeat my mistakes.

Then he kissed me, and I struggled to remember what I had been so upset about. I could scarcely remember my name. All of my desires resurfaced, and I pushed closer to him, taking everything he offered.

I never wanted to let him go, and knew what I had to do to keep him. With Mike we'd only go out when it was dark, somewhere isolated from the crowds. Those times were few and far between. If that was the protocol for this sort of relationship, I would do it for Edward. Quell my compulsion to touch him in public, not ask that he take me out, and try to be happy with whatever he was willing to give. I just prayed that it would be enough for me, and him as well.

***

"So what's the plan Bell-Z?" Emmett implored.

I sat at the square table with three pairs of eyes staring at me intently. Tanya was cowering behind Rosalie, doing her best to avoid making eye contact with me. For once she was being smart. I hadn't thought of what excuse I would use to avoid bringing up Aura, but a counter plan felt like the best idea.

"So?" he added.

"Em why are you so anxious?" I asked, wanting to divert his attention. Aside from that, he really was overly excited. I hadn't seen him this wound up since Voodoo introduced their bacon covered maple bars. He went on for days about it being a 'real man's donut,' and how he and the donut were meant to be. I stared at him, waiting for his reply, and he subtly gestured towards Rosalie.

Understanding that he wanted to spend time with her and I had just called him out, I backtracked, hoping I hadn't I embarrassed him.

"You must be keyed up from all the coffee you drink on those long drives."

"Exactly. What did Jacob have in mind?" Emmett smiled, and winked at me.

"Oh, he didn't have any definitive plans," I lied. "How about we just rent a movie and order pizza? I'm kind of tired, didn't sleep well last night." It didn't escape my notice that Edward stiffened when Jake's name was mentioned. His hand was resting on his knee, and I placed my palm over his before interlacing our fingers. I gave him what I hoped was a re-assuring smile as everyone agreed on our plans.

"Who's hosting this shindig?" Rosalie asked.

"Oh I can. I mean…if everyone's okay with that?" Edward offered. He looked as excited as Emmett. I wondered why, but ignored that when he gave me that smile. That jagged smile that easily siphoned every thought out of my mind.

We all stood, ready to head out when Tanya spoke up. "I guess I'll see you guys later," she stated.

I assumed she wasn't coming anyway, but her confirmation thrilled me.

"Uh…you're welcome to come to my place too Tanya. It could be fun."

_Say what?_

Now it was my turn to tense. I was pretty sure I made a Scooby-Dooish type sound before I coughed to mask it. I mean…seriously? How quickly I'd forgotten my place. Deciding it was best to just keep my mouth shut, I kept my eyes down, hiding my displeasure.

"It's okay. Thanks."

"Are you sure?" Edward probed.

I held my breath.

"Yes," she replied, and I silently echoed her assertion and my victory.

_Go Bella, It's your birthday. Not for real, real but for play, play._

***

Walking into Edward's place for the second time felt different. The only way I could describe it was familiar; I kind of felt like it was where I belonged. Out of habit, I kicked my shoes off at the entrance as we followed Edward in. He motioned us over to the living room while he and Emmett veered left, discussing acceptable pizza toppings.

I took in my surroundings, noticing the flourishes added since Esme had left her mark. My eyes were promptly drawn to a large painting that hung over the couch. A man stood, facing away, on the edge of a rocky cliff. He wore a green jacket and had some sort of cane in his hand. What really stood out was the color of his hair. It was a distinctive mix of browns and reds with just a hint of blond teasing the crown; the same shade as Edward's. The man was alone, looking into thick fog clouds that stretched out indefinitely. I felt a twinge of anguish that this was the only hint of his personality. The man who stood alone. Glancing toward the kitchen, I could see Edward and Emmett smiling about something. Edward's head was thrown back, and the corners of his eyes were slightly crinkled. His shoulders shook with the force of his laughter, and he looked beautiful. I took a mental picture, promising myself to keep that look of happiness on his face.

Taking a few steps forward, I entered the room housing the piano. Whether it was cliché or not I didn't care; I wanted to be ravished on that shiny black slab of wood.

I continued on my self-guided tour, careful to keep to the common areas. His place was similar to mine—or, rather Phil's—but the additional square footage made mine seem like a matchbox. The floor plan differed as well, offering more floor to ceiling windows and more bedrooms I suspected. Although it was filled with furniture, it felt the same as when I'd waited for the piano to be delivered. Empty.

Rosalie was looking through the movie collection when I entered the living room. I eyed the two oversized couches situated in a U shape around the television, pondering where I should sit. Rosalie made her selection and popped the blu-ray into its player. After it was in, she lay on the couch and fully stretched out. Shrugging, I took the opposite couch and did the same until I'd made myself comfortable. We chatted a bit before she started interrogating me.

"You're hiding something. Spit it out," she demanded, in her no nonsense way. I shushed her, yet didn't bother denying that I was, in fact, keeping something to myself. If anyone understood my issue, she did. It affected her just as much.

"It seems as though you aren't the only one who's back in town. Jake invited us to Aura tonight, but he said that…that Tyler would be there."

My knee bounced with unease as I waited for her to say something. It felt like a year went by before she spoke again.

"Stop fidgeting woman, and calm the fuck down," she huffed, and I didn't get on her about cursing at me—which I did not tolerate—because I could tell she was jittery too. After a minute she exhaled loudly, and spoke in a softer tone.

"There are two hot guys out there waiting to spend time with us. Let's just…not think about it tonight."

"Alright Ro."

"Alright Bella. Bell-isha. Bell-nay-nay…"

"Please don't start this again," I said, barely containing my laughter at the nicknames she used to call me around my mom. She knew it made my mom cringe, but would do anything to take the unwanted attention off of me. I was glad to have Rosalie back in my life, and grateful for her humor. It always had a way of helping me unwind. Chances were I wouldn't run into Tyler, and he'd be back in Seattle screwing someone else over.

When Edward and Emmett entered the living room, they both looked at us with creased brows. Emmett shrugged and strolled over to Rosalie. He grabbed her ankles in one hand before letting her feet rest in his lap. Edward headed in my direction, and I inched up the couch, making room for him to sit. He looked apprehensive, then determined, telling me to sit up. I did, and he filled the spot where my head once rested. He mumbled something, and sat up, reaching for the remotes on top of the coffee table. When he sat back down, he patted the spot beside him.

I scooted close to him, leaving little space in between us. It didn't take long for the butterflies in my stomach to surface. After I reminded myself to breathe, I swallowed the lump in my throat, and pushed the nervousness away. If these were the moments I could have him exclusively, be close to him without him feeling ashamed as Mike had been with me, then I would make the most of it.

With the remotes, he turned off the lights and started the movie. After a few previews, _Wanted_ started, and I was pretty sure that's when the HVAC system malfunctioned.

_It is hot._

He draped his arm across the back of my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. In turn, I laid my head on his chest. All of my senses were heightened. The electricity that hummed between was as powerful as a live wire. I leaned in, nuzzling into his chest, smelling his unique aroma, and feeling his heart beat rhythmically beneath me. While I was lost in…him, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, his warm breath sending a shiver down my spine.

"You can lie back down."

If for no other reason than to stop the feeling of dizziness that suddenly overcame me, I conceded. I stretched out; arching my back, trying to relieve the tension before laying my head down in Edward's lap.

I never wanted to leave that spot.

I felt his hand ghosting over my curves before he made contact, splaying his palm softly over my back. He worked his hands up and down my back soothingly then progressed his way up to the nape of my neck.

"May I?" he asked, his voice was lower, huskier, sexier. I didn't know what he was asking to do but I knew my answer would undoubtedly be _yes_. The band holding my ponytail was released, and his hand tenderly combed through my tresses. I could feel him playing with individual strands and again, I tensed. I hoped my hair wasn't too kinky for him. He didn't stop, however, so I assumed he wasn't bothered by it, and I relaxed back into his touch. He resumed, gently massaging my scalp, causing my eyes to flutter closed. It felt so good I had to bite down on my tongue to suppress the moan that teetered on its tip. Once more I shivered. He paused and grabbed a throw blanket to cover me.

"Better? You were shaking."

"Uh huh," was all I could muster. My trembling had little to do with the temperature, and everything to do with the stunning creature beside me. He proceeded, massaging my scalp, occasionally muttering words I couldn't decipher begin to decipher. Meanwhile, I discreetly brushed my legs against each other in a futile attempt to alleviate the delicious ache he'd incited between my thighs.

_Edward and I were laying in bed, staring into each other's eyes. He searched my face as he absentmindedly played with my locks. He looked puzzled before a serpentine smile lit up his appearance, brightening all of his features. If at all possible, he looked even more gorgeous than he already was. He leaned forward, placing kisses on my forehead, my cheek, and then recited my name as if it were poetry._

_Bella, Bella, Bella._

_I moaned, loving the feel of his puckered lips dancing across my skin. Removing his hands from my hair, he placed a delicate kiss on my mouth that warmed me down to my toes. His lyrics persevered._

_Bella, Bella, Bella._

_I moaned again._

"Bella?"

My eyes fluttered open, meeting Edward's sage depths, and I gave him a lazy smile. That smile turned into a frown when I realized I'd dozed off. I sat up, immediately feeling lightheaded due to my sudden movement, and used the back of my hand to wipe my mouth. I prayed to whoever was listening that he wouldn't find a wet spot on his knee from my drooling. When I turned around, he was standing behind the couch with his eyes clenched shut. He must have had super human speed because I had only looked away for a minute.

"Is everything okay?" I squeaked, watching as his eyes shot open in what looked like terror.

He coughed before speaking. "Yeah, sorry, the movie ended a while ago and Emmett took Rosalie home. You looked so…tired, and I didn't want to wake you," he explained.

"What time is it?"

"Just after midnight. Would you like me to walk you home now?"

I'd never been as thankful for the melanin coloring my skin as I was in that instant. Had I been paler, my cheeks would've surely been scarlet. What if I snored? Or did something equally embarrassing; I would never be able to look him in the eye again.

My mortification didn't have a chance to marinate once I took in his words. He was ready for me to go…'now?' I held back any feelings of rejection and consented. I was happy with the time he'd given me and wouldn't press my luck.

"You don't need to walk me out. Thanks for having me over, I'll see you later," I said in one breath. I walked towards the door and gave him a hug. He reciprocated by giving me a 'christian' hug, where you lean in with your torso but push your ass out to keep your morals intact.

_Awkward_.

With one last wave I hopped on the elevator and a minute later closed my own door behind me.

After finishing my nightly ritual, I threw on an oversized PSU tee. It was bought for my Dad, but I'd done a better job of packing than I thought and couldn't find my comfy pajamas. After tossing and turning for a while, I rolled on to my back, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't help but think of Edward and wonder what he was doing right at that second. My answer came in the form of a vibrating cell phone.

I won't lie; I flew off the bed, nearly face-planting in my haste to answer. A swift glance at the caller ID told me everything I wanted to know.

He _was_ thinking of me.

I cleared my throat, ready to put on the sexiest voice I could muster.

"Hello?"

"Uh…it's Edward. Iwanted to make sure you made it in okay."

"I did, thank you for being a gentleman and checking up on me," I smiled. My response was met with complete silence.

_Okay…_

"So," I said, drawing out the word to fill the sudden stillness. "I guess I'll let you go to bed now. Thanks again…"

"No, don't go_**,**_" he interrupted.

That same desperate longing I would occasionally see in his eyes was evident in his voice, and I couldn't come up with a plausible explanation for it. I didn't know what had happened in the last second, or hour, to cause the abrupt change.

"What's wrong?" It was a simple enough question that I anticipated he would avoid. I'd noticed Edward had a way of diverting attention away from himself. Though he didn't know a whole hell of a lot about me, I knew even less about him. There were some basics, but nothing that could explain his current state.

"Edward?"

_More silence. _

I checked the line to make sure I hadn't lost the call, and sure enough the timer on my cell phone was still counting the seconds. The same urge to help or comfort him grew within me as I listened closely to his breathing. It was definitely inconsistent, and before I could speak again I heard it. It wasn't clear, but he owned all of my senses, making every movement he made, and breath he took that much more overt. I waited, mentally listening for it again, yet my limbs already had me out of the bed and looking for my keys. I gasped when I heard it again.

A muffled cry.

It was probably stupid of me to do, but I found myself standing in front of Edward's door at two in the morning, cell phone clutched tightly in my hand, sweating like a whore in church. I wasn't sure what possessed me to go to his place, and didn't know if I'd be welcomed, but I couldn't turn away.

I put the phone to my ear one last time, hoping to illicit some sort of response from him.

"Please say something. Anything," I begged, waiting for him to speak. There were only a few more moments of silence before he gave in.

"I need you."

His voice was soft, slightly breaking at the end of his plea. I pressed my forehead against his door with my free hand poised to knock. The pull was stronger than ever, making it difficult for me to talk myself into going back downstairs. Taking a deep breath, I knocked resolutely.

"Edward, I'm here," I whispered into the receiver. Finally using his name and internally solidifying his worth.

I just hoped I would be enough.

* * *

A/N

Next chapter we're back to EPOV. As always, you can find cast photos for all of the characters introduced in this chapter along with the paintings mentioned on my LiveJournal account. I will also tweet them if you follow me on twitter. If you don't, there is a link on my profile.

**The ****Fandom Gives Back Author Auction, set up for the Twilight fandom, is raising money for Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation to help fight childhood cancer. To find out how you can donate or bid on any of the lovely authors offering their time and talent, visit www [dot] thefandomgivesback [dot] blogspot [dot] com. See my profile for links to bid on AngryBadgerGirl and Lillybellis!**

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	8. Sweet Surrender

**A/N As always, thank you for reading and reviewing it. I respond to each and everyone. I can't reply if you're anon so send me a PM if you want a response.**

**Thanks to AngryBadgerGirl and ****LillyBellis **** for their mad beta skills.**

**Extra special thanks to ABG for wielding a whip in one hand and a red pen in the other : )  
**

**More blabbing at the end...  
**

* * *

You take me in, No questions asked  
You strip away the ugliness that surrounds me  
Are you an angel?

Sweet Surrender- S. McLachlan

When I walked into the living room I felt just fucking awesome. I had friends, and they were at _my_ place. It was a total one-eighty from anything I'd experienced in Forks and I couldn't have been happier. Bella and Rosalie were all smiles, Emmett and I had ordered food, and conversation flowed like we'd been hanging out forever as opposed to the short time it had actually been. Out of sheer nervousness I kept asking if I could get anybody anything. I asked more out of selfishness than to be a good host. I wanted them to stay, having no desire whatsoever to be left alone again. I wasn't quite sure how or when it happened, but my plan to open up and let people in had quickly come to fruition. I liked having these people in my life.

As Emmett and I entered the living room, we saw both Bella and Rosalie had gotten quite comfortable, leaving no room for us. Emmett took no time at all rectifying the situation, letting Rosalie's feet rest in his lap. However, I stood in confusion. _Where_ to sit wasn't an issue at all. The question was what torture my masochistic side would choose. I didn't know if I should mimic Emmett, or if she'd prefer to lay her head in my lap. The problem was I hated feet with an immeasurable passion. They were ugly, rough, and, on occasion, funky. And as beautiful as my Bella was, I wasn't ready to go there. But having her lay her head in my lap was another concern. If her mouth was that close to my dick it would lead to a myriad of sexual fantasies. Those illusions would lead to an erection that would most certainly poke her eye out.

It was torture either way.

In the end, my curiosity made the decision for me. I wanted to know how her hair felt, the texture. My assumption was that it would be coarse, or perhaps 'kinky' was the word I was looking for, but it didn't appear that way. It was one of the many things I hoped to learn about her through experience, and figuring there was no better time than the present, I asked her to sit up. When she did I slid in beside her, patting the cushion next to me. That immediately garnered a 'what the fuck' look from Emmett. I wasn't in the mood for any of his big brothering and shrugged my shoulders. His jaw clenched slightly, yet enough to remind me of the threat he'd made in the gym. I softened my expression, hopefully masking my irritation, but he continued this weird eyebrow dance. Finally he cleared his throat, briefly flicking his eyes to the lights above.

"God, I'm an idiot," I muttered, reaching for the remotes to turn off the lights and to start the movie. Five minutes into the movie Bella had fused to the left side of my body. The feeling of having her so close was inexplicable, and I'd be damned if Mr. Blue Bird didn't make a re-appearance. I draped my arm around her and pulled her closer, smelling her fragrant shampoo and letting her body heat envelope me. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I released the words that had been mentally blocked moments before.

"You can lie back down," I said.

She didn't move right away, nor did she say anything, and I was ready to retract the words. Before I could, she sat up and stretched causing me to temporarily lose it. She elegantly scooted to the edge of the couch, reaching her arms above her head and arching her back. Meanwhile I couldn't decide what to focus on. There was the ounce of skin that peeked out from underneath her shirt as she reached for the heavens, the arc of her back that pushed her ample bosom forward, and the look of utter relaxation that settled over her. Her eyes were closed, and a diminutive smile danced on her lips. I let my eyes languidly trail over her form, etching every detail into my memory. When she'd finished, she crawled over to my lap laying her head delicately on my thigh. I smiled feeling a satisfaction that was unfamiliar to me, but being the greedy bastard that I was, I wanted more.

My eyes landed on the curve of her ass protruding bountifully, and I wanted to just grab it. Thankfully, I hadn't forsaken my common sense, choosing to rub her back instead. I started by lightly tracing her figure with my fingers before nervously splaying my hand over her back, applying more pressure and strengthening my resolve with the action. I made my way up to her hair, finally asking if I could rip the damn rubber band out. She didn't hesitate in her agreement but trembled beneath me when I began stroking her hair. I had no idea how she could be cold when I felt like I was in a sauna. Nevertheless I paused, covering her with a blanket, and resumed my Bella expedition.

Her hair was cottony soft and fluffy, like how I imagined a cloud would feel. I pulled on individual strands noticing the auburn tint that gleamed in the harsh light of the TV. Reaching deeper, I applied pressure to her scalp, stealthily searching for…I don't know, hair extensions? I was pleased to find nothing amiss, but internally groaned when I felt the slight tremor on my leg.

She fucking moaned.

The more I massaged, the more she would shift on my lap, coming closer and closer to my no longer flaccid dick. I was moments away from waking her when I was saved. Her breathing had evened out signaling she had fallen asleep. Sighing in relief, I slowed my movements and admired the beauty in my lap.

As the ending credits of the movie flitted across the screen, I noticed Rosalie had crashed too, her head resting on Emmett's shoulder. He made eye contact with me, resembling the Burger King mascot with the way his smile was imprinted on his face, mouthing 'I'm in love.' I shook my head, curious and envious as to how he'd come to that conclusion. Bella was my first girlfriend, I wasn't sure I would even recognize love. Wait, I wasn't sure she _was_ my girlfriend. Something I needed to clarify, and rectify as soon as possible.

In no time, Rosalie and Emmett had both risen to their feet and gathered their things. "We're going to head out. Thanks for having us over," Emmett added, bumping his fist with mine.

"Us?" I whispered.

"Trust me. There will be an 'us.' I just need to, you know, get her to see she wants me."

I chuckled lightly, trying to slide out from underneath Bella to see them out, but a hand on my shoulder stilled me.

"Don't wake her; she's had a long day. Don't try anything shady either or I'll cut your balls off," Rosalie playfully warned, placing a kiss to my temple.

"And you," she continued, grabbing Emmett's giant paw. "Have a lot of work to do if you plan on making me want you."

His eyes widened comically, yet he didn't look ashamed at being caught. He leaned over and spoke softly into her ear. Whatever he said had her blushing and practically skipping to the door. He eventually turned his attention back to me, letting me know he'd get Rosalie home and lock up on his way out. He also reminded me to get Bella safely home 'tonight.' I ignored his accusatory stare and nodded.

After I heard the click of the lock, I let the gentle hum of the forgotten movie relax me. My head rested on the couch, and like a magnet to steel, my hand sought Bella's flesh. Once my palm was fixed against her back, my mind wandered, thinking of what I could say to solidify our relationship. Meanwhile, my hand moved on its own accord, trailing up and down her back. It may have grazed her ass once or twice before drifting back to her smooth tresses.

My eyes were glued to her, marveling at how she'd incited so many dormant emotions in me. She easily gave my less-than-stellar existence hope, and I couldn't help but kiss her. I leaned forward placing a chaste kiss to her forehead, her cheek, and finally on her plump lips. She began to stir, shifting and landing directly on my dick. I dealt with it for a solid ten seconds, trying to imagine anything but her waking up and wanting to give me a blow job. I failed miserably. Left with no choice, I shook her shoulder to wake her, even calling her name to which she lazily smiled and curled into me more. I smiled too, bathing in her happiness and forgetting that I needed her to get up. When she moaned again, I felt the vibrations on my erection. I all but yelled at her.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," I called, effectively waking her.

She was disoriented for a moment, before flying a foot off the couch. I got up too, not wanting to scare her with my nearness if she was still out of sorts. It also gave me time to conceal my _problem_.

We had a brief exchange in which I asked if she wanted to go home. It was already pretty late and I wasn't pressing my luck by asking her to stay. I internally prayed she would _want_ to. I wasn't too surprised that she needed to go, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't taken aback when she departed so quickly, even volunteering to walk herself out. I was willing my hard-on away, promising it extra special attention if it would just dissipate right fucking now! By this point my dick seemed to be tired of my antics, not at all complying with my request. So the goodbye hug I gave her was more than a little unusual, albeit better than rubbing my junk all over her.

After her departure, I picked up cups and crushed the empty pizza boxes. I went to grab a soda from the fridge, but opened the door to nothingness. It wasn't entirely empty. There was a jar of pickles and some condiments, after all. I could admit that groceries hadn't crossed my mind. At the old house, there was a cook employed so I never had cause to worry. My fridge was stocked when I moved in, so again, no reason to worry. The last time there was food; Mrs. Cullen had _accidentally_ brought too many groceries, and asked if I could take them off her hands. Telling me the items would expire before she even got around to them. I knew her intentions, and was thankful she had enough presence of mind to think about it. I sure as hell didn't. I had no idea where to find a grocery store let alone know what to do when I got there. My diet consisted mostly of takeout, only enjoying a real meal at Sunday brunch. Grunting in defeat, I closed the fridge, deciding to have water from the tap. When I had quenched my thirst, I gave the kitchen and living room a passing glance. They were clean enough, so I went to my room, removing my shoes and shirt before lying on the bed. I had busied myself as long as I could, which efficiently kept my loneliness at bay, but as the silence permeated the room, my mind began to wander_._

I thought about sleeping with Lauren Mallory for the first time, and feeling pitiful when she had to leave. Then I thought about the first fight I had. It was in the tenth grade. Riley Samuels was pissed off that the Coach had benched him in the second inning of our baseball game, using me as a replacement. Later, in the locker room, things had quickly gotten heated and he caught me off guard breaking my nose with one square hit. My bed shook a little with my laughter. I'd let that asshole have it, and it took a few guys to pull me off of him. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, he went home to people who were concerned about him. I drove myself to the ER, and then went home alone.

In the seventh grade, I had a live-in nanny who'd caught me crying over the food she'd placed in front of me. When I noticed her in the room, I quickly wiped my eyes and started to eat, not really tasting the food at all. Maria pulled up a chair beside me, and asked me what was wrong. I quickly told her of the 'B' I had received in History. I was devastated by it, and she couldn't grasp the importance. After I explained that if was an 'A' my parents would have been proud and came home for good, the light bulb clicked on for her. That night, I overheard arguing with someone on the phone. Saying things like 'not about the money' and 'I can't do this, it's your job.' The next morning she gave me a sad smile and sent me to school. Maria never came to the house again, but I did see her after that. She sat in the bleachers of every baseball game I had. We never spoke though. I had disappointed her badly enough that it caused her to leave. There was no need to add insult to injury.

Every scenario had the same ending. I was alone, a fact that seemed magnified since I moved to Portland. It had always been so easy to bury those feelings of inadequacy and rejection, but I had slipped. Coaching myself to believe that a fucking plan was all it took to change things. It didn't matter what happened during the day, or who was there for me then. In the end, they would all leave because there was something so unlovable about me, and that drove people away. I didn't know how I had hid it, but I knew that my friends would eventually see it. Bella would see it—what my parents saw, what Maria had seen—and that had me petrified.

All the rejection and self-hatred I felt hovered above me before binding with me once again, bursting each bubble of hope that had manifested. I needed to relieve myself of any misconceptions I had of Bella wanting to be my girlfriend. I was nothing and she deserved so much. I couldn't even get groceries for myself, relying on my parents' money to take care of everything. What kind of man could I be for her? It would be easier to end it now, before she abandoned me too.

It had been over an hour since she left, so I assumed she'd still be awake. Without wasting another minute, I grabbed my cell phone, calling her so that I could let her go. I prepared to launch into some bullshit story, but choked on the words. Hearing the purity of her voice was almost as soothing and comforting as being in her presence, and my resolve was weakening.

Mentally pushing myself I tried again, irresponsive to her pleas for me to speak. I buried the phone in my chest as my breathing became labored and tears clouded my vision. Exhaling, I put the phone back to my ear, walking towards the living room. I felt drawn there, like I needed to be in the place I'd last held her. I stopped short when I reached the foyer. There I could smell her very essence, and still feel that pull.

I opened my mouth to tell her 'we wouldn't work' however, the three words I spoke were monumentally different. In my weakness, the truth had hurled itself from the depths of my being. I needed her. Even before I knew her, I needed her.

I slumped to the ground, and furiously pulled at my hair as I waited for the inevitable dismissal I was sure to receive. It didn't come. Instead I heard her say the words that breathed life into me.

"I'm here."

I was intently focused on her breathing—that was more irregular than my own—so it took a moment for me to realize that there was a knock at the door. Jumping to my feet, I swiftly opened the door.

_Bella._

I blinked a few times, wanting to dispel any hallucinations, but she was really there. She wore a forest green t-shirt that barely covered her thighs, which along with her feet, were bare. Her hair cascaded in ringlets, passing the swells of her breast. Finally, I let my eyes travel upward, taking in the pained expression on her face. I pushed my issues aside, reacting instantly by sweeping her into my arms, checking for the source of her ache. Had something happened to her while we were on the phone?

A quick inspection showed me nothing seemed to be wrong, but I needed the verbal confirmation. "Is everything okay? Are you hurt?" I paused, tilting her head up to make sure I hadn't missed something.

"Am _I_ okay? Edward, are _you_ okay?" I was momentarily stunned.

_She came for me?_

I had no idea what to say or where to start. I was too baffled by the fact she was actually there and not some figment of my imagination. I'd felt absolutely punch-drunk from all my internal musings, unable to maintain coherency with all the battling emotions that coursed through me on a daily basis. I only felt steady with her.

When I didn't answer, she shook her head, closing the door behind us. We stood awkwardly facing each other as I tried to rein in my feelings long enough to speak. I rubbed the back of my neck and pulled at my hair like a mad man. On the hundredth pass, Bella grabbed me, pried my fists from my hair, and hugged me. I froze, wondering if she could hear my heart racing beneath my chest. It didn't take long for me to melt into her touch, wrapping my arms around her and breathing her in.

"Which is your bedroom?" she asked. I pointed her in the right direction, allowing her to lead me there like the lost child that I was.

The room was shrouded in darkness, save for the moonlight creeping in through the windows, emanating an eerie glow. She palmed the wall; I assume she was searching for a light switch. However, I wanted to leave them off, and stupidly shook my head as if she could see me in the dark. I grabbed her hand, telling her I didn't want the light, foregoing any explanation. The darkness was better. That way she wouldn't be able to see me further embarrass myself.

She moved to sit down on the bed, gently tugging on my hand to bring me down with her. I had envisioned her there so many times under different circumstances, the irony baffled me. Her arms wrapped around me, rubbing my back, trying to coax a confession from me. Yet I still didn't speak, letting the silence grow heavier with each passing minute. We sat that way for too long and my legs grew stiff from the position. As if reading my mind, she pushed on my shoulder, gesturing for me to scoot back. When I could go no further, she climbed on my lap and placed one dainty hand over my heart.

"What's the hubbub, bub?" she asked, using her thumbs to wipe my tears away.

You would think it was the funniest shit I ever heard; I cracked up. My laughter shaking me so much that Bella had to tighten her grip to remain seated. After my hysterics were under control, I lightly kissed her nose.

"Thank you."

"For what? I haven't done anything?"

"You're here," I stated simply. It was more than I expected of anyone.

After I got my bearings, letting her presence serve to calm me, I told her everything. Something about her made me want to divulge my every secret, leaving no stone unturned. I started with my life in Chicago, and then told her about the move to Forks. I told of her Angela Weber and Lauren Mallory and how being with them did nothing to fill the void.

"So are those the only two girls you've been with?" she nervously asked.

"Uh, not exactly, I've had…"

"No! Don't tell me," she quickly cut in, lightly placing her hand over my mouth. I nodded, ready to skip that part for her benefit. She slowly removed her hand, allowing me to resume, but interrupted again.

"Okay, tell me, but skip the details."

I agreed, rushing through the information in hopes that I wouldn't upset her. She would occasionally chime in with a sigh or even tensing when I told of her of my other 'partners,' but she mostly remained silent. I took a deep breath to calm myself as the only thing left was the hardest part for me to discuss.

I explained the non-existent relationship with my parents, and how I wasn't good enough for anyone, her especially. How I was overwhelmed by doubt, finding it hard to tell which way was up most of the time.

"What makes you think you aren't good enough?"

"Because I tried everything I could think of to please them and nothing brought them back. I excelled in school, I never got into any real trouble, and I even ate my fucking vegetables," I said, succumbing to frustration. "_Nothing _brought them back Bella. They didn't even show up to my graduation."

"That doesn't mean it's your fault though. You're actually proving you _were _good enough," she stated emphatically.

"That doesn't make it better, because if I was actually good enough that means they just didn't love me. Who leaves their kid with and any Tom, Dick, or Harry that can fill out an application? If love means sticking around…then they can't love me," I explained. As good as it felt to get that off my chest; I couldn't help but feel vulnerable. My mind was screaming at me to shut up, but in my heart I knew Bella wouldn't intentionally hurt me. She must've sensed by inner turmoil, and squeezed my hand comfortingly.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to share that with me," she said, giving me a soft smile. "I know it isn't always easy to open up, and I can't pretend to know what you've been through. But I know love shows itself in funny ways.

Renee—my mom—is overbearing, and that's putting it lightly. She's done and said things to me that are unforgivable. But in her mind, her sick and twisted mind, she does these things out of love. What she perceives to be love. What I'm getting at is maybe your parents are keeping their distance _because_ they love you, to protect you."

I turned it over in my mind, staring blankly ahead. "I've never looked at it that way but it doesn't seem probable." I hated how defeated my voice sounded.

"No matter the reason, I know it's not because you aren't good enough, and it's definitely not because you're unloved. Ican't see anyone _not_ loving you," she stated.

I turned to her swiftly, trying to catch her eye, but she ducked her head and spoke before I could ask her what she meant by that.

"So have you ever asked them? Why they left I mean?"

"To be honest, I just have my assumptions, and yes I know what they say about people who assume. I figured after five years of blatantly asking them to come home they would have explained their reasons by now."

"Well ask again. Ask until you get answers, but don't set yourself up for disappointment. If their response isn't what you expect you still have to go on living. You can't let this control your life."

"I don't know how to _not_ let it control my life," I said honestly.

"Well, you start by living for _you_. Do what pleases you without worrying about who you may disappoint. The rest we can figure out when the time comes," she asserted, nodding her head.

"We?"

She didn't give a moment's pause before she confirmed. "We."

I smiled, changing the topic in an attempt to lighten the mood. I confessed my affinity for running and music. How I wanted to play the guitar, but my father decided for me, telling me the piano was a 'sophisticated instrument.' She squeezed me tighter when I told her the only things I wanted, the ones that money couldn't buy, always felt out of reach. It was a relief to be able to let it all out, sharing the intimate workings of my psyche. With each word spoken, I felt like a weight had been lifted, but I needed to tell her one more thing.

Transferring her from my lap to the bed, I looked into her eyes. "There are a lot of aspects of my life I wish I could change, or maybe I would wish things would've been different from the start. But when I see you," I said, cupping her cheek. "I can't think of anything I want more. Things aren't so jumbled when you're around, when you're this close to me. The only part that scares me is wondering if maybe you don't feel this," I emphasized, trailing my finger up her arms, igniting sparks. "Maybe you'll leave me too."

I could sense her hesitation to speak, and although dread tried to consume me, I pushed it away. I had bared my soul to her, showed her the ugliness that lay beneath. If she wanted to leave it would kill me, but it was better if she walked away now.

"I'm here," she reiterated, softly combing her hand through my hair as if she were strumming a harp. I smiled genuinely, laying us back and wrapping the comforter around us.

"Will you stay?" I asked. I wanted to add 'forever,' but if she stayed the night that would be a good start.

"For as long as you want me, Edward."

"You know, I don't think I've ever heard you say my name before tonight. I like it."

She playfully slapped my chest telling me "you should get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning if you want."

I agreed, fluffing the pillows and pulling her back to me. Once we were situated, I slowed my breathing until it was in synch with hers; trying to ignore the fact that her ass was pressed firmly against me. In the first window of emotional sobriety I'd had since calling her, I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend. I cleared my throat and opened my mouth to speak.

"Uh Bella? Do you think you would want…maybe you could…"

"Hmmm?"

"Could you come with me to the market?" I chickened out.

I heard her giggle and before she agreed. She removed my hand from her hip before she placed it on her stomach, interlacing our fingers. I swept her hair away from her neck, placing a delicate kiss there. I never wanted to sleep alone again.

_Stay forever._

Before sleep overcame me I thought I heard her say, "I'm not going anywhere."

***

That next morning I woke to an empty bed and the smell of bacon. I threw on a shirt, hurriedly going through my morning routine—sans jerking off. Entering the kitchen I was greeted by an incredible sight. Bella humming as she set the table. _She was still here._

"Did you bring food up from your place?" I asked groggily.

The silverware in her hand tumbled to the ground as she shouted, "Jesus! You scared the crap out of me."

I rushed to her side, picking up the cutlery. "I didn't mean to frighten you. I thought you heard me walk in."

She held her hand to her heart, trying to calm herself down. "Don't worry about it. And no, I ran to the market while you were sleeping. I was hungry for more than pickles and ketchup. I didn't ask what you liked so I hope what I got was okay?"

The fridge was completely full. Fruits, veggies, stuff for sandwiches, and God bless her—Coke. "This is more than okay, but I kind of wanted to go with you. I don't really know how to shop for myself," I said, feeling a blush spread across my cheeks. "Maybe next time you could come with and show me how?"

"Y-Yeah, I could," she said, seemingly nervous.

"Oh! I have to pay you." Maybe that was the reason she was acting a bit weird. I ran to grab my wallet and pulled out a couple hundreds before rejoining her. "Here," I said, handing her the cash, which she blatantly ignored.

"It was no big deal. Besides, that's way too much."

I turned her around and pulled her to me, "Please, let me buy _my_ groceries. I need to do this," I said, hoping she would help me keep my pride. She looked ready to disagree, so I slid the bills in her back pocket, patting it to make sure it was secure. "Please," I repeated, giving her a good morning kiss.

"Alright," she sighed. "But if you want to eat, you need to get your hands off my booty and sit down."

"I think I rather like my hands here," I smoothed my hands over her behind and smiled at her. "I'll take the breakfast, and the booty."

She laughed my comment off, but I was dead serious. I had a seat at the table, putting both of our plates in front of me, before pulling her to my lap. "See? Breakfast and booty," I smirked.

"Edward."

"Say it again," I teased, while feeding us both. I teased her for the remainder of breakfast and the rest of the day. She didn't leave my side the whole time.

We talked all night until the sun rose and fell again. Then repeated the process until the days turned into weeks. I learned so much about her and was thrilled that she was open with me in return. I could tell there were things she held back, but I hoped in time she would trust me completely.

Bella was an enigma, chock-full of surprises, though it had become easier to read her through her actions. Her eyebrows would rise and her lips would curve faintly when she was amused. Her cheeks would puff out and her forehead would wrinkle when she was annoyed. When she wanted to get her way she would pout, jutting her lower lip out until I gave in. And I always gave in. At night, when it was just us, a glorious smile would grace her face. Her eyes would be alight with happiness, and her eyes held some emotion I couldn't yet decipher. She was content, and those were my favorite times.

Every day we grew closer, inseparable. I walked her to and from work, she started working out with me and Emmett, and I had even given her some impromptu piano lessons. She was horrible at playing, her technique was all wrong; but there was something alluring about watching her as she sat there, biting her lower lip, and stroking the keys.

We spent our nights holed up in my place. We would talk, discover new things about each other, and her words healed my broken heart. It was heaven.

She was heaven.

Things were going well for my friends as well. Emmett had finally worn out Rosalie and they were officially an item. After doing the movie night again, we decided to make it a regular occurrence; always alternating between Emmett's and my place. A few times I even persuaded Tanya to come along, much to Bella's dismay. She had been kind to me and inviting her over was the least I could do. Those nights were _strange_. Rosalie and I would do our best to keep Tanya involved in conversation, not wanting her to feel like the odd man out; but even those conversations were forced. Both Emmett and Bella basically ignored her.

I could only guess at what had happened between Bella and Tanya. I hadn't discussed it with Tanya since that day at the bookstore, and Bella remained tight-lipped whenever I brought it up. Emmett wasn't thrilled with having her over because he felt guilty around her. Though he had never asked her out or anything, he did spend a few months contemplating it. Since he was dating Rosalie, he had the 'better smarter twin' and couldn't help feeling like he'd used Tanya in some way.

We also had to be on our best behavior those nights, making the time pass at an excruciatingly slow pace. It was extremely difficult to keep my hands to myself with Bella merely inches away. And the cursory glances I'd shoot Emmett, confirmed he felt the same. Eventually, Tanya stopped accepting my invitations to join us and I stopped asking.

Things were the same with my parents. I still left calls that went to voicemail and postcards still littered my mailbox. Mommy Dearest had called, upset about the message I'd left asking if they cared, wondering how I could possibly think they didn't. I thought that was comical, so I laughed, shocking the shit out of her. Apparently she didn't see the hilarity. She gave me the typical 'we love you and we will see you soon' speech, but for the first time I didn't get my hopes up. I gave her an insincere apology for being so crass, asking her to look at things from my point of view. Her silence signaled that the conversation wasn't going any further, so with a mumbled 'I love you' I ended the call. Despite how fucked up I would feel when I thought about them, I would always love them. Bella had taught me that you could love someone without wanting or needing them in your life. Despite the fact that she was speaking of her mother, I visualized my parents, realizing that I could be happy without them.

Our relationship had progressed quite nicely. I hadn't made things official with Bella, not yet. No matter how many times I ran the words over in my head, I couldn't get them out. Part of me was still waiting for her to vanish, abandon me like the rest.

Dealing with doubt wasn't a near constant battle anymore, but it crept up on me at the most inopportune times—mainly when I wanted to declare us an 'us.' It was ridiculous really to have any doubts about her. She was always there for me, proving over and over again that she would never leave me alone. She hadn't even let me sleep alone since that first night I let her peek under my skirt. She knew my propensity to over think and was there to pull me back, simplifying everything. I just had to man up and ask her already.

There was one drawback to having her around so much. I was horny all the time, constantly walking the fine line between semi-erect and rock hard. My want of her had shifted flawlessly into need, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could go without being inside of her. I didn't know if there was a customary amount of time I needed to endure before we could take that step, but I would wait for her as long as I had to. Really there was no rush, though my dick tended to disagree. I didn't care if we consummated our relationship three months in the future, or three days. I just had to make sure I wasn't projecting my needs on to her; she had to be ready too.

I had prayed for three days.

I wasn't totally without physical contact. The touches and kisses we shared had become frantic, leading to some heavy petting. We got so worked up at times that we had to stop altogether, neither of us wanting to pass that point of no return. It didn't help that Bella wasn't a shy girl, which made it harder to resist her. Whenever we decided to call it a night she would strip down to her work shirt and panties, rummaging through my drawers, looking for something 'comfy' to sleep in. The first time she did it I almost busted my load right where I stood.

She had unbuckled her teeny tiny shorts and slipped them off, painstakingly folding them into a neat square while I gawked. The clip-on tie that was part of her uniform was next, before she unbuttoned her shirt. It was a sensual strip tease and my body instantly responded.

The more I thought about her actions, I wondered if she _was_ ready, and I was actually the one holding us up. Deep down I wanted us to declare ourselves first. For all intents and purposed we were together, a couple. But I wanted to treat her better than those from my past. She meant more to me than any of them, and she needed to know she wasn't some meaningless fuck. Also, I didn't want to be 'Angela Weber-ed' again, which I knew on some level was why I couldn't just ask her to be my girl. Hopefully things would work themselves out, and soon.

Things weren't always perfect. My charming and wonderful Bella was tenacious. And not in the cute way that kids are stubborn, but in the way that mules are. When she wanted something, or in my case didn't want something, she wouldn't budge an inch.

Today was her day off and I wanted to go out. August had snuck up on us and school would be starting soon, taking up most of my time. I wanted to spend as much of it with her as possible before the only options were late night hellos. There were also places I wanted to take her, and I'm not embarrassed to say, do 'couple-y' stuff like walk down the pier hand-in-hand and take photos in one of those cheesy carnival booths. I wanted to proclaim to the world that she was mine, even though I couldn't say the words out loud.

We were lying in bed. I was flat on my back staring up at the ceiling, and she had her head cradled in her palm, tracing the line of my jaw. It was just past one in the afternoon and I had been trying to persuade her to go out with me; she was more than a little reluctant. She seemed to _never_ want to go out, something that hadn't escaped my notice.

I increased my efforts, turning towards her and giving her a lopsided grin. "Baby, I haven't seen that much of the city and I want to take you somewhere nice," I said.

"Your place _is_ nice."

I groaned, she was unrelenting, "Why do you have to be so damned difficult?" I questioned, letting my annoyance get the best of me.

She huffed, and I was ready to say forget it. I hadn't won this argument in weeks; I wasn't expecting anything different today.

"How about this—there's a fundraiser Renee is organizing, and I can't get out of it—I've tried. Anyway, it's in two weeks, and I know this is short notice but," she trailed off, probably noticing my shocked expression. It wasn't because I didn't want to go. I was happy she wanted me to meet her mom. I knew that Bella felt like a disappointment to her, and if I could be there for her as a buffer, I would gladly do it. What surprised me was how easily she caved. She never backed down, ever.

"Will you come with me? Maybe tonight we can do something special, here," she asked.

"Yes." I'd follow her anywhere. "But I have a minor stipulation." Ignoring her sullen expression, I continued. "We have to get out of here. I'm getting cabin fever." There was a gleam in her eye, the one she got when she was scheming, I quickly appended. "And by 'out' I mean somewhere other than this apartment, Emmett's place, the coffee shop. Hell, anything within a twenty mile radius is not acceptable. If we can do that, I'll gladly accompany you."

She closed her eyes in concentration, which had me confused and bothered. I really didn't see what the big deal was. "Do you think I'm going to let something happen to you if we leave?"

"No. That's not it at all. I just… is this really what you want? I thought you were happy the way things were and I don't want to ruin that."

I dipped my head to catch her eye, forcing her to look up at me. "Of course I like the way things are, I love them," I confirmed with a kiss. "However, I would like to see more than these four walls. It's not like we haven't been out," I explained, reminiscing over our first date.

"Things were different then. We weren't—you were new, and I was just showing you around."

"And? It was you and me, out. Come on Bella, just say 'yes' and I'll go with you."

She consented, giving me a weak smile and muttered thanks. I wasn't expecting her to jump up and down in excitement, although the visual was stimulating, but I thought she'd be more enthusiastic.

"Did you not want me to accept your invitation?"

She shook her head 'no' before I could form my own assumptions. "I just don't want things to change."

"And why would it change? Things can only get better." It was safe to say that her reaction perplexed me. Not wanting to be frustrated, I aimed to humor her. "Are you worried about seeing me in a suit? Never fear, when your jaw drops I'll be there to pick it up."

Her laughter filled the air and I pulled her into my chest.

"You cocky bastard. Ya know, bad humor isn't an all encompassing remedy, right?" She chided, throwing her leg over mine. She started playing with my belt buckle; and I lost my train of thought.

"Stop trying to distract me, it's working," I whispered against the skin of her neck.

I captured her lips with mine, slowly tugging until she obliged and opened her mouth to me. I was lost in the sensation, tasting the faint traces of coffee on her velvety tongue. My lips travelled down her neck as my hands lifted up her shirt, searching for the silky skin of her lower back. When I found it, I bit her right below her pulse point, and she responded by grinding in to me. _Fuck, that felt good_. My fingers toyed with the waistband of her jeans, before sliding beneath the denim to cup her ass. I felt no barrier between my hands and her round bottom and pulled away, gasping.

"Fuck Bella, you aren't wearing panties?" She didn't answer right away, moving her legs to straddle me and pulling me back to her lips. Her hands stroked my hair, and I closed my eyes imagining her stroking me lower.

"No," she panted, pressing her heat against my erection once more.

I tried to suppress my eagerness, knowing at some point one or both of us were going to pull away. But Bella seemed to have other ideas, rapidly undoing the buttons of my shirt. In no time at all, her warm hands were all over me, massaging my shoulders and chest. She kissed my jaw, my chin, my throat, while I set a steady rhythm with our hips. We moved together like the tactile pulse of a metronome.

Kiss, tick. Lick, tick. Push, tick. Pull, tick.

My stomach tightened in recognition of pleasure—impending release. I needed more. I wanted to take off her shirt and grabbed the material to do just that, but stopped and kissed her again; finding it impossible to ignore her hot, wet mouth. I moved back to search her face, checking to see if removing the offensive piece of clothing was okay. In answer to my silent question, or the death grip I had on her shirt, she nodded.

The shirt was gone in nanoseconds.

She reached back and eased my shirt off, lightly scratching her nails down my chest, causing me to shiver. Looking down, I eyed her breasts through the sheer blue material of her bra. I could see her pert nipples pushing through the fabric, and my dick twitched in anticipation. I took a steadying breath, watching in fascination as she sultrily moved the straps of her bra off her shoulders.

I was in a trance. We weren't really doing anything we hadn't done before, but we were always clothed. I grew impossibly harder at the thought of skin to skin contact. Her hands went around to her back, releasing the clasp of her bra. The movement pushed her chest out to me, and I grasped her wrists in one hand, locking her into place.

"Beautiful," I whispered, staring pointedly at her breasts.

I nibbled my way down to her collarbone. Her smell was intoxicating and I paused, inhaling the sweet sugary scent of vanilla and caramel. _How appropriate. _Journeying on, I reached the swells of her breasts. They called to me, and it took everything in me to not verbally respond. Instead, I dove in, kissing the tops of her breasts before clutching the delicate blue fabric in between my teeth, savagely pulling it away.

There were no words that could accurately describe what I felt.

I stopped searching for words, and I stopped ogling because I had been invited touch. So I let go of her hands, instantly cupping one breast and roughly tweaking her nipple. All the while she continued to gyrate on top of me, pulling my hair and touching every inch of me within her reach. I kissed her cleavage, and then took a perfect chocolate nipple in my mouth. Licking, sucking, and gently tugging it with my teeth while my other hand continued to knead her flesh.

"Oh God," she moaned, pressing her full weight on me. Her hips were sliding back and forth on my length as I continued manipulating her body. The combination of her moans, pants, and groans were getting me closer to the edge, so I pulled back releasing her nipple with an audible pop. With my eyes shut I begged her to have mercy on me.

"Baby, we need to stop," I said, not recognizing the resonance of my own voice. She made a sound that was somewhere between a whine and moan, and my hips responded with a, upwards thrust. Wrapping my arms around her, I pressed her against my chest, struggling to catch my breath.

When I could breathe again I asked "so where are we going first?"

***

I had officially declared it 'Bella Day,' letting her choose all the places and activities we would do. It seemed to alleviate her tension, so it was an easy compromise to make. What wasn't easy was accepting that she would drive. I didn't even know she had a car for Christ's sake, and I would've rather stayed ignorant than to meet the beast. The beast or 'hoopty' as she referred to it was her car. It was a late model, rusty red, Chevy pickup and I had to wonder how the state of Oregon allowed such a monstrosity on the road.

Reluctantly I got in, teasing her relentlessly the whole time. She explained the history of the truck and explained how her good friend Jacob helped her to take care of it.

"How does it even pass emissions?" I inquired.

She shrugged her shoulders, and we continued the rest of the drive in comfortable silence.

Walking into Jackpot Records was interesting. The store was small compared to most, and had a lot of Emo-esque kids working behind the counter. But the organization of the place was impeccable, making it easy to find whatever you wanted. I felt like a kid in a candy store. Seeing so many titles I could rarely find in Forks, or the nearby town of Port Angeles. Squashing my own zealousness, I followed the displays, halting when I came to the Rap/R&B section.

"So, show me what you like?"

Bella rolled her eyes at me, and pulled on the back of my shirt. I followed her to the Pop music section, wondering why she would shop at this kind of store for mainstream music. She browsed the CD's for a second, then plucked one out and put it into my hand.

"Lady Gaga," I nodded, unable to hide my disappointment. "So this is what you spend your money on?"

"Yes, I find her music sassy yet compelling. Sure it can be predictable, but it works for her," she deadpanned.

"Uh Really?"

"No, you nutjob," she replied, reaching up to lightly slap the back of my head.

"Then why did you bring me down here?"

"Why did you take me to the Rap section?"

My eyes widened in realization of what I'd done. I stood there a moment, my mouth stuck in a stupid 'o'. "Because I'm an ass, remember?"

"Yes you are. But to be fair, you did warn me."

I had the dopiest grin on my face. She wasn't mad at me, and was forever patient when I assumed stupid shit. I grabbed her hand, interlacing our fingers, and kissed her. She looked around, in search of…something, before squeezing my hand and leading me to the back of the store.

We spent an hour there educating each other on music. She pointed out everything she liked, from A Perfect Circle to Dusty Springfield. I taught her about _real_ R&B from the old school music of Teddy Pendergrass to smooth sounds of D'Angelo. It was funny to me that she didn't have a clue who Teddy was. I closed the distance between us and twirled her around before pulling her to me. I danced us in a slow circle singing "Come Go With Me" quietly in her ear.

Next we went to Oaks Park. It was an amusement park of sorts, but we headed to the section that housed the roller rink. I was worried about skating. Bella wasn't clumsy by any stretch of the imagination, but occasionally she wasn't mindful of her surroundings, tripping over things that were in plain sight.

Apparently my worry was misplaced, she spun circles around me. It was a gorgeous sight to behold; her wide chestnut eyes were overflowing with happiness, her hair floated away from her face, and the child-like laughter that emerged from her was thrilling. All I could think was 'My Bella.'

I was overwhelmed with emotion. She had come into my life and put everything in perspective for me. She was beauty and brains. She was happiness and comfort. She was patient and accepting. She was fulfilling vows that we'd never spoken, there for better or worse, making me feel cherished. She was everything that I wanted and needed. And I was the luckiest fucking man on the planet, and by far the dumbest for having not made her mine already.

I skated another lap, pushing past her and turning around to skate backward.

"Show off."

Smirking at her, I slowed my pace until she was within my reach. "Baby, we need to talk," I told her. She didn't say anything, but the look on her face was grim. I don't know what she was thinking and quickly made contact with her, assuring her nothing was wrong.

"Bad choice of words. I just wanted to see if we were on the same page here. I gestured between the two of us, "You know, with our, uh, friendship. I don't want…" I started, trying to think of the right words. I may have been having a mild panic attack and hoped she didn't notice. If at all possible her face had fallen more before arranging into a blank expression—acceptance.

I stopped stressing and looked into her eyes. "I don't want to be with anyone else, ever. And I know this may all seem so sudden, but I don't care about time tables. I just want…I need…W-Will you be my g-girlfriend?"

_Great, now I'm fucking stuttering?_

OK, that did not go well. I bowed my head, hiding my face that was reddened in embarrassment. I studied my rental skates, guessing at the amount of dirty feet that had worn them before me, the amount of foot fungii that were out there, and how many had worn those skates with holes in their socks. She was still silent and I felt nauseous, wondering if my socks were thick enough to protect me, and if my heart was strong enough to take her rejection.

I peeked at her face, gasping at her beatific expression.

"Two minutes, nine seconds. That's how long you were in there," she stated, knocking on my forehead.

"And yes," she whispered, swiftly skating away.

_She said yes._

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_A/N _

Info about PD (songs, any refs, and pics) are on my livejournal account, the link is on my profile.

Fic Rec- Please give For The Love of Emmett by Juze a read, its a great fic by a wonderful author, http : // www(dot) fanfiction (dot) net/ s / 5469690 / 1 /

Happy Birthday to awesome reviewer COXIE

Penny for your thoughts?


	9. Black Swan

**A/N I hope everyone has had Happy Holidays! As always thank you for reading and reviewing. Special thanks to AngryBadgerGirl for keeping me and line, and LillyBellis for never hesitating to put the smackdown.**

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You have tried your best to please everyone  
But it just isn't happenin'

Black Swan-Thom Yorke

"So, where are we going?" I inquired. I had been sitting in the car with Dr. Cullen watching the road as he smoothly sailed through traffic on the Rose Island Bridge. He had called at nine in the morning, reminding me that I promised him a lunch date and he was all set to go. It was hard to leave the warmth of my bed—Bella's warmth—but I agreed, meeting him downstairs shortly thereafter.

"I thought we could get to know each other, have a little fun while we're at it," he responded vaguely, giving me a devious smirk.

"Tell me. Are you ready for school to start? You only have a couple of weeks to go."

"Yes, I'm ready. I'm prepared to meet new people, and attend classes I actually _want_ to take. Although, it does feel bittersweet," I admitted. "It's been fun getting to know the city, and spending time with everyone. I just don't know if we'll have as much time for hanging out when classes start."

Dr. Cullen stared at me—analyzing me—and then fastened his eyes back on the road.

"What?" I grinned.

"You're serious aren't you?" he scoffed. "Edward, I don't remember half the classes I took my freshman year of college. I spent my days chasing girls, and my nights getting drunk. I had _plenty_ of time for my friends. However, the classes tended to interrupt my social schedule," he finished with a laugh.

"Dr. Cullen, are you advocating underage drinking _and_ truancy?"

"No, not at all, and if you repeat any of this to Esme I will vehemently deny it. I'm simply saying you're young. Live a little. Your freshman year is supposed to be about finding out who you are, what career path you'll take, and making lifelong friends. If you don't find a balance, you will burn out."

I nodded in understanding, remembering that Bella had told me something very similar. I needed to do what pleased me. The rest would figure itself out.

"Have you signed up for orientation yet?" he asked, taking a turn faster than I realized which lead me to grab the 'oh shit bar.' I gave thanks to the German manufacturers who put that little handle above the passenger-side door, I was sure it just saved my life.

When we were back safely on all four tires, I answered. "I hadn't thought about it. That's when your parents are supposed to drop you off? Do the whole 'we'll miss you, don't get in trouble' thing, right?"

"Some parents will probably be there, but it's not a traditional college. Plenty of students commute. Most of the people you meet will probably be locals, and I doubt they need to be dropped off."

It was a good idea to go, get acquainted with the campus, and meet my advisor. I knew with absolute certainty that my parents weren't going to do the honors, but I wondered if Emmett would go with me. We both had been busy with our girls. Aside from working out and group dates, we hadn't had a lot of time to hang out one-on-one. I made a mental note to ask him.

"We're here," he announced.

'Here' looked like a small airport runway. I knew the Cullens were well-off, but was he about to whisk me away? For lunch? I followed his lead, getting out of the car and walking to a small office.

"Are we flying somewhere, Dr. Cullen?"

"Carlisle," he offered, summoning me forward. "And no, we aren't flying. Not exactly."

Once we entered the office my eyes honed in on the flashing sign above the front desk—_Portland International Raceway. _I was so excited that I couldn't decide on an appropriate reaction. I wanted to scream and pump my fist in the air, or perhaps do an Irish jig, but amazingly, I did neither. Carlisle's hand squeezed my shoulder before lightly patting my back.

"My first time here, I jumped up and down like a kid in a candy store. Don't be embarrassed if you need to, you know, express yourself."

"This is so fucking awesome," I blurted. "Do I get to drive?" I could already feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins at the thought of speeding down the raceway.

"You do."

I stood motionless, with a smile so wide my cheeks hurt from the strain. Yet, internally I was squealing like a child.

"You're doing well," Carlisle whispered conspiratorially. "Emmett hugged me the first time I brought him here. Then he cried."

The next two hours were spent in instruction, familiarizing myself with the vehicle I'd be driving. I watched Carlisle peel around the racetrack until it was my turn to get behind the wheel. I hopped into the Spec Racer Ford, covered head to toe in protective gear. With my helmet on, I wrapped my gloved hands around the wheel, testing the microphone to make sure I could hear the trainer's directions. When he said 'all systems go,' I took off, easily reaching sixty miles per hour in less than three seconds.

It was fucking exhilarating.

My foot barely tapped the brakes as I drifted around the curves, feeling the straps of the seatbelts dig into my chest. After going around the track numerous times, the instructor signaled that I was on my last lap. I decelerated, glad that I managed to follow the rules and keep myself alive.

Carlisle approached the driver's side while I unstrapped the seat belt harness.

"Did you enjoy yourself?"

Did I enjoy myself? Was he crazy? "This was hands down the coolest thing I've ever done. Ever," I honestly replied. "Do you come here a lot?"

"As much as I can, though it isn't always easy to get away from work. I find it's a good way to relieve stress. Having to be in control of the car erases all other thoughts. You're forced to center yourself, to concentrate on one thing," he explained. "I love coming out here."

We walked back to the rental area where I turned in my gear. After all of my equipment was accounted for, we headed back to the car and to our next destination.

The drive to the cafe was short, but not in distance. Carlisle was obviously pretty amped up, driving a little faster than legally permitted. I pointed out the decreased speed limit several times, and eventually he got the hint, slowing down repentantly.

When we were situated and had ordered our food, he told me all about himself, telling me that he needed to make up for all the brunches he'd missed. He told me why he decided to become a doctor, how much time he spent 'courting' Esme, and why he made the move from Chicago to Portland. Hearing him mention my birthplace sparked my interest.

"How well do you know my father?"

"Not very well," he confessed. "We mostly saw your parents at social functions, and occasionally I'd see your father in passing at board meetings, but that was a few years ago. There weren't too many reasons for me to deal with the hospital's accountant. We were quite surprised to hear from your parents when we did." He cleared his throat, and took a sip of his drink. "I must say, I'm happy that they called. I think Esme is ready to make you an honorary Cullen," he laughed.

"Listen Edward, I may have had ulterior motives in asking you to lunch today," Carlisle appended. "Are you aware that Esme and I can't have children?"

I nodded in affirmation. It was hard to see Esme fall apart when she'd shared that part of her history with me, but she had moved on as best as she could. Through her words, I found the encouragement that I needed to move on. If it was possible for her to live after so much disappointment, I knew I could deal with my issues of abandonment. I let her know how thankful I was for her openness every chance I got.

"When she decided not to continue with the fertility treatments, I thought I'd lost her forever. She cut herself off from everyone, barely leaving the house…her smiles didn't reach her eyes anymore," Carlisle said, seemingly lost in his memories. "Needless to say, there was a huge void in her life, but things are no longer that way. I feel like I have _my_ Esme back, and I know that's partly due to you. I don't know what you've said or done for her, but thank you."

Before I could question why he thought I had anything to do with her 'change,' he continued. "It's probably nothing you've _done_ per se, but it's what you _let_ her do. You let her mother you and that makes her happy, so thank you," he confided.

Esme was a loving and kind woman, everything I wish I had in a mother. The fact that anything I did—or didn't do—had affected her so much had me feeling proud. I was pleased that I could return an ounce of the comfort she had given me.

"You and Esme have done so much for me. If not for your kindness, I probably would've starved months ago," I grinned, thinking of all the times Esme 'accidentally' brought too much food and just had to leave me some. "She's been there when I've had no one to talk to, so please don't thank me."

"That makes us even," he stated.

"Even," I agreed.

We carried on our conversation through lunch and in the car on the way home. As thrilled as I was to get back to Bella, I was somewhat melancholic. My initial impression of Carlisle had been way off, and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with him. Exiting the garage, we said our goodbyes.

"I'm ashamed to admit it but I was a bit jealous of you. To see the light in Esme's eyes when she spoke of you wounded my ego a bit," he revealed. "After today, I can see that Esme wasn't the only one with a void that needed to be filled. Thanks for coming with me today, and when you find out when the orientation is let me know. I'll take the day off to attend with you," he added, letting the glass doors of the lobby close behind us.

"You would take off work for that?" I asked, astounded once again.

Carlisle shrugged, "Why not? I took off today for our lunch."

_He took off for me?_

My expression must have worried him, because he hesitated before walking any further.

"You know, some adults can't handle the important job of being parents, and sometimes their kids are better off because of it."

I silently agreed, willingly accepting his words. He gave me a parting nod before stepping in to the elevator.

"Tell Bella I said hello," he called out as the doors closed, hiding him from my view.

***

There was less than a week to go before the charity Gala. Bella had gone slightly mad in her search for a dress, which in turn had me walking on egg shells. One minute she didn't care what she wore, the next, she'd say it would just be easier to give Renee what she wants for _one_ night. Torn between the two, she had dragged me, Emmett, or Rose to every possible dress store in search of the 'perfect' dress. Currently, she'd hijacked us all, bringing us to Pioneer Place Mall.

"Ro, what do you think of this one?" Bella asked, her voice lilting from behind the dressing room door.

"It makes your boobs look good. But you wouldn't be able to wear a bra with the low cut back. Here, let's take it off so we can see how it'll look," Rosalie instructed.

My inner deviant was getting a very interesting visual, and I hurriedly got up, knocking on the dressing room door.

"You need some help, baby?" I asked.

"Edward, you have two seconds to get your perverted ass away from this door," Rosalie warned.

"I was talking to Bella."

"I'm okay, thanks," Bella sweetly replied.

"Let me try," Emmett whispered, coming up from behind me.

"You think I'm going to let you see my girl topless? Fuck no," I whispered back, sharper than intended. He didn't mean any harm—I knew that—but the thought of another man seeing Bella in any state of undress was rage-inducing.

"Calm down, you pansy. I'm trying to see how much longer we'll have to be here. Rosie, sweetie…" Emmett started, but was abruptly cut off.

Rosalie cracked the door, her blonde curls hanging through the thin crack. "You're not getting a peep show," she said, looking directly at me. "And we're not leaving without a dress, Em. Why don't you two take a walk, meet us in front of the Starbucks in…let's say two hours."

"Two hours?" Emmett and I shouted in unison.

"No, one of these will work Ro. One hour will be enough," Bella said, pulling Rosalie back into the fitting room and poking her own head out. "I won't be much longer. I just need to make one more stop when we leave here."

I stepped closer. Whether it was to hide her from Emmett's view or to see more of her delicious skin I wasn't sure. Her actions mirrored mine as she moved forward, lifting her chin, and puckering her lips. I kissed her lightly, loving the feel of her full mouth on mine.

When I pulled back, my eyes landed on her chest. Her dress had shifted, granting me a terrific view of her cleavage. My mind wandered, remembering the last time I did more than just look at her breasts.

I'd wanted to watch a DVD from her collection, which was my not so subtle way of telling her I wanted to see a 'black' movie. She gave me a hard time when she returned from her place, showing me titles that had the word 'black' in them before she finally relented, selecting a movie called _The Best Man_ that featured an African-American cast.

We watched the film cuddled up on the couch together, stealing glances and sharing smiles the whole time. There was one scene that featured three strippers that had my eyes bulging out. There may have been some drool, I'm not sure. But Bella swiftly covered my eyes, telling me I didn't need to see 'all of that.' She huffed when she caught me peeking through her fingers, lightly swatting at my arm to show her annoyance.

When the movie ended, we talked about what we did and didn't like. Rather, she told me how much of an ass the main character was; how it was unforgivable that he slept with the bride-to-be, and then 'had the nerve' to write about it in his novel. I disagreed, saying the novel was written long before the couple even decided to get married.

"_And it wasn't like he came right out and detailed their exploit," I'd defended. "He described it simply as a 'forehead kiss.'" _

_We continued arguing our points until we both started laughing at the lack of merit in either of our positions. Those moments with my girlfriend, where we could just be us, were the best. _

_Bella talked with her hands, and with every statement she made her arms would flail chaotically, propelling her further away from me. I reached out and pulled her back to my side, using my hand to gently stroke her arm. She smiled at me, and then told me that it wasn't just described as a 'kiss to the temple.' _

_I sighed, forcing my eyes not to roll. She always had to have the last word._

"_She described it as 'sweet and endearing as a forehead kiss.' That's worse than writing some raunchy sex scene. That kiss was telling; making it obvious to anyone that read it that emotions were involved," she explained. "It's one thing to know that someone you loved slept with your best friend, but it's another thing all together to know that there were deep feelings involved," she summarized, successfully winning the argument. _

_She turned to face me and added, "I wouldn't want you to kiss anyone that way." She reached up to interlace her fingers around my neck. She pulled until we were inches apart, kissing me above my left brow, "No matter how," she moved to my right, "innocent," she kissed the tip of my nose, "it's meant to be."_

_I knew exactly what she meant. There was nothing innocent about those damn forehead kisses. _

_I mimicked her, kissing her brow, and her nose before dragging my lips down to her neck. I sucked the skin there, gently nipping then biting that spot I knew drove her crazy. She let out a deep throaty moan in response, placing her hands on my shoulders, and gripping them tightly. I moved down, trailing wet kisses down her collarbone as I angled toward her--coaxing her unto her back. As always, she anticipated my every need, lying on her back and spreading her legs to accommodate me._

_She was in her normal nighttime attire—one of my shirts and her panties—and I couldn't decide if I wanted to rip each and every button off of her until she laid bare below me, or leave it on to go directly to the promised land. Resolving that I had all the time in the world, I patiently undid every button, letting the shirt fall to her sides, exposing her breasts. My hands found their way to her neck, rubbing slow circles on her heated skin while her hips bucked, coming in contact with my engorged cock._

_I lowered my mouth as her chest heaved upward, allowing me to capture an erect nipple in my mouth. Tracing it with my tongue, I lightly blew, causing her to harden further before I repeated the action with her other breast. I faintly kissed her chocolate peak, brushing my tongue against it before sucking it roughly into my mouth. _

"_Edward," she cried out._

_I pushed forward involuntarily at hearing her say my name. Any thoughts I had of slowing us down had left my mind at her utterance._

_She ran her fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp briefly before pulling me to her mouth where we swallowed each other's moans of pleasure. I pulled back to look in her eyes, my fingers outlining a path from her neck down to the smooth expanse of her stomach. I repeated the circuit; once, twice, before sliding her panties to the side on the third pass, feeling the unmistakable evidence of her arousal. I closed my eyes, breathing in her very essence, feeling her dampness. _

"_Don't stop," she pleaded, her voice barely penetrating my lust filled brain._

_My mouth met hers again, our bodies yearning for more. I looped two fingers into the waistband of her panties, easing them down her legs. She sat up to assist me, and then with an outstretched hand unbuttoned my pants. _

"_I hate button-fly's…take too long," she mumbled. I stilled her hands, gently pushing her to lie back. She looked frustrated so I spoke up, putting her mind at ease._

"_Let me please you," I begged, needing to taste her, to know that I could please her. The reluctance in her eyes was evident, as they travelled rapidly from my own to the prominent bulge that she'd nearly freed._

_I swiftly leaned in before she could argue, parting her sex to lazily lick from her entrance to her clit. She exhaled breathlessly, letting me hear her swear for the first time._

"_Fuck," she exclaimed._

"_Fuck," I agreed, burying my face into her, relishing her flavor. I lapped at her, swirling my tongue up and down the tiny bud until it was stiff with desire. _

_Her hands sought purchase in my hair, tugging at the strands roughly as I sucked her deeper into my mouth. She moved erratically, and her vocabulary was reduced to raspy monosyllables. _

_I persevered. _

_Using my forearm, I pinned her down by her waist as she proceeded to undulate wildly beneath my lips. I drove a single finger into her wetness. Feeling her muscles grip my finger almost did me in—almost. I slipped another finger in, pumping rhythmically while my tongue continued flicking and licking her stiffened bud. Her body trembled, and her cries reached a crescendo as I drew her deeper into my mouth, tenderly biting down and luring her to orgasm. _

_I savored every drop of her sweetness, lingering as unyielding waves of euphoric bliss crashed over her._

"…bags with you."

"Huh?" I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion. Bella had spoken but I couldn't concentrate with her half-naked body taunting me. Reminding me.

"I said will you take our bags with you?" she repeated, tugging the dress up to provide better cover. I agreed, snapping myself out of my daydream and trying to ignore my aching cock. She gazed at me deviously, noticing the protrusion, and took a step back into the fitting room. Once she was out of reach, she dropped the hand that held the dress. The garment shifted, giving me a fleeting view of her silken swells.

"Thanks," she added, quickly closing the door.

I could hear the girls giggling as I turned to Emmett. Satisfied that he was a safe distance away, I informed him of the plan. He was relieved to finally leave, but grumbled upon seeing the amount of bags the girls had acquired. When they were all accounted for, we left the store, reminding the girls that they only had _one_ hour.

We aimlessly walked around the mall before I decided to make the most of my time, buying some new shirts and running shoes. That took less than half an hour, leaving us with time to spare. Knowing that if we ran late we would never hear the end of it, we decided to head upstairs to the Starbucks. When we found an empty table out front, we settled in, stuffing the bags into the vacant seats.

"Uh, Edward, can I talk to you about something?" Emmett asked timidly.

"Yeah," I replied, expecting another 'be good to Bella' speech. I studied him as he nervously fiddled with the handle of a shopping bag, his free hand rubbing the back of his neck. He would make eye contact with me briefly, and then look away, the tips of his ears burning bright red.

"What is it Em?"

"I…Rosie and I…" he stammered. "I think Rosie is ready to, ya know?"

"No, I don't know," I said, trying my best to hold in my laughter. I'd never seen Emmett flustered, and the faces that he made were comical.

"I think she's ready…to have sex."

_Oh_. "Oh. So, what's the problem? Do you think it's too soon?"

"I don't think I'm ready yet," Emmett finally said.

"What about all of those other girls?" I questioned, remembering when Emmett first told me about the Cullens, and how it was hard for him to sneak girls past them.

"That wasn't completely true."

"It's either the truth or a lie Emmett, which is it?"

"Shit, I lied, okay? I'm a virgin," he huffed.

Those were the last words I expected to come from his mouth. I let the news sink in, and then completely lost my shit. I laughed so hard that the other customers stopped to see what the hell was so funny.

My laughter ended in a whistling sigh, Emmett glared at me the entire time. He didn't seem so scary to me anymore. I imagined a large 'V' stamped on his forehead and started to snicker again.

"I'm sorry," I said, coughing to cover the tail end of my laughter. "That was uncalled for. It's just that," I started gesturing to him. "Look at you. Girls tend to like guys like you. It just seems unreal that you haven't done the deed."

I could tell he was still fuming from my outburst but he rolled his shoulders, relaxing before he continued.

"It wasn't for lack of opportunity _Eddie. _I _want_ to wait. I want to wait until I'm married."

I couldn't argue with that. If it had been important to him for the last nineteen years, who was I to tell him otherwise?

"But I still don't see the problem. Have you told Rosalie how you feel? I'm sure she would respect your decision."

"I don't know how to bring it up," he admitted. "It's getting harder to push her away, and part of me doesn't want to anymore. But when I think with my big head…my other big head," he smirked. "I don't know if I can go through with it."

"First off, that was too much information. Second, it's just sex, Em. It's not as scary as you're making it out to be. As long as you're comfortable with each other and you both want it, I don't see what the problem is. Maybe you're just having performance anxiety?" I hinted.

"No. Hell no. I'm good at everything, I don't expect this to be any different," he joked. "But it's not _just_ sex, Rosalie is it for me. I know, I know," he said, cutting me off before I could form a rebuttal. "It sounds sappy. But I want what my parents have, and I need to know she's in this for the long haul before we can go any further."

I really didn't have any good advice to give him, but I gave him my honest opinion. "All I can say is talk to her; make sure you two are on the same page. I see how she looks at you Em, she'll wait for you."

He nodded his head. "If she looks at me in the same way that Bella looks at you, I think I'm good."

"How does Bella look at me?" I asked; my interest was definitely piqued. "And spare me any comments on my masculinity. Unless you want me to tell dear Rosie about your iron clad chastity belt."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Last year was pretty rough on her and I've never seen her look as happy as she does now. Any fool could see that it has something to do with you," he offered. "Now let's talk about football or something. I can feel my sac shrinking."

We both had a good laugh and our conversation switched to the upcoming school year. He was excited to go into the civil engineering program, saying he always knew he wanted to build, but now the only question was _what_ to build. He thought he wanted to analyze buildings—draw up blueprints. But after meeting Dr. Cullen, he realized he could easily design medical equipment.

I asked him about sports and was surprised to learn he played none. Apparently my ability to prejudge didn't stop at Bella. I vowed to do better, accepting that I still had a lot to learn.

An hour had come and gone, and I was getting worried. Bella had not come back yet and I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong. I pulled out my phone and sent her a text, asking where she was. A minute later she hadn't replied and my eyes searched the area, looking for her to approach. Emmett assured me that an hour in 'girl time' held a different value than a real hour. To which, I reminded him that Bella and Rosalie were naked in our absence. Any jackass could easily pull the curtain on them while they were playing dress up. Yeah, the idea of that happening was far-fetched, but it got him to see things my way.

He pulled out his phone and called Rosalie who answered on the first ring. I could hear her asking where we were through the phone. After Emmett told her we were at the Starbucks—as ordered—she informed us that we were at the wrong one. The mall had two, one on the first level and another on the third.

"Why isn't Bella answering her phone," I interrupted before he could end the call.

"Is Bella with you?" Emmett questioned.

Rosalie's voice was no longer audible. The only thing I could hear was a sporadic 'uh huh' or drawn out 'okay' from Emmett. His face gave me no clues about their conversation. I didn't have to ponder too long as he disconnected the call soon after.

My impatience took over as Emmett sluggishly rose to his feet. "So?"

"We need to head downstairs to meet them," Emmett deflected.

I didn't waste my time with an interrogation. Instead I gathered the bags, waiting anxiously for Emmett to grab his share.

We walked at an agonizing pace en route to the lower level. Every store we passed held something Emmett needed to buy. After he inhaled a handful of chocolates from Godiva, I urged him on, telling him to stop procrastinating. Eventually we made it to lower level, Rosalie's golden mane coming into view. I felt relief, the subtle charge in the air alerting me to Bella's presence. Looking around, I saw several pale faces before I finally spotted her. She was holding a black shoe in her hand, chatting animatedly with a petite girl at the counter.

I strolled up to her, my hand coming to rest on the small of her back, watching as she reactively folded into me. The dark haired girl regarded us intently, and Bella's posture became rigid as she twisted out of my grasp. She created an inapt amount of space between us, and I glanced down at her to see what I had missed. Her stance was off. She was angled towards me—as I was to her—but something about it felt wrong. Her brown eyes met mine, looking as if she were waiting for me to scold her. That perplexed me even more.

"Edward, this is Alice Brandon," she said, motioning to the girl before us.

Shifting my attention away from our curious exchange, I held out my hand to greet Alice. She wrapped a cool hand around mine, shaking it with a surprising amount of strength. Her silky onyx mane was styled in sharp edges, and her blood red lips made her already pale skin seem translucent. She reminded me of a porcelain china doll; diminutive, intriguing, and when she smiled—radiant.

Releasing her hand, I returned her smile. "Nice to meet you,"

"Alice this is my, uh, my… Edward," Bella faltered. "Alice and I had homeroom together in middle school before she moved to?"

"Back to Mississippi," Alice supplied. "I just can't believe I'm seeing Bella after all this time. "Well, it was good to see you again Bella, and to meet _your_ Edward.

Bella nervously giggled. "Let's get together soon, play catch up?"

The girls exchanged phone numbers, and soon after, Alice departed. Bella rushed to Emmett and Rosalie, delaying any chance I had of getting answers about her bizarre behavior.

"So, what now?" I asked.

"Movie?" Rosalie suggested, pointing to the Regal Cinema marquee directly behind us.

"No," Emmett said. "I'm hungry, let's eat. And I'm tired of movies."

I smiled, thinking of my last movie rendezvous with Bella for the second time that day. Her sparkling eyes captured mine, showing me that her mind had conjured the same thought. She licked her lower lip before taking it in between her teeth, her desires echoing my own.

"You two need to get a room," Rosalie said very matter-of-factly. "Let's go eat, and then go to _Uptown_."

Everyone nodded their agreement, leaving me to question why we were going uptown. Emmett explained we weren't going uptown, but rather _to_ Uptown, a jazz club and billiards bar. According to him, it had plenty of things to keep us entertained. Of course there was a catch. It was an over twenty-one establishment, and I wouldn't be able to get in. I didn't have a fake ID—never had the need for one—and I was worried I'd be left behind while they were out having a good time. No one seemed too concerned about that fact.

"How am I supposed to get in?" I ventured.

"Don't worry, we know the bartender. As long as we don't cause any trouble we'll be fine," he replied, lifting one of his furry eyebrows toward Bella.

***

When we made it back home, we decided to go our separate ways, aiming to meet in the lobby by nine o'clock. It was Emmett's idea, so I concluded that he wanted to have 'the talk' with Rosalie. I wordlessly wished him luck, pulling Bella alongside me.

"Where should we eat?"

"I'm up for anything really. Let's just keep it cheap or I won't have enough money for tonight."

"You know that I'll take care of us. Don't worry about it." It was a conversation I'd had numerous times with Bella. What was mine was hers; but she was stubborn and proud, insisting that she could take care of herself. I never once doubted that she could, I just wanted to add more to our relationship than my emotional baggage. She was always doing things for me—unsolicited—and I wanted her to understand that the things I did were nothing compared to the peace of mind she gave me.

"Let's go to the market," I said. "We need more food, and you've yet to show me the ropes. We can pick up something at the deli; that way we aren't wasting money."

She smiled. "Good idea. My dad still doesn't get that twenty bucks at the market can feed you for a week if it had to. That same amount plus tip is wasted on dinner out," she said, mumbling about calling her father to make sure he was eating more than fast food.

"When do I get to meet your Dad?"

"You _want_ to meet him?" she replied, taken aback.

"Well, no, not really," I responded sincerely, remembering that her Dad owned a gun, and that the boyfriend was the father's natural enemy. "But, I'm sure he'll have questions for the man who's dating his daughter." I made it through Ross, the Cullens, and Emmett. Renee was next, but I wasn't worried about charming her; it was Bella's Dad whom I needed to win over.

Shock was plainly written on her face.

"Soon then," she said, the corners of her mouth turning up minutely. She held my hand, squeezing it affectionately before leading us back to my car.

The whole drive was filled with smiles as we both rode our current highs. I was content knowing exactly where I stood with Bella. She was mine, and I was wholeheartedly hers. I had no clue why she was so happy, although I liked to think it was my doing. When I finally asked, she replied simply.

"I'm always thinking about you."

We finally stopped at _Albertsons_, where we loaded our cart with breakfast foods. We couldn't agree on anything conventional, and she claimed that breakfast was the single meal she cooked well. I didn't complain because it meant that one, she planned to cook for me, and two, well you could never go wrong with pancakes and bacon.

As we waited in line, I intertwined our fingers and brought them to my lips to lightly brush a kiss across her knuckles. It was one of those moments where our eyes would lock and the rest of the world would fade into nothingness. I lived for those moments. But I was yanked out of my happy place when she abruptly dropped my hand and stepped a foot away from me. When the rest of the world snapped back into view, I stepped up to the cashier who was practically sneering at us. I glanced at Bella to see if she knew what was going on. She shrugged, her expression stoic, surely just as confused as I was. I started unloading our groceries onto the belt, hoping that we'd gotten everything we needed. Shopping wasn't a difficult chore, yet it was still shopping. If I needed to buy two of everything I would, just to avoid having to go back to the store anytime soon. I was almost done when I remembered something else I needed to get.

"I'll be right back. I forgot something," I said, taking off down the aisle.

I searched every aisle for candles, before finally finding the right section. I grabbed a few sticks along with the glass candle holders that were situated nearby. It was cheesy and she would probably laugh, but hopefully she would find breakfast by candlelight romantic. On my way back, I passed the condom aisle. I shuffled my feet, thinking about all the implications I could face if Bella saw the package in my hands.

"Fuck it," I said, grabbing the black and gold package. I hid it under the candleholders and prayed she wouldn't notice before I could get her out of there. Better safe than sorry.

I was a just a few feet away from Bella when I froze. Something was wrong. Her posture had changed; her shoulders were hunched forward as if she were trying to fold in on herself. She had her purse tightly clutched in front of her body, and her head fully bowed. I rapidly walked to her, reaching my hand out to touch her. She flinched slightly.

"What happened?" I asked.

"That'll be $145.63," the cashier interrupted.

My eyes were still on Bella as she fumbled with the latch on her purse. I moved my hand from her arm, stilling her movement.

"I got it. Do you want to go to the car? I'll bring everything out," I said, in what I hoped was a calm voice.

Inside I was freaking out. _What the fuck had happened? _She nodded, not putting up a fight, and began a slow trek to the sliding doors. I threw my remaining items at the cashier, and anxiously awaited my new total. The red-headed girl mumbled something under her breath that I didn't quite catch since my concentration was on the fading electricity that accompanied Bella's departure. She hadn't made it to the exit yet.

She stood stock still, her slender hands balled into fists hanging rigidly at her side. The look she shot the cashier was cold enough to freeze a thousand suns, and I followed her gaze, glaring at the girl. Whatever she'd said had brought the unknown situation to a boiling point.

"Excuse me?" I said, making a show of studying her nametag, daring her to repeat herself. "Victoria?"

I scanned my debit card, hurriedly punching in the PIN; I needed to get back to Bella. She muttered something under her breath again, looking truly afraid of me, but giving me no answers. Once the receipt printed, I snatched it out of Red's hands, gathering the bags and high-tailing it to the car.

***

Silence.

The drive back was spent in silence. The elevator ride to my place was spent in silence. We even ate in fucking silence.

Any and all attempts at getting Bella to talk to me were ineffective. She would give me a sad smile and shake her head. Was it something I did? Replaying the events at the grocery store, nothing stood out to me as detrimental. I couldn't fit the cashier into any equation that made sense of Bella's reaction. I finally gave up, telling Bella I would call Emmett to cancel our plans.

"No don't do that. I could use a drink," she said, before lying back on the couch and closing her eyes.

I tried questioning her again, assuming she was ready to open up to me, but I was wrong. I barely had a sentence out before she shook her head and went back to motherfucking silence! I took measured breaths, trying to control my irritation at her unwillingness to speak. We were supposed to meet Emmett and Rosalie downstairs in a little over an hour, and despite what she'd said, I was not letting her leave in this state.

Her melancholia was palpable, coiling around my own anxiety and pressurizing the already tense atmosphere. I needed to relax, and I needed to find a way to console my girl. If we didn't work through whatever the hell had happened, we were both bound to implode.

I walked over to the piano, puttering with the keys until the notes flowed harmoniously. I transferred all of my annoyance and fear of rejection into the piece; the notes bleeding staccato as my overwrought hands pressed roughly on the ivories. My knuckles cracked, and the pads of my fingers were becoming numb, but still I played.

Feeling the heat of her body pressed into my side stopped my musical massacre. Her head lay limply on my shoulder as she sighed, "It wasn't you. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you did something wrong."

I exhaled then, somewhat elated that it wasn't my doing, yet still frustrated. I didn't care about _my_ feelings; I wanted to make things better for her. She slipped her arms around my waist and asked me to continue playing.

"What do you want to hear?" I asked.

She laughed humorlessly. "Something cheery."

"If you want cheery, then you should play. That should be good for a few laughs," I joked.

Reaching her hand up, she smacked the back of my head, something that had become a regular occurrence.

"Bad humor…" she said.

"Works for us," I interrupted, nudging her arm from around me and positioning her fingers on the keys.

***

Things were back to normal by the time we met Rosalie and Emmett. After Bella's horrific playing, or 'pecking at the keys like a chicken' as I called it, she gave up. We both laughed at her attempt, feeling much more at ease once the tension had dissolved. She straddled my lap as I sat on the piano bench, kissing me aggressively, demanding more from me. I wasn't expecting her exuberant attack, and consequently we fell off of the bench and onto the floor. I massaged the back of my head, trying to ease the pain while she squirmed above me laughing hysterically.

As Emmett had anticipated, we walked into _Uptown_ without being carded, each of us claiming to have been the reason we easily got in. Emmett said it was because of his charm, I said it was because I hadn't shaved in a week, and the scruff aged me at least six years. Both Bella and Rosalie ended our banter, clearing their throats and pointing at the ample amount of exposed skin between them. We conceded defeat.

Emmett sloppily racked the pool balls, causing me to step in and slide the triangle closer so I could properly pack the rack. After we were set, we played a few rounds; girls against guys, couple against couple. The waitress kept the drinks coming and it noticeably affected the girls' playing abilities.

Our time at the tables ended, and we moved aside so the other patrons who had been waiting for a table to open up could take their turn. We hadn't seen the waitress in a while, but because the place was filling up, we knew we'd have to order directly from the bar for the rest of the night.

A DJ had arrived, and the music pulsed through the bar, sending people from every corner to the dance floor. It wasn't too loud, but at a high enough level where we had to speak up to hear each other. I motioned to a vacant booth near the bar, holding Bella's hand to guide her through the dimly lit room. Emmett and I stood waiting for the girls to slide in, but they told us to sit.

"We're going to go dance and then get some drinks. You guys want anything?" Rosalie yelled, straining to hear our reply.

I didn't know any of their tolerance levels, and wanted to be lucid in case I needed to get us all home in one piece. Besides, I was still nursing my second rum and Coke. Emmett was working his way through a pitcher of beer, and the girls had been doing shots. At last count, Bella had taken two shots and drank one of those frou-frou looking drinks. I wasn't trying to baby her, but with the stress of the Gala and the fuckery that had occurred at the market, I wanted to make sure she didn't over-do it.

Emmett and I agreed that we were fine, telling the girls to be careful. The ratio of men to women was clearly unbalanced, and in my experience too much alcohol and too much testosterone didn't produce ideal situations.

"How did your talk go?" I asked Emmett, keeping the girls in my line of vision.

"It didn't, we got sidetracked. This is going to be harder than thought," he gathered.

We continued making small talk, mostly observing the crowd around us.

Whenever someone walked by, Emmett would pretend he knew the person; making up a fake name and life story to accompany each stranger. A guy had walked by, dressed in jeans and tight-fitted shirt. The easiest way to describe it was that he seemed to have put on a short sleeved wet suit, and then at the last minute, added jeans and dress shoes. Emmett had a field day.

"Take Earl here," Emmett started, giving the guy a fake name. "Earl actually had on decent clothes before leaving the house. He parted his hair to the left side—as always—and made his way downstairs. He checked the mirror one last time before searching for his keys. And then," he cleared his throat. "A woman comes to stand in front of him saying, _'Earl? You'll never get the girls wearing that. Go put on that tight zebra-printed shirt, women love that!'_ Earl does as she suggests, and before he leaves, he leans in to kiss her cheek, saying 'Thanks, Mom.'

Emmett laughed so loudly at his own joke that he captured the attention of the man he was talking about. The man looked to our table and nodded.

"Gentlemen," he nasalized.

"Earl," I responded softly, trying to hide my grin.

The later it got, the louder the music became, and it was pointless to try to carry on a conversation. My head bobbed to the music as my eyes swept the room again in search of Bella. She was waiting at the bar in a line that stretched the full length of the building. She must have sensed me looking at her because our eyes locked. She gave me a beatific smile, and I wanted to drag her out of line, finishing what we'd started at the piano. As she moved closer to the bar, my gaze traveled to the dance floor, easily locating Rosalie. She was swaying to the music with a small group of admirers watching her every move. Emmett was transfixed.

"I'm going to get my girl," he said, his gaze never leaving her as he strode across the dance floor.

I turned my attention back to Bella, gaping at the sight before me. Some guy stood behind her staring appreciatively at her curves—my curves. He reached out to touch the exposed skin of her lower back, and my feet were moving before I even realized I'd stood. I pushed through a cluster of people in pursuit of her, grimacing as his fingertips made contact. She turned to him abruptly, the malice in her eyes unexpectedly replaced by excitement. I stopped fighting the crowd.

_She was okay with this asshole touching her?_

The guy was taller than me with a build similar to Emmett's. There was no doubt he spent hours in the gym, and the following hours shooting up steroids. His brown skin was a mere fraction lighter than Bella's, and his shiny black hair was cut close to his head. From the admiring stares the surrounding women were giving him, I could see they found him attractive, which for some reason, upset me even more. I watched as she rubbed her hands up his arms, wrapping them around him, and allowing him to lift her up to an empty barstool. When she was situated, he didn't release her. Instead, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, angling too close to speak to her.

My heart sped as the crowd surrounding me swallowed me whole. Nausea permeated my stomach, and I felt dizzy, like I was being slowly suffocated. It wasn't the alcohol; I knew my limit and hadn't pushed it.

No it was a different feeling, one I was all too familiar with. However, I had never felt it so strongly that I thought I was having a panic attack.

I was jealous.

I resumed my plight, coming to stand directly in front of Bella and elbowing the guy, _accidentally_. I didn't acknowledge the oaf who looked shocked at my intrusion. I rubbed her arm, noticing how she tensed underneath my touch. The guy put his hand on my shoulder, treating me like I didn't belong right the fuck where I was standing.

Bella jumped from the bar stool, cautiously pulling her arm away from me.

"Jared, this is Edward," she started.

"Her boyfriend," I added, not giving her the chance to fumble another introduction.

Several emotions passed over his face before he stuck his hand out to shake my own. I ignored it, grabbing Bella by the waist, pulling her back in to my chest.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked.

"Why are you being rude?" she replied, squirming uncomfortably in my arms. "This is my _friend_, he works the bar here. He's the reason we won't be kicked out."

I released one hand, using the other to keep her body pressed against mine. "What's up?"

He smirked at me, moving to lift the wooded partition and sliding behind the bar. She stepped forward, breaking my hold, and circled around me to lean against the bar. I followed, repositioning my hands on her waist.

He poured Bella a shot. "So, you playing in the snow, B?"

_Huh?_

She smiled brightly, shrugging her dainty shoulders. "It's more than that," she replied.

"Will you get Em so we can go?" she asked, grimacing as she inhaled the shot.

I hesitated, not wanting to leave her. Nevertheless, I wanted to get out of there. I loosened my grip on her and left the bar to search for Emmett.

When I got back to the booth, he and Rosalie were playing tonsil hockey.

"Come on, we're ready to go." They begrudgingly pulled away.

"Where's Bella?" Rosalie asked.

I used my thumb to point over my shoulder, "At the bar."

Rosalie grabbed Bella's purse and jacket as Emmett came to my side.

"What's up man?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing. Let's just get out of here," I replied pleadingly.

We made it back to the bar in time to witness Bella leaning over to kiss Jared on the cheek.

"I'll see you next week," she said, winking at him. He returned the sentiment, while staring at her chest.

_Over my dead body._

I gripped her hand, and walked us to the car, scowling the whole way.

***

It was my turn to be silent. I was too angry, too jealous, too hurt.

We took separate elevators, letting Rosalie and Emmett go ahead of us. Em patted my shoulder before he left, telling me to relax. I nodded, pulling Bella into the empty car, daring her to release my hand. When we were inside, she automatically pressed the button for my floor.

"No. Let's go to your place," I demanded. I stopped and took a deep breath, realizing I was probably scaring her. "I've never seen it. Is it okay that we go there?"

"Yes," she said, reaching out a shaky hand to press the button for the 28th floor.

Once inside, I pushed her against the back of the closed door, frantically kissing her, tasting the alcohol on her tongue. We needed to talk, but my urge to touch her was overwhelming. I kissed her until I heard her keys drop down to the oak floors, both of her hands coming to tangle in my hair. I cupped her ass, lifting her higher so I could reach more of her. Her legs hugged my hips, her heat pressed tightly against my burgeoning erection. She moaned into my mouth, and I moved to her neck, sucking and biting the skin there until she cried out.

"Bathroom," she panted. "I need to go to the bathroom."

I relented, pressing her into me once more before lowering her down to her feet. She turned on the lights and I squinted, my eyes struggling to adjust to the light. When I could focus, I saw two things: sports paraphernalia and boxes—a lot of boxes.

Bella rejoined me moments later.

"What are all the boxes for?"

"Oh, those," she said, as if she'd forgotten they were even there. "I'm moving."

* * *

**A/N Have a Happy New Year, and if you're still in the giving spirit, leave me a review!**


	10. Sleep to Dream Her

A/N Hello to all the new readers! Thank you all for reading and reviewing, I'm almost at 300 reviews and that means a lot to me : )

As always, thanks to my beta's **AngryBadgerGirl** (for being the awesome woman that she is and giving me TNGUS when I need cheering up), and **LillyBellis** (who almost caused me to wreck my car when I got the Rhapsody in B update today).

* * *

It seemed so unnerving  
Still somehow deserving  
That she could hold my heart so tightly  
And still not see me here

Sleep to Dream Her- Dave Matthews

How could I have been so fucking stupid? Of course she was leaving.

There were a million questions I needed to ask, I _should've_ asked, but I had reached my boiling point. There was no explanation she could offer that would satisfy me in that moment, no matter how plausible it might have been. I exhaled a low breath and rubbed the back of my neck, feeling utterly dejected and lost as to what I was supposed to do next. My hand moved to my forehead, smoothing the wrinkles there before I turned and reached for the door handle. I didn't look at her as I opened the door, and ignored her when she called my name.

When I entered my place, I went straight to my room, and lay face down on the bed. That wound up being a mistake. The sheets still held her scent and I couldn't help but visualize her face.

"Fuck."

I kicked off my shoes, roughly removing my jeans and shirt to add them to the overflowing laundry pile, and walked down to the guest room. I face-planted again, relishing in the cold odorless sheets that held no memories of her. The incessant ringing of my phone, and the soft chime alerting me that I had received a new text message made it difficult for me to turn my brain off. I diverted my attention to the analog clock that hung above the bed, focusing on its steady ticks.

An hour later it was finally silent and I pulled the sheets over my head, wishing the mattress would just open up and swallow me whole. I kept telling myself it wasn't something I did, and deep down I knew better. _She_ had even persuaded me to believe that sometimes people did shitty things, but it didn't mean that they were a result of something I did. However, it was hard not to compare her actions with those of my parents. Because again, I tried to do everything right and yet another person was leaving me. _She_ was leaving me. I groaned into my pillow, willing my mind to rest, but before I could close my eyes my body became acutely aware of her presence.

Moments later, the knocking started.

I tried to think rationally. Perhaps she had planned on moving before I arrived in Portland. _That_ I could understand. What I couldn't understand was why she failed to tell me. A lie by omission was still a lie in my book. More importantly, where in the hell was she going? She could be moving to Italy for all I knew.

"Don't be irrational," I mumbled. She could very well be moving downstairs into a smaller unit. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, feeling the pull swell from the inside out. I wondered if she felt it too; if it was the reason she was knocking on my door at three in the morning.

I gave up on trying to be sensible and walked to the front entrance. Sliding down to the floor, I made myself comfortable, my ear trained to the door for any sound. I might not have wanted to see her or even talk to her, but my body—my heart—desired those very things. I waited with bated breath to see if she would speak or if she'd already left and completely forgotten about me.

"Edward, I know you're there. I can _feel_ you," she said, her muffled voice barely audible through the door. "Can I come in?"

_Yes._

"No," I said, flustered by my own indecisiveness. "Just…go home. We can talk tomorrow," I added, looking at my hand depreciatively as it twitched, begging me to let her in.

I pulled myself away from the door, resolving to stick with my decision. On my way back to the guest bedroom, I stopped by my own room to pick up my cell phone. As soon as I was back to the unsullied room, I called down to the lobby, interrogating Ross on the building's security. He thought my questions were bizarre, but I ignored the inquisitive tone of his voice. I needed to make sure that no one could wander up the stairs and hurt my drunken angel. After he assured me that no one could access the penthouse level without a key, I relaxed, praying she would go home and let me calm down before we spoke again.

***

As expected, sleep didn't come easy.

I woke up at six AM. I wasn't as angry as I was a few hours earlier, but I was hurt and fucking exhausted. Deciding a run would help me to clear my head (or tire me out) I headed back to my room. After I threw on my running shorts, I slipped on my black hoodie, and hastily brushed my teeth. Once my running shoes were tied, I pocketed my keys and opened the front door, nearly tripping on my way out. When I righted myself, I turned to see what I had tripped over.

It wasn't a _what_, but _whom_.

Bella lay at my front door, balled up like a stray cat, completely unaware of her surroundings, and the air whooshed out of my lungs when I saw her face. Her eyes were puffy and she had black streaks leading to her chin, presumably from where her tears had mingled with her mascara. It was heartbreaking to see her that way, yet I was oddly intrigued. I'd never seen her look so vulnerable, so small. My need to take care of her took precedent over any remnants of anger that remained after last night's revelations.

I closed my door as quietly as possible while my eyes searched for her keys. A metallic shimmer near her foot caught my eye, and I pocketed them, bending over to easily scoop her into my arms. She was as light as a feather, her head gently rolling from my neck to shoulder with every step I took. She moved slightly in my arms in an obvious attempt to get comfortable. When she had found her nook, she rested her head firmly against me, and nuzzled her nose deeply into my chest.

"Edward," she exhaled, a faint smile curving her lips.

I thought she had woken up, but found that her eyes were still closed. I stared at her face so intently that I fumbled and almost dropped her when I ran into the elevator door. Luckily the commotion didn't jar her from her alcohol-induced coma, and I pressed the button to take us back down to her floor.

During the ride I studied her face: the fullness of her lips, the way her dark lashes flitted against her cheek, and the way she scrunched up her nose when her head fell away from my torso. It was a struggle for me not to smile at how ridiculously cute she was.

The brief reprieve I was granted from my misery vanished when I entered her home—or what _was_ her home. Seeing all the packed boxes brought the memories of her betrayal back, and I hurriedly deposited her on the couch. I looked around for something to cover her with but found nothing. I didn't want to search the place for a blanket, nor did I want to stay there any longer than necessary. With no options left, I stripped off my hoodie, carefully draping it over her tiny form before bolting out the door.

Once I was free and clear of the building, I jogged slowly, seeking out which direction to take. A sign marking the area as the _Marquam Trail_ seemed like a good place to get started, so I picked up my pace. The consistency of the track was appeasing as the force of the wind picked up and sent a chill down my spine. I ran faster, feeling the adrenaline pump through my veins, and hearing the sound of my accelerated heartbeat thump loudly in my ears. Leaves and errant branches were crushed underneath my feet as I sprinted until the even trail began to bend, fully curving before splitting into two separate paths.

I gradually slowed to a stop, bouncing left to right to keep my momentum up. The straight path I was on continued and was the logical choice, yet I was curious to see what the meandering path held. I was already tired from a fitful night's sleep, and with my muscles aching, I was ready to head home and crash. The trail markers assured that both paths converged at some point, leading me back to the building. I could choose the uncomplicated route, or the one that would probably send me through a physical tailspin. I came to a standstill, the burden of making the right choice weighing heavily upon me.

***

My run left me feeling refreshed. I was able to put together a list of sorts, things Bella and I needed to discuss if our relationship was going to work. First, she needed to be honest with me, as I had so freely been with her. I needed to know the reasons for her inconsistent behavior. She had no problem touching me, kissing me, and even holding my hand when it was just us. Yet, when we were in public, I was lucky if she brushed her shoulder against mine. I knew she wasn't ashamed of me. Shame was something that caused you to hide things from those you loved the most because you feared their judgment. I had been around the people she cared for, they were my friends as well, and she never withheld from me then.

Secondly, and by far the larger issue, was her moving. There would be no relationship to work on if she was moving halfway across the country. We would definitely have to discuss that before all else. I just needed to hold it together long enough for us to get through Sunday brunch.

I stripped down and hopped into the shower, letting the steaming hot water alleviate the tightness in my muscles; it did nothing to assuage my nervousness about seeing Bella again. After I towel dried my hair, I collapsed naked on the bed, setting the alarm to go off at nine. The movement ruffled the sheets and I breathed in the scent that I tried so hard to avoid.

I fell quickly and soundly asleep.

***

I arrived approximately one minute early for Sunday brunch to find a note—addressed to me—taped on the outside of the door. The note simply instructed that I go to the rooftop. I had never been up there, but was aware that it held some type of garden, one for communal use and another only accessible by the main penthouse—the Cullens' penthouse. The building was part of a go green initiative, and this was their way of encouraging the tenants to plant and grow…well, anything. The developers hoped that neighboring communities would see they were supporting the environment and forget that they'd plowed over several thousands of trees to build the exclusive community. The ploy seemed to have worked.

When I opened the door, it was just as I expected. There were rows of vegetables, herbs, and even a few fruits planted. Each miniature garden was marked by apartment number. To the right was a patio area that housed barbecue grills covered by a cloth awning, shielding the area from the sun. I walked until I could go no further, reaching a door that was labeled _private_. Another note was there, simply instructing me to come in.

The space behind the door was pretty fucking amazing. It was a greenhouse, peppered with roses, lilacs, and I could smell lavender in the air. I took a deep breath, letting the flowery aroma assault my senses, and admiring all the rich colors. I had no idea Esme's decorating extended outside of the home, but she had truly outdone herself. Realizing I hadn't heard any voices, I moved through the vines and shrubbery, finally arriving at the center of the room.

I was so caught up marveling at my surroundings that I didn't notice the small table set for two sitting in the center of the room. My heart sped when I saw Bella standing awkwardly at the table, nervously pulling at the hem of her shirt. She looked like a lamb before slaughter. My steps became careful and measured as I approached her, sure that she'd flee if I made any sudden movements.

Resisting the urge to reach out for her, I bowed my own head, offering her a clipped hello.

"Where's everyone?" I asked curtly, knowing that I sounded like a jerk. Although my anger had diminished, I didn't think she deserved to be let off the hook too easily. There was still a chance that things could go horribly wrong and my animosity would be restored.

"T-They went out for b-brunch," she stammered. "I asked them for the key, so that I could bring you here."

"Well, you didn't exactly _bring_ me. More like led me here under false pretenses," I scoffed, trying to avoid looking directly at her.

"I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for so many things, but you wouldn't speak to me. Please let me explain," she replied through hiccups and sobs.

At the sound of her crying, I swiftly swung my head in her direction. She was enveloped in my arms before my mind registered I had moved. I brought her body close to mine, resting my chin on top of her head, and rubbed soothing circles up and down her spine.

"Why didn't you tell me," I whispered.

She tightened her grip. "It was before you came…"

"That's no excuse," I interrupted, taking a step back from her to look her in the eye.

"I know I messed up, trust me I know. Please, sit and hear me out. _Please._"

Scrubbing my face roughly with my hands, I relinquished, sitting at the table as she started to pace around me. After a pregnant pause, she spoke.

"I was never supposed to move here. Things were tough for a while, and I needed somewhere to escape. Phil—my stepdad—said I could stay here until I was able get my head on straight," she disclosed, taking a seat opposite me. "I planned on moving back to campus this semester, but when Ro said she was transferring to PSU we decided to find a place together."

I'd figured that much, but that didn't answer why she waited to tell me. It only led to more questions like, why wasn't she supposed to move here? What was so tough that it forced her to runaway? I discounted the new barrage of questions, wishing I could just figure the 'filing it away for later examination' concept out al-fucking-ready!

I released the hair that I had been brutishly pulling, wincing at the pain I felt down to my scalp. Again, I focused on what was most important.

"That doesn't begin to explain why you lied to me. You knew this whole time, and failed to mention it. You just let me walk around like everything was fucking dandy," I yelled, flinching as she did. I knew she didn't like to be cursed at, and it wasn't my intention to raise my voice. I closed my eyes, filling my lungs with air before quietly exhaling. "Jesus, Bella, we're practically together every second of every day, you didn't think to bring it up? Not _once_? You said you'd be there for me," I finished somberly, getting to the root of my problem.

She stood, reaching a tentative hand out to touch me. I didn't move, allowing her fingers to tenderly comb through my hair.

"I'll still be there for you. If you want me to be. At the most I'll be a few miles away. We haven't found a place yet. There aren't a lot of vacancies at the places we can afford," she babbled, and then kneeled to catch my eye. When she had my attention her citrusy breath hit my cheek. "I'm sorry, and I _need_ you to forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you."

I turned to face her, drowning in the sincerity I saw. I knew she was being honest with me. "Just, trust me with these things okay? I don't want you to hide anything from me," I urged.

To say she nodded her agreement would be an understatement. Her body vibrated with an energy I hadn't witnessed until that moment, and her head jerked up and down as if her neck was no longer attached. I could see her fighting the smile that began revealing itself in the slight lift of her cheeks, but she suppressed it, possibly waiting for my encouragement.

There were still issues that had to be addressed, but I was tired of talking. I missed her touch, which I rectified by pulling her into my lap. She conceded, molding her body around mine.

I kissed her lips lightly, savoring her taste and the all encompassing calm I felt when inhaling her unadulterated scent. _God, I missed her_. It was clear to me that I never wanted to have her kisses through memories or to be reduced cuddling my sheets just to feel her close to me. Second-hand would never do, I needed Bella—all or nothing. Entirely lost in the sensation of having her back in my arms, I mindlessly uttered, "I'll help you find a place."

***

As fate would have it, Bella and Rosalie were set to see a few apartments that afternoon. However, there was a new girl, at the shop—hired to take the day shift when the girls started school. Rosalie or Bella needed to be there to train her because apparently there needed to be two trained employees working at all times. The inconvenience seemed to be the reason they could never go see apartments together. Since Tanya was already scheduled, Rosalie had to stay, giving me an opportunity to aide Bella in their search.

"I'm sorry. We won't have any vacancies until January."

"Thanks for your time," I sighed, tightening my grip on Bella's hand.

We had visited three apartment complexes, all of which I'd called prior to our visit, yet suddenly there were no vacancies. I was losing my patience with the whole process.

"Let's just go back home. Ro and I can try this again later," Bella said.

I tried not to laugh at her. The same girl that fell asleep outside my door with her keys left in plain sight for any deviant to come by and…there was just _no_ fucking way I was letting her choose a place alone. I had seen some of the places on her list, and after I checked them out online, I quickly ignored her list and made my own. The problem was that all the places were filling up in record time.

"No," I stated calmly. "Let's just try one more place, and then we'll go back. Your time is limited as it is."

I wanted to punch myself. If she ran out of time, there was a possibility she wouldn't have to move at all, right? Why was I so hell-bent on seeing this through? I took a calming breath, my hand softly grazing Bella's knee as I maneuvered the streets. She wanted to move, and I would do all I could to give her what she wanted.

A few blocks later I pulled up to another building. The place was nice. Not far from school, but even closer to me. Walnut trees stretched as far as the eye could see, and from the acreage it sat on, I could tell that in the spring it must've been a wonderful sight to behold. I removed the keys from the ignition, and hastily undid my seatbelt. Once out of the car I ran to Bella's side, opening her door with gusto.

"Maybe I'll just stay here while you check for openings. The disappointment is starting to feel…personal," she stated.

I didn't disagree; I felt equally flustered. I crouched down, running my fingertips from her brow down to the line of her jaw, before handing her the car keys.

"Stay warm," I told her, rising up and pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.

I left her with the smile that she liked best, relying on it to uplift her spirits. Bella didn't need to be upset, I would work things out.

Walking towards the office, I took in every miniscule detail. The grounds appeared to be well maintained, several street lamps were filtered throughout the property, and beyond the visitors parking area was a secured garage.

_It seems safe_.

I tried not to get to get too excited about the prospect as the visit could very well be a waste of our time. Yet, the area was the best we'd seen so far, and I really wanted luck to strike.

I was bordering on the line between angst and depression, but really couldn't pinpoint the exact reason. Part of me felt like I had been missing something all afternoon—something huge—and I couldn't focus on it long enough to work it out. It was hard to center on anything when I had been looking at Bella's sad expression all afternoon. The other part of me agreed with Bella. Despite the fact that it was a building, the rejection felt personal, and no one wants to be rejected three times in an hour.

Nevertheless, there was a positive side—silver lining and whatnot. Bella had held on to me all day, like a koala bear clutching to a tree, and I appreciated it more than she knew. It was hard for me _not_ to imagine that we were looking for _our_ new a place, _our_ home.

Maybe my perceived notion that this was _us_ being rejected is what had me feeling so affronted.

When I opened the door to the office, the smell of burnt popcorn wafted up, causing my nostrils to flare. I followed the scent until I arrived at a small desk where a lanky man was manically pressing buttons on a microwave.

"Motherfucking shit goddamn it. Ally!" he cursed, turning redder as he handled the hot bag of popcorn.

I cleared my throat, already too far into the room to back out undetected, and too far determined to go back to the car with bad news.

I cleared my throat. "Hello? I'm here about the two-bedroom."

His face was still red from his outburst, but his features—along with his voice—had seamlessly shifted into a mask of collected cool. Putting away the charred kernels, he approached, extending a pale hand towards me.

"Sorry 'bout that. My girlfriend has a habit of doing too many things at once, and then forgetting them altogether," he explained with a lazy smile on his face.

He couldn't have been much older than I was, if he was indeed older. Towering over me an inch or two, and only slightly more defined than I was, he unleashed a mega-watt smile. As genuine as it seemed, it reminded me of a used car salesman. Manufactured. His blond hair fell into his misty gray eyes, and he puffed it away as our hands made contact.

"I'm Jasper, and you are?" he questioned.

I gave him a tight lipped smile as he relinquished his firm grip on my hand. "I'm Edward. I don't have an appointment, although I did call earlier," I said when I saw him glance back at his desk calendar.

"No worries," he said, motioning for me to take a seat.

I waved him off. "I'm just checking to see if you have places available. Now," I appended.

"You seem…tense," Jasper noted. "If you're concerned with credit checks or your past references don't fret. As long as the manager likes you, none of that's really important."

I shook my head; he was way off base. "I'm helping my girlfriend find a place. Well, her and her friend, and there aren't many available places," I finished, my stress evident.

"Looks like you're in luck. We happen to have a two bedroom unit available. Now will you relax?" he questioned, shaking with silent laughter.

I slowly eased my fingers from the fists they had unintentionally formed, and exhaled. "Yes. I will."

We spent the next three minutes going over a few of the questions I wanted to ask without Bella. She would probably be upset, but it was a chance I was willing to take. I checked on the security of the area, wondering if there had been any home invasions. How far was the nearest police station? Fire station? If she got locked out, would someone have a spare? Jasper was more than patient with my impromptu interrogation, answering the questions as soon as I could fire them. The area was known for its safety, nine-one-one response visits usually took about five minutes, but he had never tested it as there was never a need for them to call emergency services.

_Good answer._

Besides being a good neighborhood, they had an on-site security guard—James I believed his name was—that had spare keys to all the units to get to a resident in case of an emergency. He added that it wasn't really needed, but as they had competition with some on the swankier places, they needed to add certain amenities. I didn't miss that he looked South, toward my building, with disdain.

"What's the deposit?" I asked, wanting to sign the paperwork for Bella and Rosalie instantly.

"First month's rent, and we'll have to pro-rate the days since we're past the first. If ya'll moved in today, a little over a thousand," he quickly calculated.

I groaned, already knowing that amount was outside of their budget. "Is it negotiable?"

"Of course, they can pay today, or when they sign the lease," he deadpanned.

"And to think, I was just starting to like you Jasper," I mumbled.

"Well, shit. I _do_ like you Edward," Jasper chuckled. "If they can put down half, we can add the rest to the monthly rent."

It was a good deal, and thinking of how happy Bella would be once she found out that her search was over…

"I'll pay the deposit. Can you come up with some type of move-in special that uh, covers it?"

"Done deal," Jasper accepted.

I decided right then and there that I actually _did_ like Jasper.

***

Bella smiled all the way from the car to the office. She smiled on the guided tour. She smiled as she called Rosalie to tell her about the place. She smiled when she signed her name to the lease, promising that Rosalie would sign off on it after her shift. She smiled as we ate a late lunch, and stopped by her job so she could tell the story to Rosalie again in person. She smiled as she called her father and he gave his approval of the community. And she smiled as we lazed around in her room packing the remainder of her things.

All of her smiles were directed at me.

She had a suitcase packed of things she needed for the next few days. Except for that, we had her belongings stored and sealed shut in record time. We spent the rest of the night making out. Light kisses from petal soft lips that suddenly became urgent with both of us trying to consume one another. We took breaks to breathe, snack, and occasionally converse—leading us to formulate our final plans for the Gala.

"So tell me what to expect when meeting Mrs. Dwyer?" I probed, maneuvering around her until her feet were in my lap.

They didn't look so bad. They looked like, feet. I let my index finger trail small circles on the top of her foot, peeking in her direction for any reaction, and waiting for my repulsion to kick in.

"Charlie calls it a 'Sarah Jane complex,'" she began, laying her head back and closing her eyes.

I wrapped one hand around her heel, just behind her ankle and squeezed lightly. Her eyes fluttered but did not open.

"I don't follow," I said, encouraging her to continue as I used my thumbs in slow firm strokes to knead from her toes to her ankle. Her breath hitched before she progressed.

"Sarah Jane is a character in some movie Charlie would bring up when he and Renee would fight. She was a light-skinned black girl who spent her life passing for a white woman. She was never happy to be just who she was. Like, she thought things would've been better for her if she was dealt a different hand in life."

"So your mom wants to be white?" I asked confusedly.

"No…I don't know. She just thinks that certain _cultures_ should conform to the ways of others if they want to have any chance at a 'successful' life," she nodded absentmindedly, her tongue darting out to wet her lower lip.

"So," I smiled, taking in her labored breathing. "What does that mean for you?"

She moaned when I hit a specific spot, and elongated her leg, inviting me up to her thigh. I obliged, obviously, and waited for her reply.

"It means that every opportunity she feels she missed is my burden to fulfill. She'll undoubtedly be upset about something I did wrong as soon as she lays eyes on me."

I worked my way up her body, her eyes popping open as she felt my weight shift above her. "Do you think I'll be enough to keep you distracted from her antics?" I asked, using my hand to free her lower lip from her teeth.

"God, yes," she said, bringing her lips to mine in a searing kiss.

Kissing her and having her back in my arms reminded me of my run. There were three paths I could've taken to get back home. In the end, I decided it didn't matter what path I took to get there, as long as it led to my home. To Bella.

Clearly I chose the quickest route.

* * *

**A/N**

**The character Sarah Jane is from the movie _Imitation of Life. _If you've never seen it, check it out. On a side note, the actress that plays Sarah (the fair-skinned black woman who passes for Caucasian) is Susanna Kohner, mother to Chris Weitz (the director of _New Moon_).**

**Thanks for reading! Those who review this chapter get a outtake from BPOV. Be patient as I finish it. *winks***


	11. Like a Star

**A/N As always, thank you _all_ for reading and reviewing! We've had some very interesting conversations lately… Some of you have read the outtake and are mad at Edward, and want to kill Victoria. I can't really blame you : )**

**Thank you AngryBadgerGirl and LillyBellis for all that you do. I appreciate it more than words can ever say. And LivyAOD, my musical goddess, the world sounds better because of you.**

**Congratulations ABG on your nomination for the Eddie & Bellie Awards!**

* * *

You've got this look I can't describe,  
You make me feel like I'm alive

Like a Star- C.B. Rae

The laid-back schedule I'd grown accustomed to had quickly filled up. There were so many things to do in the next seven days that I doubted my ability to complete anything at all.

A 'last chance' orientation was being held at the school on Thursday, and after I informed Carlisle, both he and Esme promised to accompany me. I felt bad for pulling them from their busy schedules over something so tedious, but both had disagreed with my assessment, letting me know that there was nowhere else they had, or wanted, to be.

I smiled just thinking about how excited they were.

Going online, I pulled up my class schedule for the upcoming quarter. I figured it was best to take it with me on Thursday, and printed it out in hopes that it would give me an advantage on my first day. I didn't want it to be too obvious that I was a freshman, and scoping out all of my class locations early would help me to avoid getting lost and needing to ask for help.

Furthermore, I needed to buy books for the prerequisites I would be taking. All of the intro classes would probably be a boring repeat of the AP classes I took in Forks, but I was excited to start nonetheless.

The time in between would be spent getting Bella set up in her new place. The packing was done, Emmett and I just needed to get it all moved. I would've offered to pay a moving company, but Rosalie kept going on about how Em was so strong, and how he lifted her dresser all by himself. I lost count of how many times I rolled my eyes, but the way she beamed at Em, and the way _Bella_ beamed at him…well, I decided moving a few boxes wasn't such a bad idea. What we couldn't accomplish would get moved later in the week when we would presumably have more time.

Once that was squared away, I had to focus on preparing for the Gala. Bella was wired, constantly muttering about a list of items she needed to have completed before we left for the night. Whenever I would question her about said list, she would sigh, simply offering Renee as an explanation.

A car was being sent—courtesy of the Dwyers—to pick us up, and Bella decided it would be best for her nerves if we met up at her place half an hour before the car's arrival. She also added it would best for my sanity if I went home.

I didn't completely disagree. There were a few moments where I wanted to grab her shoulders and shake some sense in to her, telling her to calm down already. However, as myth would have it, her back-hand was nothing to mess around with.

_I guess all myths aren't _complete _lies._

"Baby," I said, pulling her towards me by the belt of her robe so that her back rested against my chest. She had been walking in circles, looking for something to wear for her morning at the spa with Rosalie. I suggested that she just throw on some sweats, but she said she didn't want to ruin her hair when she came back to get dressed, so whatever she chose needed to slip on and off easily. The bathrobe she was currently wearing hung loosely around her figure, and loosened further when I drew her closer to me.

"Baby," I repeated, finally earning her attention. "You have to relax. Everything is going to be fine," I promised.

I was still grasping the tie of her robe when she turned to face me, and audibly gulped at what I saw. Her robe had fallen open, revealing the creamy skin in between her breasts, down to the tiny emerald panties she wore. It was the _only_ article of clothing she had on underneath the robe.

She re-directed my attention in the best way as she stepped closer, pressing her body flush against mine. I swallowed again.

"Thank you," she sighed, her fingertips running over the skin of my jaw.

I parted her robe, lithely sliding my hands over her chest until splaying them at her sides while staring in to her eyes. Slowly leaning in, I captured her full bottom lip in between mine, lightly sucking and biting until I felt her body slacken beneath my fingertips.

"Looks like you could use a distraction," I suggested.

I could see the battle playing out in her eyes. Rosalie would be here in the next fifteen minutes, and she still needed to get dressed. Before she could make a decision, I picked her up, slinging her over my shoulder as she broke out into a fit of giggles.

"We'll make time," I decided, walking to her bedroom and gently laying her on the bed.

***

Rosalie had called and said she was running late, considerably dimming Bella's brief spell of mirth. I hated seeing her so worked up, and my natural instinct was to step in again just to calm her nerves. However, my methods led to another make out session, which took away time that she needed to get ready, leaving her frustrated in more ways than one.

Taking the reins, I dialed Rosalie, asking her to come by as soon as possible so she could take care of my girl. I even volunteered to cover the rest of her shift if it would get her here quicker. It was the new girl's first shift alone she explained, and she wanted to make sure she'd be okay along before leaving. She told me that she was already on her way up, and shooed me away as soon as she entered.

Before leaving, I gave Bella a not-so-chaste kiss, and out of my peripheral vision I saw Rosalie sticking her finger in her mouth pretending to gag. I deepened the kiss then, lowering my hands from Bella's waist, and tucking them into her back pockets. Her kisses became aggressive, and she pulled me forward until we both moaned. Breathing heavily, I removed myself before we could get carried away, again. I gave Bella a reassuring smile, and then pecked Rosalie's cheek on my way out.

"Thanks Edward. Now I'm sloppy seconds," Rosalie complained. I smirked at her, softly closing the door in her face.

When I was back at home, I went directly to my closet, pulling out the Gucci wardrobe bag that held my black suit. I couldn't ignore the memories that came with it. The 'rents had sent it to me shortly before my senior prom with a note apologizing for their absence; it also promised that they would see me at graduation.

The next day I had the suit tailored, and bought all the basic accessories; shoes, tie, and cufflinks. I had no intention of going to prom, but saved the suit for when I would see them again. It had been such a long time, and I wanted them to be proud of the man I had grown into. A last minute cancellation changed all of that, and the suit never saw the light of day.

I unzipped the bag and undressed, belatedly trying on the suit to make sure it still fit correctly. I had more muscle mass thanks to Emmett, and hoped the size wouldn't be an issue.

Thankfully, the suit hung perfectly. Bella would've killed me if I told her I had nothing to wear only hours before show time. After I redressed in my jeans and tee, I wondered if it would be appropriate for me to pick up a gift for Bella.

Grabbing my cell phone, I dialed the Cullens, positive that Esme would know what to do. A few rings and the call went to voicemail. I left a brief message asking her to call me—if she could, before six—while I wondered if anyone else could help me. I knew that Rosalie was my best bet, but she was already on Bella duty. That only left one person for me to ask.

"What are you up to Em?" I asked as he sat at his desk, wading through stacks of paper. Instead of calling, I showed up at his door, and he distractedly let me in.

"I'm applying for work-study programs. It's part of the deal I have with my parents," he appended.

"What deal?"

He laughed. "I can't just live here for free. I have to keep my GPA up and have a job that doesn't interfere with school. Interning is usually my best bet." He shrugged. "So what did you need anyway?"

"Oh. I was wondering if I should get Bella a gift, and wanted to see if you had any ideas."

"Good question, I was thinking the same thing," he said absentmindedly. "You should definitely get her something; otherwise you'd be a lousy boyfriend. She doesn't mind gifts, just don't get her anything _too_ outrageous. And nothing that will draw attention—she hates that," he added, carrying on with his one-sided conversation.

"And why do _you_ want to get her something for tonight?" I questioned, reminding him I was still there.

"Tonight? Not tonight, for her birthday jackass. Tell me you knew her birthday was coming up and you're just doing an imitation of a dead fish because you're…weird?"

"I didn't know it was her birthday," I admitted. "She didn't mention it."

"Did you bother asking? It's easy to do when your tongue isn't shoved down her throat, ya know? You can really be unobservant sometimes," he sighed.

I was starting to lose count of the number of times my eyes had rolled today.

"I'm not unobservant, she just didn't tell me."

"Which means you didn't ask," he countered.

"Fine, I'm not going to argue with you. When is it?"

"No way, ask her."

"Em…"

"No."

I conceded, not wanting to waste any more time. "What about tonight then? Should I give her flowers or something?"

"Well, does Bella like flowers, Edward?" he replied, throwing my question back at me.

"I don't know. You're seriously not going to help me…at all?"

"Nope," he laughed.

"Whatever Em, have fun with your chastity," I huffed, turning to walk away.

Seconds later, I was hit in the head by a stress ball. I gave him a one finger salute and quickly darted out of his apartment.

***

"I hate to ask, but will you help me? Rosalie is busy, Esme is gone, and Em...Em's just being difficult," I begged.

"Glad to know I was your first choice." If I wanted help, I really needed to shut up and try to keep my annoyance at bay, which was hard to do when I was failing at such an easy task.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I just didn't know what to do or who to call." For good measure, I puckered my lower lip, hoping she would just surrender. With my head down, I peered up at Tanya from underneath my lashes to see if I was making any headway.

Her breath expelled in a puff, blowing her hair away from her brow. "Fine."

An hour later we were strolling into Tiffany and Co.

"Whoa there, tiger, I'm not looking for a ring." As the words left my mouth, I was surprised that the idea of doing just that didn't freak me out.

"They sell more than rings, and what woman doesn't love jewelry?" Tanya simpered.

I took a step back, thinking about _my_ Bella, not who she was to her friends, but the woman I had come to know. All the conversations we'd had played through my mind on a constant loop, and I expected that deductive logic could solve my problem.

No, Bella didn't like attention which was evident by the fact we spent most of our time alone together, so flashy jewelry was out. We had packed up tons of art books in her place, but she literally threw them into the cardboard box. There were a few books she handled with care, placing them in her bag as opposed to packing them. The titles escaped my notice, though. Tanya tugged on my arm, pulling me towards the cases of jewelry as I thought about what gift would tell Bella exactly what she meant to me. Preferably without overdoing it.

Perhaps Emmett was right—I was definitely unobservant in the things that seemed to matter. A part of me did know Bella, better than anyone. But knowing what color underwear she wore from day-to-day seemed trivial, and couldn't help me solve my current problem. I shook my head at how clueless I'd been and pondered on what else I had missed. Tanya caught the movement and groaned, leading me to the exit.

"Ugh, just buy her a box of Lemonheads. God knows she's simple like that," she grumbled.

She meant it to be insulting, but was she blind? Bella's simplistic beauty drew me in from the start. "Yes," I agreed, looking into her icy blue eyes, "she's _simple_. Not every guy likes the high maintenance type, Tanya. That's why I..."

_I what? _Like_ her a whole lot_?

I cleared my throat. "That's why I want to get her the perfect gift—something simply wonderful."

"Sheesh, no need to get defensive—or cheesy," she giggled. "No hard feelings, okay?"

I nodded, getting back to the task at hand. My eyes darted around, making sure I hadn't missed anything. A quick peek at my phone told me I needed to get back to get ready for the night and check on Bella's progress. At the thought of her I sent a quick text, letting her know I was thinking of her, that I hoped she was more relaxed, and I was looking forward to our evening together. Okay, so the text wasn't that _quick_, but her response was instant.

**Feeling much better now. I miss you 3**

Smiling like a fool, I continued to look around, eventually stumbling upon a small display of key chains. Tanya joined me, peering over my shoulder.

"A key chain?" she asked, her face scrunched up.

"Yes," my eyes lit up at the idea. The whole moving fiasco was hard for us, and Bella was still apologizing at every turn for not telling me sooner. I was pretty much over it, and I assumed that helping her look for an apartment said as much, but I was apparently wrong.

"Well, which one?"

"Good question." There was a wide variety to choose from. Some with butterflies, some with the Tiffany logo, and others were empty—allowing you to decorate them with charms. It seemed like an obvious choice to go for the one with the heart pendant, because God knows mine belonged to her, but was I implying too much?

Suddenly I was uncomfortable with where I stood with her. Being her boyfriend was more than I could ever wish for, but that title hardly touched on what I felt for her. I wanted to be her best friend, because she was already mine. I wanted to be her lover, to possess her mind, body, and soul. I wanted to have _her_ heart.

"So the heart one it is," Tanya stated, watching as I deliberated on the ornament.

My head had begun shaking before I even attempted to answer. "No, this one," I pointed to the sterling silver chain, realizing the charm it held encompassed all of my feelings.

After the item was purchased, I swung by the grocery store. Tanya gave me the 'what now' face but I just smiled, dragging her inside with me. Once I found the correct aisle, I stirred Tanya in the right direction.

"Candy?"

"Yes, Lemonheads. Thanks for the idea," I grinned.

"If this was any other girl I'd tell you you're making a mistake," she said, her eyebrow questioning my decision. Shrugging my shoulders, I grabbed a jumbo sized box of the candies, waiting for Tanya while she loaded up on chocolate. I looked on in disbelief. There was barely any left on the shelf when she was finished. At my inquisitive stare she told me it was for a future 'therapy session.'

I moved swiftly to the express checkout lane, candy and Tanya in tow. "Thanks for coming with me Tanya. I really appreciate it," I told her honestly.

"It's not like you used my idea. I was thinking a tennis bracelet, so no need to thank me."

My expression left no room for argument. "Really, thank you."

"Whatever," she playfully answered, a light blush staining her cheeks. "You would've figured out something, and if she doesn't like the candy you can blame me." Her eyes took on a faraway look before she added, "She finds it easy to do."

Moving up a spot in line, I turned to fully face her, leaning closer to her to keep our conversation private. "What happened between you two?" I inquired.

"She didn't tell you?" she asked, surprised at my lack of knowledge. After shaking my head, she looked conflicted. I knew I was being unfair, but I took a step closer, smiling at her. It seemed to work on her, whereas Bella would've called me on my shit.

"Uh…I…It's not my story tell," she stated, staring at her feet. After taking a contemplative breath, she spoke with conviction. "No, fuck that. It is partly _my_ story, and I can choose to tell whoever I want," she affirmed—more to herself than me.

_Yeah, definitely Rosalie's sister._

We moved up another place in line and unloaded our sugar stash. The person in front of us evidently didn't catch the sign that said twenty items or less, so I knew we would be there for a while.

"It all boils down to the fact that she thinks I was sleeping with her boyfriend—her ex-boyfriend now, Tyler," she continued, quietly speaking. "And that's not entirely how it happened. I had a crush on him for…jeez, for as long as I can remember, but he only saw me as the 'other Hale twin,' or Bella's friend's sister—nothing more. When he started dating Bella, I was heartbroken. I didn't tell her about my infatuation—I didn't tell anyone—and it was too late when I got the courage to talk him. He had already started dating Bella. Anyhow, Rose dated his best friend Royce and soon they were a foursome, and neither Rose nor Bella had time for me anymore. It was fine by me, really. I didn't want to see them being all lovey-dovey while I was alone," she sighed.

I felt a pang of guilt for asking her to join us those times I did. I thought we could all hang out as friends, but I knew how Emmett and Rosalie could get. If Bella and I were anything like that, I was sure she felt uncomfortable. I vowed to try to make more time to spend with Tanya, one-on-one. After all, she was my friend, too.

"Long story short, a lot of shit happened," she said, oblivious to my guilty demeanor. "Most of it I wasn't privy to until after the fact, but when Tyler asked for my help, I agreed. I didn't ask any questions and I know that was stupid, but I was _seventeen_, and my crush—Mr. Perfect—told me he _wanted_ me. _Me_," she repeated. "He called me late one night and told me that things were over between him and Bella. He just needed me to say we were together that night if anyone asked. So I did."

I slid my credit card through the reader, reaching for the bags the cashier handed me. Tanya was standing still, lost in her thoughts, so I gently squeezed her arm to bring her back to the present.

As we drove, I thought about what questions I wanted to ask her. Assuming the conversation was still up for discussion, I finally settled on what I assumed was the most important missing piece of information.

"Where was he?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"Tyler," I frowned. "Where was he that he needed you to cover for him?"

She returned my frown. "It's even obvious to you that he was using me," she mumbled. "That part _isn't_ for me to tell. Besides, tonight is supposed to be fun for you...both of you. Don't ruin it by dredging up the past. Just try to have fun," she said, forcing a smile.

Not wanting to push her any more than I already had, I left it alone.

She gave me directions to her house—that she shared with her parents—telling me she would be moving on campus at the end of the week. We talked about a lot on the drive: what kind of music she liked, her favorite movies, her dream of becoming an event planner. She explained that besides working a job where you were actually allowed to party, she'd never have to be alone. I sympathized with her, knowing those feelings all too well.

The conversation was pretty one-sided, but I discovered we had a lot in common, and I was happy to call her my friend. I thanked her again before she exited the car, promising I wouldn't let her be the last call I made if I ever needed help again.

***

Ross greeted me at the lobby as soon as I entered.

"How you are you this evening, Mr. Masen?"

I grinned as I shook my head. Emmett had been right, no matter how many times I insisted that he call me Edward, he refused. "I'm good. How about yourself?"

"I'm _good_ as well," he happily responded. "You have some mail here, and the car service called, they'll be here promptly at six.

Taking the stack, I thanked him and said goodbye.

I sorted through the mail, kicking the front door of my place shut with the heel of my shoe. It was the usual: junk mail, bank statements, and a postcard from the 'rents. I opened the letter from the bank first, mostly because it wasn't in the normal envelope I was used to seeing. It was too thin to hold a monthly statement.

After a quick read through, I learned that my trust fund had been dispersed in its entirety, and I was expected to call to go over some paperwork. The letter wasn't a surprise. I knew that the money would be mine after my eighteenth birthday, but it felt like it was the only tie binding me to my….parents. Would I need to assume the costs of the penthouse and all the bills that came with that? Or would that continue to be paid by them? Above all else, did it mean that they would stop calling and sending me postcards?

The questions should've been more troubling to me, and truthfully it was a little scary. But more than feeling unsure of what it would all mean for me, it felt strangely _freeing_. Almost like it was official that I didn't have to worry about whether or not they cared for me, something I truly hadn't _worried_ about at all lately. Their stance seemed obvious at this point, and I hadn't bothered to stress over it anymore.

Grabbing the postcard, I admired the glossy picture on the front. The backdrop featured three snow-capped mountains, each peak masked by a delicate cloud of fog. The modicum of sky visible was a sublime mix of blues and purples, and _Whistler _was written in cursive script in the lower right hand corner. Turning it over, I read the back.

As predicted, a visit was promised.

Bella had told me once that I should look for the positive when I thought about them, a feat I once thought impossible. Yet, staring at the small square, I realized I had no feelings of anger, or thoughts of rejection. I was just content to know that they were alive and well.

Tucking it all away, I got up to get dressed for the night. I had learned to appreciate the small things, and that had me smiling in a way I never had before.

***

We had an hour and a half before we needed to be downstairs, and I sat on Bella's couch fully dressed waiting for her to come out. She had gotten worked up again and called me asking if I could meet her earlier, saying that my presence calmed her.

She had stayed out of sight, leaving the door unlocked for me to enter when she'd first called me over. That was something we would need to talk about soon, since she was moving and couldn't just leave her door unlocked.

_I swear she has no sense of self-preservation at all._

Every few minutes I would ask if she needed any help, which she graciously declined. On the other hand, whenever I asked her if she was ready to go, she would tell me she needed one more minute. That _one_ minute had turned into fifteen, and although we weren't rushed for time, I was starting to get nervous.

I stroked the small velvet pouch nestled in my pocket as I rose to my feet. I'd declined the telltale blue box the salesgirl had offered, and had Bella's gift tucked safely away as I walked to her bathroom door. Before I could knock, she exited. I wish I could say that her beauty struck me speechless, but it had quite the opposite effect.

I couldn't shut the fuck up.

My words went from praising her elegance, to telling her how enchanted I was by every part of her. The sexual innuendo came next, and I was pretty sure at some point I suggested skipping the whole ordeal so that I could strip her naked and hold her in my arms.

Okay, so _holding her_ wasn't the exact terminology I used.

It couldn't be helped; my angel was just too fucking beautiful. She had on a little black dress that left her arms exposed and showed miles of her nylon covered legs. Her hair was silky straight with a stunning sheen to it. And her face…her face was the best part. Her lips were painted a dark pink, and her eyes were dark and sexy as her eyelashes fluttered against her rosy cheeks. The ruffle-y things on her dress did little to cover her cleavage, or how low the dress was cut, but I wasn't complaining. Dainty white heels covered her feet, elevating her height to just a few inches below my own, and her hands and neck were unadorned. No jewelry, no nail polish, just simply Bella.

It brought the conversation I had with Tanya to the forefront of my mind. Bella may have looked simple to some—foregoing jewels or anything else that may have been expected—but it was her bare essence that made her so feminine, so regal, and just so hot that I prayed the thin fabric of my slacks wouldn't fail me tonight.

"So, you like?" she teased.

"How else can I reassure you," I inquired, taking a step closer to her. She smiled nervously, taking her lower lip into her mouth.

"You have to loosen up baby or you'll suck off all this glossy stuff," I said. She stopped immediately, rubbing her lips together attempting to even the color out. Her nervousness did not leave though.

"Worried about your mom?" I ventured.

"Somewhat; I'm a little uncomfortable. I like the dress and all, but I don't feel like _me_."

I studied her, touching her freely as I told her again how wonderful she looked before asking what would make her more comfortable.

"Besides tennis shoes," I appended. Although, if she wanted to wear tennis shoes I would support her decision. She could make anything look good.

She laughed. "I'm not sure…I just want to be myself at one of these things."

I tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear, fluidly combing my fingers through her smooth tresses. "I like when you wear your hair curly, kind of wild like. It reminds me of how you look when you first wake up."

Waking up with Bella was my favorite part of the day. Her soft curls tickling my nose and her warm flesh a constant reminder that I was no longer alone. When she'd turn around and smile at me, her eyes would be so full of indescribable emotions that I found it hard to breathe. My chest would tighten and explode simultaneously, something I'd never felt before but craved. I hoped it would never end.

Once I saw the glum look on her face, I realized what I'd said. I didn't want her to think I was insulting her, and had no idea why in the hell I would choose to voice that opinion when her nerves were already on edge.

"It really doesn't matter how you wear your hair. You could make anything look sexy," I said, voicing my earlier thoughts and hoping she could see the truth in my eyes.

She took a step back, and before her actions fully registered with my brain, she was back in the bathroom.

And the door was locked.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." She didn't respond, but shortly after I heard running water.

I knocked again. "Bella, baby, talk to me."

"I'm not upset, I promise. Just go sit down, I need another minute."

I looked at my watch. "Okay, but we have to be down in thirty minutes. And one of your minute equals thirty," I mumbled.

"I heard that," she laughed.

Happy to hear the sound of her laughter, and knowing that I didn't offend her, had me giddy again. I took a seat on the couch, waiting an infamous minute as I listened to the sounds coming from the bathroom. There was more running water and other noises. However, when the clock showed we had eight minutes remaining, and I stood to go get her again, she came out.

I heard the door open and waited impatiently for her to round the corner to see what had kept her.

When she came into view my jaw dropped.

"This is better?"

_Great, now I'm speechless._

I showed her what words couldn't convey, kissing the inside of her wrist, and the hollow of her neck before kissing her above her brow. She had changed her hair, the silky strands back to the vibrant curls.

"I love it. Do you _feel_ better?"

"I feel more like myself," she answered triumphantly.

***

In the elevator on our way down I held her hand in mine.

"I'm sorry if I was rude, I always say too much when I'm talking to you."

"I'm happy you spoke up. Honestly, I do feel better this way, and the fact that you like it is just a bonus," she said, kissing my cheek. She used her thumb to wipe away the evidence of the kiss before making eye contact with me.

"Renee won't like it. It isn't on her list, and she's expecting something more…sleek."

"What is this list? I asked.

She groaned as the elevator halted and an older couple joined us in the car. We moved closer to each other, which was nearly impossible, as we were already mere inches apart.

She turned her head fully so that she could whisper in my ear, and her warm breath sent tremors down my spine.

"Renee has this list that I need to complete before these events. Straight hair is one of the many items on the list."

"What else is there?"

"It's all crazy stuff. Girly stuff," she explained.

"So, tell me one," I pushed.

"Hmmm, I'm supposed to go to the spa: exfoliate, wax, and all of that."

"You didn't want to go at all?" I asked skeptically. I thought women loved being pampered.

She shrugged. "I didn't mind it so much this time. Rose came with me, and there were other reasons I wanted to go."

"What other reasons?" I asked as the door opened to the main floor. "You just wanted to relax?"

She smirked at me, lifting her hand to rest it over my heart. "You have an awful lot of questions tonight." She cleared her throat. "I thought the, uh, full body wax would come in handy later," she said, patting my chest before exiting the elevator.

_Fuck me…please_.

As if having to see her in that dress all night wasn't going to be torment enough, I had to contemplate the fact that the smooth supple skin I'd been ogling was smooth _everywhere_.

The dinging of the elevator brought me out of my reverie and I hustled to catch up to Bella. She was at the front desk standing with Carlisle and Esme. I didn't question their presence, I mean, they lived here too.

"I know your car is here, but can we get one picture?" Esme asked. "And I'm sorry I wasn't able to call you back. Is everything okay?"

Nodding and returning Esme's smile, I pulled Bella to my side, watching her face as flash after flash brightened her features. I wasn't aware of how many pictures were taken, because I was staring into her eyes the entire time.

"Maybe for this one, Edward, you two could look at the _camera_," Carlisle hinted.

I turned in embarrassment, offering a quick apology before facing Esme head-on. Carlisle continued to laugh at us, giving me a look that said 'I've been there.'

As we were posing Bella spoke lowly. "This feels like prom."

"I didn't go to my prom, but I imagine this is what it would've been like," I admitted. If she was surprised she didn't say. Her only response was to squeeze me tighter. Once our impromptu photo session had ended, Carlisle and Esme thanked us for letting them be overexcited. Upon leaving, they promised to make us both copies.

Meanwhile, Bella was whispering to Ross, who handed her scissors. I watched as she cut the stem off a red rose that sat in a vase at the front desk and handed the scissors back to Ross. She walked up to me grinning like Chester Cheetah, pinning the rose to my lapel.

"I didn't go to my prom either," she confessed. "I'm happy I get to share this with you."

Kissing her again, I wondered if I'd ever get enough of her, if she'd ever stop surprising me. I ushered her to the awaiting car, pondering whether I should just give her the gift that was burning a hole in my pocket.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I… got you something," I said nervously, pulling a box of Lemonheads out of my pocket.

She took it from my outstretched hand, giggling at my anxious expression. "It's perfect." She popped one of the candies into her mouth before storing the box in her purse.

We spent the rest of the drive wrapped in each other's arms, taking turns stealing soft kisses. When the car pulled up to the curb in front of the Portland Art Museum, Bella squeezed my hand tightly, her head slightly bowed. Reacting immediately, I gently lifted her chin, ready to coax her off the edge if I needed to; but her eyes showed no signs of stress. That familiar smile I'd seen the last few mornings was back on her face, and as if on cue, my heart clenched before drumming wildly in my chest. Returning her smile, I shifted closer, wrapping one arm around her waist as my thumb smoothed over her lower lip.

What I felt was inexplicable, but I tried to convey my emotions when I kissed her, swallowing her gasp of surprise as the warmth in my chest flourished.

Heartbeats later, the driver opened the door; breaking our kiss but not the trance we had fallen into.

"Are you ready?" she asked, fighting to catch her breath as her sepia orbs held me prisoner.

Not wanting to break eye contact, I blindly wiped her smudged lipstick away with the pad of my thumb, steadying my own breath to respond.

"For anything."

* * *

**A/N So, how far is Whistler from Portland?**


	12. Sentimental Mood

**A/N I do not own Twilight, just an insane amount of respect for LillyBellis and AngryBadgerGirl .**

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On the wings of every kiss  
Drifts a melody so strange and sweet  
In this sentimental bliss  
You make my paradise complete.

In a Sentimental Mood-Ella Fitzgerald

When I stepped into the ballroom, I was immediately assaulted by images from my past. The cloth-covered tables, the waiters circling the floor offering glasses of champagne, and the lively sound of the ensemble providing soft background music all served to strengthen the memories.

It wasn't the immaculate décor, nor the gentle hum of conversation that brought the clearest memory; it was a little boy peeking around the corner with his back against the wall. Once he thought no one was looking, he ran to the other side of the room and replicated his previous position. I had done the exact same thing as a kid.

Back when I still lived in Chicago, if there wasn't a nanny to watch over me, I was dragged—kicking and screaming—to similar events. There were hardly ever any other kids my age that attended, so I would spend all my time entertaining myself. That is, if my parents weren't introducing me to someone.

I would crawl underneath the round tables, seeking cover underneath the linens that were draped over them until someone came looking for me, or ratted me out. When I was maybe eight or nine, I would see if I could drink a glass of champagne undetected. Everyone had a glass. The servers would smile and push their trays in each person's face while they continually ignored me.

I thought it was because I was too short to be noticed.

Humming the _Mission Impossible_ theme, I'd stealthily turn corners, hiding in the shadows as I searched for a discarded glass. It was a fun game the first time I played and subsequently failed, but once I actually succeeded I began craving it more. Whether I craved the fizzy liquid or the high I felt at getting away with drinking it I didn't know.

It was during the fourth _mission_ that I hit the motherlode: an abandoned tray filled with glasses of champagne. Not wanting to be caught, I quickly emptied three glasses, inhaling the sweet bubbly drink without taking a breath. Before I could start the fourth, I heard voices coming closer and dived under the nearest table. That's when I realized that from underneath the tables I could see everything and remain virtually invisible to everyone.

I sat there for a while, hidden from the world as I watched a plethora of feet walk by. Then the dizziness kicked in. Go figure that my nine-year-old self was not capable of handling the amount of alcohol I'd rapidly consumed. The rest of that night went by in a blur, and the last thing I remembered was puking my guts out well into the next morning.

I decided not to play that game again.

The next time I was beckoned to don the miniature penguin suit, I ended up hiding beneath the tables again. I tried to match up the shoes that gallivanted by to the faces I'd seen when we first arrived, and maybe looked up a couple of skirts.

_Maybe_.

The intense pressure I felt gripping my left hand snapped me out of my memory, and I looked down to meet Bella's worried eyes.

"You okay?" I stupidly questioned even though her stress was evident. I didn't give her a chance to answer. Instead, I lightly stroked the back of her hand with my thumb. "Don't worry. As long as we're together, everything will be okay."

Removing my hand from her iron-clad grip, I placed it on her lower back, gently leading her into the ballroom. We were only a few steps in when she halted and turned to me. Her radiant smile had returned, and I hoped to see it for the rest of the night.

_For the rest of my life._

"It's not that I didn't notice before," she began, "but you look very handsome." Her eyes slowly roamed my attire, and then dipped to her shoes as if she was embarrassed that she'd so blatantly checked out the goods. "Thank you for being here. "With me," she appended.

Planting a firm kiss against her lips, I smiled, surprised that the heat that would usually warm my cheeks had now taken up residence in my heart. Taking a deep breath, I rested my palms on either side of her face, trying not to get lost in her eyes and inevitably failing.

The look we shared was so full of…passion? There was a sense of longing that had become palpable, and as her eyes pierced mine it was clear that the feeling was mutual. Suddenly, I wanted to tell her how I didn't think I'd be able to sleep without her by my side—in my arms. How I was no longer the person I had been back in Forks. How she was the first image my mind conjured in the morning and her name the reverent prayer I whispered at night. How all of the heartache I had dealt with was now manageable because she taught me how to deal. How I _never_ wanted to be without her.

"Bella," I whispered, trailing my hands from her face down to the smooth skin of her shoulders. I held her hands, capriciously swinging them in the small space in between our bodies, searching for the words to say.

"You never have to thank me. I want to be here with you. Always, with you…" I declared, before I was rendered speechless. I was at a complete loss as to how I could express the feelings that pervaded my heart. I continued gazing at her, enjoying these new emotions that were unlike anything I'd ever felt as I struggled to find the words that could accurately convey my internal ramblings.

She searched my face, perhaps wondering what the fuck I was going on about, but remained silent. The subtle tightening around my hands, and the way she leaned into me, implored me to continue. I focused on her shiny lips as they inched forward, momentarily derailed and thrilled about the prospect of having her lipstick stain my lips. A sign to anyone and everyone that I was hers, and she was most definitely mine. However, before her lips could press into mine her name was called.

And by called, I meant it was shrieked at an annoyingly high pitch.

We turned in unison as a woman moved toward us. Her sun-kissed skin looked as if she had spent the entire summer laid out on the beach. The wispy white dress she wore flowed behind her, as did her long hair that was oddly reminiscent of my own in color. The sound of her heels clicking purposefully across the floor caused me to release Bella's hands and turn towards the woman.

When she was but a foot away I noticed her eyes—a pleasant mixture of hazel and green. She was…well, she was hot. You know, if you're into a more _mature_ woman. Yet, she didn't spare me a glance, her eyes rapidly darting around and taking in Bella's appearance. I wondered who she was, and why she was scrutinizing Bella so intently.

"What did you do to your hair?" she chastised, reaching her hands up to flatten Bella's unbridled ringlets.

"Renee, please," Bella pleaded.

_This is Renee? _

I was stunned. Bella mentioned her mother's supposed complex, but never mentioned that there were physical similarities to this 'Sarah Jane' character as well. Her mom looked…she looked like a Caucasian woman with a nice tan. There was just no better way to describe her.

"Don't just stand there. Turn around. Let's see what else you've managed to forget," Renee persisted, mumbling something about Bella's eyebrows. Renee was either oblivious to my presence, or just didn't care…at all.

I assumed it was the latter.

Before Bella could turn around—which I assumed she intended to do by the way her shoulders were slumped in defeat—I cleared my throat, simultaneously pulling her to my side.

"She's beautiful just as she is. Perfect, even. Hopefully, she wears her hair this way because she knows that I prefer it to any other style," I said, hoping to take the unwanted attention off my girl.

"Oh! I didn't see you there…"

"Renee," Bella interrupted. "This is my boyfriend, Edward Masen." Bella pushed her shoulders out of their forward slump, eyeing her mother carefully as she tried to reclaim her confidence. I would like to think I had something to do with her reinvigorated stance. More so, I was mildly shocked. It was the first time I heard her say I was her boyfriend, out loud. I was beaming.

"Boyfriend?" Renee questioned, her grin matching my own. "Well it's certainly a pleasure to meet you," Renee exclaimed, offering her hand—palm down—to me. I softly kissed it, returning her enthusiasm.

I could see the similarities between Bella and Renee when Renee smiled, how both of their eyes crinkled when they were amused and their heads slightly tipped downwards. Except on Renee, this smile was accompanied by a lovely plum blush. The smile was the most recognizable trait, yet you could see the likeness in the determined set of their chins and their lovely almond-shaped eyes.

"Isabella didn't mention she was dating anyone exclusively." She turned her wicked grin to Bella while still directing her comments to me. "Now, if you don't mind, we're going to head to the powder room. We're seated at the head table," she said. "Mr. Dwyer couldn't make it, but look for his name on the place cards, Mr. Masen."

I turned to Bella to see if she was okay with this, and relaxed when she nodded and gave me a small smile. The back of my hand raised on its own accord, softly running down her cheek.

"Beautiful," I murmured, wanting her to remember that, despite what she heard to the contrary.

Her hand rose as well, settling above the makeshift corsage she had pinned on my lapel just above my heart.

"Beautiful," she repeated before she was hastily dragged off by Renee. I watched her until she was out of my line of sight, and then went to find our table.

As I made my way to the front of the room, I was stopped by the little boy who had been playing around when we first arrived. More like, I almost tripped when he unexpectedly darted out in front of me, landing flat on his ass. His eyes widened comically and he began apologizing immediately as if he had been found doing something wrong.

"I'm sorry. Please don't tell my parents."

I shook my head at him. "Tell them what?" I said furtively, winking so he'd know his secret was safe. "What were you doing, anyways?"

"You really won't tell?"

"There's really nothing _to_ tell." I shrugged my shoulders to emphasize my point.

"I was playing James Bond, like the guy from the movies I watch with my Dad? He says the only real one is that guy that talks funny—like he has caramel candies in his mouth. Do you know which one I mean? My Dad says only pansies don't know who the real James Bond is." He took a huge breath and plowed on. "Anyways, that got boring so I was gonna hide to see how long it would take before my parents came looking for me. The last time I did that it took like, three hours, and I got in trouble for wrinkling my clothes!"

"Well, this shindig just got started. How do you plan on keeping busy?" I laughed.

"I don't know yet," he said, finally working his way into a standing position. I pulled out a chair and gestured for him to take the one across from me.

"So, what's your name?"

"Seth," he responded, extending his little hand out to me.

"My name is Edward."

We spent a few minutes chatting. I mean, this kid could spew a million words per minute. He told me about his school, that he was a child of two working parents, and that he wanted to be a superhero when he grew up. When I questioned his choice of career, he shrugged, saying 'someone has to save the day.' After a few minutes of him telling me his short life story, I stood so that I could get to the head table, knowing that Bella was probably looking for me.

"Seth, it's been nice talking with you but I have to get going."

"Is your wife waiting for you?"

"Uh, no. I'm here with my girlfriend," I explained.

"I'll bet your wife's not happy about that. Dad says you should never let your girlfriend meet your wife," Seth said, rising to his feet as well.

My laugh this time was forced. Who the hell were this kid's parents? "I'm not married, Seth. I only have a girlfriend, not a wife. When you get married, you won't need a girlfriend," I clarified. Seth didn't need to grow up thinking that that type of behavior was okay.

"What's your girlfriend's name?" he asked.

"Her name is Bella."

"Where is she?"

"Good question," I answered mindlessly, taking my time to look around. The ballroom had quickly filled up and there were hundreds of faces to weed through. Eventually, I was able to pick her out of the crowd…for obvious reasons. Yet, what I saw caused my head to start pounding right on time with my increasing heart rate.

Some big ass fucking dude had his hands all over her. The little space in between them vanished when he leaned over to whisper into her ear. I couldn't see her expression, but I could see Renee's. She looked exactly like I felt.

Disgusted.

I tried to rein in my emotions and remove my murderous expression when I remembered that Seth was still there. Seth was a smart kid though, and must have seen the direction I was looking in because he chimed in with his opinion right away.

"She's really pretty. Too bad she's with _her_ husband."

I clenched my fists. "She's not married, she's _my_ girlfriend," I snapped, unnecessarily scaring the kid with my swift change in demeanor. I exhaled, quickly calming the fuck down.

"She can be your girlfriend for now, but they look good together. She'll probably marry him," he pondered aloud.

_This fucking kid. _

I was thinking I should teach him the hide-and-drink game just to get him buzzed enough so that he was tired of talking, but decided against it because it was wrong—and illegal. Besides, kids say the darnedest things. He didn't mean any harm, right?

"They're the same color, they look right together. My dad said people that look alike should be together, as long as it isn't family," he finished, proud that he remembered his father's advice.

I wanted to tell the kid to ask his dad why he was such a prick, but bit my tongue so I wouldn't be tempted.

Telling the kid to behave, and to have a good time, I took a step back into a quiet corner. I observed Bella closely, noting her tense shoulders, they way she would roll her eyes when the gargantuan would speak. The moment he walked away from her Seth's words struck a chord within me.

"From the mouths of babes," I sighed.

Had this been Bella's problem all along? Was she concerned about how we _looked_ to others? It fit perfectly with how she behaved when we weren't in the comfort of our friends. With the way she would rarely touch me in public and seemed so unsure when she did. I started walking towards Bella, my fury replaced by my need to reassure her that none of that shit was important.

As I neared her, I noted the look of sheer relief on her face. Before she could ask where I'd been, I slowly led her to the dance floor, listening as the music shifted into a soulfully slow piece. Spinning her once in a circle, I pulled her close to me, feeling her tight little body meld to mine. Her hands trailed from my wrists, up my arms, and finally came to rest on my shoulders. She eased her head down to my chest and I embraced her. Not wanting to start firing off questions right away, I danced us to the music, breathed in her scent, and closed my eyes as she sang quietly in my ear. The tone and pitch of her voice sent chills down my spine. The song wasn't familiar, but the words prompted me to speak.

"Bella?" Her name left my lips in a plea. I didn't know what I was begging for, maybe for her to just hear my thoughts and magically understand. She hummed in response. "You know that you're…I should tell you that you're perfect for me. I have never been more content. No, not content." I stopped, quickly collecting my thoughts. "I have never felt this way about anyone. It's so much more than just _happy_, that word doesn't touch on how I feel about you on a bad day." I smirked thinking about how she was always so damn stubborn and pissed me off sometimes.

"What we have is so important to me and it only matters to me that you're happy. I would do anything to make and keep you happy. Nothing else matters," I told her honestly. I didn't care how we looked to anyone. As long as she was happy with me, everyone else could go to hell.

She looked at me with wide inquiring eyes and smiled, planting a lingering kiss on my lips.

"That night I drank too much and fell asleep outside your door?" Bella started, asking me to remember that horrendous day. I wasn't sure what it had to do with what I just told her but signaled that I was listening.

"Well, Jake is here, and he says I called him and asked him to meet me here tonight. To be my date," she added softly. "I _do_ remember talking to him, but I don't recall asking him here. I was just so stressed, and I… you wouldn't respond to me. I was scared that I'd messed everything up," she explained.

I winced, still feeling pretty shitty about shutting her out. I had never felt loneliness to the degree that I'd experienced it that night. I was so use to having her by my side and hearing her voice throughout the day that when I completely ignored her, I felt physically ill.

"Don't feel guilty. I mean, I totally deserved to be left that way. I misdialed when I was trying to reach you and ended up crying to Jake, and I've told him that it's okay for him to leave but he's being difficult," she groaned. "He wants to meet you first."

I slowed down our movements, swaying her until the song softly ended.

"Thanks for being honest with me," I said, happy that I didn't have to dig for information for once. "So, I guess you should introduce us?"

She looked uneasy about doing so, but agreed. Jake hadn't yet returned but I couldn't dwell on that, I had barely pushed Bella's chair in before Renee started in on her.

"Do I need to remind you how to behave in public?" she stage whispered. "This isn't some bump and grind type club, Isabella. That is _not_ how I raised you to behave, like some common…"

"Mrs. Dwyer," I hissed. Bella was shaking her head left to right rapidly, afraid of what I might say next. She was smart to be worried. I cleared my throat and walked over to Renee. "May I have this dance?"

Her surprise at my invitation wasn't easily concealed. Gracefully rising to her feet, she placed her hand in mine, and then whispered something to Bella that caused her to tense. I was already doing a shit job of keeping her happy.

Renee finally _allowed_ me to lead her to the floor in midst of the Viennese Waltz. My mom always said I should value the ballroom dancing lessons she signed me up for, and for once her gesture was appreciated.

I assumed the position, placing her left hand on my right shoulder and lowering my right to rest on the middle of her back. We clasped our free hands together as I mentally counted the steps.

_One two three, one two three, one two three…_

"So Edward, tell me about yourself," Renee insisted, but didn't give me a chance to answer before she went into interrogation mode. She wanted to know what my parents did, if I had any siblings, and practically jumped out of her skin when I told her I lived just below the Cullens.

"They're upstanding people. A little too loose in the advice they give Bella, but I'm sure they mean well. So, the penthouse? That must have cost a pretty penny?" she inquired.

For her to be so concerned with Bella's actions, she sure didn't seem to care about how socially unacceptable it was to question someone about their financial standing.

"It's actually my parents' place. My dad just thought it would help me to get off to a good start in a new city," I offered. Though I didn't think the real reason would bother her—that he didn't want me to live amongst 'commoners'—I chose to keep it to myself.

A few more turns around the dance floor and I caught a glimpse of Bella.

Laughing.

With Jake.

I tried to suppress my irritation, but there he was making her happy and doing a better job of distracting her than I was. Whatever he said was obviously so damn hilarious that it had her head fully thrown back and her body quaking with the force of her laughter. Unconsciously, I tightened my grip on Renee.

"You don't have to worry about Jacob Black. Besides the fact that he's an unacceptable match for Isabella, she's never seen him that way. From what you've told me, you're perfect for her," she said.

How could I dislike the woman that said such wonderful things? Granted she knew nothing of substance about me, but it was nice to know she was in my corner.

"Just be patient with her. I haven't worked out all of her kinks yet, Lord knows I've been trying for years," she mumbled.

_Just when I was starting to like her, a little. _

How could she not see that Bella was perfect as she was?

"And don't look at me like that. What Isabella fails to realize is that I'm trying to help her—and you by extension. She needs to understand that society has certain norms that she will have to abide by whether she likes it or not. And if you think being in an interracial relationship is as easy as 'boy meets girl' you're sadly mistaken." Her expression softened as she appeared to be trapped in a memory. "If anyone has to give her a wakeup call I'd rather it be me than some heartless jerk."

For as bitchy as Renee was, I had to admit she was somewhat perceptive. I _had_ assumed it was as easy as boy meets girl, and still didn't see my view as incorrect. Anyways, it was 2009, it wasn't like we were living in the fifties. The bottom line was that none of that was important. What Bella and I had was special; if people had an opinion, they could keep it to themselves.

"Don't you think it's more important that she be herself?" I found myself asking without a second thought.

"Of course I do, of course. I just think she should be the best version of herself."

I realized this was an argument I wasn't going to win, so I conceded. Thankfully, the song came to a close, rescuing me from saying something I would later regret. I bowed to Renee, kissed the back of her hand, and thanked her for the dance. She curtsied and went to mingle with some of the party guests as I made my way back to the table to meet Jake.

"You must be Jake," I said, extending my hand to shake his. He stared at my hand for a while, before he relented, hardly grazing my palm with his limp handshake. I tried not to let it get to me. The last thing Bella needed to put up with was an overbearing mother, annoying friend, and a jealous boyfriend.

_Yes, jealous._

Taking my seat, I stretched my arm behind Bella's chair, discreetly nudging it closer to me. She knew what my intentions were, but surprisingly didn't call me out on it. She just scooted her chair closer to mine, stroking my knee underneath the table.

Jake stared at us, curiously watching our every movement. Occasionally he'd share some inside joke with Bella that I didn't get. It was like he knew exactly how to push my buttons, doing his best to make me feel like a third wheel. Bella would always try to steer the conversation back to mutual territory, but he just kept on with the 'remember when's.'

"B? Remember that time you almost burned down the diner?" Jake said through a loud guffaw.

Bella ducked her head in embarrassment, but couldn't help but laugh along. "I was trying to bake a turkey," she said. "How was I supposed to know you had to defrost it first? I was only thirteen!"

"Wait, how did you almost burn down the kitchen _baking_ a turkey?" I asked, interested to hear anything of her past. Jake answered, clearly forgetting that he had been excluding me from the conversation.

"Oh, it wasn't the baking that was the issue. When she found out it needed to defrost, and couldn't fit it into the microwave, she ran back to the supply room. A few minutes later she comes out with this, like, industrial-sized container of Crisco and fucking pours it into this pan…"

"It was a stock pot. The turkey wouldn't fit into a pan," Bella defended.

"And that's relevant how?" Jake asked. "Like I was saying," he continued, rolling his eyes at Bella and finally making eye contact with me. "She pours it in, the _pot_, then throws the turkey in there and turns it on maximum heat like it's all good."

"Yeah, and I threw my apron beside the counter and went to hang with Jake. When I came back to check on it the grease was popping everywhere and I was too scared to get close," Bella said.

"So I did, which was working out okay until some of it got on the apron and caught fire. Again, no problem, but before I could call for help, Bella fills a pitcher with water…"

"Baby, you didn't," I chuckled, thankful that she hadn't fried anything at my place.

"Hey, whose side are on you on anyway?" she smiled. "Everyone knows that water puts out fires," she argued.

"Not a grease fire," Jake and I howled simultaneously. We were all laughing loudly, which garnered a few stares from nearby tables. It also led to Renee's sudden reappearance. I swear, she was like the butler from _Mr. Deeds_.

She gave Bella and Jake a look that clearly said 'be quiet or I will end you.' Okay, maybe it didn't say all of that, but she accentuated it by not-so-discreetly pinching Jake's arm. He yelped and rubbed his arm, cursing under his breath. When she came closer to Bella, I wrapped my arm around her, knowing she wouldn't harm a guest. Luckily, I was right.

"Don't slouch," Renee ordered. We all knew she was talking to Bella, but Jake quickly sat up in his chair.

"I'm sorry Renee. I have a bad back from listening to rap music while slanging drugs on the corner. You know it's hard out here for…"

"Jacob Ephraim Black, if you finish that sentence," Renee warned him.

Between Jake's antics and my volunteering to be Renee's dance partner, Bella didn't have to put up with too much of her mom's bickering. Don't get me wrong, her mom still tried. She just had to resort to passive-aggressive methods to do it.

The night wasn't like anything I expected. I expected to dance, rescue Bella if Renee got to be too much, and maybe even scare off any of Bella's potential admirers. However, I didn't anticipate that Renee would be so merciless, that Jake and I would come to some sort of truce, or that Bella would crumble before my eyes.

She smiled and nodded her head along with the ongoing conversations, and allowed her mother to pull her from crowd to crowd introducing her as if she were a newly purchased thoroughbred. One of Renee's passive-aggressive tactics was to have Bella dance with 'family friends.' She accepted the dances, claiming it was easier to keep the peace. I disagreed. I didn't want to see her dancing with men that were too drunk and too fucking touchy-feely with her.

To both of our detriments, I cut in every single time. My interference only caused Renee to push Bella in to dancing with more people, and consequently pushed me into a fit of rage.

Bella may have hid her withering spirit from everyone else, but I could see it in her posture, and the utter look of resignation in her eyes. At one point, nothing I did or said was enough to remove the frown from her face. I told bad jokes. I tried honesty, telling her that a woman with a stunning smile such as hers should wear it proudly. I even sparred with Jake, going round for round with him in 'yo mama' jokes. She had a tiny smile then, but that was still unacceptable.

Jake had made his grand departure, finally offering me a firm hand shake that temporarily cut off my circulation. He promised to 'scalp my girly hair' if I hurt Bella, and I returned the sentiment. Telling him if I caught him checking out her ass again I'd rip him to pieces. That was our truce.

We had only been at the Gala for two hours, but it was obvious we wouldn't make it through the remainder of the festivities at the rate things were going. Renee was doing her job as the social butterfly, flitting from person to person, so I seized the open opportunity.

Standing up, I downed the remainder of Renee's champagne glass. Since Renee forced the age issue, I didn't have one of my own. Putting it back on the table, I told Bella to follow me out. I would have grabbed her hand, but I couldn't put it past Renee not to sense my flight plan and appear out of thin air again.

When we made it out undetected, I took her hand, feeling my inner child return as I scouted the area for somewhere where we could be alone. Several locked doors later, I came upon a smaller ball room. It was dim, lit only by the outside streetlights, but bright enough that I didn't search for the light switch. I pulled out my iPhone, quickly bringing up the web browser and searched for a cab company. Once I found one, I guaranteed a large tip if they could arrive in the next fifteen minutes.

Bella was ready to protest, but I was having none of that.

"Do you really want to stay?" I questioned, all ready knowing the answer.

She sighed. "No, not at all."

"Then we're leaving," I said simply.

Walking closer to me, she grabbed my waist, hugging me from the side. Placing a quick kiss to her brow, I walked us to the window overlooking the street so that I could see when the cab arrived.

"I'm sorry I didn't do a better job of protecting you tonight."

She was quiet for so long I had to look down to see if she'd fallen asleep. I was amazed to see that she was smiling. A genuine smile.

"You beat yourself up for things that are not in your control. Believe it or not, this is the tamest Renee has ever been," she chuckled. "You were my knight in shining armor," she said, pulling me down by the collar of my jacket and kissing me in a way she never had before.

She pulled my lower lip into her mouth, sucking and biting my flesh, and sending an electric jolt through my entire body. I slowly pulled her closer, pressing our bodies tightly together as I nibbled and teased her lips before parting them with my tongue. As they intertwined, giving soft but firm strokes, she tangled her hands in my hair, causing me to moan into her mouth. Lowering my hands from her waist, I lazily trailed them down her sides until I felt her silky nylons. With her heels on, so much more of her was accessible. I inched her dress up, kneading her thighs through the delicate material. She moaned into the kiss and soon after, pulled away, struggling to catch her breath. As much as I wanted to kiss down her neck, push the ruffles of her dress away, and dip my tongue into her cleavage, I stopped.

That same heartwarming emotion had me intoxicated, and after a quick look out of the window, I reached into my pocket.

"Bella."

"Yeah?" she squeaked.

"When is your birthday?" I asked, both curious and biding my time as I thought of what I wanted to say.

"September thirteenth. Why?"

"I just want to know you, all of you," I confessed.

She smiled. "You do know me. Knowing a date isn't as important as knowing me here," she stated, placing my hand over her heart."

"I want to know you better there, too." Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the tiny velvet pouch. "I got you something else…"

"Edward you didn't have to do that," she insisted.

"I needed to. I don't think I've shown or told you how much you mean to me. Open your hand," I requested, cutting off any further protests. When she did, I slid the key chain with the single key in to her hand. The anchor charm rested on her palm as I once again tried to decipher the overpowering emotion that shrouded me.

"It isn't super romantic or anything, and this is probably cheesy as hell but…you've been _my_ anchor, stabilizing me in more ways than you know." I thought about how I didn't needlessly fuck around anymore, going from girl to girl in search of the feelings she gave me with a simple smile. How she cared about how my day went, what my future goals were, even if I ate or not! She helped to balance my emotions when I was all over the place. Fuck, I didn't even curse as much because I didn't want her to think I was swearing at her.

Well, I didn't swear _out loud_ so much.

I knew better than to say some of that, so I summed it up as best as I could. "You have given me a foundation, and I…I… I want you to know I'm grateful."

A flash of yellow caught my eye and I could see that the taxi had arrived. I casually walked her towards the exit, wanting to explain the rest of the gift before we left.

"That key is to my place. If I can, in anyway, I want to be _your_ anchor," I vowed, closing her hand around the key and leaving a lingering kiss on her knuckles.

We had made it to the exit and Bella had yet to speak. Aside from the look of astonishment she kept aiming my way, I had no idea what she was thinking. There wasn't time to mull it over though; we needed to cross the entrance in front of the main ballroom before I could question her reaction.

Or lack thereof.

Keeping Bella behind me, I peeked to my right just in time to see Renee glance at the head table. No doubt it was in search of us.

"Hi, Edward."

Bella nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Seth smiling up at us.

"Are you playing James Bond too?" he asked.

Bella quirked an eyebrow at me, and I shrugged in response. "Sort of. Maybe you could help us, Seth. We need to get to that door over there." I pointed at the exit sign, giving him my best 'I'm counting on you' look. "Do you think you could provide a distraction, like in the movies?" I asked, wondering if I needed to define distraction for him. Seth's eyes lit up at my request for help, and Bella and I smiled at each other, his enthusiasm wholly contagious.

"What do I do?" he questioned, vibrating with a new-found energy.

I pointed out Renee to him, telling him he should ask her to dance. When she had her back turned to us, we would sneak out and he would be able to mark his first assignment complete. He instantly started to dart for the door, but turned to face us before he'd gotten too far away.

"Sorry, I didn't get to introduce myself to you Miss Bella," he said, bowing to her then straightening his little frame—putting forth his best manners. "Edward," he whispered stepping closer to me. "I think my dad was wrong, you guys do look right together. You smile the same," he added before swiftly running off.

***

Seth was good. Not two minutes later, we were running toward the cab, out of breath and laughing hysterically as we took our seats. We held hands but didn't speak on the short cab ride to my place or when we entered, and not knowing what she was thinking was driving me insane.

Bella was slouched down on the couch, her high-heeled foot resting on the coffee table as she absentmindedly curled her hair around her fingers. She released a soft sigh and I crossed the room to join her.

Her dress had risen and gathered on her lap, revealing her long, toned, caramel legs. Not one to pass up an opportunity to touch her, I sat on the coffee table, extending her leg until her foot rested in my lap. Gently, I removed her shoe, dropping it to the floor as I started to massage her foot and ankle. She pushed her heel out, vocalizing her pleasure when I exerted more pressure on a particularly sensitive spot. Removing the other shoe, I repeated the action, wishing I was touching her bare skin as opposed to her nylons.

"Edward?"

My head snapped up at the sound of her voice, and the determined set of her chin told me something big was coming. Slowing my movements, I gazed at her intently; admittedly a little scared of what she had to say.

"I've been unfair to you," she started, and held her hand up before I could tell her otherwise. "I've tried not to let my past experiences interfere with our relationship, but I've been focusing so hard on what went wrong in the past, and how I could avoid it in the future, that I've been ignoring the proof that's been right in front of me—the proof you show me every day by holding my hand, kissing me, wanting to be out with me."

"Proof of what?" I wondered out loud.

"Proof that you're not ashamed of me," she whispered, dropping her chin to her chest. I wondered if she would've blushed here.

I reached forward and lifted her chin, sliding my thumb over the skin there. "How could I ever be ashamed of you? I meant what I said when I told you that I don't care about anything other than your happiness."

Kissing her solidly on the Iips, I returned my attention to the massage. I took my time, eventually working my way up to her shapely calf and letting the pads of my fingers lightly brush her inner thigh.

"There's more I want to tell you. I want you to know me, too, even the things I've been ashamed to admit," she said, closing her eyes and biting her lower lip.

She moaned again when I worked my way to her toes, shifting her foot until it made direct contact with my growing erection. I closed my eyes too.

"Tomorrow," I said. From my initial gaffe, to the moving fiasco, it seemed that we'd been plagued with hardship, and I just wanted to dwell in the serenity for a while.

"Let's just relax for the rest of the night," I said.

I opened my eyes in time to see her nod in approval as my fingers continued making smoothing circles on her thigh, arcing higher up on each pass. Soon enough, my hand had left silk and was touching her bare skin.

Looking down at my hands, I could see how far I'd pushed her dress up. My thumbs had passed the lace of her thigh highs, fingering what felt like a garter belt. On their own volition, my fingers pushed higher wanting to see it with my eyes.

_Fuck._

My dick was throbbing, and when I looked up, Bella was staring at me. The lust, and the longing, and the I-don't-know-what sparked between us, and it took all of my control to remain seated as opposed to attacking her. She slipped her foot from out of my lap, silently coming to stand in between my legs. Reaching down, she gently caressed my hair, guiding my head back until she could reach my lips.

Her kiss was fiercely passionate, and I kissed her back with fervor, absorbing her essence into every part of my being. She pulled back, her breathing ragged, as she turned her back to me.

"Unzip me?"

_Jesus._

"Yes," I gulped, standing to my feet and stepping toward her.

Gathering her velvety tendrils in one hand, I slowly began sliding her zipper down, groaning at every inch of smooth skin revealed. I stopped mid-way, closing the last bit of space between us, wanting her to know the power she held over my body. Wanting her to _feel_ exactly what she did to me.

Dropping my head to her neck, I let my nose skim to just behind her ear, my tongue darting out to taste the delicious skin there. Her breathing grew short when I blew cool air on the wet trail, planting a kiss to her heated skin. Moving back to her zipper, I pulled it down completely, revealing ribbons of criss-crossed satin.

"I want to see you," I said, my voice gruff, thick with desire.

She stepped forward on shaky legs, and I grabbed her waist to steady her. Teasingly, she removed the dress from her arms, guiding it down her hips before it pooled at her ankles. I took in her caramel skin, the muscles of her back flexing with her movement, her perfect, round ass peeking out seductively from underneath the black lingerie. Her whole presence lured me in like an enchanting siren's call.

God, she was beautiful.

My mind reeled, hoping tonight I would see all of her. We had rounded the bases, but it was always her bare legs, or exposed breasts I'd see. Never everything…at once.

The air around us crackled with electricity—a promise of fulfillment—and faster than I thought possible, I was standing in front of her. I picked her up, hissing when her legs wrapped snuggly around my waist and her heat enveloped my hardness.

Her parted lips strayed to mine powerfully, and I fed from her sweet mouth, covering her trembling lips in hot kisses before my tongue found hers. Our mouths took their time mating: thrusting, tangling, engulfing. I embraced her plump bottom, lifting and pulling to create a devastatingly sensual friction.

Working my way down towards her collarbone, I sucked the skin there, desperately wanting to mark her—hoping that it was even possible. I quickly started to walk us to the bedroom, bumping into walls and hearing things crash around us. But nothing was as loud as the storm of passion that had been brewing between us for far too long. When my knees finally hit the edge of the bed, I laid her down, instantly placing myself in between her legs and reclaiming her mouth.

The adrenaline pumping through my veins was overwhelming, and a small voice in the back of my head reminded me that if _I_ controlled the situation, it would hurt less if she left. I tensed, needing a minute to clear my head of those thoughts, but Bella had other ideas. She slid from underneath me, easily pushing me onto my back in my mindless state. Her hips slid over my length rhythmically, effortlessly, heavenly. Snapping myself into alertness, I reached out to her, wanting to be connected with her in every way. Yet, she halted my movement, pinning my wrists to the bed as her mouth mated with mine once more. Sensing that we were both battling for control—still harboring needless fear—I stayed put and wondered 'was ready to let go?'

She released my hands, but her eyes begged me to remain still. I acquiesced, watching her as she hurriedly unbuttoned my shirt and roughly caressed my chest with her fingernails.

Gazing up at her, I quieted the small voice that promised me failure. She wasn't Angela. She _would_ be here in the morning. Every facet of her body emphasized the differences; dark silky skin, beautifully formed breasts, and a warm smile.

"I won't _hurt_ you," I voiced, perhaps telling her what _I_ needed to hear.

Her head whipped to mine, chocolate eyes seeking the truth in green before her lips formed the sweetest smile. The warmth in my chest was beautifully suffocating when she looked at me like that, like she could capture my soul with a blink of her eye. She shook her head, slowing her commanding movements until her fingers flitted across me as light as butterfly wings.

When she kissed me this time, I did embrace her, holding her small frame against me.

"I won't _leave_ you," she promised.

Sliding her off of me, I sat up to remove my shirt, watching as she struggled to remove her slip.

"Bella, please stop trying to take your clothes off," I smirked. "Let me do that."

"Finally," she sighed, giggling at my shocked expression.

Playfully swatting her ass, and groaning at her breathy response, I removed the offending piece of fabric. I held her tightly in my arms, ignoring my raging hard-on for the time being, needing to show her how I intended to treat her: to give her back everything she'd given me. Rolling on top of her, I lazily kissed her, letting the kisses speak for my heart.

_I need you. I want you. Always._

And she answered through tangled legs, dainty fingers interlocking behind my neck, teeth biting my lower lip.

_You have me. I'm yours. Always._

Her lips were soft and pliant under mine, and I kissed her until all of our fears had dispelled, leaving only the warmth.

"Bella," I plead, needing to make sure she wanted this. She put her hands on either side of my face as she lifted her hips to meet mine.

"Yes," she whispered into my mouth, her words sending my heart into overdrive. And finally, _finally_, we were on the same page.

Her mouth was all over me, so fucking hot and wet, tasting the skin of my shoulder as I hovered over her. Sliding her hand between us, she pressed against my hard length, sending a shiver down my spine. Her fingers clutched me through the fabric, and she let out a surprised 'oh' when I plunged into her hand. Gently putting pressure on the head, she stroked down to the base, and if I hadn't jacked off so much to her constant teasing, I'd already have came.

It was still a strong possibility.

Placing soft kisses on her hands, I moved them above her head, licking and teasing my way down her neck, her chest, before brushing my finger across one beautifully-formed breast. I cupped the full weight of her, pinching and tweaking her pert nipple to hardness while I sucked the other one into my mouth. Her back arched off the bed as I sucked, licked, and grazed the pebbled tip with my teeth. And the sounds that came from her pretty little mouth…

"Fuck, Edward." I was one step away from humping her leg if she kept that up.

I continued torturing her, taking turns teasing her soft, ripe swells as my hand skimmed her stomach in search of the aching flesh between her thighs. Feasting near her navel, down to her solid hip bones, and then softly kissing her lace-covered center; I hooked my fingers into her panties, bringing them down with her help. She made to remove the garter and I stopped her.

"Leave it on. So…fucking…hot," I grunted, pulling at it to release her thigh-highs.

I slid them off, caressing her naked skin until my hand reached the bare flesh between her legs. And I mean completely fucking bare. I looked down, pleased at how easily I could see her wetness against her sepia-toned skin.

"Baby," I said, barely dipping a finger into her. Removing it quickly, I pulled my finger upward, spreading the dampness over her clit before stroking it firmly. She mumbled something that sounded like, 'shit-fuck-damnit,' and I propped her legs over my shoulder, lapping at the taut bud. Her muffled cries spurred me on as her hands automatically sought my hair. I wanted to keep it romantic, slowly bring her to her peak, but she wasn't having any of that.

"More, please," she panted.

I obliged, firmly swirling my tongue over her before sucking her in between my teeth. She thrashed beneath me, making my movements staccato. I pushed closer to her, lifting her legs higher and caressing her heaving chest as my tongue nestled into her depths.

Her trembles turned into shudders as she gasped out, "So close, Edward. You make me feel so good."

"Come for me," I urged, laying my tongue flat against her and licking. Pinching her nipple, I brought my hand down to enter a lone finger into her, curling it, beckoning her orgasm to me. She screamed in ecstasy, her words incoherent, her hips undulating wildly as she hit that blinding, pulsing moment of release. Her vocalizations made my dick impossibly harder. I watched her, studying her every movement while my fingers helped her ride out her climax.

Her head was thrown back as she whispered shallowly from her lungs. Her dark hair fanned out over the pillows and her face the picture of bliss. I licked my lips, tasting the lingering sweetness there before leaving a final kiss.

"More," she repeated, sitting up and pulling me into a kiss. She released me, quickly undoing my pants, and pushing them down with her feet. Her hand fisted around my rigid shaft, stroking me from base to tip, squeezing when she reached the head.

"Bella, I'm not going to last if you keep…" She swirled her thumb over my head, collecting the fluid there before increasing her movements and rendering me speechless. I closed my eyes, trying to think of anything to calm me down, but I wanted to see this, to feel this, so I forced my eyes open.

Truth of the matter was, I hadn't been with anyone outside of my own race, and I wanted to know if it would be different. Her lips were honey-coated chocolate, and she was smooth curves, delectable corners and definitely woman. She loosened her grip, sliding the head of my cock through her slippery heat, causing my eyes to clench once again.

"Fuck," I hissed, slipping into her before stilling. She was so tight, and I wanted to push—hard—but didn't want to hurt her. I opened my eyes to find hers closed as I questioned if she was alright.

"I've never been more _alright_," she replied, shifting her hips forward, taking more of me in with a contented sigh. I entered her fully then, drawing a quick breath as I increased my pace. God, I wanted to melt into her as I touched, teased, and claimed every part of her within reach; her body soothing the taste of my unquenchable palette. I told her as much as we found a rhythm that quickly gave in to urgency, my urgency.

I listened as she called to every deity known to man, mixing it with curses, begging me to lose control. It only took a moment for me to give in, thrusting into her, not seeing the difference I'd been searching for, but definitely _feeling_ it.

"I'm going to come, again," she breathed, sounding shocked. I was stunned too, one of Bella's epithets escaping my mouth.

_Holy Mother-fucking-Teresa!_

I lowered back down to her amazing breasts, suckling her before sticking my finger into her mouth. She closed her mouth around it, humming before releasing it with an audible pop. I immediately moved it to her clit, alternating between making circles and lightly flicking the stiff bud.

"I'm…I'm…" she screamed, as I removed my hand to pull her hips hard and fast against me. She met me on every thrust, swiveling her hips and scratching her nails down my back.

"Open your eyes, please," I said, wanting to see her undoing as the most incredible, jarring, climax of my life ripped through me and into her. She locked eyes with mine, a light sheen of sweat across her brow, and her bottom lip captured between her teeth.

And there it was.

What the warmth was, what had been teetering on the edge of my subconscious, and ultimately why I couldn't find any superficial differences aside from her skin-tone. When her eyes met mine the difference became clear.

_Love_.

We laid face to face cuddled together, foreheads kissing, and legs intertwined. Bella's eyes rapidly fluttered beneath her lids, and her breathing was slow and even. I ran my hands through her hair, pressing my lips lightly to her nose before storing the memory of this night—of us—in my heart and soul.

"Love," I whispered, falling quickly and peacefully asleep.

* * *

**A/N**

The 'tender fucking' is dedicated to Lipglossed. The song Bella sings along to is Norah Jones, _The Nearness of You_. Bella's dress is pictured on my profile. Pictures of Renee, and anything else in this chapter are on my LJ(see profile).

Thank you for being patient during my absence. I spent most of the month on the road, and March isn't looking too much better. Hugs to you ladies who nom'd me for The Indies, I had too many reviews to qualify but appreciate you for thinking of this story. There are several great fics nominated so don't forget to vote for your favorite.

A special thank you for the PMs and heartfelt condolences you all have offered my family in this time of tragedy. Your kind words and virtual hugs have astounded me. I especially appreciate you AngryBadgerGirl , Jeda115, and Beks.

Obnoxiously long author's note is obnoxiously long.

**Please leave me some love, I could use some :)  
**


	13. Nothing Even Matters

**A/N Thank you for continuing to read and review. I read and reply to each and everyone, and sometimes I even include teasers…**

* * *

You're part of my identity  
I sometimes have the tendency  
To look at you religiously  
'Cause nothing even matters to me

Nothing Even Matters-Lauryn Hill & D'Angelo

I woke with a start; groggily searching around for the time as a sleeping Bella tightened her grip on my waist. Slowly easing myself out of her hold, and reluctantly out of the bed, I made my way to the restroom wondering why on earth I was awake at this ungodly hour.

After I relieved myself, I slid back into the bed, gently pulling Bella flush against me. In turn, she buried her head into my chest, her hot breath puffing out in wonderful intervals over my heart; each one warming me and breathing life into the organ I once thought was cold and dead.

The details of our first evening being together—really together—filtered through my mind, and I struggled ineffectually to keep my body's reactions under control. Sunlight had not yet come in through the curtains, and the last thing I wanted to do after the incredible night we shared was wake her up for a quickie.

Well, it wasn't the _last_ thing I wanted to do, but still.

Closing my eyes, I lightly ran my hands down her back, leaning forward to kiss the top of her head before trying to go back to sleep. It worked for a few minutes, and I felt myself being lulled back into that peaceful oblivion. That was until I felt something warm and solid draped across my hip.

"Edward," Bella gasped, unknowingly seducing me, urging me to open my eyes. I smiled lazily, opening them with no further hesitation. My vision was blurry as my eyes adjusted for a second time to the dark room, but I let my hands lead the way.

When I reached for the slight weight situated over me, I came in contact with Bella's smooth leg. Trailing lazy circles from her knee to thigh—occasionally pausing to gently squeeze her ass—I softly hummed, hoping it would help to coax her back into a deep slumber. She had a habit of talking in her sleep, and it was usually incoherent mumbling. However, my name was always intelligible when it fell from her lips.

Continuing to hum and embrace her, I shut my eyes again, waiting to hear the soft snoring that usually interrupted her late-night rambling. Yet, in perfect clarity, she repeated my name. Every cell in my body sung at the breathy commanding way she said it; the way the heel of her foot felt applying pressure to my back, pushing my lower-half into her heat, and causing a shiver to rip through me.

"Baby, are you awake?" I whispered, not entirely sure my imagination wasn't just running wild.

"Yes," she answered, reaching in between our bodies to stroke my all ready stiffening length. "I want you."

She had my full attention then—she had _me_ at full attention—and our lips met in an intoxicating kiss as I glided upward, tenderly entering her and feeling whole once again.

***

The second time I woke up, my drowsiness was accompanied by a mild sense of panic. It wasn't just that the sheets beside me were cold, or that there was a complete absence of sound that I expected to hear from running water or even Bella's light footfalls. No, the panic set it in when I searched for her, when I went to her vacated apartment and she didn't answer, when I strode through the downstairs lobby in only a t-shirt and boxers and found no trace of her.

So, maybe _mild_ didn't properly convey my anxiousness.

Typically, I would wake up and head to the kitchen, the smell of breakfast luring me in. Instead, I sat at my piano with my back leaning against the ivories, staring towards the front entrance. Lowering my elbows to rest on my thighs, I contemplated the many logical reasons for her absence. Finally concluding that my propensity for 'catastrophizing' every situation would do me no good.

I didn't get to placate myself for too long though, as the sound of the front door opening rattled me. So much so, that I nearly stumbled off the bench in order to inspect the intruder. Shortly after, Bella walked into view, and upon seeing my wide-eyed expression, she spoke.

"You gave me a key, remember?" she explained hastily, spinning the key in circles around her index finger.

"Where were you?" I asked, cringing at the slight maliciousness interlaced with my tone. I must have looked more scared than upset, and she walked slowly toward me, dropping the keys into her purse.

"I left you a note…but you didn't read it," she stated rather than asked. She wrapped her arms tightly around my torso, a gesture I quickly returned.

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward. You know this," she added. And it was true, I _knew_ she wasn't, but as they say 'old habits die hard.'

"Say it again," I said, leaning down to breathe in her scent.

"I'm not going…" she began before I cut her off.

"No, just my name," I sighed, my shoulders shaking as I fought to hide my laughter.

Bella promptly pushed me away. "So full of yourself," she admonished.

"Somebody else was full of…" I started, before being whacked on the back of the head. Massaging the spot as I faked severe injury, I followed her into the entry way, helping her retrieve the grocery bags she'd left.

"You've been hanging out with Rosalie too much. That kind of hurt." She rolled her eyes at me—not buying into my ruse for a second—as we made our way into the kitchen.

Side-by-side we worked to put the groceries away, sharing smiles and kisses whenever our paths crossed. Once I had put all the refrigerated items away, I closed the door, my eyes immediately drawn to a note held to the fridge by a single magnet.

_Edward,_

_Ran to the store, I'll be back soon. _

_Promise_

_xxx_

_Bella_

Just the presence of the note relaxed any remaining tension I had, and my smile couldn't help but widen. This is how things were supposed to be—no miscommunications, no 'what am I to you' conversations—just Bella and I. Happy. To say that we had gotten off to a rough start would've been putting it lightly, but as we flitted around the kitchen in comfortable silence just being 'us,' I knew this had to be love.

_I love Bella._

"What are you smiling about?" Bella inquired, my giddiness catching her off guard. After I cleared my throat, I waved a hand in the air between us.

"Uh, you know. Nothing really, just happy," I stammered.

Knowing how I felt and sharing it with her were two very different things. I was in no way ready to tell Bella that I was sure that I was in love with her. It would be putting too much at stake. Ignoring the voice that told me I had nothing to lose, I shook my head and pointed to the note.

"You just went to the market?" I asked, turning to help her put the boxes of cereal above the fridge. In my attempt to change the subject, I must have said something wrong. Because by the time I turned back to Bella, I noticed she had not yet moved and her chin was lowered to her chest.

"No, I didn't _just_ go to the market. No," she softly repeated.

Waiting patiently for her to gather her thoughts, I gently lifted her up by the waist and sat her on the island. When she finally made eye contact with me, her leg started bouncing.

"I needed to go to the pharmacy. Getting groceries was an afterthought, really," she exhaled.

Surprisingly, I remained calm, waiting for her to tell me what the problem was as I caressed her anxious knee. If she was sick, I would help her, I just needed the details.

"We didn't use condoms last night. I mean, this morning and… I'm not on birth control. "

I swallowed.

_Evidently remaining calm was no longer an option._

After Bella reminded me of our careless actions, I immediately apologized, letting her know it was as much my responsibility as it was hers. I had never _not_ used a condom before, but with everything that had happened, and finally getting to be with her, I lost control.

After assurances that we had both been tested and would be careful in the future, she explained that everything would be fine and that she'd all ready called to have her birth control prescription refilled. Bella also revealed that she took the morning after pill—the primary reason for her trip—however, since she was expecting her cycle in a few days, she figured we had nothing to worry about.

I may have blanched at the mention of said 'cycle.'

Shaking my head for being ridiculous, I still couldn't help but feel like I was leaving the responsibility of protection up to her, but she put my guilt to rest, reassuring me that it was 'no big deal' because we would both be wiser in the future. She also said that she planned on being with me 'as much and as soon as possible,' and so as long as one of us had protection, I didn't need to worry.

_Down boy._

"My stuff is all moved in, so what do you say to spending the day at my place?" she asked.

I agreed, promptly going through my morning routine—sans jerking off—and was ready twenty minutes later. Before we left my place, Bella told me Rose was at work so we'd be alone. I nodded, opening the door to escort her out.

She stood still. "She's going to stay over at Emmett's tonight…so we'll be completely _alone_," she clarified, arching her brow.

"Be right back." With supernatural speed, I hurried back to my room, stuffing as many of the golden foil packages that I could fit into my wallet.

Two.

I looked at my wallet in disgust before thanking the genius that was cargo shorts. The extras I could leave at her place, you know, just in case. Soon after, I joined Bella at the door, not even trying to hide my devilish grin.

"Let's go," I said, placing my palm on the small of her back and leading her out.

***

"It seems much smaller than I remember," I pondered aloud.

"That's because it was empty before, silly. Not everyone can afford a three thousand square foot apartment," she joked.

"Well, lump me into that 'everyone.' It's not like I own it, or pay the bills for it. You know that. Actually, it's more like I'm squatting," I ventured. Now that I'd thought about it, it was pretty pathetic. Even Emmett had to do his share to stay in his place. Rosalie and Bella both would be working part-time while going to school, and I did…nothing. Unless bitching about my life counted as work. I sighed. That was just one more thing I needed to fix if I wanted to be worthy of keeping Bella's affection. I knew she wasn't impressed by money, but she deserved the best.

Bella's laugh drew me out of my thoughts as she tugged on my hand, leading me to her bedroom. "I know exactly how you feel. Phil was cool about me using the penthouse, but Renee would never let me forget that she was doing me this huge favor. You don't know how happy I am, knowing that she can't hold that over my head anymore. The only downside," she stated, pushing me to sit on her bed as she moved to her closet, "is knowing that you aren't right upstairs."

She began opening a box in the back of her closet labeled 'therapy sessions,' tossing a box of Kleenex and a jar of M&Ms out as she dug into it.

"Therapy sessions?" I questioned.

"When Ro and I went through something particularly bad, or got pissed at each other, we would have these sessions as opposed to moping around all day. Ah, here they are!" she exclaimed, pulling out two water guns.

"We would never hurt each other physically, but one time we soaked her entire house chasing each other around, spraying each other with water," she said, brandishing the plastic gun.

"What were you fighting over?" I asked, curiosity taking over.

"It was stupid," she began. "Renee had bought me this name brand purse; I don't even remember what kind it was now," she added, her eyes gleaming as she reminisced. "Anyhow, I didn't carry purses back then, so I took it to school and gave it to Alice—the girl you met at the mall?" I nodded to show her I did remember meeting the elf-sized woman.

Reaching over, I pulled her sideways onto my lap as she continued on. "Ro sees me give Alice the bag and starts yellin' at me, telling me that I knew she wanted it, and that she had shown it to me in some fashion magazine. She said that Alice wouldn't appreciate it or know what to do with it anyways. I didn't know what she was going on about and told her to stop acting like a spoiled brat! Yeah," she giggled, noticing my shocked expression, "she didn't like that too much."

"After that, we avoided each other most of the week, but she kept shooting me these nasty glares at school whenever I would walk pass her. I was sitting in my last period class and heard someone laughing loudly. When I turned around to see what was going on, I saw Ro pointing at me and snickering with this girl named Taylor. I've never liked being the center of attention, so I turned away and hid my face, hoping that no one could see me crying," she sighed. I slowly stroked her lower back, occasionally dodging her hands as she animatedly told her story.

"We were supposed to meet up at her house that night to go the fair. Of course, I didn't want to be around her either, and tried to think of a way to get out of it. Dad didn't want me staying home by myself and he had to work. He offered to take me to Renee's, but she was off being…well, Renee. So when he dropped me off, I sulked in the Hales' kitchen, chatting with Tanya while Ro went around slamming cabinets and any other door she could find to voice her distaste at my being there. It only took a few minutes before I was sick of it, and went to pour myself a glass of water that ended up over Rosalie's head," she laughed. "It was a full-fledged water war after that, but eventually apologies were made, and we ended up laughing it off. After that, it became this weird tradition we used to express our rage."

"The chocolate and the tissues, what were those for?" I asked.

"The usual: being hurt over breakups, angry when we were grounded by our parents, finding out that Leonardo DiCaprio was only into models and we never had a chance. You know, normal teenaged-girl stuff. The tissues were for the tears, and who doesn't like chocolate?"

"Who doesn't?" I agreed, kissing that spot right behind her earlobe. "And why do you need it now?"

"Well, we need to talk about some things and I might need to vent," she said softly.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Resuming the upward strokes, I massaged her neck. "I know we're going to be fine no matter what," I said honestly. She looked pensive for a second before giving me a breathtaking smile.

"Since I won't be needing this," she said, tossing the water gun down. "We should go out to the pool, it's a nice day outside. Is that okay?"

"I didn't bring extra clothes," I pointed out.

"Don't worry about that. I'll be right back."

I smirked. I mean, really, skinny-dipping in the middle of the day?

"And get your mind out of the gutter," Bella shouted from the adjacent room.

_She knows me entirely too well._

Moments later, she came back holding up a large pair of dark gray sweats.

"Whose are those?" I asked through clenched teeth. I couldn't explain why the sight of _fabric_ would change my mood so quickly, but seeing another man's belongings in her hands, in her apartment, pissed me right the fuck off.

"Calm down Davey McCall," she said, referring to the creepy possessive guy from a movie that Emmett had picked out for us one night called _Fear_. "They're Emmett's. He's already moved some things into Rosalie's room," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

I wanted to tell her I had brought some things to leave here too as I unconsciously patted my wallet, but common sense prevailed and I kept my mouth shut.

"Sorry for assuming."

A-fucking-gain.

Leaning down to give me a lingering kiss, she accepted my apology. "So, I'll just throw on a suit and we can walk over," she said, walking over to rifle through her dressers before disappearing behind the bathroom door. Slipping off my socks and shoes, I placed them in neat pile near the foot of the bed, and then took a self-guided tour around her sparsely decorated room.

Bella's walls were an off-white color, and iridescent lavender drapes hung over the single east-facing window. Her queen-sized bed had a comforter that was a similar shade, and her books were already arranged beneath the two bedside tables. The art books I had seen while we packed up her old place were not among them. Instead, I saw the works of Jane Austen, Richard Wright, Edgar Allan Poe, and Langston Hughes. She hadn't had the time to unpack all of her things yet, but I felt like I was getting a deeper glimpse into her soul.

Nestled in the corner, was a small desk that housed her computer. Just above it, a cork board hung loosely from the wall, several pictures scattered and tacked to its surface.

Taking a step closer, I smiled at the picture of toothless-toddler Bella sitting on a bright pink tricycle. A man, who I assumed was her father, was poised above her, smiling down at the top her head. Next, was a photo of Tanya, Rosalie, and Bella. Although they were much younger, it was quite easy to recognize the Hales.

There were multi-colored balloons in the background, and Bella was flanked by the twins, who both wore matching devious grins. Directly beneath it was a similar picture—obviously taken on the same day, perhaps moments later—but in this one, Bella was covered in what looked like cake, her mouth open in shock as the twins had their heads thrown back in laughter.

The last one that caught my eye was of her and Emmett. She didn't look anything like the Bella I knew, that I loved. Her dark chestnut hair looked almost jet black, flowing over her shoulder in bone-straight strands. Purple bruises rested underneath her eyes, and her shoulders were slumped forward. She looked completely defeated. Emmett stood on her right side, his forehead pressed into hers, his body angled in an air of defense.

"That was taken a couple of weeks after I moved into the penthouse," Bella whispered, a slight hint of melancholy laced in her tone. It was replaced by determination as she reached for my hand. "Let's get to the pool," she said.

***

The pool was practically empty aside from two older ladies relaxing under the shade of an umbrella. I shivered after I jumped into the deep end, instantly lowering my body until all but my head was submersed under the water.

"You're crazy," Bella declared, sitting at the pool's edge and dipping her feet into the water. "It's freezing."

I shrugged, a pointless gesture since I was shoulder-deep in water, and swam toward her. "Everyone knows you have to just jump in. Your body can adjust to the temperature quicker that way."

"Or go into shock," she challenged, flicking her foot in an attempt to splash me. I dove underneath the water, surfacing when I was inches from her parted legs.

"Come in," I said.

"My ankles aren't even warm yet."

"Come in," I repeated, laying my hands on her exposed thighs. I was ready to pull her in, but as usual, she surprised me by not putting up a fight. Standing to her feet, she lazily removed the oversized t-shirt covering her swimsuit, taking her time to arrange our towels on the nearby railing so that they wouldn't get drenched.

I followed her every movement, eyes wide and my mouth slack-jawed. For a bathing suit, I suppose it was pretty tame. The deep green color against her creamy brown skin reminded me of the times I spent in the Hoh Rain Forest just outside of Forks. Her top fully covered her, no overexposed cleavage, and her matching bottoms sat low on her hips, providing an inch of exposed skin at her navel. Yes, the suit was as casual as they came, being that I had seen less on Lauren Mallory at the Forks senior year bonfire at First Beach. Yet, there was no comparison there. The difference was in how the suit hugged and accentuated Bella's each and every curve, how it molded perfectly to her breasts, her nipples hardening before my eyes. And when she twisted around exposing her backside…

I was torn between staring at her, and wanting to pull her body into the water in hopes of shielding her from any random pedestrians. Oblivious as ever to the effect she had on me, Bella walked back to the edge of the pool, slipping into the water without so much as a splash.

With trembling shoulders and chattering teeth, she slowly made her way over to me. Thankful for the distraction, and the cold water helping me to keep some modesty, I pulled her into my arms. We stood there for awhile, taking in the moment as I tried to warm her up with my body. Once she had adjusted, we both floated to the opposite corner to have privacy for our conversation.

After a moment's pause, she faced me and began. "When I told you yesterday that I'd been unfair to you…I want to explain," she said expelling a huge breath. "The picture you saw back in my room of me and Emmett was taken a little while after I met Mike, my first college boyfriend…my first white boyfriend."

"So, what happened with Mike?" I asked, wondering what he had to do with us, wondering if I even wanted to know.

"We dated for a bit, and I really thought he was a great guy. He seemed funny and smart, and I was drawn to his charisma, his persistence. He would go out of his way to try to get my attention, and no matter how many times I turned him down, he kept asking me out. Finally, I said yes, and things were good for a little while, but eventually, I started to notice things. Like, Mike had this thing where he would only meet me at certain places, or certain times, and I thought nothing of it at first. Just maybe that he was a quirky kind of guy," she said, one shoulder lifting in punctuation.

"Long story short, after we were _together_," she said, and I instinctually flinched, "he broke up with me. Told me we really hadn't been dating, and basically said that I was foolish to believe that he would actually want to be with someone like me."

Taking her hands in mine, I turned her until her back was pressed against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her as she lifted her legs, letting them float out in front of her. I had a feeling she was giving me the sugar-coated version of the facts, and I didn't want to come off harsh when I questioned her about it.

"I'm sorry he treated you that way. You have no idea how sorry I am," I told her honestly. If I could wipe the way the memory, erase the past for her, I would. "He's an ass for making you feel anything less than treasured." I let my words sink in before I asked her to tell me more. "I feel like you're not telling me something important, vital even." Her body stiffened underneath my hold as she held her breath. Swaying us slowly, I whispered into her ear, letting her know that I was right here and nothing she said would turn me away.

"He didn't want to be with someone like me," she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. "A black girl." I squeezed her tighter as many scenarios played out in my mind of how he could've confessed something like that to her. An odd mix of nausea and fury washed over me, and I fought to keep a calm façade as she trudged on.

"He didn't take me to places because he didn't like how people looked at us, and after he'd gotten what he wanted from me, he didn't need to keep up the pretense of a relationship. The sheets on his bed were still warm when I woke up to a note telling me that I was some stupid conquest, and that I needed to get my things and get out. I tried to sneak out, but I _heard_ them. I was nothing more than a whore to him," she admitted, her body slumping with the weight of her words.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This guy was the lowest of the low, and I wanted to find him and make him pay for the way he'd treated her. God only knew what she'd heard, and I didn't know if I could handle it if she chose to tell me.

I turned her to face me, expecting to see tears trailing down her cheeks, yet the only thing I found was triumph. Closing the remaining inch of space between us, I leaned back, hitching her legs so she could wrap them around my waist. I needed to be as close to her as possible, to show her I was there for her no matter what, and hoped she would find peace in that.

"I thought I was over him." She quickly shook her head from left to right. "Not _him_. I thought I was over what he _did_ to me when I met you, but I wasn't. I was drawn to you from the first moment I saw you," she stated, looking at me with what I can only assume was joy.

"When you thought I was the maid, I decided I would write you off as another cute asshole, but we both know how that worked out," she chuckled. "Even though deep down I knew you weren't like him, I thought that I should keep my distance when we were in public, not hold your hand. I didn't want _you_ to be ashamed. I wanted to be with you no matter what."

Upon seeing my confused expression, she clarified. "You never really gave me a reason to feel that I was anything but respected, and please forgive me if I made you feel that I was ashamed of you. I'm not, and I never will be."

The pieces were moving into place, and I cursed my inattentiveness. I thought about her odd behavior at the record store, the way she looked around as if she were afraid of being caught doing something wrong. How she kept a friendly distance when we went to the billiard bar, and how she always insisted that we stay in.

God, I had been _so_ blind.

"So, the record store, meeting your friend Alice…" I started, before she filled in the blanks.

"The grocery store, apartment hunting," she offered.

"Wait. What? What happened then?"

"You honestly think that all those apartments were magically full? Even though we had called and asked about the availability just moments before? You aren't baby Jesus, Edward. There was plenty of room at the inn," she said sweetly, cracking a small smile to show me she wasn't upset with me, just needed me to see what she had seen.

"And that's why you stayed in the car when we came to look at this place," I said, comprehension slowly creeping end.

"I thought our chances would be better."

"Don't ever do that. Don't ever be ashamed of yourself," I demanded, thinking about her comment that she wanted to be with me 'no matter what.' "If I were just another cute asshole," I said, quoting her earlier words, "you would've been better off without me. And it would be better to live somewhere that you—that _we_—can be accepted than knowing that your landlord is a judgmental prick." The nerve of people to make her feel that way! It was bad enough that her own mother made her feel as if she was lesser than, and I wouldn't stand for anyone treating her that way, including herself.

Hugging her small body tightly to my own, I took deep breaths, putting forth a great effort to calm the fuck down. Intuitively, her hands moved to my hair, caressing the wet strands until I was coherent enough to look at her.

"I won't do it again," she promised.

We both remained quiet, slow kisses and gentle touches speaking what we felt for each other. We swam a few laps around the pool, kicking water at each other before rising to sit on the edge, our feet underwater and entangled with one another. Reaching for her hand, I kissed her palm before interlacing our fingers.

"What happened at the grocery store?" I asked. It took her a few moments to speak, perhaps deciding if I could handle it, which amazed me even more. I had been a mess when I shared my past with her, but here she was, shoulders back and resolute to put the past behind her. She was so strong.

"That girl, the redhead—she told me I was just using you. And when I didn't take the bait, she insinuated that I was the one being used," she stated. Her face may have been calm, but I didn't miss it when her hands balled into fists.

"Is that all of the story?" I asked, presuming she didn't want me to get angry, and was again giving me the Cliff Notes version.

"Well, in so little words, yes." She nodded. "I thought you heard what she said to me, and you didn't say anything to defend me, so I assumed…"

"I didn't hear anything. I swear to you baby. I was trying to figure out what _I_ did, and honestly I was more concerned with you than anything that she had to say. Besides, you know what happens when you assume?"

"What? You make an Eddie out of yourself?" she quipped.

"Why you little…" I began, as Bella dove into the water, her tinkering laughter trailing behind her.

Of course I swam after her, catching up to her in no time with my brisk strokes. "Give it to me straight," I said, cupping water into my hands before flicking it at her, determined to keep up our playful mood during our unpleasant conversation.

"First, she assumed that I was using you to pay for my groceries. But when you demanded that I wait in the car for you, she suggested that maybe you were the _master_ to my _slave_."

_What the…how do I respond to that?_

"Why aren't you angry about…everything?" I asked. I didn't know how she was holding herself together, staying calm throughout our conversation.

"I was, Edward, for so long, but you'd be surprised at what the mind can get used to," she said. "And believe it or not, you've helped me tremendously. I feel at peace when I'm with you. You've always been honest with me, showing me how devoted you are. You really didn't care about anything but being with me. And I…I lo… just, thank you," she stammered, hiding her eyes from me as if she were embarrassed by something.

There was nothing more I could say. I knew her reactions would always astound me, but I could show her that with me, things would never be that way. I could show her that Mike was wrong, that the cashier, and anyone else that had a negative opinion, were wrong.

Swimming to her, I looked deeply into her eyes, believing that she could see the love reflected in my own. My lips rested gently on the tip of her nose, leaving a small chaste kiss there before moving to her cheeks, her eyelids, and her lips. With each one, I silently told her I loved her, and would never forsake her. The last kiss I left on the crown of her head, mouthing the declaration there as if it could somehow sink into her subconscious.

Her breathing escalated, and when I took a step back I saw a staggering mix of adoration and lust that reverberated from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. I kissed her again, deeply this time, feeling myself harden when her tongue met mine and her legs wrapped around me. Holding on to her backside firmly, I pressed into her, showing her how her nearness affected me. Her soft moans were growing louder and we both looked up when we heard the old ladies cheering us on. Realizing that it wasn't the best time or place to continue, we both created a little more space as we tried to get our breathing under control.

"You know, this is the last full day we get to spend together before classes start, right? Let's go. Now," she ordered breathlessly. I began pulling us through the water, and I wasn't two steps away before Bella began laughing.

"Oh my God, Edward," she giggled.

Turning back to find out what was so funny, I froze, my face turning red with the heat of my embarrassment. Floating around the pool, perfectly reflecting the sunlight, were the gold-packaged condoms I had worked so hard to pack away.

I was mortified.

"S' okay, baby. There's nothing to be embarrassed about," she stuttered through intermittent bouts of laughter and wheezing.

Figuring my dignity was already compromised, I collected each and every one, pocketing them before diving underneath the surface and scooping Bella up by the waist.

"I'm not humiliated at all," I said sarcastically before leading us out of the water. Quickly toweling off, I grabbed her towel out of her hand, telling her I just wanted to help with the hard-to-reach spots. She smirked, allowing me to have my way when I smiled the crooked grin she liked so much.

I swallowed, watching the water running in rivulets down her body, memorizing each trail so that I could follow them with my tongue later. My fantasies were starting to get out of hand when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise. Getting an eerie feeling that we were being watched, I stealthily searched the area with my eyes as I continued to dry Bella off.

It didn't take long before I saw the reason for my uneasiness. A man stood just behind the shrubbery with hedge trimmers in hand. Marred skin was visible on both of his arms as his sleeves were pushed up to his elbows. His hair was dirty blonde and shaved close to his head, and he was sweating profusely as he salivated over the woman I was bowed before. Hurriedly rising to my feet, I tucked the towel underneath Bella's arms and instructed her to find her shirt.

"What's wrong?" she inquired. The apprehension I felt was clearly evident in my tone. I didn't get to answer as the guy was already walking in our direction.

"Edward, what is it?" Bella repeated.

"I don't like how that guy is looking at you," I explained quietly. She slipped on her shirt and I stood in front of her, attempting to block her from his cold, gray eyes.

"Can I help you?" I asked, hoping to stop him from coming any closer. Apparently there was no need, when he reached the entry to the pool area he halted behind the iron gates.

"Y-you can't be d-doing that kind of stuff here. This ain't a hotel and we don't charge by the hour," he mumbled, while looking past us into the water.

_The fuck? _

All of a sudden Bella's soft voice was next to my ear, stopping me from saying any of the insulting things running through my head.

"You forgot one," she said, caressing my arm until I looked back at her. "I'll grab it, and then let's get out of here," she said, muttering something about 'creepy serial killers' under her breath.

I kept my eyes trained on the guy as his eyes moved to Bella once more. When she had retrieved it, I attempted to pick her up and take her out of there, but when she glared me, I backed off. I just didn't want her to walk past the guy. He was that _weird_ and something in his expression bothered me. It wasn't simply lust—which was enough incentive to hate him—but there was something else, something more ominous.

Shaking it off, I clutched her tightly to my side, noting the name patch sewn onto his shirt as we passed. I turned the name over in my mind a few times, trying to remember where I'd heard it before it finally clicked into place. When I met with the manager, he'd mentioned this guy before.

'_We have an on site security guard that keeps keys to all of the apartments in case there's a lock out. He does some maintenance as well. His name is James.'_

Fuck.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thanks to my fabulous beta's LillyBellis and AngryBadgerGirl who continue to correct me (even if I don't always listen). ABG is the reason this is so late! Ask her why. Lipsmacked listens to my insane ramblings, and Kim is cleaning up the beginning chaps for you new readers. It takes a village, people.**

**What I'm reading:**

**_Awake in the Infinite Cold_ by quothme id:5440286**

**_The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot_ by chosmer id:5693196**

**_The Gentleman from Washington State_ by Betty Smith id:5720172**

**What are you reading?**


	14. Whenever Wherever Whatever

**A/N LillyBellis & AngryBadgerGirl make this legible, but SM still owns it.**

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And if there's a thing that you need  
I give you the breath that I breathe  
If ever you yearn for the love in me  
Whenever Wherever Whatever - Maxwell

Arriving at PSU, I sat in my car, idly watching the rain pelting against the windshield. A quick look at the clock showed me that only one minute had passed since I'd last checked the time, and despite my wish for time to speed up, I still had forty minutes to go before class began.

When I woke up early in the morning, I was inexplicably nervous for my first day, and no matter which relaxation techniques I tried—mainly jerking off to images of Bella—I couldn't seem to shake the feeling. There were plenty of reasons I could attribute my anxiety to; however, I narrowed it down to two factors.

One, the last time I started a new school, my parents were there to send me off. Our relationship wasn't the strained one we endured now; it was a happier time, and even though back then I was upset that I _had_ to go to a new school, I was placated knowing that they were there with me. Despite having come to terms with their absence, with what felt like a complete lack of love on their part, there was still a piece of me that craved their attention—their _affection_—and wanted them in my life. That same part of me was foolish enough to believe that having any of that was still an option, yet I clung to the hope, knowing I would do _anything_ for that chance.

Two, I wondered how Bella and I would work around our busy schedules to make time for each other. I hadn't seen or held her in the last two days, and I found it hard to make it through the day without her touch. After we talked and finally got everything out in the open, I could honestly say I was confident in our future together. Although, it was a shame we couldn't end the night off the way we'd planned to by getting reacquainted with each other's bodies.

Creepy Serial Killer Guy—James—had put me on edge, and consequently I spent the hour after our poolside rendezvous checking every lock at her apartment. When Bella informed me that I was wasting my time because James had the master key, I called the management office demanding that the locks be changed. I breathed a sigh of relief when they readily agreed, but tensed all over again when they told me that they would still need to retain the master copy. I was irritated and in an overall shitty mood at their unyielding attitude. Even when they politely pointed the clause out to me in the lease to prove to me that they indeed were not 'fabricating facts because they were out to get me.' It didn't help that Bella laughed at me during my conversation, telling me I was worried over nothing.

"_It's not the people who _look_ crazy you have to worry about," _she'd said,going on to tell me_, "if that were the case, we would steer clear of the Tarantino's and Gaga's of the world_."

Of course I disagreed with her, letting her know that those two should be avoided as well.

She went into hysterics after I said that, but took her time rubbing my neck and shoulders until I eventually relaxed, effectively recapturing the mood we'd created in the pool.

That vibe swiftly dissipated when she suddenly proclaimed she wasn't feeling well. I spent the rest of the night holding her hair back as she purged the contents of her stomach—a result of taking the morning after pill. To Bella's mortification, I ignored every attempt she made to shoo me away, doing my very best to make sure she was as comfortable as possible. From there, we laid in each other arms, christening her bed with words and comfort since sex was no longer an option.

Because of her work schedule, and wanting to spend some quality time with Rosalie, we departed from each other late the next morning, only communicating by phone since. Thankfully, we would be having dinner at her place tonight, and I took peace in that.

I sighed loudly, looking at my clock again realizing there was still thirty minutes to go. It would've been easy to dash over to class, but I didn't want to seem overeager by being the first to arrive. So, instead, I switched my iPod on, trying to loosen up and keep my eyes off of the clock. My head hit the back of the seat with a thud, and I closed my eyes, the piano chords of _The Outsiders_ by Athlete putting me at ease.

"Eddie?"

Jerking upright at the sound of the muffled voice calling me, I turned to see Tanya standing outside with her pink hoodie pulled high, rain soaking her through and through. I gestured to the passenger side, quickly unlocking the door so she could slide in. Once she did, she lowered her hood and shook her head, the tips of her blonde locks splashing water every which way. Cringing at the abuse my baby was taking, I turned the heat on high and adjusted the blowers in her direction.

"So thoughtful," she said. "Thank you."

"Well, you were getting my seats wet," I replied, grinning, being completely honest about my motives.

"Yes, a very thoughtful asshole." She stretched her arms forward until her hands where covering both air vents, soaking in the heat.

"So, what are you doing out here? I mean, why are you just sitting out here?" she corrected, since it was obvious as to why I was in the school parking lot. "Did the poor baby get lost on his first day?" she cooed, her lower lip pushed out in a playful pout as she mocked me.

Shaking my head, I switched the dial to defrost to un-fog the misty windows. "No, I didn't get lost, smart-ass. I was just early…I didn't sleep well," I confessed.

"What? Trouble in paradise?"

"Of course not," I said, rolling my eyes and then smirking as I thought about how truly euphoric our paradise was.

"Gross, Eddie. I know that look, and it's telling me more than I want to know."

"Knock it off with the Eddie, _Other _Twin_," _I retorted, immediately regretting it when I saw the flash of pain in her eyes. Her expression was soon replaced with one of indifference as she shrugged her shoulders and changed the subject.

"So, what class do you have?"

"Human Anatomy and Physiology at ten o' clock," I replied, tugging at a lock of her hair to show her I was just joking around with my prior comment.

"Wow, I'm impressed! How did you get into that class…as a freshman?"

"Oh, I…uh, took the prerequisite my senior year," I sheepishly replied. "And you have…?"

"General Biology, again. I didn't do so well my first time through," she said, ducking her head in what I assumed was embarrassment. "At least we'll be in the same building though. I have class at ten, too."

I nodded. "Well, if you need help or anything, you know you can ask me, right?"

"Thanks," she said, staring at me to a point that it became unnerving. It was almost time to go so I cut the engine, and then searched in my back seat for an umbrella.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"You've been sitting here for awhile now, and since I know that you're not lost…" she trailed off.

"Have you been watching me? How do you know how long I've been sitting here?" I said, trying to avoid answering her and genuinely curious. My response wouldn't have been a big deal, but I didn't want Tanya to think that all of our conversations would revert back to Bella. I thought we could have a friendship independent of my current relationship—and of her strained friendship with my girlfriend.

I also wanted to avoid anything that purposely upset her, because friends were careful with each other's feelings, right? And by calling her the 'Other Twin,' jokingly or not, I knew it hit below the belt. The bottom line was that this whole having girls as friends thing was still new to me, and I didn't want to screw it up. Again.

"Really, Edward. Are you going to answer all of my questions with a question?" It didn't escape my notice that she avoided my questions as well.

"Sorry Tan, I just haven't seen Bella for awhile and I sleep better when she's with me. And…" I hesitated, "it's been awhile since I've heard from my parents so that has me a little on edge too," I admitted.

"I'm sure your parents are fine, and I know you'll be fine today," she said, reaching her hand out seemingly to offer me comfort, before pulling it away and fiddling with my iPod. "Hey Ed…ward, there's a welcome back party tonight. Actually, there are a lot of parties tonight. Do you think you'd want to go to one? Just to hang out, that is. Everyone is welcome to come," she clarified, letting me know she was expecting that I'd bring Bella.

At any rate, that's how I took it.

"I can't, I have dinner plans, Tanya. Maybe another time," I said. At her doubtful and inquisitive stare, I added, "I promise."

She slowly nodded her head. "I'll hold you to that."

"Here," I said, handing her the umbrella and breaking the encroaching awkwardness. "We should get going if we don't want to be late." As I took in her appearance, I noticed she wore the thin pink sweatshirt with a tiny jean skirt. "You should've put on more clothes, Tanya. You'll catch pneumonia," I said, quickly putting an end to my shocking—and embarrassing—Esme-esque rant.

Tanya pulled down the passenger mirror, combing her fingers through her hair and reapplying her sticky looking lip gloss. I was glad Bella didn't feel the need to wear that stuff every day.

She continued to ignore me, taking her time to make sure each individual strand of hair was in its proper place. "Don't be so vain. It's raining outside, and no one is going to stop in a downpour to check you out." I laughed.

"From my health to my vanity. Like I said, thoughtful asshole." She smiled, putting the mirror back into place with a flick of her wrist. "I'm ready."

Stepping out of the car, I zipped up my jacket, and locked the doors once Tanya was out. She opened the umbrella and ran to my side. "We can share since we're going to the same place."

I agreed, taking the umbrella from her so she didn't have to extend her arm so far to accommodate my height. Pulling her to my side so we were both under its cover, I told her we should make a run for it, and we did, laughing the whole way. I gave her the umbrella when we split up, entering my class with calm nerves and a smile on my face.

***

By the time all of my classes ended, any traces of the smile I had were gone. Between the assignments that quickly piled up, getting the wrong textbook for one of my classes, and the women that were obviously in heat, I was irritated.

I received several proposals for 'study dates' from girls who kept fucking touching me. Normally, I would just ignore them, but I kept thinking that Bella was somewhere on campus being made the very same offers—that some horny-ass-fuckers were making excuses to touch her. The thought was probably irrational, but it sickened me nonetheless, and after thinking on it for far too long, I tried calling her. When that didn't garner any results, I sent her several text messages that went unanswered, escalating my bad mood. I was already scowling at everyone within a ten foot radius.

My lab for my HAP class was supposed to be on Fridays, but due to a scheduling mishap I had to take the lab right after the actual session, erasing the hour of free time I would have had. When I got there—groaning the entire away—some brown-haired mousy chick was smiling at me, batting her eyelashes as if she were having an epileptic fit. Although I tried to smile and be friendly to my new lab partner, Marie, I scowled, forcing her to perch on the edge of her seat—furthest away from me—for the rest of the class.

So much for making more friends.

The rest of the day played out like any day at Forks High, with the exception of me taking some girl back to my place. I kept my head down, ignoring most people, and frowning at those that caught my eye as I waited impatiently to get back home.

As soon as I was back in the safety of my car, my phone vibrated with a missed call alert. Starting the engine, I turned the cell volume back up, calling Bella back right away.

"Hello, love, you called?" I said, my smile threatening to reappear. There was nothing but silence on the other end, so I checked to make sure I hadn't lost the call. "Bella, are you there?"

"Uh, yeah. Hey you." I could feel her smiling at me from the other end of the line. "There's been a slight change in plans for dinner tonight."

My head moved from left to right swiftly, dreading what she had to say next. There was no way I was not seeing her tonight.

"What change?"

"Well, my dad wants to meet me for dinner, and he has some stuff I need from the old house, so I thought we could just do dinner with him?"

Sighing in relief, I silently thanked God that she wasn't canceling our plans. I definitely wanted to meet her father at some point, so I shoved the butterflies away that had abruptly invaded my stomach, thinking that it couldn't be worse than meeting Renee.

"You did say you wanted to meet him, but if this is too soon…"

Realizing I had yet to speak, I assuaged her fears. "No, no, I want to meet him tonight. I just thought you were canceling on me," I said.

"Never," she quickly responded. "Did you want to pick up some things from your place so you can stay over afterwards?"

_Hell yeah!_

"Okay," she laughed.

"I said that out loud, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but it's cool, I'm happy you're excited…I am too." She cleared her throat. "I'm running some errands now, but I have one more class in about an hour. Meet me at my place around six?"

After agreeing, we sat on the phone in silence, virtually listening to each other drive as neither of us wanted to say goodbye. The last two days had been filled with the same: never-ending texts, falling asleep on the phone together, and promising to hang up at the same time just so we could escape the inevitable.

We even skipped on adding 'too' to our 'miss you' because Bella thought it sounded like an obligation, something you said out of courtesy to the other person. I picked apart her logic, telling her in jest that as long as the other person bothered to say it back at all, they probably meant it. But she disagreed, saying that most people didn't even care to express themselves anymore, leaving out the emotion altogether to reply to their loved ones with a simple and inconsiderate, 'you too.' I couldn't argue with that, remembering how many times I told my parents I loved them, barely receiving a 'you too' in response.

It was during that same conversation that I wanted so badly to tell her I loved her, and that to hear her say, 'you too' would've been more than I could have ever hoped for.

"I miss you and I'll see you soon," she said, bringing me back to the present. Although I was happy enough just concentrating on her soft exhalations, someone had to break first and end the call. It was her turn to hang up first anyways.

"I miss you," I replied, ending the call and speeding home.

***

"Hey Esme, is Dr. Cullen in?"

"Yes, dear, _Carlisle_ is home. Is everything all right? How was your first day?" she asked. "Why don't you come up and tell me about it. I baked cookies."

"Sure, I'll be right up," I said, snickering as I hung up.

There were times when I thought of Esme as a _Stepford Wife_. She was always baking something and never, ever had a hair out of place. But then, she would surprise me by saying 'shit,' or telling me how she 'whipped' Emmett on some video game. She was the coolest not-my-mom-but-sometimes-I-wished-she-was that a person could have.

I grabbed the file of papers I needed help sorting out, and made my way to the Cullen home. True to her word, Esme had cookies laid out on the living room table. A glass of milk sat on the left of the platter, next to a spoon and a bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup.

"How'd you know I liked Hershey's?" I asked, squeezing the syrup in until I saw it thicken at the bottom of the glass. Grabbing the spoon, I looked to her and smiled.

"Oh, Bella said something once about you liking chocolate," she said, unaware that the spoon I'd held had landed on the table with a loud 'thump.' Laughing nervously, I picked up a cookie, cramming it into my mouth so I didn't say anything incriminating.

"I'll go grab Carlisle for you," she said.

I couldn't be sure, but I thought I saw her grinning as she turned away.

***

"Everything looks legit here," Carlisle said, reviewing the paperwork for the disbursement of my trust fund. "You can have it disbursed by check, bank draft, or have it wired into a private account, but according to this letter, you need to claim it in person due to the amount."

I nodded, taking the information in and burying the feelings of foreboding and finality that crept in. "What do you think I should do?"

"Honestly, Edward, if you were my son, I would have kept this until you were at least thirty," he said, causing me to smile a bit. "But I know you're a responsible young man. Perhaps you should transfer it into a private account and take a monthly allotment, just enough to take care of your everyday needs and any possible emergent situations. Let the rest gain interest, maybe invest some of it. If you'd like, I can have my lawyer look over it, and possibly my accountant, too? They would have more sound advice than I do."

"You wouldn't mind? I would pay their fees of course," I said.

"No, you will not. Let me do this for you," he offered. "It'll give me peace of mind knowing that you don't have to worry about this when you should be focusing on school."

"Thank you," I said, feeling a weight being lifted from my shoulders.

"I'll try to have something back to you next week. These letters were dated back in June—your eighteenth birthday I assume. You should probably get back to Washington as soon as possible before classes are in full swing," he added.

"You're right, better to get it over with. Thank you for helping me out with this, you have no idea how much I appreciate the"…_the fact that you care…_ "the _guidance_."

I knew this week was out of the question, but I already planned on going back to Forks next weekend. Bella's birthday fell on that Sunday, and an idea came to me in that moment. I could bring her with me. As soon as I could find out her work and school schedule, I was sure I could make her special day meaningful.

"Well, I care about your well-being, son," Carlisle said, breaking me out of my thoughts. "In the meantime, let me know if you have any questions. I'll make a few calls and get this faxed over now," he said, standing and almost knocking Esme over. He apologized, kissing her on the cheek before he left, and leaving a rosy-cheeked Esme in his wake.

She glided over to me, showing me the pictures they had taken of Bella and me before the ball. Studying them, I was surprised to see that there was only one picture where we were looking into the camera, and even in that one our bodies were angled toward each other as if we were held together by some invisible force. Every other pose had us smiling and staring, completely captivated by one another.

There was one particular photo that took my breath away. Bella was straightening my tie, my eyes were closed, and head tilted back as she worked. Yet, she wasn't looking at her hands. She was gazing at me with a peculiar expression.

_Is this the look Emmett was talking about?_

She looked like an angel, watching me intently with her hair flowing down her back and a soft smile on her lips. She was so beautiful, so perfect. She looked like she…like she _loved_ _me_. As crazy as the thought sounded in my own head, I had to consider it—I wanted to. There was just no other way to describe the passion and affection in her eyes. Flipping back through the pictures, I noticed I had the same look in every one.

Carlisle rejoined us soon after, and Esme reached over and squeezed my knee, a knowing smile on her face.

"Tell us how your first day went."

***

I still had a few hours before I needed to meet Bella, so I decided to go down to the gym since the rain was still falling outside. Grabbing a bag, I started packing for my overnight stay, adding a t-shirt, socks, and a pair of jeans. I threw my toiletries in and sat the bag next to the door as I headed downstairs to run.

Before I made it downstairs, I detoured to Emmett's place to see if he wanted to join me. Aside from a couple of short conversations, we really hadn't connected in a while and I missed my friend. I knocked on his door, wondering if he was home or still on campus. When he didn't answer, I turned to walk away, figuring I could just call him later so we could arrange a time to hang out, but the sound of something falling—possibly being thrown—stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Emmett, are you in there?" I asked, knocking loudly on his door. "Emmett?" The door flew open to reveal a red-faced Emmett. His shoulders were heaving with heavy breaths, and a thick vein protruded from his forehead.

"Are you all right?" I asked, peering over his massive form to see what, if anything had fallen. Surprisingly, the only thing I saw was Rosalie's profile as she sat on his couch.

"Yeah, it's…it's really not a good time right now, Edward. Can we do this later?" he said, his hand furiously rubbing the back of his neck.

He was obviously agitated, and I wanted to give him whatever space he needed, but not being able to see Rosalie—to see if she was okay—had me torn. Shuffling my feet, I stared directly into his eyes before briefly flicking them in his girlfriend's direction.

"Are you sure _everything_," I gestured to Rosalie, "is all right, Em?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. "Yes."

Returning the gesture, I told him to call if he needed me, and made my way downstairs to the gym. I stood straddling the treadmill has it slowly picked up pace, feeling a little uneasy at leaving Rosalie alone. Knowing Bella was still in class, I sent a text to her asking her to check in on Rose when she could, letting her know I'd explain later but she didn't need to worry. Climbing onto the belt, I started to jog, putting my ear buds in and switching my iPod on. I ran, wondering the whole time what the hell was going on with Emmett.

***

Bella should have been on her way to her place, but I knew it would take her about fifteen minutes to get there. Because my run didn't take long, I took a shower and went over to wait for her. Well, truthfully, I had ulterior motives.

Setting my bags down outside her front door, I snooped around, checking to make sure you couldn't easily get through her patio door or Rosalie's window. Everything appeared secure there, so I went to Bella's window, pausing to take in the surrounding area.

It didn't look too unsafe, but the light out back was flicking on and off, and even when it stayed on it seemed too dim. Her curtains were unbelievably thin and wide open. God forbid anyone walk by while she was changing, they would be getting a free show. Groaning at the new items on my 'keep Bella safe _secretly'_ list, I walked toward the office, wanting to address the light situation and get some more information on this James character.

A bell chimed alerting the staff to my entrance, and a female voice called out, "Someone will be right with you." I walked around the office clubhouse, perusing the flyers that showed the layout of the building and its amenities.

Taking a seat, I opened a brochure, finding the layout of the building's available apartments. If someone wanted to, they could easily figure the ins and outs of Bella's place, making it so easy to get to her.

I stuffed all the colorful pamphlets into my back pocket, wondering if it would be an odd request to ask the managers to remove them altogether.

"…we can do lunch tomorrow."

"Okay, Alice, I'll see you then."

_Huh? I know that voice._

"Bella?"

"Edward? What are you doing here?" Bella asked.

_Lie, truth, or distract?_

"I saw your car…" I began, backpedaling quickly when she gave me The Eye. Standing up and clearing my throat, I tried again. "I was hoping Jasper was around."

_Partial truth it is._

"Alice, you remember my boyfriend, Edward?"

Internally rejoicing, something I did whenever she introduced me as hers, I nodded in Alice's direction. "Good to see you again. You work here too?"

"It's good to see you as well. My boyfriend, Jasper works and lives here. I just hang out when he isn't busy," Alice said.

"Is he around today?" I asked.

"Yeah, he just ran home for a second," she replied.

"Sounds good." Reaching for Bella's hand, I pulled her to my side. "I'll come back later," I said, avoiding Bella's inquisitive stare.

"Ally, could you come out and help me?" I heard Jasper ask from the front door.

_Shit._

"Jas, honey?" Edward is here to see you," Alice replied.

_Double shit._

"Did you need to get changed for dinner? I can meet you back at your place," I whispered into Bella's ear.

"No, I'm good," she said, smiling at me with a raised brow.

"Hey, Edward, what can I do for you?" Jasper asked. Suddenly all eyes were on me, and I started to fidget. "You remember Bella, my girlfriend?" I asked, avoiding Jasper's question because I knew Bella would have my balls if she knew my reason for being here.

He hesitated for less than a second, a look of confusion settling on his face. "I thought the blonde was your…" he began, before Alice sidled up to him, wrapping her arm around his waist. She went on to tell him that she and Bella went to school together, reminding him that she mentioned running into her a few weeks ago. His blue eyes lit up as he approached Bella.

"Well, it's definitely a pleasure to meet you, ma'am," Jasper said, taking Bella's hand and turning it over in his palm to kiss her wrist. "If you need anything, I'm just a few doors down," he added, blowing the hair that had fallen into his eye out of the way, causing her to shiver beside me.

_One, two, three, four…_

_Yeah, he definitely lingered too long._

"Well, we have dinner plans," I announced, disengaging Bella from Jasper's hold and giving her a hairy eyeball of my own. She tilted her chin down, attempting to hide her smile but failing miserably. Reaching out, I lifted her chin, rubbing my thumb over her cheek before I removed my hand. Her cheek was hot.

We exchanged goodbyes before I motioned to Jasper that I'd call him later. My questions about James could wait; I needed to remind Bella that it was me she called 'swoon-worthy.'

***

"Mmm," Bella moaned, opening her mouth and allowing my tongue to caress hers. What had started as a sweet, chaste kiss had morphed into something else altogether. It probably had something to do with my need to remind her that she was mine—you know, when she let herself be.

I walked her backwards as we continued to kiss and grope each other, making our way to her front door. We were almost there when I felt her hand trailing down my chest, moving down past my belt buckle, and squeezing my erection through the fabric of my jeans. I groaned, my tongue delving deeper before she stumbled and let out a soft yelp.

Swiftly reaching out to catch her, and groaning again when her tight little body aligned perfectly with mine, I turned her around so that we could see what tripped had her.

"What's all this?" Bella asked, pointing to my book and duffle bag.

"My books for class tomorrow," I said nonchalantly.

"And the rest?" She smiled.

"Clothes for tonight…and tomorrow. There might be a storm and I can't very well wear your clothes can I?" I said.

"I missed you, "she said, picking up my book bag which I promptly removed from her hand. "Come on, we have some catching up to do."

***

Satisfied beyond belief, we both hopped in my car, Bella giving me the directions to Black's Diner where we were headed to meet her dad, Charlie.

She told me that she had sent a text to Rosalie as soon as I notified her, and followed it up with a call when she was out of class. I told her what I saw when I stopped by Emmett's, and she filled me in on her and Rosalie's conversation. Apparently, they were just having a spat, but she promised Bella that things were fine.

Bella then told me about her classes, how excited she was to be learning more about the Harlem Renaissance. I had a hard time keeping my eyes on the road when she was that excited, wanting to see her every expression. When she was finished, she reached over and grabbed my free hand, wanting a recap of my shitastic day.

I told her everything, from seeing Tanya in the morning to my change in schedule. I half-expected her to be upset about Tan, but I was happy that she kept her promise from so long ago, trusting me to make my own decisions. She didn't like the fact that I had given Tanya a nickname though, something she didn't hesitate to tell me. Reminding her that I was hers and she was mine calmed her fears and the distraction I provided by kissing her didn't hurt either.

Bella and I didn't have any classes together, but worked out a way where we could see each other throughout our day when we were both on campus. We also discovered that we would pretty much have long weekends together. I only had one class on Friday, which was at eight in the morning, and she only had one class on Mondays. Assuming she wouldn't have to be at the coffee shop every weekend, I was hopeful that we were going to make things work.

As for our living arrangements, we decided it was easiest to stay wherever we ended up, both of us realizing that time apart was not in either of our best interests. The days she had to work, she would stay with me since I lived right next door to her job, and on her off days, we would just play it by ear.

For the first time, I felt like life was finally cutting me some slack.

Finally, I told her about my conversation with Carlisle, and that I needed to go back to Washington as soon as next weekend.

"Do you think you'll have to work next weekend?" I'd like you to go with me." I asked. I really wanted to spend her birthday with her, not wanting to make it up to her when I returned. Aside from that, there was no way I was leaving her alone with James lurking around, with guys—that she told me I imagined—hitting on her at school. While I was thinking about it, I didn't want to leave her around Jasper, either!

_I wonder if her dad could watch her if she can't go._

"Edward," she huffed. "I am not staying with Charlie!"

_Shit._

"Of course not, you're coming with me," I said matter-of-factly, leaving no room for argument, although, I did expect one. If she wanted me to, I could pay her what she missed out on by taking vacation from work. The only thing she really needed to worry about was skipping classes. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her fighting a smile.

"What time is your class on Monday?" I asked.

"It's from 2:00 to 3:00."

"Perfect. We can leave when I get out of class on Friday, and I'll have you back in time for your class Monday."

"Are you nervous for tonight?" she asked, abruptly changing the subject.

"No, why?"

"Because we're here," she said.

Parking against the curb and then turning the car off, I looked to the diner's entrance. Three men, who seemed to be laughing, stopped when they noticed my car. I recognized one of them as Jacob and involuntarily winced at the thought of having him check out Bella's ass all night.

_Like a sister to me, my ass!_

"Who are they?" I asked, gesturing to the front of Black's Diner.

"Jake you already know. The one in the middle is my dad, and on his right is Billy, Jake's dad." I nodded, exiting the car, and walked around to help her out. Keeping her hand in mine, I squeezed it to show her I was okay as I began walking us forward. When we were closer, she asked again.

"Are you sure you're not nervous?" she whispered.

I continued leading us towards her dad, freezing when they all stood up from the milk crates they had been sitting on. Combined, they were so tall and so huge that they eclipsed all the lights lining the front entrance. Charlie shrugged at something Billy said, causing his jacket to lift revealing a leather holster on his hip. I didn't dare stare to see if it was occupied.

"No, I'm not nervous, love," I soothed, negating my words when my voice cracked.

"If you're not, could you loosen your grip on my hand?"

_No. I don't think I can._

_

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**A/N **Are there any specific outtakes you'd like to see? Let me know : )


	15. Crown Royal

**A/N AngryBadgerGirl & LillyBellis beta it. SM owns it.**

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Your hands on my hips pull me right back to you,  
I catch that thrust give it right back to you,  
you're in so deep I'm breathing for you

Crown Royal-Jill Scott

Reluctantly letting go of Bella's hand, I stood quietly to the side as she moved forward to greet her father. By the time we'd made it to the entrance, only he and Jacob remained.

"Daddy!"

"Hey baby girl," he happily replied, lifting her off the ground as he hugged her.

"Dad, this is my boyfriend, Edward," she said, stepping back so he could get a good look at me. "Edward, this is Charlie."

"It's nice to meet you, Edward." He extended his hand to me.

Replicating his action, I took his hand in mine, excited that he was more easy going than his stature led me to assume. Charlie really seemed genuinely happy to have me there.

That's what I thought before he shook my hand.

I fought tooth and nail to keep my expression neutral, feeling the strain as every bone in my hand screamed under the pressure of Charlie's grip.

"The pleasure is mine," I replied, inwardly cursing how my voice broke at the end.

"Let's go inside," Bella said. We obediently followed her, but before we were seated, I could hear Bella whispering harshly to her father.

"Really, Dad? A gun?" He shrugged in response, taking a seat in an empty booth. Still a few paces behind them, I was shocked when Jacob pulled me to the side.

"Sup, Edward?" he asked with an upward tip of his head.

"Not much. Just hoping to live through the night," I joked. At least _he_ wasn't being difficult.

"Yeah." He looked over at Bella, seeing her furious expression as she slid in across from Charlie. "Good luck with that. If you do make it out…we can celebrate afterwards," he added, holding out his fist in a show of camaraderie. I bumped it with my own before swiftly making my way over to my inevitable death.

With Charlie sitting across from Bella, I glided into the seat next to her, my leg instantly bobbing up and down. Bella closed the gap between us, placing her hand on my knee to still it. I found comfort in her action for about two seconds before I caught Charlie's subtle glare, something he masked when Bella turned her attention back to him. I heard sneakers squeaking against linoleum before a man—whom Bella pointed out as Jacob's father—joined us.

"Sorry, I had to go check in on the new cook. I'm Billy, Jacob's dad," he said. I shook his hand, exchanging pleasantries as he took Charlie and Bella's 'usual' order. Blindly following their lead, I requested the same, adding a Coke instead of sweet tea as my beverage of choice. Billy turned to leave, but upon seeing Bella and Charlie in conversation he leaned over me.

"Don't worry about the old man. He's meaner than he looks, kid," Billy said quietly, offering me a kind smile. "Jake says you made it past Renee at one of her hoity-toity parties?" I nodded, thinking I _literally_ made it past Renee by sneaking Bella and I out of there, but I didn't supply him with those details. "Charlie is a big ol' teddy bear in comparison; just take care of our girl." I agreed; it was an easy request seeing as it was the only thing I ever wanted to do.

"So, Edward," Charlie said, sending Billy back to the kitchen. "What is it that you do?"

My knee resumed its prior action, shaking convulsively as I cleared my throat. "Well, sir, I just started college here." I said.

"Yes, Bella goes to school too, but she works at that, uh, coffee place. Apart from school what do you do?"

"Dad, Edward's concentrating on his studies," Bella cut in. I took a hold of her hand underneath the table to calm her down, trying to pretend that Charlie didn't notice, and that his eyebrows ascending to his hairline had nothing to do with the small show of affection. Rubbing soothing circles on her palm, I answered.

"Well, I wasn't really permitted to work during high school so I didn't have a job back then, and I spent this summer getting to know the area, and your daughter…sir," I said politely, holding eye contact with him. "I haven't had too much time to look for employment yet, but once I get adjusted to my new schedule, I do plan on looking for a job."

Though I hadn't yet discussed this with Bella, it was something I fully intended to do. Money was hardly an issue, but it was something I wanted; to earn my own money, to let Bella know that I wasn't some lazy trust fund baby. I knew she didn't think of me that way, but there were sometimes I wondered if she'd had doubts. In every sense of the word, I wanted and needed to be her _man_.

Charlie brightened by the end of my impromptu speech, and I didn't know if it was because he liked my answer, or due to the fact that I dropped Bella's hand, an action that evidently caught him off guard.

"I think it's an excellent idea to find a balance first. And I know from Bella that you may not necessarily need to work, but there's a certain _ethic_ that comes with earning your own keep. "Give a man a fish, you've fed him for a day. Teach him to fish…" he began.

"And you've fed him for a lifetime," I finished.

"Very good," he said, leaning back into his seat.

I hardly noticed that during our conversation he had slowly inched forward as if he were searching for dishonesty. Bella beamed at me, and I happily returned it, thinking I had successfully passed round one.

Conversation flowed effortlessly from that point, with Charlie asking me about Forks and how I liked growing up in Chicago. I told him what I remembered of Illinois, filling him in on bits and pieces of my stay in dreary Washington.

We discovered we had some common musical interests, both of us teasing Bella about her lack of knowledge of classic R&B. Although she couldn't pick out some of the original works he had spontaneously quizzed her on, she could name the song and artist that had sampled the hooks in more up-to-date music. Charlie surprised Bella by belting out a few lines from _Isn't She Lovely_, garnering applause from all the staff as I gazed at her thinking the exact same thing.

_Yes, she is._

When Charlie asked how we met, I spit out the Coke I had just sipped on, spraying the fizzy soda all over the table. Luckily, I had good enough instincts to turn away from her dad. Bella patted my back as I explained that it just went down the wrong pipe and grabbed a napkin to clean up the mess. Since I had been forming some kind of rapport with Charlie, I didn't want to lie to him, but wasn't stupid enough to tell him that I thought his daughter was Carlisle and Esme's maid.

Killing time by getting up to grab some additional napkins, I hoped that Bella had answered his question. Of course she hadn't, and I decided to tell him the truth.

"Now, how was it that you two met?" he repeated, his hand waving between the two of us.

"We live in the same…well we _lived_ in the same building. The Cullens are acquainted with my parents and invited me up for brunch, and Bella and Em were there as well."

Yeah, I wasn't fucking crazy enough to tell him the _whole_ truth. I knew he still had that gun strapped to his waist, and I didn't have a death wish.

"Em?" he questioned.

"That's Emmett, Dad," Bella answered.

"And that big fella doesn't bother you? Being so close to Bella and all?" he asked.

Aside from a handful of people, Emmett was the only person I _did_ trust with Bella, and I said as much. Having to hear the story of how Mike almost ruined _my_ chances with Bella made me appreciate Emmett even more. Who knows, she probably wouldn't have wanted to venture outside of her race ever again, and it was Emmett's compassion and understanding that helped her release any seeds of prejudice that Mike left her with.

Billy came by periodically, refilling our glasses and telling me how Bella used to sneak over to the diner to get away from Renee. The very thought of her out so late and at so young of an age scared me.

_God, the things that could've happened to_ _her!_

Distracted by that line of thinking, I didn't realize I was once again squeezing Bella's hand. With her free hand, she slowly released my fingers one by one, kissing me on the cheek to bring me back to the present.

Charlie seemed to be uncomfortable with her display. He scrunched his forehead and puckered his lips causing his mustache to do a little dance. Before things got too awkward, Billy stepped in.

"Bella, you're looking more and more like your mother every day. How is she?" he asked.

I could tell Bella was dying to roll her eyes, but she smiled, muttering "fine." Evil-woman-that-I-can't-call-a-bitch because she did give birth to my girl, was attractive, very attractive. I didn't see why the physical resemblance would bother Bella.

"Edward," Bella whispered while Charlie and Billy talked about some upcoming fishing trip. "Just because you think my mom is hot, doesn't mean I want to be compared to her."

"What makes you think I think that?" I countered, tickled by her unwarranted jealousy.

"Whenever she's mentioned, you smile and then shake your head like you remembered you were doing something wrong. And I know _that_ smile."

_Oops!_

"You look like your dad, too. You have the same eyes, and you make that same face when you're about to call me on my shit," I said, hoping that resolved the issue. I really needed to work on my game face.

"Foods up," Jacob said, providing a much needed interruption.

Once he delivered the food, I smiled at the breakfast spread before us: French toast, thick slices of bacon, a plate of scrambled eggs, orange slices, and strawberries. The food smelled good enough to capture all of our attention, and we silently began our meal.

I watched in fascination as both Bella and Charlie ate an orange slice, and then proceeded to stick slices of bacon in between their pieces of toast before drowning it in maple syrup. They moved in unison, unaware of each other's actions as they idly chatted about Bella's work and school schedule. At some point, the subject went from her balancing her schedule to her new apartment.

"You accompanied Bella to, uh, check out this place," he stated, rather than asked. "What did you think about the management and the location?" Charlie asked.

Bella groaned beside me, and it was my turn to smile. I filled him in on our search, letting him know how we ended up at that building. I gave him the statistics of the area, 9-1-1 response time to her unit, and told him that I wanted to get the locks to her apartment changed. There was also the subject of the lighting that I wanted to approach, but Bella's annoyance was slowly morphing into anger, so I kept that tidbit to myself.

While we were on the subject of her safety, I decided a respectable boyfriend would ask her father's permission to take her out of town—especially on her birthday. Grabbing Bella's hand and intertwining our fingers, I brought them to the table top.

"Sir…" I began.

"Call me Charlie, Edward."

"Charlie," I beamed. "I need to go back to Forks to finish up some business there, and it happens to be on the weekend of Bella's birthday. I know you two usually spend it together, but I would like it if she could come with me. That is, assuming it doesn't interfere with her school schedule and you agree to it."

Charlie gave me another smile—I was up to three—but this one wasn't one of approval, this one was… amused? I didn't know what I'd said that was so entertaining, but I continued to smile as I awaited his answer.

"I appreciate you asking to steal my baby girl away and I don't mind it. But Bella's a grown woman, a 'grown-ass-woman' if you let her tell it. She'll have to decide if she wants to go," he said, looking from me to Bella like he was watching a tennis match.

Still smiling, I turned to Bella, excited that her dad was okay with this arrangement. Expecting to see her smiling back at me, I was shocked to see that she was doing anything but.

With wide eyes, I turned back to Charlie, silently praying he would take pity on me, explain to me what I did wrong. However, he seemed to enjoy seeing me squirm. Clearing my throat, I looked back to Bella, trying to fix things and avoid making a scene.

"Well, if it works out with your work schedule would that be okay?" I asked dumbly.

"I don't know, Edward. Why don't you call my boss and see if _that's okay_? And after that, maybe you can check with my professors, see if I'm allowed to, you know, make my own decisions?"

_Shit_.

"Shit," Charlie mumbled, giving me a 'you just fucked up' face.

"Charlie, not now," Bella said, causing him to grimace before ducking his head in shame. Apparently, it wasn't enough shame to get him to get up and miss the show, though.

"I know you can handle all of that," I explained, looking straight into her eyes and holding her hand firmly as she tried to pull away from me. "I would just feel better knowing you're safe if I have to go without you."

"Edward, I was safe before I met you, why wouldn't I be safe now?" she asked, taking a calming breath and no longer trying to release my hand.

Knowing how independent she was made it foolish for me to even ask for Charlie's permission, but I knew how much they meant to each other from all of the stories Bella had told me. I didn't want to take her away from him on a day that was special to the both of them. Wanting to impress her dad was a secondary thought, mostly.

"I know you'll be safe, I just feel…I worry when you aren't with me," I said honestly. "And with James running around, it'd be nice to know you were out of his range, his eyesight even."

That perked Charlie right up. "Who's James, Isabella?"

It also brought back Bella's scowl.

I explained how we ran into James, leaving out the 'Great Condom Spill of 2009,' while Bella continued to frown at me and her father. By the time I was done, Charlie was singing another tune.

"Bella, I think he has a good point. Go on your trip, we can hang out when you're back."

"But Charlie…" she began.

"I know, you have school. If that doesn't work out you can stay with me next weekend," he offered, smiling conspiratorially at me. I returned his smile, swiftly masking my expression when I noted Bella's displeasure.

_This is better for her. Not like I'm going to leave her here, anyways._

After the table was cleared, and Charlie learned a little more about my family—a subject he didn't push—Jacob joined us at the table. Despite Bella's sullen expression, I was relatively confident that I could smooth things over with her before we got back to her apartment. After all, I was just looking out for her well-being, which had become irreversibly connected to my own.

"You up for a break from all of this 'guess who's coming to dinner' _dinner_, B?" Jacob asked.

I prayed to God she would find a way to decline whatever he was offering, and that she wanted to get home as much as I did. The time we spent together before coming to the diner wasn't enough for me to show her body how much I missed it. She only experienced a modicum of the pleasure I intended on giving her to make up for our time apart.

I also had class at eight AM, and it was already pass ten. If I was going to stay up late, I preferred it be wrapped in her arms and in her sheets. Thinking I should just cut-in and turn down his invitation myself, I started to shake my head as Bella verbalized my thoughts.

"No, it's been a long day. Some other time?" she replied.

"But Laurent is spinning over at Bliss. I know you want to dance," he taunted. She looked to me, and I frowned, telling Jacob we would catch up with him later.

"Actually, that sounds good, Jake, we'll follow you over," Bella said, daring me to say otherwise. Both Charlie and Jacob failed at containing their laughter, and I glared at Jacob because I was too chicken-shit to even look at her Dad.

If she was expecting an argument, she wasn't getting one from me, not now at least; I was obviously in shittier predicament than I had guessed. Once she saw that I didn't plan on questioning her, she turned her attention back to Jacob.

"On second thought," she said, eyeing his food-stained attire. "We'll just meet you there, you need to change clothes." He agreed, and we all rose from the booth.

Bella hugged her Dad before going to the kitchen to say goodbye to Billy. I hung back, promising Charlie I'd keep an eye on Bella, and even agreeing to go to the Waterfront Blues Festival with him next spring. It felt good knowing that he expected that I would still be with Bella come next year.

Jake gave me the address to the club, saying he would meet us there in twenty minutes before disappearing through the back exit.

"Are you ready?" Bella asked. Her tone told me she was not happy with me, but she lightly nudged my arm so that I could wrap it around her shoulders.

_I can still touch her; that's a good sign._

"Yes…sir," I said. Waving at Billy as we departed, I let her lead us to the main entrance, halting when Charlie called me back. She leaned against the door frame, waiting for me while I walked back to see what he needed.

"Yes, Charlie?" He didn't verbally respond, instead he tossed some small metallic object my way when I was a few feet away from him. Due to my quick reflexes, I smoothly caught it in my hand, flattening my palm to see what it was.

I froze, staring in horror at the single bronze bullet now resting in my hand.

"Edward, if you hurt my daughter, I promise it'll come at you much faster next time."

***

The nightclub was a short distance away, and we spent the drive there in comfortable silence. Well, _I_ was comfortable, but Bella was jumpy—a weird mix of anger and apprehension. I knew she was upset with me, but I wasn't willing to discuss it until we could be alone. She didn't seem to be up to discussing it, either.

I pulled up to a dark brick building that looked like an old factory, and parked directly across the street. The only indication of life in the neighborhood was the thumping bass t hat could be heard clearly over the gently hum of the car's engine.

"We can go home if you want," Bella sighed, finally breaking the silence.

"No, you wanted to come, and if this will make you happy, then we can stay." Weighing my words, I corrected. "You can stay. _You_ can do whatever you like, but I'd like to stay with you."

"I'm still…frustrated with you," she said after a few minutes of staring out the window. "But I'd like it if _we_ could stay. I like the 'we' better."

Reaching across the console to grab her hand, I affirmed her words. "Then we can stay."

She let me hold her hand, but still didn't make eye contact, and _that_ upset me.

"There's Jake." Bella nodded at the sleek black Passat parallel parking in front of me. I held my breath, praying Jacob was as good at parking as he was at talking trash. When the car came to a stop—an acceptable distance away—I exhaled, getting out of the car to open Bella's door.

When I reached for her hand, I noticed Jake was staring at me curiously. I ignored him, helping Bella out and pulling her to my side as I closed the door.

"Something wrong, Jake?" I asked, noticing he was still carefully monitoring my actions.

"No, n-not at all," he said, running his fingers through his hair. Bella had mentioned that his hair usually hung down his back, but he'd recently had it buzzed off. I could see his frustration as he pulled and grabbed at the phantom strands. It was a trait I was very familiar with, especially when I was nervous about something.

Walking quickly to the passenger side of his car, Jake opened the door, and a leg slipped out anchored by a red stiletto. Turning to Bella, I could see she was as surprised by the revelation as I was.

_No fucking way._

I couldn't contain my smile, and didn't try as I took in Jacob's companion. She was a foot shorter than Jacob even with her high heels, and her shiny black hair fell straight down her back like a heavy curtain. She wore a black skirt and a red sweater that revealed the skin of her neck.

And, oh, how pale that skin was!

All the subtle hints that Jacob had dropped to let me know that he disapproved of my relationship with Bella—for purely superficial reasons, were obliterated when he stepped out of his vehicle. Ushering out his very own version of Snow White.

_So, this is why he was playing nice tonight._

"I'm Edward," I said, breaking the ice for Jacob.

"Tia," she said, bypassing my hand to kiss me on my left, then right cheek. I tried not to roll my eyes as the snooty gesture.

"And I'm Bella, his _girlfriend_," Bella intervened, a hidden threat beneath her words. Yet, when she received the same kiss as I had, she relaxed.

"I've heard so much about you. I've been begging my Jakey to introduce us, but he said you were too busy with school. I'm happy you could meet us tonight," Tia said.

I could see that Bella was still processing the use of 'Jakey' as Jacob stood to the side, looking like he didn't have a care in the world. Although his eyes told a completely different story, he was terrified. Deciding to help him out, I led Tia to the entrance, making small talk as Bella and Jake whispered behind us. Whatever their issue, it was worked out in time for Jacob to talk to the bouncer who let us in without a glance back in our direction. The club looked like most; dark lighting, music blaring, and scantily clad women walking around with fruity drinks in their hands.

The only difference being that I was noticeably the only white guy there.

***

Once we were situated at a table, and everyone but me had ordered drinks, the wolves descended. I swear every guy in the place asked Bella to dance, or gave her some weak pick-up line, and that shit was grating on my nerves.

Not to mention that I felt…_uncomfortable_ in my own skin. There was no buried racism or anything of that nature—at least not on _my_ part—but I had never been surrounded by anything other than my own race and being in the opposite situation made me feel self-conscious.

People looked at me as if I didn't belong there, like I was doing them some disservice by just breathing the same air. At first, shock would register on the many faces that passed our table, but then it swiftly disappeared. I couldn't figure out why the expressions changed to acceptance so quickly. But when Jacob slung his arm around Tia, it was painfully clear. There was no issue when it was assumed I was there with Tia, however, when she was taken out of the equation, the shock morphed to disappointment.

Disappointment aimed at Bella.

She kept her eyes on me when we weren't in conversation with the other couple, so I hoped she wasn't privy to any of the disconcerting stares.

A waitress came by to see if we needed anything, and I declined while everyone placed new orders.

"I'll take another Crown and Coke," Jacob said, dazzling the waitress and getting elbowed by Tia.

"What? Crown Royal is the black man's whiskey," he said, trying to divert her attention from his blatant flirting. I wanted to tell him that it actually belonged to the Canadian's, but knew that was beside the point. Instead, I pointed out the obvious.

"You're not black," Bella and I said simultaneously, laughing at his expense. He lifted his shoulder in a noncommittal shrug, mumbling something about having a 'hood pass,' before kissing his date on the cheek to make up for his idiocy. When she seemed happy again, he turned his smile towards Bella.

"Are you gonna dance, or are you going to sit here all night?" he asked her, after another one of her suitors was turned down.

I swear I was going to snap if another person spoke to her.

Bella squeezed my hand which she'd confidently held since we entered. "Baby, do you want to dance?"

My head was shaking before I could verbally respond. I'd been watching the couples on the dance floor, seeing how they moved to the beat of the music. I'd even watched Jake when he danced with Tia, and I didn't think I was willing to embarrass myself or Bella that way.

My sense of rhythm was strictly limited to the piano and the bedroom.

Bella scooted closer, her lips moving against my ear—sending a delightful shiver down my spine—so she could be heard above the noise. "Come on, it'll be like the waltz. You just have to be looser in your movements." She released my hand to slide hers down to my knee, gently working her way up as she tried to coax a 'yes' from me.

"No, I can't." I already felt like I was under a microscope, making a fool of myself was the last thing I wanted to do.

"What's a fine-ass girl like you doing just sitting here? Dance with me." I looked back to see who'd interrupted us, and there stood a tall black guy playing with the strands of Bella's hair. I wanted to break his hand off at the wrist, and I must have motioned to do as much, because suddenly Jacob was kicking my foot under the table, hard. He shook his head as he mouthed 'no'. That may have been okay for him and Tia, but there was no way this guy was going to just ignore my presence and continue to touch what was mine.

"She's not interested," I answered for her, glaring at him with all of the hate I could muster. He couldn't see that her hand was stroking me underneath the table, but there was no space between us and it was more than apparent that she was with me.

Fuck him if he didn't like it.

I turned away, expecting the guy to leave. Not intending to waste another breath on him when I felt the gentle stroking of Bella's hand cease. Catching her eye, I could see she was not pleased with what had happened, and _that_ pissed me off.

_What? Does she _want_ to dance with this guy?_

Jacob groaned, Tia looked at me in pity, and Bella spoke. "Sure, I'll dance with you," she said, standing from the table and heading towards the dance floor, but not before she glared at me. Rising to go after her before she was lost in the crowd, I felt a hand wrap around my forearm.

"Bro, just let her be. Bella can handle herself and anything you do right now will just make things worse. Besides, she doesn't like _anyone_ making decisions for her, and since you've had the pleasure of meeting Renee you should know better. Just…trust me on this," he said, attempting to console me.

Dragging my chair harshly across the floor and turning it towards the dance floor, I sat back down, unable to do anything but focus on the fury coursing through my veins. Jacob scooted his chair closer to mine, perhaps to restrain me if I made to get up again.

"I know it's tough, but you need to let her do her own thing. She's stubborn as hell," he chuckled.

"That's simple for you to say," I laughed, but found no humor in the situation at all.

I wanted to tell him that I was horrified that the one good thing in my life would be stolen from me. I mean, did he _not_ know the statistics on car accidents within the city's limits? The amount of burglaries that take place within a hundred yard radius of her apartment? I had googled all of it. So, I knew first-hand that there were scarier things out there than me, a boyfriend that was a _little_ overbearing. He seemed to think that my attitude was fueled by jealousy alone, and I didn't correct him. After all, it was hard having to watch people approach Bella as if I didn't exist, so I pointed it out.

"You haven't been treated like an outsider all night."

He laughed at me then. "You're right. For this one night I'm not an outsider. I'm with people that see me as one of them. For _one_ night. Tomorrow I go back into the real world where I'm the minority. So excuse the fuck out of me if this _one_ night has you so put out."

"I didn't mean it like that," I interjected, not expecting the conversation to have taken this turn.

"Yeah, I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it. It's probably not something you've ever had a reason to think about. But think about this," he said, his irritation replaced by genuine concern. "When Bella goes back home, back to your side of town where I'm pretty sure she's the only minority in your little group of friends—how do you think she feels? It's possible she feels like the outsider the majority of the time."

"Well, that was…_profound_," I stated, somewhat in awe of how he articulated something I hadn't even thought of. Yet, more astounded that I was still judging people based on false perceptions.

As if reading my mind he continued. "What can I say? I'm a profound motherfucker," he laughed. "And I'll let your asinine assumptions of me slide this once, young grasshopper. You have much to learn."

Giving him an apologetic smile, I digested everything he said, not knowing if it really applied to me and Bella. We had talked about this, and her issue was that she thought I was reluctant to be seen with her. That would never be the case, so Jacob was off the mark with his observation. However, he was dead-on with her being stubborn.

It didn't help that girls were giving Jacob the same treatment Bella received, practically flinging their panties at him when they sauntered by. He didn't have to be the jealous one tonight. Tia may have appeared to be a sweet girl, but she didn't put up with any of it. She mean-mugged—as Jacob referred to it—each and everyone one of them, even baring her teeth at a particularly determined woman.

"You think it'll be different for you?" I asked, glancing back at Tia as she nursed her drink.

"Honestly? I have no idea. When I'm with her I try not to pay attention to anything but _her_, but I see the looks I get. She doesn't have to put up with it too much, because people expect the, uh, darker counterpart to 'know better.' To know our place, I guess. Besides," he said, nodding in her direction, "she's technically Egyptian," he grinned.

He shifted in his chair and then rubbed the back of his neck. "Bella is having a field day with this."

"With what, exactly?" I asked

He sighed. "I was difficult about _everything_ when she just needed me to be her friend. And when she started up with you…let's just say I wasn't encouraging." He appeared to be deep in thought, grimacing at some memory. "I understand what she meant, when she told me some things you don't have a choice in. I get it now."

I looked up in time to see Bella talking with the DJ, who looked vaguely familiar. Whatever she said had him nodding enthusiastically, his dreadlocks bouncing to-and-fro with the movement. The song changed from its slow tempo into a more upbeat hip hop song, and for this I was grateful. At least I wouldn't have to witness this guy getting too intimate with her.

Without looking in Jacob's direction, I stood, muttering that I was going to get another drink. Truth was, I had a better vantage point from the bar, and a shot of anything would do me some good.

With drink in hand, I leaned back on the bar to observe Bella, noting for the first time what she was wearing. I didn't remember her jeans being that tight, or sitting that low on her hips—how they hugged her ass like a second skin, and how her every action caused her shirt to rise, showing the delicate skin of her stomach. And fuck, had her shirt always been that low cut?

I ordered a second drink.

The dance started off…tolerable. She kept a respectable distance between them, and they never really touched. Yet, at some point in the song, the music shifted and suddenly everyone was going crazy. The bass was steadily thumping as more couples made their way to the dance floor.

The scene was transitioning before my eyes. Going from couples dancing to a well choreographed orgy!

Absentmindedly bobbing my head to the music, I watched as hips were pulled backwards into groins, legs wrapped around waists, and girls lowered themselves to the floor continuing their seductive gestures. Because of how the crowd had thickened, I temporarily lost Bella, so I moved around, hoping for a better vantage point.

I could see the asshole that led her away from me, but couldn't locate her and started to get antsy. As if Moses himself was parting the Red Sea, there was a break in the crowd, and there was Bella. Bent over. Wiggling her ass. She was smiling, her body swaying hypnotically to the music, and I was torn between being turned on and being completely livid. When the guy took a hold of her hips and proceeded to grind against her, I lost my shit. I could see Jake moving towards me in my peripheral vision, but there was no way in hell I was going to let him stop me this time.

Once I was within a few feet of her, I watched her calmly remove his hands from her body, taking a step forward to reclaim the space that had been erased. She then turned to face him, so he couldn't pull anything like that again. That wasn't nearly enough for me. I wanted her away from him. My plan was to get her attention, and pull her away so that we could escape, but when I was standing directly behind her she froze.

Bella turned around so quickly I thought she was about to punch me, yet recognition set in and I saw her instantly relax. Peering over her head, I dared the guy—who looked at me like _I_ was interrupting—to even think I about touching her again; pulling Bella to me to prove my point. He gave me the same disgusted look as everyone else had, but eventually slumped away.

She didn't just stand there; in fact, she started grinding her ass against me, lifting her hands above her head to wrap around my neck. I was instantly hard, but held her waist to stop the wonderful assault.

There were too many things running through my head to speak to her at that moment, so I moved my hand to hers, attempting to walk us away. She pulled on my arm to halt my step, the anger she felt still clear in her eyes.

"Let's go," I yelled, not to be brutal, but to be heard over the music. Something in my tone--deliberate or not—pushed her over the edge, and before I knew what was happening, she was advancing on me. There wasn't a lot of space to move around, and pretty soon I felt my back hit the raised platform of the DJ's booth.

"God, Edward. Stop telling me what to do!" She pushed her finger into my chest to punctuate her words.

"Stop being so difficult!"

"Fine," she said, turning around to walk away. When I came to my senses, I worked my way through the crowd, catching up with her as she was telling Jacob and Tia goodbye. I waved in their direction before jogging to the exit to follow her out.

She didn't let me open the car door for her. She didn't look in my direction when I sat down. She didn't even question me when I sat staring at her, making no attempt to start the ignition and drive away.

_This is going to be a long ride._

***

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked.

We had entered her apartment, and still hadn't spoken a word to each other. She continued walking towards her bedroom, either ignoring me or thinking about my offer. When she was almost there, she detoured, stopping in front of Rosalie's door. After discovering Rose wasn't home, Bella went back to her room, shoving the door open.

Once there, she sat on her bed, removing her shoes and socks as I leaned against her door frame. I was annoyed that she couldn't just fucking talk to me, upset that my wanting to protect her was causing this much distress…and I was scared: scared that the only person I'd ever loved probably didn't feel the same way about me.

"Do you…" I started, ready to repeat the question.

"No," she snapped, pausing momentarily to pull her shirt over her head.

She stood and started unzipping her jeans as she walked toward the adjoining restroom. The untimely erection I had in response to her anger and near nakedness was becoming painful, and I forced myself to not think about how beautiful she was in her wrath.

It didn't work.

After I stripped down to my boxers, I walked through the rest of the apartment, checking to make sure everything was locked up. Satisfied that everything was airtight, I made my way back to the bedroom, frowning when I saw the lights were off, hindering any conversation we needed to have.

Loudly sighing, I walked into her adjoining restroom, grabbing my bag on the way so that I could brush my teeth. As soon as I finished and shut off the light, I stepped back into the dark bedroom. But before I could go any further, her warm hands pressed into the bare skin of my chest. Bella stood silently as she collected her thoughts.

"Don't tell me what to do. If you want me to trust your judgment, you have to trust mine," she said. And though I could tell she was still mad, the timbre of her a voice had changed in intensity; something different fueled her emotions now.

Advancing until I had her backed into a corner, I curled my fingers on either side of her waist, preventing her from leaving. "I wasn't trying to tell you what to do. I just want to take care of you. Why is the idea of that so…_repulsive_ to you?" I spat.

"Ugh, you just…ugh!" she shrieked.

"I just what?" I shouted, feeling her body tremble beneath my fingertips. My chest heaved, and I could feel my grip tightening around her, but I couldn't calm down. Slowly releasing her, I took a step back, not wanting to scare her. Well, anymore than I already had.

The moment I let go of her, the hands that once hung limply at her sides were sliding into to the waistband of my boxers; pulling me forward with unexpected strength.

"What?" I asked, scrubbing my hands over my face and taking a steadying breath. When I felt I had enough control, I moved my eyes to hers, noticing that her expression had softened but the fire in her eyes still burned.

"What?" I repeated. I demanded.

My instincts to push the issue—to not let this go unresolved—were on high alert, and I expected her to see the logic in my argument. Her hands crept lower, grazing my erection and sending electric jolt through me that had me suppressing a moan.

"Just, please, trust me," she pleaded. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't that I didn't trust her. There were just too many outside factors that could steal her away from me. And though I couldn't stop fate, I wanted to control the things within my power.

Before I could say any of this, one soft hand glided into my boxers, tugging my erection as the other firmly cupped me.

"Oh, God, "I exhaled, stumbling forward and pressing my forehead to hers. Her warm breath fanned across my face, and her nose brushed against mine. "I'm always going to feel…_this_ way about you," I confessed, grabbing her wrists, and easily overpowering her to place her hands back at her side. "I don't know if I can be any other way. I want you safe and sound…at all times," I said, picking her up and walking her to the bed.

I tossed her down, and she landed with a soft 'squeak,' glaring at me, daring me to manhandle her again. Her breasts bounced underneath the large t-shirt she wore—my shirt—and I admired the way it slid up to reveal…

"Fuck! No panties, baby?"

My mind immediately flashed back to the club. How that guy was so close to bending her over—rubbing against her. And to think she wasn't wearing any underwear that whole time! The ounce of control I had retained quickly slipped away.

"Tell me you took them off when you were getting ready for bed?"

She had the audacity to smirk at me, arrogantly shaking her head left to right. "We were in a rush when we left the house," she supplied.

Her heels pushed into the mattress as she attempted to scoot to the head of the bed, but I grabbed her ankle, halting any further movement. Crawling up to her, I crashed my mouth to hers, taking her bottom lip in between my teeth before raking them down to the crook of her neck. Not to be outdone, she reached for me again, making my cock throb and ache as it grew harder under her touch. As a result, I bit down, my teeth sinking into her, causing her to moan and squeeze me harder. Sitting up on my knees, I hastily removed her shirt, revealing perfectly rounded breasts and stiff nipples.

"So fucking beautiful," I groaned, pushing her back down and pinning her hands above her head. Resuming the path I'd started, I glided my lips across her collarbone, down to valley of her chest before sucking one delicious peak into my mouth.

"Edward," she panted, raising her hips to rub against me.

Switching sides, I sucked on her other nipple, flicking it with my tongue, letting my teeth drag across her.

"Tell me what you want," I ordered, slipping one hand down to cup and knead her breast. Her eyes focused on the movement, watching as I trailed my fingers over her, lifted the weight into my palm, and pinched her peak into hypersensitivity. The barest of touches had her body trembling.

"Tell me," I repeated, my remaining hand wrapping around the stands of her hair, forcing her eyes to mine.

"I can't decide," she challenged, unable to hide the smugness in her tone. Always so defiant. So, I chose for her, slithering down her body and plunging a finger into her heat.

"God, taste me," she moaned, bucking her hips into my hand when I added a second finger, then a third as my thumbed lightly stroked her clit.

"How long have you been this wet, Isabella?" I asked, paying no attention to her request, and desperately trying to rein in my ever increasing need for her.

"I'm always _this_ wet for you," she answered immediately, eliciting a groan from somewhere deep within me.

Withdrawing my fingers—replacing them with my tongue—I took a long languorous lick, humming against her as all of my senses were blissfully assaulted by her very essence. It was obvious Bella wanted more, ached for it, the rise and swivel of her hips made it perfectly clear, but I had other plans for her. I firmly grasped her middle and flipped her over. As she rose up on all fours, I did away with the last piece of clothing keeping us separated, and climbed behind her to speak lowly in her ear.

"Were you going to let _him_ touch you like this?" I asked, pulling her back to me, and licking the outer shell of her ear. "Did you take pleasure in having _him_ grind up against you, behind you?" I pressed the head of my cock against her, gripping her hips tightly as she rapidly shook her head 'no.'

"I'd appreciate a verbal response," I added, spreading her legs and situating myself between them. I teased her with just the head, coating it with her wetness before I placed it at her entrance.

"No," she finally responded, pushing back into me, taunting me with her firm ass. "I only want you this way." And as if she needed to prove her point, she widened her stance and dipped her head, offering herself to me.

"Fuck, Bella." I shuddered, remembering having this exact fantasy. It was before I knew her, and was resigned to conjuring her image in several different positions. Using my hand to provide a release I now knew paled in comparison to being inside of her.

With one hand still holding her, I leaned over, opening the drawer on the bedside table. My action—coupled with her position—propelled me forward, the head of my cock easing into her soft flesh. An urgent gasp left Bella's lungs as she pressed against me in a painstakingly slow pace, taking more of me in by the millimeters. It was the sweetest torture.

Stilling her, and chastising her with a smack to her flawless derriere. In a blur of movement, I reached for a condom, quickly pulling out of her and sliding it on.

The last reverberation of her moan registered with my lust-addled brain and I smirked. "You liked that," I stated, smacking her opposite cheek, and then massaging it to ease the sting. She moaned louder, the sound making a connection with my cock.

"Verbally," I tsked.

"I lov…" she began, when I cut her off by plunging deeply into her.

"Fuck!" we both exclaimed.

My thrusts were wild as I roughly clutched on to her, going deeper every time I drove forward. She moaned, groaned, and cursed, bringing me closer to the edge while I bent over to whisper in her ear.

"I…trust you," I huffed, my eyes practically rolling back into my head when her ass met the 'v' of my pelvic bone. Proof that she had taken all of me. "But I'll _always_ protect you." I nibbled around ear before taking her lobe into my mouth.

"I want to take care of you," I said, mentally adding "_because_ _I love you."_

Something internally shifted when I spoke the words, and I could tell Bella felt it, too. She had been accepting my possessive physical onslaught, giving just as good as she got. Yet, with my declaration, we abruptly slowed, effortlessly finding a rhythm that turned biting to soft kisses, pounding to gentle caresses. I lowered my body on top of hers completely, gently pushing her legs apart until she collapsed to lie flat beneath me.

Still connected to her, inside of her, I rolled us onto our sides; the curve of her ass fitting wonderfully on my lap as I began moving within her once again. Our breathing was strained as we murmured words of affection, and I held her hand, our fingers interlacing. I moved my free hand to trace her stiff nipples before settling it on the smooth skin of her belly.

I pushed into her a few more times, mouthing the words I was too afraid to say out loud, fearing she would disappear if I did.

"I love you," I mouthed into her tresses.

Squeezing her hand, I mouthed it into her neck, against her ear, and into her shoulder. My palm slid over her heart, feeling its metronomic pace as I mouthed it again. And finally, I made my way to her clit, aiding her in reaching her final moment of ecstasy, gliding in and out of her wetness as she clenched around me and lead me to mine.

Holding her until we both had caught our breath, and the tremors had ceased, I sighed in contentment. The sound causing her to scoot forward, sadly breaking our connection. After I cleaned up, I rejoined her in the bed, lying on my back as she rested her head on my chest.

"Don't tell me what to do," she said through a yawn. I chuckled, shaking my head and holding her tighter. We would have to agree to disagree.

Before sleep overcame me, I felt her lips brush against my chest. And I swore they formed the words 'you too.'

* * *

**A/N Hello new readers : ) Thanks for all the alerts and reviews, I appreciate every one of them. Tell me who sent you so that I can properly express my gratitude. I know everyone says it, but I really do have the best readers out there!**

**There is now a youtube video with the PD cast as some people were having a hard time finding them on my LJ. See my profile for the link.  
**

**Thank you ABG for holding vigil with me while I mourn the MOL. It means a lot that you held my hair back while I upchucked.**

**Leave me some love because I'm needy and they motivate me: )~**


	16. PDA

**A/N Thank you as usual for all of your kind reviews. I didn't get to reply to everyone last round, but trust that I read them all! As usual, AngryBadgerGirl & LillyBellis make this legible, but SM still owns it. **

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I don't care about propriety  
Let's break the rules ignore society  
Maybe our neighbors like to spy it's true  
So what if they watch, when we do, what we do

PDA (We Just Don't Care)-John Legend

"Long time, no see," I greeted, grasping Emmett's hand to shake it before pulling him in to a half-hug—a half-_manly_-hug. At least I thought it would be.

He let go of my hand, his burly paws coming up to fully grasp my shoulders before he squeezed me tightly. "Dude, it feels like fuckin' forever since I last saw you," he said to the crown of my head.

Patting his back awkwardly, I decided I would silently count to five before pulling away, but I hardly made it to two when I noticed people blatantly staring at us in the cramped space of the small restaurant. He released me with a heavy sigh, a frown marring his normally cheerful face as he walked toward the back of the line to place his order.

After playing phone tag for a while, we were finally able to meet for dinner late on Tuesday. He suggested we meet at the Chipotle that was just a mile or so from campus, and I quickly accepted, having really missed my friend.

"So, what's good here?" I asked, studying the menu that didn't provide a whole hell of a lot of options. I could have a burrito, or a taco. And if I was feeling particularly _healthy_, they could dump the contents of either into a bowl and call it a salad.

"It's like the McDonalds of Mexican food," Emmett said, "quick and cheap. But whatever you get, order double. You'll probably be hungry again in a couple of hours," he suggested, ordering two burritos and a side—which was a full order—of soft shell tacos.

I settled on a burrito bowl, and picked out a table while Emmett filled up his glass with soda. Once we were situated, we made small talk as we practically inhaled our food. He filled me in on how his first week at school went, his new internship, and how weird it was to live downstairs from one of your best friends and _never_ see them. Chuckling at his jibe, I filled him in on what I'd been up to. Well, what me and Bella had been up to.

"I can't believe I didn't tell you about the whole Renee thing," I said. "Has it really been that long since we've talked?" I added, more to myself than him. Having been so wrapped up in Bella, I'd completely neglected the _first_ friend I made in Portland. Feeling regretful, I vowed to make more time for everyone. Not that I planned on spending any less time with Bella, I just needed to find some balance.

"She's hot, right?" he snickered, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Renee?" I asked, and he nodded. It was useless to try to suppress my grin, so I didn't. "Yeah, but if you repeat that to Bella, I'll deny it. Although, she's kind of a, uh..."

"Bitch?" he offered.

"Exactly! I mean, I can see why she wants to protect Bella, but where was she when _Mike,_" I spat his name, "pulled that shit?"

"Or Tyler for that matter," Emmett mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing." He shrugged one shoulder before polishing off the last of his tacos.

"What's going on, Emmett?" I asked. "You don't look too good."

He looked like shit quite frankly. There were heavy bags underneath his eyes, accentuating their bloodshot color. All of the extra body mass he had put on over the summer seemed to be fading away. I was use to seeing him constantly smiling. Yet, I could count on one hand the number of times he smiled since we'd sat down.

Some of the stress could most likely be attributed to his class schedule. Emmett was determined to finish school as soon as possible, and therefore was taking a heavier course-load than he had last year. He was also granted an internship at MSMH Structural Engineers. Even though he had decided to go into Biomedical Engineering, he still needed to meet his parent's requirements if he wanted to stay in the penthouse. So with that added responsibility, it had to be adding to his exhaustion. However, I had a feeling it had more to do with what I had walked in on between him and Rosalie.

"You know. Same shit, different day," he said, his shoulders slumped forward as he leaned forward to take a sip of his drink. Emmett was never one to dodge any topic, so that made me all the more curious and concerned.

"Don't give me that," I pressed. "Just tell me what's going on?" Groaning, he wiped his mouth with napkin before he began tearing it into small pieces. Without looking up he began speaking.

"Me and Rose…things just…" he trailed off.

"What? I asked, trying to lighten the mood that turned way too depressing, way too quickly for my liking. "Is she giving you a hard time because you're protecting your virtue?" I joked.

His head quickly whipped up as he met my eyes, and the intimidating look he gave me told me I wasn't far off the mark.

"Fuck, Em. I was joking, I'm sorry. Are you serious?"

"She broke things off with me," he simply stated.

It was a lot to swallow. They had gotten together just before Bella and I did, and they always seemed so content with one another. I had seen them fight (plenty of times to be honest) but they seemed to get off on that. Knowing now how pleasant make-up sex could be, I could understand the lure, but I got to feel the release afterwards. Maybe Rosalie couldn't take the sexual build-up.

"Was it really because she couldn't wait?" I almost scoffed. I had never seen this type of role reversal.

"Not entirely. She took that and ran with it. Saying that I didn't want to wait, and that I just didn't want her—which is so fucking far from the truth. You know that, man."

Nodding that I did in fact know he was head over heels for her, I asked when everything had happened, feeling like shit for not being there for him sooner. "Was it the day I stopped by? You looked pretty upset, and I was a little worried about leaving her alone with you," I admitted.

"I would _never_ hurt her," he barked, startling the people at the neighboring table.

"Calm down, Em. I'm sorry for the assumption, but you looked so _angry_. Not like you were entirely depressed, but more like you wanted to murder someone.

"Well, I did," he paused, his blue eyes glinting eerily in the dim lighting.

"So that's when she broke up with you?" I inquired, mildly annoyed that he wouldn't just spit it out already, yet trying to be as gentle with him as my patience would allow.

"No, it was a couple of days later. Has Bella talked to you about any of her ex-boyfriends?"

"I know of them," I said, because it was the truth. Although, I did pass on her offer of full-disclosure. It was hard for me to divulge my past as well. I didn't want Bella to know how I got off with Lauren Mallory, the types of things that Claire Thomas would let me do to her in the empty hallways of Forks High, nor the other girls I'd met on my frequent trips to Seattle. Bella definitely got the edited version.

"How much do you know about Tyler specifically?" I trailed one hand through my hair, pulling harshly as I went. If it was Emmett's goal to make me as miserable as he seemed to be, it was definitely working. I did _not_ want to talk about her ex's.

"Just that she dated him in high school, and he took her _virginity_." The last word escaped my lips in a harsh whisper as I flinched at the thought that I'd revealed too much, and even more so that someone else had taken what I felt in some twisted way belonged to me. "She didn't say much else and I really didn't want to know more. What does any of this have to do with Bella?" I asked.

"Nothing, not entirely anyways." He took a huge breath as if he was trying to calm himself down. "Bella and Rosie dated these two jocks in high school, and after one of their games they all went to this house party. At some point they separated—by choice Rosie said—but someone… Someone _hurt_ my Rosie that night," he whispered, a shudder ripping through his large frame. "She said that Bella stopped things before they could go any further, but I don't know if she's telling the truth. I just feel like there was something she wasn't saying, you know?"

"You came over right after Rosie told me everything: why things are strained between her and Tanya, and why Bella doesn't really _like_ Tanya. And dude, I don't even know where I could find this guy that dared to lay a hand on her, but I wanted to kill him after she told me. I _want_ to kill him," he confessed. After a moment, he cracked his knuckles, his face twisted on what I could only describe as physical pain.

"It's like Rosie zoned out when she was telling me what happened, but when she came back down to earth, she was a mess," Emmett continued. "She kept saying over and over that if I didn't want her before she'd told me that, I wouldn't give her the time of day now. Then, she just jumps up and leaves. I ran after her and all of that, but she would barely speak to me. Man, I tried to touch her and she flinched like I had fucking burned her or something. After a few days of ignoring me, she calls and tells me it's over," he said, utterly despondent now.

"I've tried everything. I've told her how much I love her, and that I want her no matter what, but I still want to wait until I'm married before we go any further. I wanted her to wait until I married _her_," he said, his hands balled into fists on top of the table. "Edward, I'm tired of trying, man. I won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do, including being with me."

It still wasn't clear to me what had happened to Rosalie, but in Emmett's current state I knew it would be unwise to continue the conversation. The way he swore he would never _force_ her to do anything lead me to assume the worst.

"Emmett, if she really loves you—which I know she does—things will work out, she probably needs sometime to process everything. How many guys do you know that would turn down a beautiful girl like Rosalie? It's possible that your wanting to wait felt like rejection to her, and I'm sure she's not used to that. And on top of all of that she told you what happened to her…I'm sure she just needs time," I said sympathetically, knowing how it felt when someone you loved turned their back on you. Yet, I was still somewhat in the dark because it hadn't happened to me with someone I was romantically involved with. I had no idea what I'd do if Bella ever left me, and I never wanted to find out.

"That's the part that worries me," he said, his watery gaze settling on me once again. "No guy _would_ turn her down even with good reason. What if I'm too late?" he asked, and I instantly regretted my choice of words.

"She wouldn't do that you," I stated with every bit of conviction I could muster.

That didn't stop the doubt from surfacing as I wondered where Rosalie had been these last few nights when I was at her place with Bella. It was evident that she hadn't been with Emmett.

After my talk with Emmett, I reluctantly called Bella from my place to let her know I would be staying at home tonight, feeling sad about missing our time together, and then instantly guilty because of it. When she asked me if I wanted her to come over, I told her an abridged version of my dinner conversation with Emmett, and it was obvious from her gasp that the break-up was just as shocking to her.

"Is Rosalie there now? I'm kind of worried that she's been seeing someone else already. Emmett said she hadn't stayed with him for a few days."

"No, she's not, but I saw her at work earlier. She told me she was staying with her parents since she didn't spend too much time with them over the summer. I thought that was strange," she said, deep in thought. "Ro has seen them _plenty_ since she's been back."

"Well, maybe you can talk to her? See what's going on? I'm going to crash at Em's place tonight whether he wants me there or not," I chuckled, knowing full well he'd probably decline my offer. But he was my friend, and there was no way I would let him go through this alone.

_Not from this point on, anyways._

"Good luck with that," she said. "I'll check in on him tomorrow. I don't want him to think we're ganging up on him."

"Good idea," I agreed.

"And Edward, you're being a good friend," she added, always knowing exactly what to say to ease my worries.

"I'm trying to be, better late than never, right?"

"Right, better late than never," she repeated. I'll miss you in… I'll miss you tonight," she breathed.

"What were you going to say?" I asked, smiling.

"Well…I was going to say I'll miss you in my bed," she began, and my dick responded appropriately. "But I won't just miss that. I'll miss you in every way conceivable."

I smiled at the thought, but was interrupted by a light chime in my ear notifying me of an incoming message. Telling Bella to hold on a sec, I pulled the phone from my ear, noticing I had one missed call and two new texts. Checking them as quickly as possible, I responded to both messages, planning to listen to Tanya's voicemail later.

In my first response, I told Tanya I couldn't make it to out to yet another party, but again promised her I would in the future. The second text was from Emmett, asking if I wanted to come over under the ruse of playing video games, and consequently, making my job a hell of a lot easier—I'm sure showing up for an impromptu slumber party would've gotten me junk-punched! Hurriedly replying that I was on my way, I pressed the phone back to my ear.

"You still there, baby?"

"Yep," she answered.

"That was Tanya and Em. Tanya invited us to party with her but…"

"Hell-to-the-no. What did Emmett want?" she asked, not skipping a beat.

"We're going to have to talk about this Tanya business soon, you know?"

_Especially now with what's happened between Rosalie and Emmett._

"You asked me to trust you with her and I am," she said, no doubt rolling those beautiful brown eyes. "But Tanya and I aren't going to be friends, so don't go there," she added, straight to the point as always.

I couldn't help but laugh at her tenacity. "Well, Em invited me over to play video games, so I don't need to make up an excuse as to why I showed up at his place. I told him I was on my way, so I need to head out."

"Okay, have fun and I miss you already," she said, clearly smiling. My phone chimed again at that moment, interrupting me _a-fucking-gain_. Bella must have heard the brief intrusion and told me to answer the call—_if_ it wasn't Tanya—and when I confirmed that it was indeed Emmett, she said she'd talk to me tomorrow.

"Fine," I sullenly replied, missing her already, too. "I love you and I'll talk to you tomorrow," I said before ending the call and clicking over to talk to Em.

"What?" I all but yelled into the receiver.

"Dude, calm the fuck down. Bring some food down, my fridge is empty," Emmett said.

"I haven't been home, what makes you think I have food? And we just ate an hour ago!"

"Shit, an hour? I'm still hungry, and for some reason you're Esme's favorite, you know she probably snuck food into your house. All she would have to do is tell Ross she was watering your plants or something while you were gone and he would've let her in."

Laughing at him, I walked to the kitchen to inspect the fridge and cabinets, and just as he suspected, there was food. "Okay, I'll bring food, you get the game ready."

Emmett and I spent most of the night playing around and avoiding the topic of Rosalie. It was two AM before we both started to doze off. He threw me a blanket and pillow as I made myself comfortable on his couch. He offered me the guest room, but at that point I was too tired to even decline coherently, waving him off with my hand. Unnecessarily thanking me for being there for him, he exhaustedly stumbled away.

I was so tired that I thought I'd pass out immediately, but ended up tossing and turning, unable to relax. Nothing seemed to work, from counting sheep to mentally arranging musical notes on a staff, hoping to produce a melody to lull myself to sleep. I just couldn't shut my brain off. Right when I was about to give up on sleep altogether, my cell phone vibrated in my pocket, scaring the shit out of me and causing me to tumble of the couch onto the floor. Pulling the phone out, I saw Bella had sent a text.

**Can't sleep** : (

A peculiar sense of dread came over me when I saw her name blink across the screen, lighting up the darkness the way she did just by lying next to me. My stomach lurched and my heartbeat picked up, assuming something was wrong, but to see that she was just in my same predicament stopped the feeling altogether.

Quickly responding 'same here,' I crawled back on to the couch, loving that any form of contact from her quieted the endless thoughts that constantly inundated me. It was another ten minutes before she replied, and I had to remind myself that Emmett needed me. No matter what I felt—mainly that I should drive to Bella's place to make sure she locked up—I had to stay put.

Breathing a sigh of relief when the phone vibrated again, I picked it up, choking on the breath I intended to inhale when I saw the picture message. My phone didn't stop after that, buzzing every thirty seconds for the next few minutes. I shoved my fist in my mouth to unsuccessfully muffle the groan that spilled out, realizing I was not in my own home and needed to keep quiet.

The first photo was of her mid-section; the curve of her waist giving way to the tops of her creamy caramel thighs, her navel resembling a tiny elongated oval as opposed to a circle, awakening the memory of how she tasted just inches below. From there, a picture of Bella's clavicle, a profile of her face—showcasing that spot beneath her left ear that drove her crazy—her chocolate-peaked breasts, and her stunning face arrived along with a painful erection.

_I will not jack-off on Emmett's couch. _

_I will not jack-off on Emmett's couch. _

_I WILL NOT JACK-OFF ON EMMETT'S COUCH!_

The last vibration was of her actually calling, and as soon as her sultry voice infiltrated the quiet room I was done for.

_I _will_ buy Emmett a new couch._

Needless to say we both fell asleep due to a whole different type of fatigue, and I knew one of the gifts she was getting for her birthday. Because with an upgraded cell phone, she would surely send me a video next time!

When I awoke in the morning, I had one unread text from Bella that was sent an hour after I thought we'd both fallen asleep. It simply read 'did you mean it?'

_Did I mean what? _

The rest of the week was spent adapting to a new schedule of sorts as I attempted to divide my time between Bella, Emmett, and Tanya. I looked for a job, and tried to plan something to do for Bella's birthday while we were in Forks—land of boredom. Running through the forest just didn't seem like the kind of activity she'd be into, so I needed to come up with something good, and quickly. There were a few ideas running through my head, and I hoped one would pan out before we left for Forks tomorrow. I had already purchased her an iPhone, programmed my phone number, and downloaded a video camera app. It was a selfish choice, perhaps, but I hoped she'd like it, nonetheless.

On the job front, I had two pretty good prospects thanks to Carlisle and—of all people—Bella's mom. Since Dr. Cullen was a donor at both Oregon Health & Science University and PSU, he had contacts that were willing and able to give me a part-time job based on his recommendation alone. Some of these positions could even be worked out so that I'd get the hours accredited and salaried. There was a specific work-study at Providence Medical Center that interested me the most. It only involved doing some admin work—checking patients in and out of the hospital. However, the hours were acceptable and it wasn't far from Bella's apartment, which was a good fit for me.

Renee had asked about me on her weekly phone call with Bella, and when Bella told her I was looking for a job, she said they needed a piano player for the many fundraisers held throughout the year. Though the work was sporadic, it paid a quite a deal more than the positions Dr. Cullen found, and would take up less of my free time. I thanked both for the recommendations, and promised I would have an answer upon my return from Forks. For as much as I loved music, I didn't want to spend any unnecessary time with Renee and the bourgeoisies I loved to hate, so my decision was all but made.

It was currently Thursday, and I was sitting in the school's common area flipping through my math syllabus to see what I would be missing when we hit the road tomorrow. Bella's class would be ending soon, and we would have the next hour together before we had to separate until her shift ended at six.

"Hey you," Bella said, sneaking up from behind me.

Tucking my books away, I turned toward her with a smile already in place. She looked as gorgeous as always in her dark jeans and green sweater, her straightened hair tickling me when she leaned in to peck my cheek.

Rising from my seat, I pulled her close, letting her scent and warmth envelope me as I gave her a far better greeting kiss. Feeling her lips tremble against mine when my thumbs stroked the supple skin just above the waistband of her jeans was my cue to pull away. Otherwise, I would've been looking for a vacant room to finish what I started.

She followed suit, promptly putting space between us and dropping her book bag on the table as I pulled out the chair next to me, pushing it in when she sat down. Smiling her thanks at the gesture, she turned her chair toward mine, her hair shielding her face and her knee bouncing as she spoke.

"You ready to leave?"

"Now? You just got here," I said.

"I meant tomorrow, silly."

"Oh, yeah I'm ready. Although, I am more excited about having the weekend alone with you," I hinted, smirking at her coy demeanor. How she managed to tease me and still look so shy and sweet I would never figure out.

"When do you have to sign the paperwork?" she asked.

"I meet with the bank trustee at two on Friday, so we'll leave in the morning. But after that we have the entire weekend to celebrate your birthday," I said with a devilish grin.

"Edward, I know that look. Promise me you won't go overboard," she insisted.

"Whatever do you mean?" I asked, feigning surprise and trying to give her an innocent look that she laughed at. "No, no. I promise to behave. We'll do whatever it is you want to do."

"I'll hold you to that," she replied.

"Whatever you want within reason that is," I corrected. "We aren't going to dine at the Target snack bar." Bella had a weird fascination with the slurpee machine at Target, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was exactly what she wanted to do on her special day.

"There you go destroying my hopes and dreams," she deadpanned, turning to look at the clock hanging above the exit. I looked up too, but my eyes never made it to the clock when I suddenly found them locked with a pair of steel gray ones.

"Freak," I mumbled, looking away from the girl who continued to gape.

"She'll get bored after a while. Hopefully," Bella said lowly.

"Huh?" I asked, unaware that Bella had followed my line of sight.

"That girl," she said, discreetly gesturing with her hand to the nearby table where the owner of said eyes sat. "She'll stop looking eventually."

"I wonder what her deal is," I said, confused as to what had caught her attention.

Bella sighed beside me and reached over to squeeze my knee. "I'm going to get a drink, do you want something?"

"Nope, just hurry back," I grinned, watching her ass sway as she walked away. She was almost out of the door when some guy touched her arm to get her attention. I'm sure I was scowling as I watched their interaction, my eyes trained on his hand that seemed to be twitching to touch her again. I looked on as his eyes left hers to roam over her body while she had her head angled towards the ceiling, something she did when she was thinking.

"Hi, Edward."

It took me a second to register that my name was being called since I was so focused on the fuckery taking place before me, but I glanced to my left and saw Tanya smiling at me.

"What's up, Tan," I said distractedly as she unceremoniously sat down in Bella's chair.

"I haven't seen you here before," Tanya said, motioning to the area around us. "Did you drop a class or something?"

"Nope, just meeting Bella on her break," I answered, nodding in Bella's direction. Bozo had finally detached his eyes from her chest and had pulled out his cell phone to _get her number_? The whole scene was disturbing and I saw red as he motioned to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"Edward, what's up with you?" Tanya asked, retrieving a broken pencil from my balled fists.

_When did I even pick up a pencil?_

Bella finally turned the corner, coming back a minute later with drink in hand. Tanya had been going on about something that I mentally tuned out, and as soon as she saw Bella approaching, she grabbed her things.

"So, you'll be able to help me on the assignment?" Tanya muttered.

"What?" I asked confusedly.

"You said you could help me study if I needed it. I'm asking now," she said in one breath.

"Yeah, sure, just let me know when," I replied, my attention focused solely on Bella.

"Thanks," I'll see you later," she said, making a hasty departure.

"What did she want?" Bella asked, her tone implying nothing.

"What did _he_ want?" I said, unashamedly pointing out the asshole that touched her. Unlike Bella, I couldn't control my tone.

She rolled her eyes at me, not taking it personally. "_Alec_ wanted to exchange numbers so we can start a study group before mid-terms. Alec wanted to know my bra size and what size pants I wear," she said, interlacing our fingers and halting any movement I intended to make. She knew me too well. "Alec also dresses up as 'Jane' on the weekends and wanted to know if I had any old clothes he could use for an upcoming burlesque show he's performing in—_in drag_. He also wanted to know what kind of products I used to get my weave so straight and shiny. _Edward_ is still an asshole," she finished.

"You don't have a hair weave," I said, evading everything else she'd said in hopes that we could pretend that I wasn't just an asshole a few seconds ago.

"I don't, obviously. You've pulled it enough to know," she smirked. "But I didn't think letting him do a spot check would've been good for your sanity. I saw the look you gave him, Edward. You seriously need to get a grip."

Having the good sense to look ashamed, I told her Tanya needed help studying, too. Bella's eyes darkened ever so slightly, but she didn't question it further.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked, knowing I deserved no less than some of her anger at this point.

"Of course not, but _I_ _trust you_," she said, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. When she broke the kiss, she reached for my phone and my car keys. After punching a few buttons on my cell, she handed it back, and gave me her keys in return.

"What are you doing?" I inquired, confusedly amused.

"Punishment, Edward. This new ringtone isn't nearly enough to cover whatever that little caveman display was, but I'll be driving your car home today. You can take the truck," she smiled, picking up her things and walking toward the exit.

Stuffing my books into my bag, I quickly ran after her with one thought in mind.

_Not my baby!_

After _slowly_ leaving school in Bella's shitbox , I decided to give Emmett a call to see how his day was going. He was tired from staying up all night 'kicking my ass,' but was feeling better about things, more optimistic. I had a few hours to spare before going over to Bella's, and I'd already packed the car with everything we needed for the journey to Forks. So, instead of letting him rest, I asked him to meet me at the gym. We'd slacked off on our work-out routine, and I wanted to make sure he would be okay by himself after I left. I also had this weird feeling that kept pestering me, telling me that something was about to go wrong, and I needed his level-headedness to put things into perspective for me. He bitched and moaned at how I was overdoing the best friend bid, but eventually agreed, saying he'd meet me down there.

I changed into some navy blue basketball shorts and a white tank top, giving the place a cursory glance to make sure I had everything I needed so I could leave from the gym and go straight to Bella's. My gaze lingered on my piano, seeing the light sheen of dust that had covered its top. It had been disregarded for a long time, and my fingers twitched, begging me to sit down and play. It felt like just yesterday that I had viewed it as my most prized possession, and now that Bella was in my life, I hadn't thought twice about it.

Now, I had not forgotten about music altogether. There were melodies that would randomly come to me when I looked into Bella's eyes, wondering if she could see how much I valued her. Those melodies took shape when she reached for my hand, smiling for all the world like she was the lucky one in our relationship and not me. And when we were truly—physically—connected, the rhythm would set in, the notes falling onto my mind's staff to produce a musical articulation of everything she meant to me. I fucking loved her, and if I didn't tell her soon I was going to burst with the effort of holding it in; it was stupid to even try at this point. If she didn't feel the same way… well, it was a chance I was ready to take. With that thought, I knew what I would do for her birthday.

Bent over the piano, I drew a smiley face on its lid as dust particles floated into the air. After one last glance, I stepped away from the piano.

"Another day."

Working out with Emmett was exactly what I needed. Aside from catching up, he gave me some ideas on things I could do for Bella's birthday to help execute my ultimate plan. He also agreed to come out to Bella's belated birthday dinner when we returned. Since I was taking her away, it was only fair to do something our friends could take part in as well. With Em and Rose's new status as a non-couple, I was slightly worried about how they would interact with each other, but he said that things would be fine and not to get my panties in a twist.

When that was squared away, I told him about the odd sense of foreboding I felt about leaving for Forks. He convinced me that it was perfectly normal to feel like I was closing a chapter in my life, especially considering that I'd experienced some of my major rites of passage alone. Emmett reasoned that the fear of something terrible happening was just because I was treating this like a divorce from my parents—like I was cutting all ties—and that wasn't the case he'd said, and he was right. I needed to treat this as the simple matter of paperwork that it was, not like the inevitable goodbye it felt like.

Emmett wished me a safe trip, and due to the amount of time we'd spent exercising our muscles—and mouths—I decided I needed to go back home to shower after all.

Freshly showered and re-dressed, I stopped at the Cullens home, reminding them that I was heading out and that food didn't need to magically appear in my fridge while I was gone. Esme laughed at me and kissed my cheek, telling me to drive carefully because rain was expected in the forecast. Carlisle did the same, but instead of kissing me, he hugged me close as he reiterated that all the paperwork checked out fine with his lawyers. Once I had signed the necessary documents to transfer the money into a new account, he would take me to sit with his accountant to discuss investment options.

I clung to him for too long, and felt a bit Emmett-like in the display, but he didn't pull away. If anything he squeezed me tighter. After that display of _masculinity_, both he and Esme made sure I had their numbers in case I needed anything, and with a promise to reconvene our Sunday brunches, I walked toward the door.

"Hold on, Edward," Esme said, flitting around the corner and out of my line of sight. She was back seconds later pushing a small red cooler into my hands.

"I couldn't make it _magically_ appear in your car. Some of it needs to be refrigerated!" she beamed.

She shushed every protest I made about her not having to do that, and pushed me out of the door, demanding that I call them as soon as we entered Clallam county limits. I agreed, making my way to the car, and then to Bella's place in record time.

Bella and I pulled up at the same time into her apartment complex, or rather _she_ pulled up, I just puttered forward in her hooptie as it wheezed into a parking space. Picking up my overnight bag, I made my way over to her and helped her step out of the Volvo.

"We've got to get you a new car," I grumbled.

"Shut it. As soon as I've saved up enough money, I'll trade it in," she said, reaching for her things.

"You can't trade that thing in. No one would take it. You could just let me help you get a new car now, and we could _beg_ the junkyard to take it off your hands," I said laughing. She lightly elbowed me before we walked toward her building, telling me there was no way in hell I was buying her a car.

"I don't think so, Edward. Besides, I haven't been working this hard to save up money just so you could come in and play Captain Save-a-Ho."

"Captain Save-a-Who?"

"It's just an expression," she chuckled. "I just mean that I don't need you to be my knight in shining armor. I got this," she said, reaching up to pop her non-existent collar before draping her arm around my waist. In turn, I put my arm over her shoulders, pulling her close to my side and letting the sensation of her touch and scent eradicate the remaining apprehension I felt over our trip.

"I know you do, I just want to help," I told her honestly. "And it's good to know you aren't actually a whore."

"Ho," she corrected.

"That's what I said. Whore," I laughed, loving her laughter even when it came at my own expense.

"You just got the hood-pass from Jacob. If he hears of this 'whore' talk…" she began.

"Do you still have pictures of Jacob with cornrows?"

"Yes!"

"Then I have blackmail, so I'm good." Her laughter carried us to the front door, and I was smiling so widely my jaws ached.

"By the way, I appreciate that you want to take care of me. Thank you." She tilted her head up and I instinctively leaned down to receive her lips. The sound of rapidly approaching footsteps caused us both to break the kiss and turn to see who was coming.

"Well, hello there, sugar," Jasper said, nodding his head to Bella in greeting. "Edward."

Shuffling my feet fearfully, I hoped that Jasper wasn't going to bring up the conversation I had with him a few days ago while Bella was in class. I was still not happy with the faulty light on Bella's patio, and James was still a creepy fuck. Bella had mentioned seeing him several times in my absence, but after I got upset that she hadn't called me immediately, she failed to bring up his name again. I had a feeling it wasn't because he was suddenly absent.

"Hi, Jasper," Bella smiled—a little too brightly in my opinion—as she rummaged through her purse for her keys.

"Let me help you with that, doll," he drawled, reaching for the book bag Bella had hanging off of one shoulder. He thumbed the strap, sliding his long, bony fingers underneath it before he lifted it off.

_The fuck?_

Unzipping her purse was easier when her bag wasn't falling off her shoulder and getting in the way, and eventually she retrieved her keys. While doing so, her shirt had shifted, revealing one lavender bra strap. I was momentarily distracted by it before I remembered we weren't alone and looked back over to Jasper.

It's a funny thing the imagination, because I swear Jasper was staring at the very same spot. I was pretty sure that he had let his eyes undress her completely. And I was fucking positive he was staring at her perfect sepia-toned legs that were adorned in those horrendously tiny work shorts before he licked his lips and smirked at me.

Yes, my imagination had gone wild because this surely wasn't _really_ happening.

"Did you need something, Jasper?" I all but barked at him.

"I did," he coolly replied.

_And is he _still_ looking at her?_

Bella caught his eye, still smiling as she gestured toward her bag.

"Right," he said, repositioning it on her arm, and then letting his hands loiter on the twisted strap. When he went to straighten the part that had coiled near her breast I snapped.

"Jasper! What was it you wanted?" I repeated, hurriedly blocking his hand with my own as I removed the bag and slung it over my own shoulder—something I should've done from the start. Bella was visibly baffled by my outburst, but how she couldn't see that he was eye-fucking her and trying to…to…_molest_ her was beyond me.

"Oh, yes. We're having a get together at my place this weekend, and Alice and I wanted you guys to come over. What'd you say, sugar?" he asked directing the question to Bella. I swore if he gave her one more pet name…

_And it's sugar. Not shugga, not shugger. Sugar!_

"Thanks Jas," Bella began, "but we won't be around this weekend. Maybe next time."

"I like that," Jasper said, taking a step closer to her, and by extension, me. I held her tighter as I took a step forward, partially blocking her. It didn't stop him, though. "Ally calls me Jazzy, but Jas is nice. I like it."

Bella ducked her head smiling shyly, while I looked on in utter disbelief.

"Yeah, maybe next time, _Jasper_," I added.

He nodded again. "Sure. Ally pretty much throws one of these things every weekend," he smiled, "so another time."

"Yep," I returned in a clipped tone, steering Bella back toward the door before she stopped me.

"Jas, we're celebrating my birthday next weekend. You and Alice should join us then."

"That'd be great," he quickly replied, his southern twang sounding almost forced.

"Okay, we'll see you two then," I said, pushing Bella along until she had unlocked the door.

"Got a minute, Edward?" Jasper asked. Once Bella had entered, I stowed our things just inside the door, walking back to where he stood.

"What's up?"

"I had those lights you were worried about changed, and I also had James add a sensor, so it's works as a motion detector. Just wanted you to know you're all set," he said.

Instantly feeling like an ass for letting my imagination get me so bent out of shape, I thanked him. I also explained to him that I'd had a long day and didn't mean to be a dick.

"No problem man," he replied, waving off my half-assed apology. "Look, I know Bella and Alice are friends, but we could hang out sometime. Ally is really excited to have Bella living here. She hardly talks about anything else. So I can assume we're probably going to be spending a lot of time together," he chuckled, his gaze back on the open door behind me. "We could shoot some hoops, talk philosophy, whatever you want."

"Yeah, man," I said.

"All right, I'll catch up with ya later."

"Hold up, Jasper. That other thing we talked about," I whispered, confirming that Bella was still inside out of hearing range.

"I checked his application and the information from his background check, but like I told you before," he soothed. "You don't need to be concerned with James. Poor kid can barely speak without getting choked on his own words."

"Thanks for following up, man," I said.

Jasper smiled that curious smile that made me wonder if he was being genuine or not, but I pushed the doubt aside, knowing that I was just being paranoid as my new ringtone often reminded me.

"Well hello there, sexy," I said, stepping into Bella's room for the first since I'd met her father.

She had stripped down to her underwear, and was grabbing her toiletries as she waited for the shower to heat up.

"No you don't," I said, pulling her by her waist so that her back crashed into my chest.

"The water will run cold," she whined, twisting in my arms and laying one soft palm on my cheek that I promptly turned to kiss. As she continued rubbing my stubble, I leaned into her hand, closing my eyes at the sensation her delicate touch caused. When my mouth was just a breath away from her cherry-colored lips, I tentatively touched mine to hers, slowly kissing her as my fingers stroked along her spine.

My tongue darted out to deftly graze hers, and she slid her hands down my chest until they reached the belt loops of my jeans, pulling me closer. I settled my hand at the small her back as I continued planting kisses to her lips, the corner of her mouth, and her jaw line.

"I need to shower, Edward," she weakly protested.

"Okay, Isabella," I breathed, knowing that she secretly liked when I called her by her full name.

With that, she moved her hand lower, palming my growing erection as I traced the lines of her dainty silk panties. The friction she provided as she caressed me sent tingles down my spine, and I responded by deepening the kiss, rejoicing when I felt and heard her moan into my mouth. I reluctantly slowed the kiss, capturing her lips one last time before slowly pulling away. Resting my forehead against hers, and moving my hands to safer territory, I committed every detail of this moment to my memory.

"Your shower is ready," I said, motioning toward the steam that had escaped the restroom.

"Did you mean it?" she asked, so softly I wondered if she spoke at all. I searched my mind for a response, not knowing how to answer that question she posed just a few days ago. What had I missed?

"Mean what?" I asked.

She took a deep breath, smiling lightly at me. "Nothing, she said," looking dejected.

"What is it, love?" I asked again. So many emotions passed over her face that I had a hard to keeping up, but I could tell how her body had relaxed.

"Really it was nothing, sweetheart." She gave me a real smile then.

Bella took several steps backwards as her hands worked to un-clasp her bra. When her task was complete, she dropped the scrap to the floor; hardly shielding herself with the one arm slung over her chest.

"Are you coming, or are you just going to stand there?" she playfully asked, some new emotion altering her tone as she dropped her arm and darted behind the door.

The sound of her voice had always held a special connection with me. It may have been ordinary to everyone else, but it never failed to send a delightful charge throughout my body. Yet in that moment, it was different—more; simply, intangibly, _more_. And so I ran after her, stripping and stumbling as I went, hell-bent on finding out what the new anomaly was.

You know how there are some things you just don't notice until someone points them out or you're in the situation, and then it seems to be everywhere?

I remember when I first got my Volvo—it was a presented to me on my sixteenth birthday. I think my parents where in Asia or something, and the dealer dropped it off himself, smiling from ear to ear. He had no doubt received a healthy commission for dropping it off after ten PM, leading me to assume the gift was an afterthought at best.

Whatever the case, my excitement over the car couldn't be contained. At first, I was a little disappointed that they weren't there to celebrate with me like they promised, but then I was like 'fuck it.' It was the coolest thing to be a sixteen-year old with a brand new car when all of your peers—if they had wheels—were driving their parent's hand-me-downs or some used car special. I thought I was a bad-ass, I'll admit that. But the first time I took my baby to Seattle, I noticed that there were a million shiny silver fucking Volvos! Of course I had mine detailed, some work done on the engine by these kids from La Push, and the windows tented a shade below what was legal. Yet, every time I saw another silver Volvo I cursed.

That's how I felt when we pulled into Toledo, Washington. We were only about an hour into our trip when Bella proclaimed she needed to use the restroom. Well, her actual words were 'I need to pee like now,' but when I tried to persuade her to wait she gave me a look that scared the piss out of me! Needless to say I pulled over as soon as possible.

The town was _quaint _in a Podunk kind of way, and because of that Bella wanted to take a look around. That didn't take long to do with the whopping population of 650 people—as the welcome sign proclaimed—and we ended up circling Main Street and heading out before I had time to complain.

There were signs pointing to the Cowlitz River, and the dark rippling water that was visible through the passenger side window reflected the sun beautifully. Bella insisted that we needed to stop and take pictures. If it wasn't her birthday and I didn't love her I would've pressed the gas and hauled it out of there, but being as I couldn't tell her 'no,' I followed the signs until we were at a trail following alongside the river.

Apparently it was fishing day in _South Bubbafuck_ Washington because it looked like the whole town was there walking the trails, fishing, or even canoeing. I grabbed Bella's hand and told her that we couldn't stay long, and she didn't protest. She just smiled like I had given her the best gift ever, telling me that she hadn't been outside of Oregon since she was a kid, and she _loved_ that I was taking her to new places.

I grinned at her choice of words, realizing she seemed to love everything today. She _loved_ the sandwiches Esme packed for us because turkey and havarti was her favorite. She _loved_ every other song that my iPod blasted out of the speakers. She _loved_ the filthy gas station we pulled into because they sold Nehi Peach soda, something she had never tried, but—no longer surprisingly—loved. Maybe she loved…

Internally snorting at my ability to make mountains out of mole hills, I led us down the trail when I noticed an older couple stop what they were doing to gawk at us. It caught me off-guard the way they brazenly examined us. It wasn't the 'oh you caught me staring so I'll look away,' but the kind of glare you gave someone when you want them to get the fuck out. As I visually swept the area, I noticed that everyone's eyes seemed to be aimed in our direction, and it was then that Jacob's words came back to haunt me.

_It's possible she feels like the outsider the majority of the time. _

"Are you okay here? I mean, are you…uncomfortable?" I asked, but the answer was already revealed to me in the way her body was trembling beside mine, something I hadn't paid attention to until now. "Don't be," I said, not waiting for her to answer.

"I'm not. Well, I am a little," she squeaked. "I just wish I knew what they were thinking, you know? Are they seeing a happy couple, or are they just checking you out because you're so damn good looking?" she said, trying to make light of an awkward situation.

I didn't need the ability to read minds to know that their thoughts were of a more cruel nature. It was clear through body language what some of them were thinking. They were the same looks I had received at the club Jacob took us to, and once again, the majority of the people leering were focused on Bella.

Hugging her close, as if I could physically shelter her from all the evils of the world, I reached for her hand, which she accepted without faltering. "Let's walk."

We took our time enjoying the view, listening to the sound of the water as fish splashed around its surface. I pulled her knuckles to my lips, pressing a wet kiss there. "Is this how it is for you all the time?" I asked, curious and concerned.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked.

"Like, do you feel outnumbered all the time?" She took her lower lip in between her teeth as she thought out her response. There was an empty patch of grass just ahead, and I led us there and sat down, pulling her to sit sideways on my lap as I patiently awaited her answer.

"It does feel a little _Village of the Damned_ sometimes," she laughed as we watched an older couple walk past us with four blonde children in tow. Both sets of children were holding hands. "But it's not like Portland has a huge minority population, so it doesn't feel that weird for me anymore. Not that I don't realize when I'm the darkest person in a room."

"Does my presence make it harder for you?"

"I don't know if 'hard' is the right word. In all probability people would've ignored me if I was walking with Jake," she said, and I mentally winced. "Well, probably not in _this_ town," she giggled. "I do think it's the couple aspect that people are curious about, but the looks don't bother me when _you're with me_. I feel safe with you," she said. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pressed her into my chest as she laid her head on my shoulder.

"You _are_ safe with me," I said, kissing her forehead. She surprised me by capturing my lips with hers, her teeth nibbling my lower lip until her tongue swept in, causing me to groan. We both pulled away laughing and panting when some kid on a bike yelled 'get a room.'

As I played with the strands of her hair, marveling at how many different colors I could see when the sun shone brightly on the locks, I hedged that the stares were just another part of my paranoia.

"Maybe people were staring because we were giving them a show back there," I said.

She shrugged her shoulders, giving me a sad smile. "Maybe," she said doubtfully. "Either way, we can't run away whenever things get uncomfortable."

_Yes, we can._

We ended up stopping three more times before the short five hour drive was over. Bella wanted to see every small town, and I happily pulled over each time as I indulged in her smile. Her excitement about 'touring' the Pacific Northwest was contagious, and with our hands clasped together we did just that.

However, I didn't miss any detail about our experiences in each place we stopped. Just like my un-original Volvo, I noticed that stares followed us everywhere. Bella kept smiling, doing her best to ignore it all so that she could keep me relaxed, but I could see through her strong veneer.

As I brought the car to a stop at one of the few stoplights in Forks, I looked around at the old town, hating that I had broken my promise to never come back. I placed my hand over Bella's as she sat next to me, now fast asleep. Her seat was reclined, and her arm was uncomfortably stretched over the center console so that her hand rested on my thigh. No matter how she shifted in her sleep, she always ended up touching me in some way. Even in her sleep she could bring a smile to my face. It didn't last long when I glanced over to the next lane, and my eyes landed on a very shocked Lauren Mallory.

The shock was replaced by that look she used to give me when I'd let her give me head, and then she blew a kiss at me. Thankfully the light turned, and I stomped on the gas, needing to put as much distance as I could between Lauren and me. The unexpected sighting of Lauren had my stomach in knots.

_Why did I bring Bella back to my past?_

_

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A/N Review y/y? H̶o̶p̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶e̶n̶j̶o̶y̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶l̶u̶f̶f̶ ̶w̶h̶i̶l̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶l̶a̶s̶t̶e̶d̶.̶.̶.̶


	17. Funhouse

A/N This chapter has been split into two parts. This is part one of _Funhouse_.

**As usual, AngryBadgerGirl & LillyBellis make this legible, but SM still owns it.**

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I'd rather live out on the street  
Than in this haunted memory

Funhouse-Pink

"So, yeah, this is my house," I said, standing with Bella out on the terrace after I'd given her the full tour.

Once I called Esme to let her know we'd made it in safely, and then called the estate manager to let them know I was staying at the house and a caretaker wouldn't be needed for the weekend, Bella and I took over an hour viewing the house. I really had no desire to check the place out, seeing as how every square inch held some less than stellar memory for me, but I did it patiently because Bella urged me forward whenever I told her 'that's basically all there is to see.'

My need to make this trip as enjoyable as possible for her had me fighting against the melancholic thoughts that threatened to overtake me. Even so, there were times when the memories became too much, and remaining detached proved harder than it should have been. It didn't help that my inner monologue chimed in with every room we visited.

_The music room: where I spent countless nights practicing at the piano in hopes that my parents would be proud of my progress. Too bad they were never home long enough to appreciate my efforts._

_The kitchen: where Maria baked everything from cookies to cakes in celebration of birthdays that she alone remembered._

_The library: where Dad first sat me down to tell me that they were going on a short vacation, but I _needed_ to stay home so that my school attendance record remained intact._

"Edward," Bella began, pulling me back into the present. "This place is huge, and…" her voice faded, some unknown emotion flickering in her eyes before she quickly masked it and continued. "And kinda creepy," she shivered in mock horror, gesturing towards the edge of the woods that surrounded the house.

"It's not so bad once you know where everything is," I moved to stand behind her, my lips only inches away from her ear, "but I will admit, I have seen _ghosts_," I ghastly whispered.

"What!" she asked, her eyes widening comically.

"Don't worry, love. I'll protect you." After a planting a kiss to the crown of her head, I pulled her back to me, hugging her around her waist as I sighed. "So, the place scares you?" I asked, wondering what it was she _wasn't_ saying.

"It's just bigger than I expected. I knew your parents were well-off and all, but this…" she paused, and I attempted to turn her around so that I could read her face. Her mind may have been a mystery to me, but I could usually tell what it was she couldn't—or wouldn't—say, based on her expression. However, she stood her ground, holding my hands tightly, silently telling me it was easier for her to speak her mind if she didn't have to face me.

"You were saying?" I urged.

"Sometimes," she spoke softly. "I have these moments where I feel like you should be with someone…different, better than me. Seeing this place just confirms that I don't belong in your world." She glanced from left to right, looking over the great expanse of land I'd told her my family owned. "I feel like I don't belong _here_," she finished, the tone of her voice giving away how sad the thought made her.

Gently prying my arms away from her, I spun her around to look at me. Her head was bowed like she had some reason to be ashamed, and without hesitating I spoke up.

"You _do_ belong here! You belong with _me_," I told her emphatically. _And to me,_ I mentally added. "You should never doubt that—I'll never give you a reason to," I promised. "And baby," I bent my knees until I caught her downcast eyes, "you know that none of this is mine. Technically, it doesn't entirely belong to my parents, either. Most of the money came from Grandpa Masen, and my great-grandfather before him," I soothingly explained, trying to show her that I couldn't help my birthright.

"_Technically_, that does make it theirs. And by extension, yours," she reasoned.

It was shocking to hear that she had any uncertainties about my feelings towards her, or of her place with me, but I would reassure her from now until the end of forever—if that's what it took to give her peace. Not liking the fact that the confidence I fell in love with was suddenly wavering, I reached out a hand to cup her cheek, sweeping my thumb across her smooth skin before I firmly kissed her lips.

"Bella, _we_ belong together. That's the _only_ thing I've ever been certain of." She searched my face, and slowly, but surely, offered me a timorous smile. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears as she burrowed into my chest, releasing a contented sigh.

Those three words that I had been so afraid to say were suddenly on the tip of my tongue, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep the words that would reassure her from spilling forth. I wanted to stick with my plan to tell Bella on her birthday, so I peppered every part of her I could reach with kisses, lingering on her full, pliant lips.

We stood that way for an immeasurable amount of time, swaying back in forth in the cool breeze as we took pleasure in each other's warmth. But eventually she turned around, once again looking out over the property.

"What's that over there?" She pointed to the smaller building next to the guest house.

"It was a pool house. But when I was about fourteen, I think, my parents had it constructed into a little apartment. Whoever my caretaker was at the time would live there."

"Were there many—caretakers, I mean?" she asked. Slinging my arm over her shoulder and holding her tightly, I took a deep breath before answering.

"There were only three," I said. Remembering how I used to call it Maria's house brought a small smile to my face.

"Why, were you a problem child?" she asked, gently nudging me so that we could walk alongside the pool towards the little home. Her spirits had visibly lifted, and I was pleased with her smile. I was even happier that I managed to do something right to put it there.

"No, not at all," I laughed. "No one was around to catch me, in any case."

"Then what was that smile for?" she asked, tugging my hand to get me to stop walking. I did, watching as she untied her shoes, and then removed her socks before rolling up her pants to dip her feet into the water. Our previous path was all but forgotten.

"It's really warm," she purred.

Laughing at how ridiculously cute she was, I explained that it was a heated pool, but it was chilly out so we wouldn't be spending any time in it. I took a seat beside her, folding my legs until my knees reached underneath my chin so that I could avoid getting wet.

"Why couldn't they just live in the house? It's not like there isn't enough space," she asked, just now realizing the absurdity of the situation.

I shrugged in response, not wanting to outright lie to her, but not knowing where to even start. The same question had come up before: and when I asked my father, he told me 'the help' needed to know their place.

"So, about that smile?" she questioned, tilting her head look up at me.

"I don't remember the first woman's name, but my second caretaker's name was Maria. She was here the longest and the only one that spent time with me—like _real_ time. The other two would disappear once I was fed and my homework and stuff was done, but not her. She would talk to me, play games with me, and do whatever I wanted.

Anyhow, I thought of it as Maria's house. So, when Maria left and the next caretaker moved in, I called the cops and told them that somebody was breaking into her house!" I chuckled. "That's what made me smile. Remembering how I yelled at the policeman to do something, and asked him for his badge number when he refused to escort the new woman out. At the time, I didn't know she was gone—for good…" I trailed off, remembering why it was that I didn't want to think about these things. "She left me, too," I said, under my breath.

"I'm sorry, honey," Bella said as she attempted to scoot closer to comfort me.

"No, I'm fine," I said, stilling her movements and reaching for her hand instead. "You shouldn't feel sorry for me."

"Oh, but I do," she replied, rising to her feet.

"And why is that? It's not your fault," I said, standing as well so that I could face her as she took a step closer to me.

"Well, because," she smiled deviously as she checked her imaginary watch. "I'm guessing you need to leave soon if you want to get to the bank in time, and you'll need to go and change your clothes."

Apparently, stopping at the roadside vendors for fresh fruit was a bad idea. The fruit had to have been bad, or laced with some heavy narcotics because Bella was clearly losing it. Once I checked to make sure my clothes were indeed clean, I turned my confused stare back to her.

"And why would I need to change…Shit!" I shouted, when she surprised me by pushing me into the pool. When I got my bearings and re-surfaced, I quickly swam to the edge attempting to grab her ankle and yank her in. She squealed and moved away until she was just out of my reach.

"You really need to work on your distraction techniques, Isabella," I chided, smiling the lopsided grin I knew she loved as I pulled myself up and out of the tepid water. It seemed to have the desired effect as I noticed her eyes glaze over momentarily. And before she could retort, I dove towards her, pulling her into a tight embrace so that my clothes could soak through hers.

"Baby," she squealed, uselessly trying to escape my grasp as I tickled her mercilessly.

"Lesson one in _The Art of Distraction_: always know how to seduce your prey. It makes the take-down _so_ much easier," I said, squeezing her tighter as the cool breeze against my wet skin caused me to shiver. I loosened my grip, knowing if I didn't get us inside we'd both be sick, and I would definitely be late.

"Then, it's true what they say," Bella began, running her hands down my back and faintly pressing into me.

_Wait, did she just _grind_ against me?_

All coherent thought fled, and I just arched my brow, asking her to continue.

"You know, about the cold, and wet…" she smirked.

"What are you talking about, Bella," I asked, instinctively moving forward as she took backward steps toward the house. When she had a few feet between us, she got this evil glint in her eye as she slowly perused my body.

When she was done with the voyage, her eyes met mine once again as she said "shrinkage."

"Why you little…" I said, after my mind caught up to what she was implying. I ran so that I could pounce on her, which shouldn't have been difficult considering how slow she was moving. But, running in wet shoes and jeans wasn't the easiest thing to do. When I finally grabbed a hold of her, I slung her over my shoulder and smacked her ass.

"Now, _I am_ going to be late. Why must you force me to prove my manhood?" I chastised, listening to her loud snorts as I scooted her body down so that she could wrap her legs around my waist, and her arms around my neck.

_God, I love this woman._

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"Bella, where are you?" I asked, pressing the intercom button to seek out her location. I must have forgotten to point out that we had the system, because in response, I heard her startled scream coming from the west wing of the house. Taking the stairs two at a time, I made it up to the second floor landing, slowly pushing the door to the library open.

There Bella sat cross-legged in the center of the room, her hand hovering over her heart and her eyes closed as she struggled to catch her breath. The clothing I had sufficiently soaked, and later took off of her, had been replaced by one of my old Spartan baseball jerseys. She hadn't fully buttoned it, and I could see from her smooth neck down to the white bra she wore underneath. Her ringlets cascaded over one shoulder and swept just below the underside of her breast, and my own breathing became labored as I took in the sight before me.

The sun shone through the windows; seemingly shining in anticipation of her every move. When she exhaled—pushing her locks forward with the expelled breath—the rays captured the colors in her hair, reflecting the darkest brown to the lighter more auburnish shades. When she straightened her legs, the sun kissed the skin there, illuminating her shiny limbs. And when she finally noticed me gawking at her, the sun gleamed off of her eyes, highlighting the flecks of hazel and giving her an overall presence an ethereal glow.

_Fucking beautiful._

I cleared my throat, resisting the urge to adjust myself in my now too-tight jeans. "Sorry I scared you," I said, pointing to the intercom on the far side of the wall. "There's one in every room."

Once her breathing was back to normal, she smiled at me. "I'm okay. Did you forget something?"

"Uh, no," I said, entering the room and sitting next to her. Grabbing her ankles in one hand, I easily twisted her around until her feet were lying in my lap, eliciting a few giggles from her as I did so. "That was it," I sighed.

"What do you mean 'that was it?'" she asked as I started massaging her legs from heel to knee.

"Exactly that. I drove to the bank and met with the manager. He had me sign some paperwork, which took all of five minutes. He then spent the next fifteen minutes insisting that I keep my money in First National, as opposed to transferring it into the private account Carlisle set up for me. After I told him 'no thanks' a hundred times, he finally conceded and told me everything was in order and he'd have the funds transferred Monday," I explained.

"Then why did they need to see you in person? Couldn't you have just taken care of that over the phone?" she curiously inquired.

"Well, originally they said it was because of the amount of the trust. But now, I know it's because of the amount of _business_ they'll be losing because I'm withdrawing a large amount of money."

"Was it…are you okay?" Bella tentatively asked.

"I am," I replied, surprised by how unaffected I was by the whole experience. "It was very…anticlimactic."

"See, I told you everything would be all right," she said, leaning in to kiss me. "This wasn't about you cutting ties or anything. Just you handlin' yo business," she said, punctuating each word with a snap.

I laughed with her and slid my hand up to her thighs, and then higher around her waist so that I could pull her into my lap. Once she was straddling me, I buried my face into her neck, inhaling her scent. "I got some business you can handle," I smirked.

"You're such a pervert!" she squealed, kissing my cheek and then promptly pushing me away. When she was out of my lap, and walking towards the door, she turned to look at me. "I'm ready to see Forks," she declared, making a grand exit by tripping on the upturned corner of the rug. "I'm okay," she called out, unable to see how my expression fell. "I'll meet you downstairs in ten minutes."

Half an hour later, we were walking down South Forks Avenue as I showed her what little the town had to offer. We passed the dry cleaners and a vacuum repair shop—all exciting stuff—before Bella's stomach growled.

"Shit, baby. I forgot to feed you," I said, tugging on her hand so we could walk toward 'A' street.

"I'm not a child, Edward. I can take care of myself, you know," she said, sounding slightly annoyed.

"I know, I know," I conceded. "I just should've asked you before I left for the bank if you wanted something. I knew there wasn't any food in the house," I said, squeezing her palm. Whether she could take care of herself or not was arguable.

It only took a few minutes before the familiar little orange shack came into view. It was a place I'd spent a lot of time at after game days. The whole baseball team would attempt to file in after a good practice or big win. We were particularly rowdy when we played against our biggest rivals, the Montesano Bulldogs, and the owners would force us all out into the parking lot where we'd spike our cokes with vodka or whatever liquor Conner could get his hands on.

"Chicago Ru's Pizza…in Forks of all places," Bella smiled. "Is it as good as it is in Chi-Town?" she asked as I held the door open for her to enter.

"Not even close, but it's not too bad," I replied. A few moments later we decided on getting the Hungry Trapper special: a deep dish pizza covered in beef, onions, peppers, and topped with blue cheese. Bella wrinkled her nose at the combination, but agreed to try it at my urging.

"So, do we just make it ourselves?" Bella asked sarcastically after we had been standing at the counter for a while.

"Ru, you have customers," I sing-songed, locating the little silver bell that was half-hidden by the plastic menus and ringing it a few times. There was no immediate response, so I busied myself with Bella, tugging her close so that I could grab that delicious ass of hers. As always, our innocent pecks quickly turned more passionate, both of us reaching panting status and fluently shifting to second base. By the second time I ran the back of my hand over her breast, feeling her nipple harden at the contact, and delighting in her answering moan, I heard the clamor of pans being dropped in the backroom.

Fully expecting Miss Ru Cope to come out from the kitchen, I was taken aback when Angela Weber walked out, wiping her flour covered hands on her apron.

"How can I help…" she began before looking up to see who her customers were. "E-Edward?"

What I experienced in that moment was nothing short of panic, and I pulled away from Bella, wondering if I was suddenly having hallucinations. I thought for sure that Angela had gone off to college somewhere in the Midwest, and I didn't understand why in the hell she was here now. The fact that she was actually _working_ here put the theory to rest that she was here on a weekend visit. My palms started to sweat as I stood there gaping.

"Hello," I croaked, finally finding my voice.

Bella, who had been watching the scene unfold, stepped forward and possessively slid her arm underneath mine until she could firmly hold my hand.

"We want to order a small Trapper pizza," Bella requested, tugging on my arm to get my attention. Angela snapped out of whatever daze she was in and finally glanced at Bella, and by glance I mean she took her time to size her up.

"Sure," Angela replied, stepping to the register to ring up our order.

I followed Bella to the register and with shaky hands pulled out my wallet. Before I could get my debit card out, Bella had pulled hers from her purse and slid it toward Angela.

"Baby, do you want something to drink?" Bella asked, and I nodded, confused as to why I suddenly felt anxious. "Why don't you go sit and I'll bring it to you?" she offered.

I distractedly took a seat at the far end of the restaurant, which really wasn't that far away considering the size of the place. From my position, I studied the girl that broke my spirits, the one who had changed my perspective on everything and left me with no hope that things would ever work out for me.

Angela hadn't changed much over the summer, but she did have a warm glow to her skin leading me to assume she had spent sometime in the sun—away from rainy Forks. What bothered me more about the fact that _she_ hadn't changed was that it felt like _I_ hadn't either. Seeing her now affected me the same as it did when we were in school, and I avoided her at all costs.

_Why do I even care?_

As simple as the question was, I couldn't come up with an answer. I was with Bella and finally fucking happy, right? Apart from my relationship with my parents, things in my life were going the way I wanted them to. I had people that cared about me, the love of my life by my side, and to be honest, the fact that a very large sum of money was being deposited into _my_ account didn't hurt matters.

I was definitely not the same person that I was when I left Forks months ago, and Angela shouldn't have had any sway over my emotions! And with that thought, my anxiousness gave way to anger. I was_ not_ going to let her presence effect me.

I glanced back up to the register and saw Bella walking back to me, a smile I'd never seen before gracing her face.

_Smiles still symbolize happiness, right?_

"She was a nice girl," Bella deadpanned. "Thanks for the introduction by the way," she added, clearly irritated. When she sat down, I reached for her hands, which she moved from the table top and placed in her lap.

_Wrong!_

"She tells me you guys went to school together, and that you 'dated,'" she continued, using her hands to form quotation marks before shoving them back into her lap. "She didn't have a name tag so I didn't catch her name, and I didn't bother to ask once she decided to tell me about the infamous Eddie Masen." After a moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever, she spoke up again, her voice disturbingly calm. "Who is she?"

I cleared my throat, taking a sip of the drink she'd placed on the table before speaking. "No one needs nametags in this town. Everyone knows each other here," I said, aware that my hesitation to answer made things look worse than what they were, but I was trying to calm myself down.

_Angela told Bella that we dated? What in the actual fuck is she trying to pull?_

"That's Angela Weber," I confessed, seething at this point.

Several emotions swept across her face: a mix of sadness and pity, followed by recognition. I expected her to act on her anger first, but I was wrong.

"Are you okay?" she asked, placing one hand in the center of the table. Not wasting any time, I grabbed her hand, taking the comfort she offered.

"I am…still an asshole," I said, mentally replaying my actions over the last few minutes. As soon as Angela showed up, I pushed Bella away, let her pay for our food, and offered no immediate explanation.

"If you're not comfortable here, we can go," she said, ignoring my declaration and in essence agreeing with my assessment. It was an even bigger slap in the face that she was still more concerned with my feelings than the dick move I'd just pulled. Rising from my seat, I knelt at her side.

"I'm okay. I just had a moment of…shock, I guess. Forgive me?" I plead.

"Pizza's ready," Angela interrupted, walking around me to slide the pie on the table.

Sighing, I stood to my feet, grabbing Bella's hand as I stood. "Sorry, Angela, I didn't get to introduce you to my girlfriend, Bella," I smiled. "Love, this is Angela. We had a _study_ date back in high school," I loudly whispered, using Angela's words to describe our anything-but-relationship, "but you already know how that ended," I said, winking at Bella.

I saw Angela's cheeks redden in embarrassment as Bella snorted loudly, and then clamped her hand over her mouth, shocked that the sound had come from her.

"If you need anything else, just ring the bell," Angela said, hurriedly making an exit.

"That wasn't nice, Edward." Bella _tsked_ as soon as were alone.

"No, what isn't nice is having my girlfriend pay for lunch and fetch me a drink," I said. She mumbled something about 'fetching' before giving me a very pointed look.

I won't lie, that look scared the shit out of me.

"No, Edward," she said, always ready to disagree. "Like I was saying, it wasn't nice of you to make me snort. It was _so_ un-lady like. That," she said, pointing in the direction that Angela had fled, "was _more_ than okay," she said, doing the weird giggle-snorting thing again.

Resisting the urge to jump for joy that she was letting me off the hook so easily, I brushed my lips over her knuckles before leaving a kiss there.

"So, you forgive me?"

"Eh, I don't know. You did practically toss me to the other side of the room when you saw her," she half-joked before her expression turned serious. "Do you…still have feelings for her?" she asked.

"No!" I said instantly, honestly. "What she did to me hurt, but I honestly don't know if it was ever about her. I thought she could make me feel better about myself, maybe be with me so I wasn't alone, but that didn't happen," I explained. "If anything, she thought me a valuable lesson about expectations," I muttered more to myself than to Bella.

The situation with Angela prevented me from ever seeking out a girlfriend, and taught me that people were selfish and not to be trusted. Furthermore, it taught me to never expect anything from anyone, unless I want to be disappointed in the end.

The feel of Bella's fingertips playing in the hair at the nape of my neck brought me out of my reverie; and I gave her what I hoped was a smile before taking my seat. I would not let being back in this god forsaken town change my new perspective.

Things were different.

_I am different._

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Once we'd eaten, we continued sightseeing in Forks. I showed Bella the high school, and took her out to the baseball field where I used to play. Then, we drove down Main Street so that she could see the eclectic mix of shops that lined the small downtown area. When we passed the _Made in Washington_ store, she had me pull over so that she could pick up souvenirs for Em, Rosalie, and Charlie.

There really wasn't much else to see after that, and I was getting pretty worried about her change in demeanor. Although she promised me—several times—she was 'fine,' I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. She hadn't been acting 'fine' since our run-in with Angela.

In an attempt to cheer her up, I teased her about her birthday gifts, betting her she couldn't guess what I'd gotten her. That seemed to perk her up, and she spent the rest of our drive making incorrect guesses, and begging me to just tell her already.

Twilight was approaching, so I drove her down to La Push so that we could walk along First Beach and watch the sunset together. Part one of her birthday present needed to happen after nightfall, so the walk would be the perfect segue.

Emmett had helped me with the idea just before Bella and I left for Forks. When his dad came out to the Seattle area on business a few months ago, he'd purchased some land up in Clallam Bay. The previous owners rented it out for use as fairgrounds, but as of last month, the fair had closed down. To my advantage, all of the equipment was still there and supposedly in working condition.

Once Emmett confirmed with his dad that there was no real security system, and even provided me with blueprints his dad faxed to him under the guise of helping him with a school project, I had the place memorized. I just needed to find an entry point so that I could break in.

"Are you tired? We could go back to the house and lie down for awhile," I suggested, noting how sluggish Bella's movements had become.

"No, I'm not tired. I'm having a good time," Bella replied, and I was happy she didn't just say she was 'fine.' "Besides, I want to know where you're taking me," she excitedly added.

"Nope," I teased, pulling out the blanket I'd grabbed from the trunk and spreading it out on the sand.

"But don't you want to give me a hint?" she asked as we sat down. "Just a little somethin'somethin'?"

"Okay," I said, giving in to her once she pushed her lower lip out and looked at me through her thick, dark lashes. 'The pout' got me every time.

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

"I'm thinking," I taunted, tapping my chin. "Well, it's about an hour drive from here, but I'll get us there in about thirty minutes."

She looked at me expectantly before she practically yelled. "That's it!" She pushed me until I was lying flat on my back, and then lay her body directly on top of mine so that even our legs were perfectly aligned. "You gotta give me more than that," she asked sweetly.

"Hmmm," I moaned, loving the feel of her body pressed so close to my own. "It will involve a little B and E," I said, referring to breaking and entering we'd need to do, but this only confused her more.

"A little _Bella_ and _Edward_?"

"Yes, that too. You'll see soon enough," I chided, sliding my hands underneath her shirt and caressing the supple skin there. Before long we'd traded words for kisses and sighs of contentment, completely forgetting the reason we'd came.

"You're going to miss the sunset," I said, looking over Bella's shoulder as she re-arranged herself so that she was straddling one of my legs with her head lying gently on my chest.

As we sat near the coastline, I took in the Oceanside cliffs: the way the water appeared to be pitch black as waves upon waves crashed against the shore. The distinct smell of saltwater wafted up my nostrils as the cool breeze chilled my skin. The day that was once ablaze, a rarity in the Pacific Northwest, quickly turned into night as the sun fell into the ocean.

Bella shivered in my arms, prompting me to squeeze her tighter before standing us both up. Shaking as much sand as I could from the blanket, I draped it over her shoulders and led us back to the car.

"Sea was in love with sand," Bella said as she stuck her hand out from underneath the blanket to intertwine our fingers. She said it so softly I barely caught it.

"Hmm?" I asked, wondering where her mind was.

"But the sand was in love with the Earth. And so the sea spent her days never letting the sand know for fear of rejection. And so the sand spent his days, longing for the Earth who was out of reach," she finished. "Just something I read once that stuck with me."

"It's beautiful. Beautifully tragic," I chuckled.

"That it is, but such is life," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "The poem doesn't really end much better, either." Dropping her hand, I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

"And how does it end?" I asked, inexplicably curious about the unrequited sand.

She shook her head as if to say I was missing something important. "I pretend that they all realized that they were meant to have a happily ever after, and instead of longing, they spent their time bringing that happiness into fruition."

Before I could tell her that I thought sand was insane to keep longing for something he would probably never have, we had reached the parking lot, and unfortunately ours wasn't the only car there. Bella snuggled into me, and I reached into my pocket with my free hand to pull out my keys.

Parked a couple spaces down from me was a dark blue van, and we could hear music mixed with laughter as we neared. I unlocked the doors to the Volvo with the keyless entry remote, which caused the headlights to flash alerting everyone to our presence.

"Well, what do we have here?" a voice questioned before I could get Bella into the car, putting me slightly on edge.

The scene wasn't anything abnormal. I had spent many nights getting drunk in this same parking lot with people from school, so it wasn't that I thought the area was unsafe. Nevertheless, there was something in the atmosphere around Forks that got off on fucking with me, and the fact that Bella was with me had me all the more concerned.

Pretending to kiss Bella's cheek, I slipped the keys into her hand as I leaned in to whisper to her. "Get behind the wheel and lock the doors." I figured the implication was clear that she should take off if something were to happen.

As the two men emerged from the shadows, I softly nudged her side to get her moving. However, what I kept forgetting was that Bella was Bella, so naturally she refused to leave my side.

_Fuck._

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A/N

I hope those who get long weekends are enjoying them! Thanks for reading and…leave me some love?


	18. House of Fun?

**A/N Thanks for all of your reviews, and hello new readers! You know how I said this chapter would be part 2? Let's just consider it part 2 of 3, shall we? Y/Y? **

**AngryBadgerGirl & LillyBellis make this legible, but SM still owns it. **

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A thousand circus mirrors cannot move a frown

Funhouse-Red House Painters

_Previously in PunchDrunk_

_As the two men emerged from the shadows, I softly nudged her side to get her moving. However, what I kept forgetting was that Bella was Bella, so naturally she refused to leave my side._

_Fuck._

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There wasn't time to argue with Bella because we were only a feet away from the group. And now that we were closer, I could see the outline of three people by the van, not including the two that were approaching us. The guys were obviously from La Push, their dark skin and raven colored hair easily giving away their heritage. One held a beer can in his hand as he narrowed his eyes to get a better look at us.

The second guy—who was at least a foot taller—looked vaguely familiar, but the side of his face was so badly scarred that I couldn't place him.

I took a step in front of Bella, ignoring her huff of indignation as the shorter of the two reached into his back pocket, and spoke.

"Tony, is that you?" He slurred his words, and I pushed Bella back as whatever object he was reaching for was now in his palm. Before I could order Bella to leave, he exposed his cell phone, shining its light in our direction as he elbowed the other guy who was curiously staring at us. I was only partly relieved that he wasn't brandishing a weapon my mind still focused on getting Bella out of here. But in a brief moment of clarity, a thought struck me.

He'd called me Tony.

"Quil?" I asked, recognizing the timbre of his voice even in its liquor-tinged state.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" he shouted, stepping forward with an extended hand and a smile that stretched from ear to ear. I felt Bella physically relax behind me as her grip on me loosened. I didn't realize that she'd latched on.

"Just some business up at the house," I replied, reaching my hand out to his.

"You remember Sam, right?" he continued.

"I thought that was you, Tony," Sam said, ignoring the gesture and giving me a hug. He reminded me of Emmett so much in that moment that I couldn't help but laugh. "And who do we have here?"

"Bella," she greeted, coming forward and holding her delicate hand out to both of the guys. I wanted to pull her back behind me so that they wouldn't shatter her hand with their gargantuan paws. Or maybe it was because the thought of any guy touching her put me a bit on edge. I couldn't be sure, but either way, I kept quiet.

"So, how do you two know each other?" Quil asked.

"Bella's my girlfriend," I instantly proclaimed, smiling as I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to my side.

"I told you he was down," Quil whispered loudly to Sam, still drunkenly fumbling his words.

"Yeah, yeah. I never doubted," he responded before he turned back to me. "I thought you left Forks. It's been ages since we've seen you out at the rezzy. Had I known Forks had raised its….uh…property value," he said, smirking at Bella, "I would stop making excuses to go out there."

"I'm no one's _property_," Bella scolded, and I didn't think she realized she'd again taken a step forward to look Sam in the eye—or get 'all up in his face' as she would've called it. "But because I don't know you, I'm going to assume that was a compliment, asshole," Bella retorted, giving Sam a smirk of her own.

"It was most definitely a compliment," he replied, momentarily dazzled by her tenacity.

"I like her, Tony," Quil and Sam said in unison, and then burst into laughter.

_Me too, Sam. Me too._

"Why are they calling you by your middle name?" Bella asked softly, snuggling back into me. Before I could answer, Sam responded. I forgot that these guys had super hearing or some shit.

"He refused to take his Native American name, Nukpana Howahkah."

At Bella's puzzled expression, Quil chimed in. "It means 'Evil One of the Mysterious Voice,'" he supplied.

Bella shook her head as if to say, 'what the hell,' the exact same response I'd given them when they tried to force the name on me.

"And why not just call him Edward?" Quil and Sam both paused then, looking at each other before the collectively answered, "Nahhhhh."

After a few minutes of catching up, we were all gathered behind the van, exchanging greetings with the three girls that sat waiting for Sam and Quil to return. The guys told Bella of how we first met when I brought my _hooptie_ down to La Push to be 'pimped out.' Of course I argued the car was not, in fact a piece of junk, just the basic factory model, but I was studiously ignored.

All the upgrades took place over a few months as they had to wait for pieces to get in, and the local supplier didn't have spare Volvo parts lying around. So, we ended up spending more than our fair share of time together, something I hadn't really realized until now.

"Again, Quil. It was _not_ a hooptie!" I said, slightly annoyed.

"I see you're still a moody bitch, though," he replied, causing more laughter to ring out. Turning to Bella to seek comfort, I was appalled to see she was bent over with her hands crossed around her midsection, laughing louder than everyone.

_Traitor!_

"Bella drives the clunker," I informed them. If she wanted to laugh at my expense, she was going down, too.

This changed the conversation to what she drove, and despite my apt description, the old beatup Chevy was automatically deemed a 'classic' by everyone. They even offered to come down to Portland to restore it, insisting she didn't need to waste money on a new car.

It was amazing how easily we fell into comfortable conversation; Quil and I exchanging jibes as Bella spoke animatedly with their girlfriends and Quil's little sister. Something in the girls' conversation got Quil's attention, and he joined them, leaving Sam and I alone.

Watching Bella converse and laugh so freely was a wonderful sight, and I was admittedly jealous of how meeting and befriending complete strangers seemed to come naturally to her. I always felt like I needed to live up to someone's expectations when speaking with them, and not knowing exactly how I should react left me confused, questioning every word that left my mouth. The whole process was mentally exhausting, and I usually ended up pissed that I had to be anyone other than myself, which either left me slow to speak, or as Quil put it, a moody bitch.

"So, how does it _really_ feel to be back?" Sam asked, quieting my internal musings. Reluctantly, I moved my eyes from Bella so that I could try to pay attention.

"I can't wait to get me and my girl the fuck out of here," I said after a moment, my eyes and thoughts drifting back to my love.

"You know, from far-off she looked like one of ours," he said, tipping the bottle in Bella's direction. "We were about to come over to see who the pale face was trying to abduct our girl!" he chuckled.

"Yeah, thanks for that by the way. You scared the living shit out of me for a minute there."

His laughter died out and faded into a sigh. "You're not going to ask what happened?" he asked, motioning to his scarred face.

"No, I thought I'd enjoy being the _pretty_ _boy_ for a bit longer," I deadpanned, remembering what they initially called me when I first came into the auto shop. None of the mechanics in Forks could do the overhaul I wanted on my car, and referred me to Sam's father's shop, Uleys. The first thing he said when he saw me was, "here comes the pretty boy with the pretty car."

"Always knew you were one of the good ones," he replied lowly, cryptically. He was lost in his thoughts before he spoke again.

"Remember Paul?" Sam asked. I remembered the name but that was as far as my recollection went. When he added that Paul was the _temperamental_ one, I could see him in my mind's eye as clear as day, threatening one of my classmates. It was at one of the many bonfires held out on the beach during my junior year at Forks.

There were several groups of people hanging out and tossing back a few drinks, and everyone was uncharacteristically rowdy due to a lack of supervision. As usual, the groups kept to themselves, separated by some imaginary line that no one bothered to cross. The kids from La Push kept East of the line (nearest the reservation), and the kids from Forks stayed closest to the part of the beach nearest the exit.

Kate Denali was chatting incessantly and trying to flirt with me when I heard the arguing. Brian—who played basketball for Forks High—was as All-American as one could get: blue eyes, blonde hair, and a California tan that stayed with him long after he'd moved to Washington. He was a decent enough guy and fairly laid-back.

However, that night, he was furious. Every muscle in his lanky frame tensed as he stared down one of the kids from La Push. I didn't think twice about it as I jogged over and stood between them, turning back my back to the kid—Paul—and telling Brian to calm the fuck down. Whatever it was that had caused the rift couldn't have been worth this, and Brian winced at my verbal onslaught.

Once some of the steam had blown over, I turned back around to Paul who looked even more pissed than he was before I came over. Apparently, _no one_ turned their back on him, and he didn't hesitate to tell me exactly that. He continued ranting, throwing out words like 'pale-faced asshole' and 'stay on your side.' He was easy to ignore, and I began pulling Brian back towards the huge bonfire that seemed to be blazing out of control.

We were almost back to our side of the party when everything went to shit. Paul had finally stopped yelling, calmed by his own group of friends, and although his voice was oddly quiet considering the trepidation we all felt, his words rang loud and clear.

"_Haven't your kind raped and pillaged enough?"_

That was the last straw for Brian, and quicker than I thought possible, he was back in front of Paul, planting his fist in Paul's left eye. I muttered every swear word in existence as I ran back over, noting that Brian was sorely outnumbered. And even with me there, we probably didn't stand a chance. As swiftly as possible, I reached out and grabbed Paul's wrist before he could land a punch in retaliation, and forcibly pushed Brian back so that he could neither fight nor be pummeled.

Paul pushed and pulled against me, but I held steady until Brian was a few feet away. I expected to be struck at some point, so I turned back around, pleased to see that Sam and Quil were holding Paul back, not egging him on. We weren't out of Dodge yet though, because Brian would not settle the fuck down, taunting Paul as he told him he would never know what it felt like to be loved by some chick named Rachel. At that point, I wanted to hit Brian myself for—off all things—fighting over girl!

Brian was a fucking mess, and his surge of adrenaline was tiring me the hell out. Right before I was ready to give in and let him go, I felt him relax, an action that scared me even more. It was peculiar how it hadn't happened gradually, or with any warning. One second, he was fighting against me to the point I dug my feet into the sand to hold him back, and the next he was completely still. I whipped my head up to see what the fuck had happened, hoping to God he hadn't been hit by some unseen weapon. And when I locked eyes with his healing balm, I gasped in shock. She was a petite Quileute girl with dark russet skin. Her hair was silky, and appeared to be more of a midnight blue than black as it drifted around her face.

She was one of the first girls I had ever thought was truly beautiful.

Resting her hand on Brian's cheek, she swept her thumb back and forth across his skin as tears gathered in her eyes. Without further hesitation, I released him into her care, looking away when I saw a lone tear escape his eye.

Paul's ire had not weakened, but thankfully the guys were hauling him away from the scene and towards the reservation. Brian, too, was being hauled away, but by a completely different force. His arm was slung around the shoulders of—who I assumed was Rachel—as they walked toward the parking lot. He paused for a moment to look back at me, and nodded his thanks. That same gratitude was clear on Rachel's face.

Shortly after, I returned to the bonfire, joining my blissfully ignorant peers, and feeling like something deep within me was being permanently shifted. At the time, the feelings of ingrained segregation and my personal isolation were too much. So, I had a few drinks to take the edge off.

Unable to completely wipe the memory of the look shared between Brian and Rachel as they walked away, I indulged—and even encouraged—Kate Denali's advances, praying that the physical release she would give me could exorcise my inner demons.

"Edward?" Sam questioned, and I looked at him as if I was seeing him for the first time.

"Not only are you still a broody mo-fo, you're still slow, too!" he laughed, and I sheepishly agreed.

"Anyhow, Paul dared some of us to jump off the cliffs over there," Sam continued, motioning toward the East side of the beach. "Everybody did it no problem, but when it was my turn… let's just say I should've gotten a running start. I didn't get far enough from the edge before I jumped," he finished.

"Well, that was…stupid," I said, disregarding my lack of verbal filter.

"You telling me!" He agreed, filling me in on his injuries and all the ensuing lectures from his family.

"People automatically assume it was some accident I had because I was wasted, or some fucked up ritual gone wrong," he lamented. "It's why I hate going into Forks anymore. I can't handle the staring."

"I don't care what you look like," I told him honestly after a few moments of silence. I was learning more and more that people were quick to judge, and I'd been guilty of it more than a few times. "You'll always be the same dipshit to me." Sam laughed and relaxed even more.

"Thanks for that, Tony," he chuckled heartily.

He looked over to Bella again, who was now talking to Quil _alone_. I didn't notice when the other girls had left, nor did I know how long they'd been gone. Nevertheless, the irrational anger I felt that Bella hadn't come to my side instantly flared up with a new intensity. Clamping down on the feelings that were screaming at me to reclaim what was mine, I took a deep breath and forced my muscles to loosen.

"Don't change who you are, and you two will be all right," Sam said out of the blue.

I nodded at the sentiment, wanting to tell him I'd already changed. But figuring he didn't know me well enough to notice the difference, I left it alone.

"You ready to go, baby?" Bella asked, her arms enveloping me from the side and sending that same shock of electricity through me that always sparked when we touched.

"Yes," I said, kissing her forehead and trapping her within my arms.

"You guys are leaving? This was just the pre-funk," Quil said, his voice rather steady, now.

"Yeah, we've got somewhere to be," I answered.

"Then we can hook-up tomorrow? Some of the other Forkers are having a bonfire. Of course we'll be here to make sure things don't get too out of hand. You gotta come back, man…that is, if it's okay with your lady," Quil said, wagging his eyebrows. I could feel Bella nodding excitedly against my chest, and her giddiness was contagious.

"Yeah, sure," I said as we made our final goodbyes.

Once we were in the car with the heat on full blast, Bella turned to look at me, her eyebrows pinched in confusion.

"How come you never talk about them? They seem so cool," she inquired, yawning immediately after.

Shrugging, I told her honestly that I didn't know. She hummed in response as I reached over the console to hold her limp hand. Before I even pulled out of the parking lot, she was fast asleep.

My mind wandered to several things in the absence of her sweet voice, but oddly enough it focused on the memory of Rachel and Brian. I could only assume what had really happened that night, but the look they shared, the obvious love between them made my heart ache _and_ rejoice at the same time.

I already had that with Bella. So, why was I waiting for a precise time to tell her?

It suddenly felt ridiculous that I'd didn't tell her the moment I knew it was true. She deserved to know, and to wear that same glow that Rachel exuded when she walked away with Brian. Vowing to tell her as soon as I _felt_ it, I smiled and pressed harder on the gas.

_Fuck the plan._

_

* * *

_

"Love? We're here," I said, peppering Bella's face with kisses. The corners of her mouth turned up minutely, but she didn't budge.

Pulling back from her, I peered out the windshield, searching for a place to enter the abandoned amusement park. Deciding I could do this part without Bella, I popped the trunk, and then grabbed the bag I'd carefully hidden from her for the last two days. I was a few feet away when I ran back to the car and put the keys back in the ignition before locking her in.

_You know, just in case. _

From my closer vantage point, I could see that the main entrance was—as expected—locked with a metal chain that interlaced through a chain link fence. The cement walls surrounding the remaining three sides were about seven feet high, and I didn't know if I would be able to get Bella safely over it.

I was getting irritated. With all my planning, I didn't think to pack bolt cutters, or even a ladder! Releasing the heaviest fucking sigh in the history of man, I pulled off my jacket and walked a few steps backwards so that I could get a running start and scale the wall.

Two attempts—and what I think was a mild concussion—later, I made it inside, and was following the memorized map to get to the control room. Once I kicked the weakly locked door in, I managed to find the mapped switchboard that directed power to all the amusement parks rides. I also reminded myself to thank Emmett for all the extra workouts.

Concussion aside, I felt like a bad-ass motherfucker.

As I reviewed the legend, I mentally checked off which rides were unsuitable. The Ferris wheel would be too bright and noticeable to operate, and I was especially worried about taking any rides that lifted us off the ground. If something were to malfunction, I wouldn't have any way to keep Bella out of danger, so I ruled all of those options out. By the time I finished, I was left with the bumper cars, a ride called the Haunted Tunnel, and the Funhouse that had a House of Mirrors. Following the key to the grid, I powered on the three attractions, and grabbed my bag to finish setting up.

Just as I hung the last multicolored bag of cotton candy, the echo of a muted melody startled me and I froze. When the lyrics 'you're worried 'bout the wrong things' repeated—as if trying to deliver a hidden message I had no way of decoding—I recognized the _Paranoid_ ringtone that Bella had set as my 'punishment.' Promptly pulling out my phone, I answered it with no further delay.

"Where are you?" Bella asked before I could say anything. The panic was evident in her tone, so I knew I needed to calm her down.

"Just a few feet away," I replied soothingly, already running toward the front entrance that I'd managed to climb over rather easily. It may have seemed unstable at first glance, but it actually held my weight remarkably well. Too bad it took a head injury to get me to test it out.

_Go figure._

"Are you okay?" I asked, not liking that her breathing escalated, and then seemed to stutter and stop altogether. "Do you see something?" My mind conjured up horrible images of someone gaining access to the car while she sat helpless to defend herself. "The keys are in the ignition, if someone's there, leave," I demanded as I practically flew over the gate and landed in a low crouch.

"No, I'm okay. It's just dark, and you weren't here and I…" she trailed off.

I ran from the front entrance back to the side where I parked the car in order to keep it hidden from anyone that drove by. When I could make out the dark mass of the vehicle, I sped up.

"Look up," I said, running to the passenger side of the car.

I could see the relief taking over her expression as the door flew open with vigor. Surprisingly, it hadn't been ripped from its hinges in Bella's incredible show of strength. She ran the last few feet and jumped into my arms, and I caught her without difficulty as she clutched on to me, burying her face in the crook of my neck.

"I didn't mean to scare you, love. I thought if you slept a little longer you'd be more awake to enjoy your surprise," I said, feeling her hot tears soak through my shirt. Her strength had not abated, and she continued to squeeze me tighter than ever. I could feel her heart beating rapidly, pounding against mine as if it were trying to beat its way into my chest. "It's okay. You're okay," I said in whispered repetition. Minutes passed, and I did everything to let her know she was safe, and I was here, now.

"Baby? Please, say something." I held her tighter—matching her fervor—and sat on the hood of the car as I continued to rub soothing circles against her back.

Gently rocking her, I began humming, almost able to see the music writing itself as every cell in my body screamed to be joined with hers. She slowly began to calm down, and when the sniffles subsided, she looked up at me with eyes that were still glassy from pooling tears.

"I'm sorry I left you here," I whispered, afraid that if I spoke any louder I would scare her again, and upset the strangely euphoric atmosphere that was breaking through the consternation.

"I'm sorry if I overreacted," she began. "I just had this dream and it jarred me. I…I don't know what else to say. It's so dark, and you weren't here…it scared me to wake up and to not have you _here_," she finished, still trembling within my arms. "It felt like something was going to happen, and you couldn't save me. You wouldn't."

"I'm not going _anywhere_," I promised, worried again about her increasing doubt and how her dream seemed to only be responsible for _some_ of her fear. "Please believe me, I…" I began, not knowing exactly how to make it better, but never wanting to see her _this_ distraught again. Ever.

"I promise to keep you safe and I really need you to know that I would _never_ hurt you, or leave you. I'll always want you, and only you, baby," I said, realizing how true it was. There was nothing I wouldn't do to protect her mind, body and soul. And I wouldn't let anything tear us apart. I _loved_ her, and as overdramatic as it sounded in my own mind, I knew I would happily give my life for her.

She had changed so much in my life, shining light on the bleakest parts of my existence. And to see her now, how troubled she was at the very thought of me abandoning her…

_I definitely feel it._

"Isabella, I love you. With everything in me, I love you," I proclaimed, staring into her honey brown depths, and trying to convince her soul that my words—and the emotion behind them—were unshakably true. "More than anything in this world. I. Love. You," I declared, holding her gaze as her breath caught in her throat.

Now, that the words were out, I felt the exhilaration from saying them and never wanted to stop. Not saying it felt like I'd been lying by omission this whole time.

"I love you. I love you _so much_," I proclaimed again, punctuating each word by kissing both of her cheeks, her brow, her nose, and finally her lips.

"Breathe, baby," I said, noticing her wide eyes had allowed for new tears to flow. I kissed them away, savoring the salty and warm version of what I hoped was concentrated joy.

"You had to know I was in love with you?" I said, but it came out more like a question. My emotions were always so easy for her to read, there was no way she didn't know.

"I did," she said, sounding confident in her assertion. But before I could utter a word, she started to backtrack.

"I thought I did…well, I hoped so," she said, amusingly stumbling over her words. "But hearing you say it… Edward, I love you, too," she sighed, and she seemed as equally relieved as I was to be able to say it, out loud.

"Too, huh?" I smirked.

"No," she said, instantly seeing her error. "I just love you," she corrected.

"As I love you."

We kept our eyes locked on each other with dopey grins plastered across our faces, and the air around us hummed with a current so strong that I felt drunk off of it. Recognizing our positions at the same time, we both leaned forward to kiss. But evidently the adrenaline was still running through Bella's veins, because when she came forward the force of her kiss pushed me onto my back.

Lacing my thumbs through her belt buckle loops, I lifted her up my body and reclaimed her mouth right away. She brushed her tongue across my lower lip as her hands weaved into my hair, and I opened up to her, tasting her sweetness. Closing my eyes, I let myself just feel…everything.

Reveling in the sounds of her gasps and moans, the way she slid her body up and down mine letting me feel every inch of her, I slowed our pace to kiss her languidly. I don't know if our kisses had ever been this exquisite: the exploring, the stroking, the repetition of it all, but I hoped it would never end.

"Bella," I said, my eyes still closed as I reluctantly detached myself from her lips. "I love you…but if we don't get moving, I'm going to show you exactly how much right here," I said, thrusting my hips upwards to show her I was as serious as a fucking heart attack!

"Okay, okay," she whined, seductively slithering her way down my body.

_Minx._

After I locked the car back up, we started toward the front gate, and something occurred to me.

"Bella, what did you mean when you said you _knew_ that I loved you?" I asked. She sounded so sure that she already knew, and I wondered what I'd done to make her doubt it.

"Uh…err… you may have said it once. Or twice," she sheepishly replied.

_Damn verbal filter._

_

* * *

_

"You can open your eyes," I said.

"This is…uh," Bella began with a perplexed expression. "This is…?"

Getting Bella over the fence went fairly smoothly, if I didn't account for the gratuitous groping, but once her feet were planted I told her to close her eyes. When I climbed over, I led her to the outside of the control room and allowed her to see her surprise.

"Don't move," I ordered, uncomfortable with her being out of my sight for even a second. I pushed the door to the room open and flicked a few switches so that the three rides were activated. Stepping back out, I took her around the corner so that she could see the lights. The carnival themed music was already giving away our location.

"Edward!" she exclaimed. "Oh my God, how did you do this?"

She ran towards the ring toss, where I had set up various items for her to win if she could score. They weren't extraordinary by any means, but I knew she would appreciate them.

"Breaking and entering," I said, laughing at her when she caught on to what 'b' and 'e' really meant. "But don't worry, I know the owner so we won't get into too much trouble if we're caught."

"This is crazy, but I love it," she said, reaching for the black hair ties I used as a substitute for rings.

Piling them up in her left hand, she took a step back and began slinging the ties like they were miniature Frisbees. It only took her a few seconds to sink them all over the bottle heads, and was I very fucking impressed.

"Wow," I said.

"What can I say?" she said, a smug grin on her face as she popped her imaginary collar. "I have a good aim…when I'm standing still," she giggled.

"You can say that you love me." I took a step forward and wrapped my hands around her waist while she admired her work. She held my arms around her mid-section as she tilted her head to kiss my chin.

"I do love you. And I want my prize now."

Pecking her cheek, I lifted the partition to get behind the booth. I showed her all of the prize options, which consisted of: candies, a book of quotes that I had hand selected and put together in a forest green leather bound journal, a disposable camera, and a 'love' coupon book.

Hanging just above the display were bags of cotton candy and three stuffed animals that I had won out of one of those grab-a-bear machines. It only cost a dollar per game, but that stupid claw thing kept dropping the goods! When all was said and done, I'd spent twenty bucks on three dollars worth of teddy bears.

I couldn't think of a where else to get carnival-like trinkets on such short notice, but I called Tanya and she didn't disappoint. She sent me to an arcade and to Chucky E. Cheese's where they actually let you buy twenty-five cent toys for ten bucks. Huh. There was some serious eye rolling going on as I bought several bags of cotton candy, but I quickly got over it when I thought about how Bella would look when she saw everything.

It was completely worth it.

"Step right up and collect your prize, little lady," I said, imitating the overexcited carnival workers I'd seen as a child. She smiled at me—I actually didn't think either of us had stopped smiling—and tapped her chin as she made her decision.

"I'll take the cotton candy. The pink one!" I chuckled at her enthusiasm as I handed her the sugary treat.

"So, what's next?" she asked.

* * *

Bella and I rode every ride twice, played hide and seek in the house of mirrors, and laughed at the cheesiness of the haunted tunnel ride. She rammed her bumper car into mine, and spent more time winning prizes from the ring toss game. Once she'd collected all of her gifts, we took our time cleaning everything up and sufficiently covered our trail. Apart from the broken control room door, the place looked spooky and abandoned again.

I would like to say that hearing her trilling laughter was the best part, or even when she told me it was the best fucking birthday present—and she said _fuck_—she'd ever received. But neither of those things compared to the times she would look me in the eye and tell me she loved me as she leaned over to give me a sugary sweet kiss.

As we lay in my childhood bed—in a house that was the exact opposite of fun—exhausted from the long day, I readjusted my position so that she could claim her 'nook.' With her head nuzzled into the crook of my neck, and our legs entangled, I felt her place a kiss to the bare skin of my chest, just above my heart.

"I love you, Edward," she said, and it felt like her whispered words would be enough to keep the haunted memories of this place at bay.

Oh, how wrong I was.

* * *

**Thanks for the pre-read, Nicole. Next chapter is in the works, so I have a teaser for those that review : )**


	19. Dickhead

**A/N ****AngryBadgerGirl & LillyBellis make this legible, but SM still owns it. **

Why you being a dickhead for?  
Stop being a dickhead  
Why you being a dickhead for?  
You're just fucking up situations

Dickhead- Kate Nash

* * *

I woke with a start, sweating profusely, and panting like I'd just ran for miles. Focusing on regulating my breathing, I opened my eyes to the still dark room as I slowly inhaled and exhaled. After my body began to settle, I turned to my side, noticing that Bella was balled up in the furthest corner of the bed with the sheets tangled around her legs.

_She's still here._

Rubbing the back of my neck, I quietly slid out of the bed and made my way down the hall to use the restroom there so I wouldn't wake Bella as I tried to shake the daunting images from my head. I'd been having a dream, and it had started it out so heavenly.

Bella and I were back on First Beach, but instead of it being a gloomy, overcast day, the sun shone brightly. The best part of it was that we were completely bare, rolling around and getting sand in places I was too preoccupied to care about. I was buried deeply within her warmth as our moans and grunts of pure ecstasy competed with the sound of the crashing waves. Just as I was getting ready to reach my peak, the dream shifted, and suddenly we were standing on the shore fully clothed.

Although, this time, Bella was not by my side.

She was walking backwards, away from me, and Paul's fingers were woven through hers. Her eyes held such longing that it physically ached for me to look at her, but I couldn't turn away. Nor could I figure out why she was willingly leaving me in the first place.

Bella stumbled and fell since she was unable to tear her eyes from mine, and was not watching where she was going. Paul made no move to help her as he quietly towered above her, pity etched in every line of his face. After a moment passed and she'd yet to move, he knelt by her side, lowly speaking into her ear. Whatever he said must have strengthened her resolve, because as he looked upon me with victory in his eyes, she finally looked away, dusting off her white dress and getting to her feet with a gracefulness she hadn't possessed minutes before.

She resumed her backward walking, her eyes downcast, as she followed Paul's lead. I tried to call out to her, I even tried running after her, but my legs were encumbered by some invisible weight. And although my mind was screaming 'please, don't go,' my lips were telling her to leave.

Struggling helplessly, I continued fighting to free my legs, all to no avail. When I gave up, looking to see her face one last time so that I could burn it into my memory, I told her I loved her. That was when she finally turned her back on me, and without uttering one word, she walked away.

I shrugged the nightmare off, guessing it was just a combination of memories of being left alone in this house, and Bella telling me about the bad dream she'd had. Nonetheless, the thought of being powerless to save her—and the resulting sense of anguish—never dissipated.

It was past 7:00 AM, so I hopped in the shower, deciding to start my day off with a run through the wooded trail out behind the house.

Gazing out of the small shower window, I watched the sun begin to crest over the tall trees as hot water flooded over my shoulders and down my chest. I forced myself not to think about the mornings I spent brooding in this very same shower, annoyed that I went through every day with foolish anticipation of something good happening. It never did, so in an attempt to avoid that vicious circle, I kept thoughts of Bella at the forefront of my mind.

Thinking of her worked a little too well, and before I knew it, I was soaping further down to lather up my aching cock. There were so many memories of Bella to choose from, but I settled on one of my favorites: taking her against the wall of her bedroom. It didn't take long before I was shooting my seed against the slick tiles, and I hurriedly cleaned myself up to begin my day.

* * *

When I came back from my run, I took a second shower—jerking off included—and spent the next couple of hours rummaging through my dad's library. My intention was to see if there were any books I wanted to take back with me, and there were a few titles I stacked up in a to-go pile. But once I made it to the second level, where my father kept some of his rarer books, I froze. Hanging just above an antiquated desk that my father coveted, was a _Degas_ painting. The inscription on the golden plate at the bottom of the frame labeled it as the _Four Dancers_. It was an exceptional piece, one that I'd even read about recently in one of Bella's art books, but that wasn't important.

What was significant was that the painting had not been there three months ago when I packed up and left for Portland. I definitely would've noticed it. So why in the hell was it here now?

I was left with only one possible answer. My parents had been home and hadn't bothered to make the short trip to Oregon to see me.

After that agonizing realization, I made several calls: to mom's cell, to my dad's, and finally to the caretaker service. I didn't get a response from my parent's, but I learned from the service that they received a call from _Mr. Masen_ six weeks prior, advising them that they would not be needed for the next two weeks. When that time frame was up, they were left with special instructions on how to dust the painting.

Six fucking weeks ago, they were here, and not once did they mention it. I stood motionless in that same spot for an immeasurable amount of time, and when I did start moving, it was only to pace around the library. Whatever high I experienced while running was completely deflated, and I was left in a shitty mood.

"Hey, baby," Bella greeted when I entered the kitchen. She was pouring herself a glass of grape juice, and I leaned back against the granite countertop to observe her.

"Where did you get the juice?" I asked, knowing we didn't have anything in the house when I left earlier.

"When I got your note, I decided to get dressed and find a market. It wasn't too hard," she smiled. "Everything seems to be on Forks Avenue. By the way, Esme called and said she wanted to speak to you ab…"

"You should've waited for me to get back," I said, cutting her off.

"Oh? My bad," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Did you want something in particular? I could go back?" she offered.

"Don't be ridiculous. You know exactly what I mean. Next time, wait," I demanded. Her brow was furrowed, and her nose scrunched up in a way that I would've thought to be adorable had I not been so pissed off about her taking off without my knowledge.

"If this is about me taking your _precious_ car, next time I promise to walk. But you've been gone for hours, what did you expect me to do?" she snapped.

"What part of this isn't clear?" I shot back. "I expect you to wait. I was just upstairs; you could've come and got me at anytime."

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't know which _wing_ of the house to find you in. Silly me, right? If you would've just answered your phone one of the _four_ times I called you…" she began, slamming her glass down.

She walked back to the fridge, shoving the container inside, and just stood in front of the open door. Though her face was turned away from me, I could tell that her eyes were closed, and I glared at her back as her shoulders rose and fell with each deep breath she took.

"Why are you acting this way?" she quietly asked. "Did something happen…with them?" I didn't need her to explain which _them_ she was referring to.

"Spare me your pity, please," I said, pushing up and off the counter and walking out of the room.

I thought I heard her say 'I love you' as I made my hasty exist, but that couldn't have been right. The only two people in the world who I expected to love me didn't. How could she?

* * *

For the next two hours, I scoured the place. I looked for subtle changes in the décor—things that couldn't be explained by the staff simply moving an item from one place to another. I ignored the family photos I came across, the taunting smirks of my parents mocking me from behind the glass frames.

The most notable difference was the guest home; it looked thoroughly lived in. Clothes were scattered all over the cherry-red comforter, there was a box of Fruit Loops left open in the kitchenette, and the trashcan was filled with bottles of cheap wine. Whoever managed the place now, must have promptly vacated the premises when I called.

Apparently, I was a masochist. There was no other explanation for why I wanted to see these minute changes—why I needed more tangible proof apart from the last seven years of my life to show me what I already knew—but I just couldn't fucking let it go!

To add insult to injury, every time I neared my old bedroom—so that I could apologize to Bella—I was met with a closed door and a 'go away' when I knocked. I needed to make amends for being in a constant state of douchebaggerry around her. She ignored me for the first hour, and I huffed out a 'fine' as I went to search the spare bedrooms for any alterations. Finding nothing of interest, I made my way to the bedroom again, sliding a handwritten note underneath the door.

_What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? _

I didn't know if it would work, but she told me once that bad jokes were our thing. And at that point, I was beyond desperate; for her touch, her soothing voice, and to be fully in her presence. All things I would've had if I didn't unnecessarily snap at her.

Sitting outside the door, I scrolled through my cell phone, finally seeing Bella's missed calls along with two from the Cullens. I cleared my call log as I impatiently waited for Bella's response.

Twenty minutes later—with no word from Bella—I was ready to break down the damn door. Luckily, the sound of crumpling paper got my attention before I could do anything impulsive.

_Finding half a worm?_

I smiled at her correct response as I jumped to my feet and flung the door open. My action stunned her, but I moved forward anyway, quickly enfolding her in my arms.

"The door was never locked," she said, her words muffled by my chest as I hugged her with inhuman strength. It took me a full minute to fully grasp that she wasn't returning the hug.

Taking a step back, I began brutally raking my fingers through my hair and pacing the bedroom. Bella was at my side in an instant, pulling my hand from the unfortunate strands. Her touch halted all of my movements, and I looked down to meet her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Yeah? Well 'sorry' isn't always enough," she said matter-of-factly as she walked away from me and climbed onto the bed.

"I know. I'm sorry," I said again, cringing at my sudden loss of vocabulary.

"I believe we covered that, and despite how _ridiculous_ I am, you don't need to repeat yourself," she stated.

"Fuck, baby, I know. I'm so so…"

"Edward, if you tell me you're sorry again, I swear to God," she said, giving me a look that had my balls retracting, seeking a safe place to hide.

"I know I shouldn't have snapped at you, and I should've just talked to you. I know that _knowing_ I'm an asshole doesn't make it okay to continue _being_ one. I know that I fucked up our great vibe from last night the moment I woke up this morning."

'By simply existing,' I mentally added.

"I've never been in a relationship, at all. And not to make excuses, but I'm not good at this. I don't know what to do, or say when I feel this…this…"

I couldn't find the words to express the monumental pain I felt. 'They don't even like me' I wanted to say, and I may have been a pussy for feeling the way I did, but God, it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad that I couldn't see straight, and my chest tightened as if I were being strangled whenever I tried to inhale. Worst of all, my heart ached knowing that the people who had given me life possibly regretted it, and possibly wanted to go on with their lives as if I never existed.

For the first time ever, I didn't want Bella to tell me it would be all right, or that my parent's would come around in time. I appreciated her empathy, I really did. But I didn't want her feeding me any more false hope.

Her face had softened during my incoherent rant, and I looked away. She didn't need to feel anything for me after how I'd treated her, especially since it tainted the memory of our declarations.

"I know that I love you," I reaffirmed, instead. "And I know that my actions may have shown otherwise, but you can trust me on that," I finished. After moments of gnawing on her plump lower lip, she came to stand in front of me.

"Edward? Tell me what happened. I don't understand what I did to make you angry."

"It wasn't anything you did, I swear. I just had a bad dream is all," I partially lied, turning from her scrutinizing gaze.

"Really, that's all?" She inquired. Her bullshit meter must have been going crazy. "You sure about that?" she pressed, and I just sighed.

_Can you die from sighing?_

"My parents were here about a month ago," I began, and I put my hands up in surrender before she could interrupt. "I didn't want to tell you because whenever things get crazy, you center me. When you tell me that things will be okay, I _trust_ you. Every time you tell me to have hope that they'll play a bigger role in my life, that's exactly what I do, and each time I end up frustrated when they don't come through. I don't want that right now, Bella. I can't handle the disappointment," I told her, being completely honest.

"Then I won't tell you," she said. "This is new for me too, you know, in so many different ways. But you can't just expect for me to read your mind. To know when you need some time alone or when you want to work through something on your own. I won't always forgive you this easily," she said, running the back of her hand down the scruff on my jaw.

"_That_ was easy?" I mumbled, instantly regretting it when she dropped her hand to elbow me in the ribs.

"Shit, baby, I meant, am I forgiven?" I asked, bending over in actual pain.

"I love you, Edward, and I'll let you make it up to me. We'll see if you're forgiven later," she said, folding her arms across her chest.

Unfolding her arms—and maybe grazing her breasts accidentally-on-purpose—I wrapped them around my neck. I overlooked her annoyance at me treating her like a marionette, and kissed the tip of her nose.

"And I love you. Now, what must I do to earn your forgiveness?"

* * *

Torture.

That should've been Bella's middle name.

I had given her a foot rub, read to her from the book of poems I'd given her, and took her to an early dinner at _Michael's_ in Port Angeles. The whole time I was thinking this _was_ easy. I enjoyed every second of it: the touching, her soft laughter, even how she managed to pull me back when she saw me slipping away from her. Apart from having to let her pay for our dinner—which was difficult considering it would be the second time that it happened—there was no suffering involved.

At least that's what I thought.

After dinner, we made the drive back to the house: me scrolling through the music on Bella's iPod while she was nose-deep in a magazine.

"Edward, let's play twenty questions," she nervously began, "to, you know, pass the time?"

"Baby, if there's something you want to know, just ask me. We don't need to play games," I said while rolling my eyes, but at the same time curious as to what she was so worked up about.

"But what if you want to know something? Something that maybe you've been afraid to ask?" she hinted.

"I'm not scared to ask you anything," I said, letting my sentiment hang in the air as she appeared to be deep in thought. Finally selecting Thelonious Monk from her playlist, I relaxed back into my seat as the jazz piano flowed through the speakers.

"Um, do you think you're average-sized…?" Bella asked, her voice floating above the discordant harmonies of the music.

"Average-sized what?" I replied distractedly.

"It's just that they say black guys have bigger…and Mike, well he wasn't…but yours…wow," she rambled.

_Is she talking about…_

"Bella, are you asking about my dick?" I asked, and I could feel the blood rising to my face at the possible implication.

Was she saying I was…small? I gulped, embarrassed at the very thought.

"Yes," she squeaked. "It's just, I thought it would be…smaller," she winced. "I'm happy it's not, but I…" A grin started to creep on my face, turning into a full-fledged smile.

So, she wasn't dissatisfied. Before I knew it, I was smirking, puffing my chest out a little. When she caught my expression, she rolled the magazine up and smacked me on the arm with it, hard.

"Baby, I'm driving here," I laughed, knowing she was trying her best to stay serious. Clearing my throat, I answered her as best as I could.

"I don't know. I've never compared it to anyone else's. I don't _ever_ plan to," I said, shaking my head. As long as you're happy, though, we're good."

"Okay," she said, drawing out the word.

"So, you wanted to play a game for one question? You silly, beautiful, girl," I said, reaching over the console to hold her hand.

"No. I may have others. Like, do you really like going down on girls?" she asked, and I could see any uneasiness she felt about the topic was long gone.

"Going down where?" Yeah, I was being obnoxious, but I wanted to hear her say exactly what was on her mind, and if I could get her to curse that would be a bonus.

She took a deep breath and answered my question on her exhale. "Do white guys really like cun…she began, and I raised my eyebrow at her. "Eating pussy," she blurted. I expected her to be frank, but I was still surprised she had said it. _Like that_.

I shifted in my seat, telling my mind to cool it with the mental replays of doing that very act to Bella. Personally, I never really got much out of it in the past, the ultimate pleasure derived from hearing my name recited on the few girls I did bother to practice it on. Although, it was different with Bella, everything was different with Bella.

Her sighs and moans, the way her thighs clenched around my head in a vice grip, and I even enjoyed her taste. I told her as much as I adjusted my position once again. A light sheen of sweat had appeared on my brow, along with a gentle throb in my boxers.

"Is it different with me?" she shyly asked.

"Nope," I joked, earning another smack. She laughed with me, and as poetically as I could, I told her she was _very_ different. I got carried away when I compared her to a chocolate covered strawberry—chocolate on the outside, pink inside, and sweet through and through—and she silenced me, saying she couldn't handle the second-hand embarrassment anymore.

Deciding that there were a few things I was curious about, I jumped right in.

"Is it true that black girls really don't give...?" I trailed off, seeing how hard it was to get the sentence out. It wasn't that I felt uncomfortable with any word choice, but I didn't want to say something to upset her sensibilities. So in a move—powered by idiocy—I listed every name that popped into my head.

"…head, go down, fellatio, irrumatio**…" **I continued.

"I got it," she cringed, putting her hand out to stop me from saying another word.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Edward…"

"Okay, okay," I surrendered. "I'm sorry I said 'sorry.' But I do feel…apologetic," I offered instead, counting down the seconds before she rolled her eyes at me.

_That's my girl._

"I like that last word, it doesn't sound as crass," Bella said, and I shuddered at the thought of doing _that_ to her. Knowing her, and how delicate she was, made me feel sick to even have the word in my mental rolodex.

"It's the most horrible," I said, rapidly shaking my head. "Trust me. Can we agree on 'blowjob?' I asked.

"We can agree on blowjobs, but black girls don't do…that. So, moot point," she said as if offended by the idea. "I think that's the general consensus, anyways." She nodded her head in the affirmative.

"What?" I was shocked.

"You can Google it," she added, turning to look out the window. I'd unconsciously slowed the car down to gawk at her. Was she serious? I mean, not that it was some kind of requirement, or expected in exchange for anything, but…what?

"You should see your face," she said as she erupted into a fit of giggles. "Baby, I thought you were pale before, but now…" she laughed, unable to complete her sentence when the snorting started.

"Ha ha," I said, faking annoyance. "I don't care one way or another," I said honestly, "just curious that there was a worldwide sanction on the matter."

Her laughter died down with a low whistle, and she turned in her seat to eye me. "I've never done it before, but I don't think I am opposed to trying," she said, licking her full bottom lip.

My cock grew impossibly harder.

I didn't say anything in response, just nodding so she'd know I heard her. What was I supposed to say, anyway?

_When you want to try that out, let me know. And soon!_

_Yeah, I think not._

The conversation carried on, a fairly innocent tone from how it began. Through it, I learned more about Bella's ex's—if you could call them that. It wasn't something I asked about, but you put two and two together when you're discussing someone's sexual experiences, or lack thereof.

Bella had been with two other guys, but Mike was a one-time thing, and Tyler—the douche that took her virginity—literally did just that. They were _interrupted_ she said, but gave no further details. I let the subject drop, not liking how she tensed up, and knowing that it would be good for my own self preservation if I let it be.

I viewed it as good news, though. Most of her experiences were with me, and in my eyes that made her a virgin. Yeah, it wasn't logical, but I was going with it and vowed to try every position she would allow to learn what she enjoyed.

We were about twenty miles or so from my house, and I was still painfully erect when Bella peeked up from the magazine again, biting her lower lip.

"So, how do you feel about road head?" she asked, and it was clear that she was genuinely curious. That didn't stop me from slightly swerving the car as I turned my head—and body—to look at her.

_Absolute torture._

It didn't stop there though. Since we were planning on going back to the beach to hang out with Quil and Sam, Bella went to shower as soon as we were back in the house. When I tried to follow her into the restroom, she stopped me, telling me to relax because she wouldn't take that long. And true to her word, she didn't.

She came out minutes later, her wet hair clinging to the skin of her back as she patted her face dry. I was lounging on the bed, picking at the comforter when she turned around to face me and dropped the towel altogether.

_Sweet Jesus!_

"Could you run out to the car for me? I can't find my purple bag, and I don't remember either of us bringing it in yesterday." I managed a throaty 'yes,' and slowly walked backwards out of the room, ogling every part of her.

Sprinting down to the car, I found her bag in the backseat tucked underneath some blankets. The trip back was just as fast as I practically leaped up the twelve stairs to reach my bedroom, hoping she hadn't covered up yet.

The conversation in the car, and the fact that we hadn't done anything—at all—since before we left Portland, left me feeling ravenous, and I was determined to have Bella, _immediately_.

However, she was determined too—determined to make me suffer.

She was lying casually on the bed when I returned, reading through the book of poems with her head propped up by her hand. And, to my great pleasure, she was still naked. I stood in the doorway watching her, licking my lips while I gaped at her breasts. Her pert nipples were begging to be caressed my tongue.

That simple thought propelled me forward, and I sat beside her as I placed the bag behind her. She put the book away and sat up slowly, inching her face towards mine.

"Thank you," she said, kissing me lightly on the nose, and then turned over to grab the bag before heading back into the adjoining restroom.

"Bella," I groaned when I realized what she was doing. "I'm sorry," I pleaded.

She came out a moment later, dressed in the skimpiest underwear I'd yet to see her in: a blue strapless bra that made a sort of heart shape over her ample breasts—which appeared to want out of the garment. Her matching panties looked so soft and smooth, with a thick band of lace holding the flimsy little triangle against the place I wanted to be the most. She stopped in front of me, giving me an extreme close-up.

"I believed you then, and I believe you now," she said.

"But am I forgiven?" I asked, averting my eyes from her chest.

"Sometimes you have to reap what you sow, you know. I woke up this morning ready to show you exactly how much I loved you," she said as her firm but slight touch grazed my perpetual hard-on. Regrettably, her hand didn't linger there. She moved both hands up until she could interlace them at the nape of my neck.

"Instead, you yelled at me for being thirsty, insulted me when I asked if you wanted me to get you anything, and then proceeded to ignore me…for _hours_. You lied to me," she said, and saying the words seemed to re-ignite her anger causing her to drop her hands to her side. "You made me wait—in the worse state of mind possible—to do the only thing I wanted to do when I fell asleep last night. So, now you can wait," she said.

"Two wrongs don't make a right," I mumbled.

"Yeah, but I'm not wrong," she said, daring me to challenge her. "I'm not in the right mindset to do that with you, anyway."

I wanted to tell her I didn't yell at her over the juice, and I didn't completely lie to her, but when she put it like that, I had no argument. Seeing how easily her temper flared at the mention of my lie made her point all the more valid. Placing my arms around her back—not going any lower for fear that my traitorous body would pounce—I pulled her to me and kissed the top of her head.

"I understand, and I regret making you feel this way," I said, bending my knees until we were eye to eye. Kissing her chastely on her lips, cheeks, and then her eyes when they fell closed, I massaged the cool skin of her back.

"Let's get dressed and go to the beach," I said. "I can feel the Forks voodoo messing with my testosterone levels," I added, shivering for effect.

That made her smile, and for now, that was enough.

* * *

**A/N I'm officially on vacation (somewhere in Wyoming at the moment), and ****I'll be gone for the next three weeks. I will try to update once more when we get where we're going. So, please be patient while I enjoy some time with the fam. **

**I do have a teaser ready to go, so…uh…you know what to do.**


	20. Green Eyed Love

**A/N ****AngryBadgerGirl & LillyBellis make this legible, but SM still owns it. **

My love, unlawfully wed  
Take me outside of it all  
When I'm stuck in my head

Green Eyed Love- Mayer Hawthorne

* * *

"I didn't think you'd show, Tony!" A sober Quil said as Bella and I trudged through the sand toward some worn out picnic tables. We made small talk until Sam showed with two of the same girls that were with him last night.

"Emily, Claire!" Bella said excitedly, leaving my side to go greet the girls.

"Emily really likes her," Sam offered. "She kept going on and on about some trip her and Claire are taking out to Portland."

"News to me," I smiled, shrugging one shoulder. "Whatever makes Bella happy."

"Dude, you are so whipped! Let's go over to the other side," he said, motioning toward the blazing fire that could be seen off in the distance where everyone had assembled. "Maybe, _just maybe_, we can find where you dropped your balls."

"Shut the fuck up, pretty boy," I said.

"Tony, it's too soon." He pointed at the marred skin of his face, and then placed his palm over his heart. "You wound me, really," he said, feigning grief.

"I bet," I replied, nodding at Emily, who had come to his side. "But I'm sure you'll find away to get over it."

When Bella came back to stand next to me, Sam pulled out an imaginary whip, pretending to strike me with it whenever Bella wasn't looking. However, Emily saw him, and without batting an eyelid, whacked him on the back of the head.

"Fucker," I laughed.

We all walked towards the bonfire, stopping at the keg to fill the yellow plastic cups that were being handed out indiscriminately. The girls broke off into their own group again, continuing their conversation as I looked through the crowd.

I didn't really expect to see anyone I knew since there were only a few juniors I conversed with, and all of the senior class would have graduated and gone off to college by now. But to my great surprise, I did recognize several people. The shock must have shown clearly on my face because it didn't take long before Bella was back at my side questioning my expression.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing, really, I just thought these people would be gone…to college or something," I said, taking a sip of the cool beer, and instantly recoiling at its bitter taste.

"Maybe everyone couldn't afford to go to college, or they wanted to stay here with their families. It's even possible that some people _like_ this small town and just didn't want to leave," she said, lightly bumping her shoulder into mine. I don't think everyone was as hell-bent on escaping as you."

"Yeah, you're probably right," I agreed. "But still. Don't these people have aspirations that don't involve Forks?"

She turned to me and patted my cheek as if she were explaining this to a toddler. "Stop being judgmental, Edward," she said, before twirling around towards Claire to resume their banter.

I was beginning to think she preferred their company over mine.

The rest of the night was mostly spent in our small group, but I did notice that the invisible line—that divided the Forkers from the, well, Fuckers—no longer existed. Occasionally, Bella would walk away with Emily and Claire, but she was never too far from my sight for which I was grateful. I knew she needed her space, but there was only so much that I could handle.

I made rounds with Quil, saying hello to the people I remembered and escaping when things got awkward—something that happened with a lot of the drunken girls. They were still overly flirtatious and just as dense as I remembered, but they seemed a hell of a lot more driven. Running into Paige was a prime example.

She was a year younger than me, and we had spent a lot of time together: in the back of the library, the backseat of my car, late nights at my house… I shook off the repulsive memories.

Everything she said was laced with innuendo that I easily ignored as my eyes swept the area in search of Bella. I internally recoiled when some of Paige's friends joined us, making googly eyes at me that I supposed they thought were sexy. Nevertheless, I played the part, not wanting to be a complete jerk to them.

I laughed at their jokes, and avoided any questions that had to do with why I was back in Washington, because it was none of anyone's god damned business. I thanked God when they finally took the hint and left me to myself. However, Paige took offense to my obvious indifference.

"Is it only Lauren that can get you worked up?" Paige huffed before Quil stepped in and handed me a fresh cup of that god-awful beer.

Unfortunately, he didn't show up soon enough, because I finally spotted Bella, and even with the distance between us, I could see the frown on her face. Needing to explain to her that whatever she thought was happening _wasn't_, I began walking in her direction, barely making it three feet before Quil pulled me back by the arm.

"Oh, no you don't. Just give her a minute," Quil said. "Claire said you looked like a trapped animal, and sent me to rescue you. So I'm sure that she's already told Bella about the skank-squad, too." He continued to tug at my arm, sensing that I was going to give him a fight.

"If anything, your girl wants to kill them—_not you_. And the only thing you'll accomplish by going over there is putting your foot in your mouth, and making things a lot worse," he finished, and I didn't disagree.

Lately, putting my foot in my mouth was the one thing I was good at. I did as he suggested, but it still didn't stop me from wanting to bolt away from him and to her side. Knowing that I'd already fucked up once today was the only thing keeping my feet planted.

Soon enough, things went back to normal, and I kept my greetings to nods and distant waves as Quil and I made our way back to the girls.

Because I hadn't slept well the night before, I was already feeling exhausted, and hoped Bella didn't mind leaving her new friends early. Quil broke away from me in search of another drink, and Sam and Emily were off to the side giving a new definition to the term 'public indecency.' I was halfway to Bella when someone called my name.

"Eddie, wait up." Flinching, I turned around, already knowing who that voice belonged to.

"Hi, Lauren," I said.

"I thought that was you I saw the other day, but when I didn't see you again I thought it was just wishful thinking on my part. The call confirmed it though," she added.

_Huh?_

"So, what brings you back to this vortex of hell, someone doing voo-doo on you?" Lauren asked, pulling out a bedazzled pink flask that was just _so_ Lauren.

I genuinely laughed at her joke, forgetting that she could be witty when she wanted to be. Furthermore, it was like she was in my head. Forks _was_ the vortex of hell.

"Just forgot some things, and needed to come and pick them up," I replied.

"Yeah, it is easy to forget a few million dollars I suppose," she deadpanned. "Vodka?" She handed me her flask, and I quickly took it, needing to wash away the taste of cheap beer. After a generous swig, I tried to return it, mumbling 'thanks,' but she pushed it back at me, allowing me to take another gulp.

The slow burn of the liquid coated and numbed my throat, and when the last drop was gone, she slowly took it from my outstretched hand.

"How did you know?" I foolishly asked, already knowing the answer.

"Small town, people talk," we said in unison before we both broke into laughter.

"I thought you were going to U-Dub, what happened with that?" I asked. At least I would get to know why one person was still here.

"Eh, the scholarships weren't enough to cover the tuition, and with the amount of loans I would've had to take out…it just wasn't worth it. I'm working full time this year and I'll re-apply next fall. By then, I'll have enough money saved, and I won't need a full-time job to get me by," she said, and I could see the determination in her Carolina-blue eyes.

"Can't be too many good jobs around here that'll pay you well enough to save up some decent cash ," I offhandedly said, noticing how she looked oddly confused by my statement.

"Well, there is one," she said, quickly replacing the expression with a smile. "I had some unexpected vacation time and went to Seattle…" she began, before looking puzzled once again. "You know, I think this is the longest conversation we've ever had."

My eyes widened, not knowing how to properly respond to that. It was true that most of the words we exchanged involved a 'where' and 'when,' and inevitably someone would be screaming or grunting the other's name—usually her.

"Anyhow, I'm exhausted," she said, yawning for effect.

"Me, too. We should get going," I absently agreed, longing to be back in bed with Bella.

"Okay, then, I'll see you later," she added with a wink.

"Okay," I drew the word out, knowing I wouldn't see her again after tonight. She nodded, and then turned on her heel and sashayed away.

Between being drunk and Bella's standoffishness, I could already tell that sleeping tonight was going to be damn near impossible.

Bella had resorted to giving me one word answers to anything I asked her, and after she drove us back to the house, she declared that she was going straight to bed. Following her lead, I fell into bed as well, unable to get rid of the dizzying feeling that came with mixing beer and liquor. I drank more than I realized, but it wasn't unusual. It's what I always did in high school when I went to the bonfires and had to deal with so many people all at once.

I was too confused to even try to ask Bella why she was still upset about earlier today, but I didn't try to apologize, remembering she told me she just needed time and not another apology. It was quite agonizing though, because my mind was in overdrive trying to think of a way to fix things, but the process was so sluggish that as soon as I had an idea, it quickly left, and I was rendered speechless.

With all of those thoughts swimming in the murkiness that was my brain, I stripped off my shirt and inched closer to Bella's warm body. She didn't respond—at all—so I figured she was already asleep. Burying my face into her hair, I wrapped my arm around her waist, and promptly joined her.

* * *

When my eyes opened again, it was pitch black, and my arm was no longer draped across Bella's body. Roughly rubbing my face, I looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table and saw that it was only 11:16PM. I'd been asleep for less than an hour and the nightmares were already starting. The details of the dream were just on the edge of my conscious brain, and I couldn't quite remember what it was that startled me awake.

"This fucking place is haunted," I muttered, getting up too quickly in my hazy state and falling right back into the bed. The second attempt was successful, and I knelt by Bella's side to rouse her.

"Baby, wake up," I said lowly, shaking her shoulders in a way that I hoped was gentle.

She groaned, but didn't stir further.

"Baby, wake up," I sang. "I can't sleep. I swear this house is messing with me. Please, wake up." I kissed both her eyelids and the tip of her nose, but moved too slowly to dodge her hand when she smacked me away.

Even in her sleep, I annoyed her.

I huffed in annoyance and left her alone, making my way to the restroom and then to the kitchen. Once there, I swallowed down a couple of aspirin, and quickly drank a bottle of water before walking down the hall to my old music room.

The Essex upright piano was pushed against the northern side of the space, and my old music awards and plaques hung on the adjacent wall. The awards were all Maria's doing, praising my piano playing and having sort of a ceremony whenever I won anything.

The French doors on the southern-facing side were surrounded by windows, allowing the moonlight to cast a silvery glow throughout the room that made it look almost heavenly. I could see the trees swaying left to right with the force of the wind, and rain pelted against the glass as I took a seat on the leather bench.

Using the sound of the beating rain as my mind's metronome, I began to play. I started with Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto #1, forcefully pressing on the keys to mirror the emotion of the piece. It all sounded too loud, too harsh for its surroundings, but it matched my feelings so I continued on. Part of me selfishly hoped it would wake Bella up so that I wouldn't have to be left alone with my thoughts.

After several minutes of this, I'd only served to agitate my headache. So, I slowed my movements, and then pressed my foot down on the damper pedal to let the last note resonate when my fingers stopped moving altogether.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to let the gentle swing of the trees dictate a slower paced piece, and found myself unthinkingly playing _Swan Lake_. I laughed out loud at that, but continued to play to my own amusement.

Halfway into the piece, I felt cool hands against my bare shoulders, working their way up to my neck before trailing through my unruly locks. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back and enjoyed her soft caresses as I transitioned pieces again.

The next song was one of my own compositions, and it told Bella how much I loved her even though I was unworthy of her love in return. I started out plucking the melody, playing each note staccato to symbolize just how detached I was before she came into my life. Then I slowly infused the melody, changing the whole mood of the piece just as she, Emmett, and the Cullens had altered my whole world.

The remainder of what I envisioned for the sonata focused on the times we were completely joined, heart to heart and soul to soul. But something was still missing…it still felt too solemn and inadequate to be complete. Annoyed with…everything, I stopped and just let her work her calming magic.

"I hoped you'd hear," I whispered, incapable of stopping the moan that left my lips when she ran her hands down my chest. When she was close enough to whisper in my ear, I tensed. Something wasn't right. Bella smelled like cheap perfume, alcohol, and Juicy Fruit.

Simultaneously, my eyes flew open and I grabbed the foreign hands before they could make another round. I didn't take time to study their paleness as I threw them off of me and jumped up off the bench. It tumbled over on to the hardwood floor with a loud bang, and standing shocked before me was a half-dressed Lauren Mallory.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I yelled, lowering my voice near the end. I definitely didn't want Bella waking up now.

She disregarded my question and deliberately moved forward, the thin slip she wore inching up her thigh with each step.

"I did tell you that I'd see you later," she said, doing that purring thing that I despised. I was backed into a corner, and felt trapped by this girl who wasn't even half my size.

"Like I said, Edward, there's only one employer in town who could afford to pay me a decent salary. You really didn't know who that was?" she asked. "When I got the call saying I didn't need to be here for the weekend, I just thought your parents were back again, but when they told me it was you…I couldn't wait to, uh, _catch up_," she said, reaching her hand out to touch me.

"Lauren, if you lay one finger on me…" I began.

"I'll break it off," Bella interrupted, and the ferocity of her voice had me taking another step back.

"And who are you?" Lauren screeched, moving to my side as if to seek protection. "I'll call the cops. You aren't supposed to be here!"

"Who am I?" Bella asked, turning her glare towards me. I stumbled over the bench and to her side, wondering if this was really happening or if it were an illusion brought on by the house.

After a moment's pause, Bella unnecessarily answered her inquiry. She didn't owe Lauren any explanation. "I'm his girlfriend."

"His _girlfriend_," Lauren mumbled to herself, and she looked like she was trying to work out a math equation. She must have figured it out whilst studying Bella, who was dressed only in blue boy-shorts and a navy tee that she'd knotted at the side of her slim waist. If Bella's state of dress didn't make her assertion obvious, the bolded white letters on the front of the t-shirt spelling 'Masen' surely did.

I pulled Bella to my side when I noticed that for the second time in as many days, she was moving toward trouble and not away from it. Lauren continued to stare at Bella with distaste, her shocked expression turning into a sneer that Bella returned.

"Leave, Lauren," I demanded. "And I would suggest you go to your parent's house until our visit is over."

"Really, Eddie," Lauren whined, "_this_ is who you're with now?"

Giving her a look that clearly said 'shut up and get the fuck out,' she made her way to the door. When she was at the threshold, she turned to face Bella.

"Don't think you're something special, you'll be just like _all_ the rest of them," Lauren began.

"Lauren," I warned.

"Once he's done with whatever sick infatuation this is…" Lauren continued, before turning to address me. "You always liked to try new things, huh, Eddie? This really shouldn't surprise me."

"Lauren. Out," I barked, balling my hands into fists.

"Although, I do apologize," Lauren pressed, a demure smile playing on her over-glossed lips. "He didn't once mention he had a girlfriend. I wonder why that is," she finished, confidently gliding out of the room.

"Nothing happened with her, Bella. I swear I didn't even know she was here. I didn't know she was working for my parents," I said in one breath, still trying to wrap my mind around what had just happened.

Bella weakly nodded. "I know. I heard you when you started playing," she said, pointing at the intercom system on the wall. "I ran down when I heard the crash."

I wanted to rejoice that she'd heard. She had to know that there was no way I would knowingly let another person come between us. However, any celebrating would've been premature, because when I reached out to touch her, she flinched, and then took a step away from me.

"Bella?" I asked, perplexed by her reaction.

She shook her head, causing the tears that had accumulated to fall down the apples of her cheeks. "I want to go home. Take me home now, please."

* * *

It took a little convincing, but as Bella packed her bags and transferred her things into one of the guest rooms, I finally got her to agree on leaving first thing in the morning. Despite the sobering experience, I was not, in fact, sober. And I didn't want her maneuvering the dark roads as I gave incoherent directions.

After I made sure that Lauren was completely gone from the premises, I stood outside of the guest room wondering if Bella would let me join her after everything that'd happened. If she refused, I would just sleep outside the door since I preferred being near to her over being comfortable.

"You can come in, Edward," Bella said as if she sensed my presence. "This is your house, and the door isn't locked," she added.

"Only if you want me in there," I said, pressing my forehead against the cool surface of the closed door.

She didn't immediately answer, and I could feel the fissures in my heart further splinter with the prolonged silence between us. Discouraged, I prepared to reacquaint myself with the hardwood floor, but stopped short when the door actually opened.

"It's not a matter of me wanting you here. I'll always want you here," she said, appearing to be upset that she felt that way.

Silently following her in, I thought of what I wanted to ask her first. What was it that I kept doing wrong? Why was I even surprised that I couldn't do anything right by her? Or anyone it seemed.

"Then why did you move to this room?" I asked. It seemed obvious that she didn't want to be around me. She slid into bed, exasperatedly sighing as she pushed the covers back.

"Seriously, you think I want to continue sleeping in the same room you had _her_ in?" she asked, and although her voice was soft, it did nothing to hide the underlying outrage. "Look, Edward, I know you have a past, but hearing you tell me bits and pieces of it, and actually seeing it for myself are two different things."

Bella buried herself in the cool sheets, and I climbed in behind her, hoping she wouldn't turn her back to me again—I hated when she did that. I wanted her face to be the first thing I saw every morning and the last thing I saw at night. Thankfully, she didn't, but the amount of space between us didn't make me feel any better about or current circumstances.

"You said you were lonely, and you didn't have anyone here. But I saw the way people looked at you, the way they fought for your attention. These people consider you a friend. Even the skank-squad," she added with obvious disgust. "And you looked so comfortable with them. I'm trying to meld what you've told me with what I've seen, and honestly, Edward, I feel like I don't even know who you are."

I opened my mouth to disagree. She did know me. But she placed her finger over my lips, her eyes pleading with me to understand.

"Not now," she whispered, "just, not now."

Sighing in defeat, I clutched on to her hand and pulled it to my chest. In response, she closed her eyes, allowing me to trace the skin of her fingers, and savor the warmth radiating from her palm.

Sooner than I expected, we were back on the road again.

* * *

If I thought the road trip to Washington was long, I was wrong. The trip back—even without the extra stops—was agonizing. We left shortly after six in the morning, and although I was upset by the reason we were leaving earlier than planned, I was glad to be out of Forks—away from its tiresome memories.

I drove way too fast even by my own standards, battling a hangover and Bella's silence the whole trip. It's not that she completely ignored me; she did actually sleep for most of the drive. But during the time that she was awake, her body was angled toward the door, and her head pressed against the window.

In a brief bout of optimism, I drove us to my place—hoping Bella wouldn't ask me to drive her home—and unloaded the car so that she could go upstairs and relax. After all, it was her actual birthday. She didn't put up a fight as she drowsily made her way through the lobby and into the elevator.

We'd settled in, but she remained quiet. And it was then—while I sat on the foot of my bed picking at threads on the bedspread while she lay beside me gazing up at the ceiling—that I knew we needed to talk.

"Bella," I began, crawling up towards the headboard so that I could look into her eyes. Once we were both lying lengthwise, she turned her face to me.

"I know you don't want to hear another 'I'm sorry,' but I am. For whatever it is I did to make you think you don't know me. You _do_ know me. You know me better than anyone, including my own parents!" I told her.

"I may have hung out with people, but I've never let anyone in before you. Not here," I said, pointing to my head, "and certainly not here." I reached for her hand and placed it over my heart. "I love you so much, and I want to do right by you, but you have to tell me what I did wrong. I can't read your mind."

_But God, how I wish I could._

She remained quiet for what felt like an eternity as fresh tears filled her eyes.

"Fuck," I mumbled, confused as to how I managed to make her cry again, and frustrated that she wouldn't just tell me what I did wrong.

She started shaking her head. "It's not all your fault, or something you did. I just couldn't handle those girls throwing themselves at you, and seeing how they looked at you like…like you were something to eat. When Emily told them that we were together, they looked at me like I was gum at the bottom of their fancy Louboutin's. Who in the hell wears heels to the beach anyway?" she asked incredulously.

"Why didn't you come and get me?" I asked, pissed off that anyone would dare treat her that way. "Bella, I didn't want to leave you alone, but I thought you wanted some space."

"Initially I did, but after the run-in with those girls, I wanted to be with you. I looked for you, too. But when I found you, you were talking to _her_," she said with barely concealed contempt.

"It doesn't matter, _you_ are my girlfriend. You're allowed to interrupt whenever the hell you want," I scoffed. "Not interrupt," I appended, shaking my head. "You wouldn't have been _interrupting_ anything but…Jesus, Bella, you know what I mean," I finished, completely flustered.

"I wanted to, but you were smiling at her—laughing even. You seemed to be enjoying yourself, and I don't get to see that carefree side of you a lot. I didn't know what to do," she said sadly.

"What you do is come to me, call me over, whatever you need to do to get my attention. It's usually focused on you, anyway." Taking a moment, I mulled over all of the events of last night, still somewhat confused by her behavior.

"That doesn't explain everything. You know I didn't do anything with Lauren, you said so yourself that you heard everything. You also know I would _never_ do that to you with anyone, but when I tried to touch you…it was like I burned you or something," I said, upset by her rejection.

She looked away momentarily, her eyes shimmering with a new round of tears before locking with mine once again. "Sometimes, I feel like you're ashamed of me," she said, holding her hand up to stop me from interrupting.

This time I ignored her.

"I have _never_ been ashamed of you," I roared, startling her. I may have been a lot of things, but embarrassed to be with her? Not fucking likely. "Why would you even think that?" I asked, simultaneously trying to lower my voice and calm the fuck down.

"It reminded me of the cashier we dealt with at the grocery store. I know you said you didn't hear what she said to me, and I believe you, but I felt like you left me hanging there while she disrespected me. And then you pushed me away when you saw Angela. Emily and Claire had to tell those girls at the party that we were there _together_ because you didn't. And Lauren," she spat, "she said you never even mentioned me. What was I supposed to believe? You really expected me to think otherwise?" she asked rhetorically, tears steadily streaming down her face now.

Sitting up so that my back was up against the headboard, I swiftly pulled her to me, inching towards the center of the bed so that she could straddle my legs without toppling off the side.

"Jesus, baby, it's not like that. _It'll never be like that_," I told her, taken aback that she was even worried about this. I swallowed her salty tears with my kisses, before pressing my forehead into hers. "I was caught off-guard in all of those situations. I didn't expect to see those people, and I definitely wasn't prepared for how conflicted I would feel when I did.

"With Angela it was just…disgust. I remembered what she did to me, and then how she carried on in school pretending like nothing ever happened. Seeing her reminded me of all the reasons I wanted to leave Forks to begin with." I said, wanting to address every point Bella made.

"The girls at the party, they were nothing. I was annoyed…mostly by you though," I said, surprising both of us. "I know that you needed some time and space, but I really just wished you didn't," I explained. "I wanted you with me, right by my side where you belong."

"Edward," she began.

"No, I'm not done. I need you to see where I'm coming from. I don't want us to be like…like this," I said, gesturing to the physical space between us to acknowledge the tension. Taking a deep breath, I lowered my hands to the tops of her thighs and continued.

"Lauren, well…you already knew my history with her, and when she approached me at the bonfire, she was being friendly. Not her usual brand of friendly that would lead to anything," I clarified. "She made a joke that I laughed at, but we weren't rekindling some non-existent relationship. Lauren did all the talking and disappeared before I could say anything, really. But had I known she was going to pull that little stunt…"I trailed off, my grip tightening around Bella.

"I wasn't ashamed of you in any of those instances. Part of me was scared that you'd see who I used to be and not want anything to do with me anymore. Part of me thought _you_ would be ashamed of _me_," I said, realizing that that had been one of my biggest fears all along.

Looking back, I could see that I was a jerk to pretty much everyone I encountered in Forks. With the exception of Angela—who I avoided—I hadn't treated anyone of my past hook-ups in a way that I was proud of. I either ignored them or told them to leave immediately after I'd gotten off.

Hell, even Sam and Quil—who seemed genuinely pleased to see me—didn't hear a word from me once I left Forks because I had severed all ties. Bella already knew I could be an ass, and I didn't want her to see the worst of it.

"Bella, in every instance you brought up, the only thing I thought about was escaping to be with you. Believe me when I say that."

"Really?" she asked, her voice taking on a whispery quality that was almost child-like.

"Yes, really," I promised, knowing she could see the sincerity in my eyes. "Please, just trust me."

She eased her arms behind my back, and I leaned slightly forward to accommodate them as she tightly squeezed me. With her head on my chest, she angled her lips upward to softly press her lips to my chin.

"I love you," she said, and I held her chin in place so that I could stare into her big brown eyes.

"I love _you_," I said, leaning in to brush my lips against hers. She trailed her hands from my back up to tangle in my hair as she kissed me over and over again, telling me she loved me with each one. In the middle of it all, my cell phone began to ring, and I quickly took it out of my pocket, flinging it across the room so that we could resume our kissing.

I touched my tongue to her soft, sweet, and oh-so-willing lips, loudly groaning when she opened her mouth to me. My breathing took on a desperate rhythm when she began grinding her hips into my thickening erection, arching into me so that her breast strained against my chest.

Pulling away, I told her I loved her again as I slid my hands underneath her shirt. I caressed the supple skin there, making slow outward circles until I reached the underside of her breasts, brushing them with my knuckles on each pass.

She assisted me by tugging her shirt over her head, and then grabbed the hem of mine to do the same. As I kissed her cleavage, I breathed in her citrusy scent while she continued moving her hips rhythmically above me.

Slowly, I slid one bra strap down her shoulder, worshipping her neck and clavicle with my lips and tongue before repeating the action on the other side.

Her head was tossed back, her cotton-soft locks sweeping across the hand I held at the small of her back as I kissed her chin, her jaw, and the delicate skin covering her throat before pulling the cups of her bra down to reveal her breasts.

"So beautiful," I told her, tracing my free hand from her neck to the center of her chest and back again. I took my time teasing her body—preparing her—by languidly moving my closed lips left to right over her nipples, feeling them beginning to harden under my touch. I could tell that she was getting impatient by her sighs and the force at which she bucked against me. But, to her dismay, I wouldn't rush. I had yet to declare my love to her body.

Slipping my tongue out, I swirled it against one nipple, immediately blowing cool air over the skin to watch it become fully erect. Mesmerized, I moved to the other side, repeating the action when I felt her nails scratch down my back.

"Fuck," I breathed, tightly clutching her to me as I sucked one nipple into my mouth.

"God," she moaned, and the sound shot straight to my cock, causing me to thrust upwards.

Quickly unclasping her bra, I threw it in the same direction as my phone, and then swiftly flipped her over onto her back. She reached up to crush her lips to mine in a breath-depleting kiss, and my only thought was that I wanted this to last forever.

I didn't want to last forever without it.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me," I said, moving to the spot just behind her earlobe to nibble and lick there.

"Edward, I can't wait anymore. Please," she said. And the intense way she looked at me coupled with her raspy plea wiped every coherent thought from my mind.

Sitting up, I undid the buttons on her shorts, sliding them down her legs until she was left in nothing but her panties. When I moved back up her body, she instantly reached for my belt buckle, undoing it with shocking fluidity. We both gasped when she palmed my hard length, and I clenched my eyes shut, enjoying the sensation.

"Uh, boxers?" she asked, noticing that I'd gone commando.

"We were in a rush this morning, no time," I grunted, feeling her hand twist up and down my shaft before firmly gripping the base. Her other hand moved down to firmly caress my balls, and I responded with a string of expletives. Grudgingly pulling away from her, I stumbled to my feet to get my pants off. I needed to be inside of her like I needed air.

When I rejoined her on the bed, I lay beside her propped up by an elbow, and then tugged on her arm so that she would turn to face me. I couldn't explain why I needed us to be in this position, but I knew I wanted us to be equal, neither of us controlling but both giving and taking until we reached our peaks. As we both lie on our sides, emerald eyes consuming umber, I kissed her chastely on the lips.

We were so close that I could smell the mint from her toothpaste, see each individual lash framing her dark eyes, and feel her breasts heave against me with each emerging gasp.

"I love you, Isabella," I said, massaging her curvaceous leg from waist to thigh before grasping it behind her knee and hitching it over my hip. As she returned the sentiment, I positioned myself at her slick entrance.

"Edward," she cried out as I palmed her ass, entering her at an achingly slow pace.

Her lips were like honey-coated chocolate, and I kissed her deeply as I trailed my fingertips up and down her arm. She slung it around my shoulder, and I felt her fingernails making half-crescent indentations into the back of my neck.

Her breath quickened with my tempo as she told me that she loved me, and that she was sorry for doubting me. I silenced her needless apologies by adjusting my angle and vigorously pushing into her heat as my hand moved to cover her breast.

"Fuck," she drew out the word. "Love you, baby." Every time she said those words, it ignited something in me that made me want to savagely claim her.

This time was no exception.

Grabbing her ankle, I placed her foot flat on my hip so that her bent leg spread like a butterfly's wing to allow me deeper access. I kissed her everywhere I could reach, using my free hand to gently tug her hair so that she would reveal her neck to me. Once she did, I kissed and licked there, making my way down to the crook and biting into the flesh there.

Bella trembled beneath me, sensually running her hands down my chest, and enkindling the fire that always burned between us. I flipped her over again—forgoing the notion of control—needing a position that allowed more movement so that I could make her come before I exploded.

"So close," she panted, moving to wrap her legs around me. I stopped her movement by leaning down to take her nipple into my mouth, sucking and tugging with my teeth as I moved a hand down to stroke her clit.

"Harder," she panted, and I didn't know if she meant the instruction for my hand or mouth, so I bit down as I applied more pressure to the erect nub in between my fingers. I could feel the beginning of her orgasm as her muscles began to lazily tighten around me. Pulling away, I grabbed her ankles and lifted them until they rested on my shoulders and plunged into her.

"Yes," she screamed, sucking in a lungful of air as spasms of delight burst through her and into me.

My fingers grasped her calves when she began to powerfully, rapidly clench around me, reaching the peak of her orgasm. Lowering her legs until her feet hit the mattress, I kissed her full, pouty lips, tirelessly plunging into her in search of my own release.

With whispered words of affection, and promises of forever, I followed her into blissful oblivion.

* * *

As Bella slept, I watched her every movement. The way her lips curved into a smile before she began mumbling, her slow inhalations that caused her chest to gently rise and fall. How with each breath she took the thin sheet draped over her body would shift, showing me more of her enticing brown skin. To avoid waking her for my own selfish needs, I got out of the bed and decided to run her a bath.

This wasn't how I imagined our weekend going, and definitely not how I wanted her to remember her birthday. So, I pulled out the candles I'd bought from our first trip to the grocery store, muttering about the bitch that sold them to me the whole time.

Once they were lit and placed around the tub, I shut off the lights, hoping to create some sort of ambience. Before waking her, I grabbed her last gift—the upgraded cell phone—and put the little box into her book bag, wanting her to discover it on her own.

Bella awoke easily with a small smile on her face, and I scooped her into my arms, planting kisses to her tresses as I took her to the tub. She was pleased—despite being tired—and instead of letting me take care of her, she pulled me into the soothing water with her.

It didn't take long before my hands stopped washing and rinsing soap from her body, and began their own mission. She was coming apart in my hands within moments, and to my dick's dismay, I stopped her when she tried to return the favor.

Bella was either really sleepy or spent from her orgasm—I like to think it was the latter—and she wished _me_ a happy birthday as I toted her out of the tepid water and back to the bed. When she was all sprawled out, I stood by the bed and gazed at her.

"What?" she asked through a yawn, noticing my stare.

"You look like you've been rolling around in flour," I observed, looking at her ashen skin. Promptly throwing the closest thing in her reach—which was thankfully a pillow—she began laughing when the pillow hit me square in the face.

"Your skin is dry, too. You just hide it better, Casper."

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, making my way over to the bedside table and pulling out some lotion.

_And, no, it is not the lotion I use for that._

Her giggles turned into soft sighs as I massaged the cream into her skin, apologizing for how her birthday turned out. She silenced me and pulled me into the bed, tossing the lotion to the side.

"I love you, Edward," she said, another yawn escaping her lips.

I returned the sentiment before we quickly fell asleep.

* * *

Being back at home didn't stop the nightmares, because I found myself trapped in one again. I distinctly heard my father's voice.

"_I don't know what kind of tawdry service you were hired from, but I suggest you get dressed, get your things, and get out," he ordered, and I knew that tone. Even without the callous words, his tone alone was meant to incite the fear of God in people._

"_Yes sir," Bella stuttered, and I could hear the pain in her voice_. _I could almost _feel_ it_.

I fought to pull myself from the dream, not even wanting my dream self to fail her by not coming to her rescue. And luckily the sound of feet thumping across the hardwood floors was enough to bring me into consciousness.

My eyes flew open, and with short harsh gasps I flew into a sitting position. The first thing my clouded vision focused on was Bella standing at the foot of the bed, pulling my t-shirt over her head. She was completely naked underneath, and that helped to calm me.

Well, it steadied my breathing and slowed my heart rate. It didn't do much for anything below the waist.

Walking on my knees, I made my way over to the edge of the bed as she frantically searched the room.

"Good morning, love," I said, moving to encircle her in my arms. Her glassy eyes widened in shock and she took a step back before finding the pants she'd apparently been searching for.

"What's wrong?" I questioned, getting off the bed to stand while she hurriedly retrieved her clothes and got dressed.

"I have to go!" she whisper-shouted.

"What in the hell for?" I asked, knowing that we came back early and had nothing to do.

"I think you should go out there, see for yourself," she said, still gathering her things. I grabbed my shorts and slipped them on, doing my best to hide my morning wood.

When I got to my door, I turned back to Bella. "Please stay," I begged, hoping she'd relax so I could see what was up. I didn't make it all the way into the living room before I heard his voice.

"Edward," he greeted curtly.

"Dad?"

* * *

What I'm reading. **Dead On My Feet by Cesca Marie. Story ID **6007656 E/B

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	21. No More I Love Yous

A/N I forget to post warnings so…this fic has underage drinking, lemons, limes, foul language, etc. Thank you Jennday for your help on the sticky parts.

Happy Birthday ABG! Enjoy that hangover, doll : )

**AngryBadgerGirl & LillyBellis **make this legible, but SM still owns it.

* * *

I used to have demons in my room at night  
Desire, despair, desire  
So many monsters

No More I Love Yous - Annie Lennox

"Dad," I said, shocked that he was actually standing in front of me. I wiped the sleep from my eyes, and then pinched the inside of my wrist to see if I was really awake.

_No fucking way!_

It only took a second before I was moving forward with a smile that threatened to split my face in half. Bella was right those times she told me to have faith that my parents would come around: when she'd remind me that having hope in them was not a lost cause. Although, I'd begun to question her optimism—wanting to spare myself from disillusionment—I should've just trusted her.

Now, I was glad I was wrong, seeing as how my wish had been fulfilled.

I stared into my father's olive-colored eyes, taking in his unruly hair—that hadn't been tamed with age—noticing it was now a silvery-gray streaked with slivers of auburn, rather than the other way around. His waist had extended, and his slight paunch was visible under his starched white shirt and charcoal suit jacket.

Parts of him looked unrecognizable, as if he had aged ten years in the months it'd been since I saw him. Even so, he still could pass for a fifty-year-old. He looked so much like I imagined I would at his age that I couldn't help but appreciate the tangible differences.

"You're here!" I said, tightly wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders. He awkwardly patted my back, seemingly confused by my fervent display of emotion.

"Well, son," he began, a strenuous groan leaving him as he slowly took a seat on the piano bench. He moved his hand to massage his left knee, trying to work out a kink. "Your mother said she told you when we'd arrive. I don't understand why you're so surprised. Elle said she mailed you a postcard just a few weeks ago," he added, using the pet name he'd given my mother.

I wanted to tell him that I stopped looking at any postcards they sent me a few months ago in an attempt to move on with my life, that I was on autopilot whenever he or mom would call to tell me of their whereabouts. Answering with 'I'm fine' and 'sure I'll see you soon' whenever another empty promise of a visit was made.

"Strange, Dr. Cullen seemed to think that you'd be away for the weekend," my father remarked.

Not wanting to even think about how awful the trip to Washington was, I motioned to his leg. "Are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm fine. Traveling can be detrimental to your physical health," he complained. "I'm afraid my knees can't handle the pressure of another lengthy international flight."

"Where is mom?" I asked, fighting the urge to roll my eyes.

"After that Latino fella—chatty one, isn't he? Well, after he let us in, he told us that the Cullens had extended an invitation for lunch. I sent Elle up and said I'd be up after I saw my son." He smiled at me then, and I couldn't help but return it.

_He wanted to see me first. Ha!_

After I thought over what he said, I corrected him. "You mean, Ross? He let you in," I said, wanting my father to address him by his name. He arched one furry eyebrow at me in a way that was highly condescending before he continued on as if I had said nothing at all.

"I didn't realize you allocated a room to a cleaning service, son. You should have contacted us. We would have made sure it was taken care of. Surely, they have reputable businesses in Oregon that can house their own employees," he said, abhorrence clear in his expression.

The happiness I experienced upon seeing him was quickly replaced by confusion as I took in his words. Yet, once I fully comprehended what he was saying, my world came crashing to a halt.

_Bella in my bedroom, frantically fighting off some emotion that was between shame and anger as she rushed to dress_.

Jesus, my dad had seen her naked!

Regrettably, that couldn't be the worst of it because it only explained how humiliated she looked. I had a feeling being caught in the nude had little to do with how upset she was.

"What the fuck did you say to her?" I asked.

"You'll do well to watch your tone," he warned, gradually rising to his feet to stand before me.

"Yes, sir," I automatically corrected.

"What did you say to Bella?" I repeated, forcing myself to relax as I flexed my fingers at my side. However, I couldn't help but feel sick to my stomach that this was how our reunion was beginning.

"Bella is it?" he questioned.

"Yes, _my girlfriend_. What did you say to her?"

"Oh, I see," he said. His voice was contemplative, and an unreadable expression clouded his features before he bowed his head. "A young man needs to…explore. God knows I did," he muttered nonsensically. He breathed out heavily, pausing in his mumbled tirade so that he could carefully choose his next words. As he slowly exhaled, he looked me in the eye.

"I simply reminded her of her place; I assumed she was the housekeeper." He lifted one shoulder as if to say 'innocent mistake.'

"Her place," I responded tersely, "is wherever I am." I shook my head, realizing I hadn't been dreaming at all, but part of a waking nightmare. "How dare you tell her to leave!"

He seemed amused by my defensiveness. "I _dare_ because I have the right to, son. Unless I've missed something and your name is on the lease now?" I obviously had nothing to say on that matter, therefore I remained quiet. "I thought not," he said smugly, answering his own question.

I'm sure I looked foolish to him as I shuffled my feet in an attempt to expel all the negative energy within me. Scrubbing my hands up and down my face, I began counting my breaths, trying to make it crystal clear that he would respect Bella. Silencing my internal (expletive laced) diatribe, I wondered if I even had the right to be upset. I mean, what could I say?

"_Oh, it's okay, Dad. I can see how you came to that conclusion. I thought the very same thing when I first met Bella. But _you_ have no right to make such mistakes!"_

_God, I _am_ an asshole._

"Look, Edward," he began, and it didn't escape my notice that he was no longer calling me son. "Let's skip the theatrics this visit, shall we? Tell me how Portland's been treating you. How is school going?"

Ignoring his comment about my _theatrics_—something he'd tell me whenever I'd ask them to come home, or stay longer if they were already with me—I took a deep breath. If he was willing to make an effort to squash whatever this was, I could too. I just needed him to see that what I had with Bella was real, and not some meaningless fling.

"Portland's been great, Dad," I carefully began. "The Cullens, Emmett, everyone has just been…fantastic. But Bella has been the best part about it all." He harrumphed but made no further comment.

"We are expected upstairs, and you should see your mother. Go make yourself presentable and meet me there," he said, turning on his heel and heading toward the door.

I muttered a 'yes sir,' knowing it was best to leave things as they were for the time being. Besides, I didn't need to tell him how much I loved Bella, I could easily show him. With this thought in mind, I made my way back to the bedroom.

Bella was fully dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed when I returned.

"Are you okay?" I asked immediately, moving towards my closet and pulling out a pair of black slacks, a white-collared shirt, and a blue v-neck sweater.

"I'm mortified, Edward. Your dad saw me naked and…"

Once I zipped my pants, I walked over to her and placed my hands on her shoulders, effectively cutting her off. "I'm sorry about that. I really had no idea they were coming here. I mean, can you believe it?" I asked, thinking about how long I'd waited for this day.

"Yes," she replied without hesitation, the conviction in which she answered pulled me back into the present. "I just wish I could've met your father under different circumstances. Edward, I don't think…"

"Don't worry. We're meeting them for lunch. We need to go up to the Cullens, now," I said distractedly. She reached out and touched my arm before I could turn away. And as always, my whole world stopped as all of my attention honed in on her.

"You're really happy, aren't you?" she asked. I shrugged, but knew my face gave away the excitement I failed to contain.

"Yeah, I am."

"Listen, Edward, I'm happy for you…so happy," she said, forcing a smile. "But I think maybe I should go home and you can call me after they're…up to speed on everything."

_What?_

"What?" I asked. "No, no, you're coming with me. I want them to meet you. To know you," I said.

"And I want to know them, too, Edward. It's just that I don't think your father is happy with our relationship," she said, studying her tennis shoes. "I heard you guys talking, and coupled with what he actually said to my face…Well, I really think its best if you do this alone."

"I'm sorry, he shouldn't have said that. Now you can see that the asshole gene runs in the family," I joked, trying to get her to smile. The corners of her mouth pulled up just the tiniest bit, so I continued before she could argue.

"Together," I said simply, pulling both of her hands into mine as I stooped to meet her eyes. There was no need for me to give her any further explanation. I felt like the only reason my parents were here to begin with was because she had willed it to be, and I was ecstatic to have all the people I loved in one place. She looked unnecessarily worried, a trait that was so uncharacteristic of her. Yet, given the events of the past few days, I wasn't surprised that she expected the worst.

"I love you, Bella. Please do this with me?" I kissed her softly on the lips as I awaited her answer. Her leg started to bounce as she sighed in defeat.

"What should I wear?" Pulling her off the bed, I twirled her once in my arms.

"Happy birthday, baby," I said, leaning in to press my lips to hers in a brief kiss. "I love you."

* * *

Upon seeing my mother, I instantly smiled, making my way to the dining room to greet her. Bella had zigzagged her way to the kitchen as soon as we entered the home, telling me she was going to see if Esme needed help with anything.

It took me longer than expected to drag Bella out of the house once I was dressed. The only clothes she had with her consisted of jeans and tees, and when she noticed my attire, she changed her mind about coming with me. In jest, I told her to just go in the nude because it would be an excellent icebreaker. After she threw the book of poems—her birthday present—at my head, she eventually settled on her nicest blouse, telling me to get moving because it was 'now or never.'

"Mother," I greeted, bending down to kiss her cheek before I inspected her for any differences in her appearance. She was as beautiful as I remembered, if not more so, with her sparkling amber hair that hung in loose curls around her face. The deep jade of her skirt and blouse matched the flecks in her gray eyes. Something about her seemed a little off, or rather surgically altered. But as I gazed at the source of my chin and nose, I couldn't find it within me to care.

"How are you, dear?" She asked inattentively, her hands moving to my hair as she tried to subdue my wayward locks. "You need to shave," she said, her hands migrating to my beard and swiping at the hair there as if she could dust it off. "This makes you look old, and no one would believe I have a child this old."

Shrugging, I took a step back. Bella told me once that she liked my scruff—'I like you all cavemanish' were her exact words—so I planned on keeping it until I absolutely needed to shave.

"Edward!" Esme said happily, coming forward and engulfing me in an exuberant hug. It was the kind of greeting I expected from my own mother, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

"Hi, Esme," I said, feeling the heat color my cheeks as I returned the gesture. She gripped me tighter as she moved her lips to my ear. I thought she was going to politely kiss my cheek, but she spoke instead.

"I tried calling you several times while you were away. They told us they were coming the day after you left," she hurriedly whispered.

Not comprehending why Esme would want to alert me of their visit, I patted her back. "It's okay, Esme. I think the worst of it is over," I said, thinking that Bella would've appreciated the warning after this morning's debacle.

She slightly pulled away as if she were trying to gauge my true feelings, but eventually shook her head and squeezed me once more before turning to address my mother.

"Lunch is ready. Shall we?"

Following her lead, we headed to the formal dining area where my dad and Carlisle were already seated.

"Edward," Carlisle smiled as both he and my father stood from the table when the ladies entered before me. "How was your trip, son?"

_Shitty_.

"It was good, thanks for asking Da…um, Carlisle," I said, catching myself before I called him dad.

_Weird_.

Once the ladies were seated, we followed suit. My father, mother and Carlisle sat across from me. Esme was on my right—across from Carlisle—and the chair to my left was empty.

"Where is Bella?" I quietly asked Esme while my parents talked Carlisle's ear off about their new found love for Canada.

"She's changing clothes. She wasn't comfortable being the only one in jeans," she softly replied.

"She looked fine," I argued.

"She always does," Esme agreed with a twinkle in her eye. "But Bella is a little apprehensive about meeting your parents, dear. The more confident she feels about herself, the more relaxed she'll be," she offered.

I nodded, but naturally felt uneasy with Bella's absence. Deciding to give her a few minutes before I went to find her, I focused back on my parents, trying my best to pay attention to the conversation.

"Carlisle tells us that you've taken a job at the hospital, Edward." Dad said, finally finished bragging about the property they'd purchased in Vancouver.

"Yes. I go in for training later this week," I said, fingering the heavy base of my juice glass.

"Is this job related to a specific field of interest?" he prodded. "It's important that you buckle down right now, choose a career path. At your age, I had already decided on my major. I did work, mind you. But not at some meaningless job for _money_," he scoffed. "But for my father."

"_At your age_, grandpa was around to show you the ropes," I mumbled, staring at my fruit covered plate.

"What was that?" Dad asked as Esme soothingly touched my wrist.

"The job is part of an internship. He'll earn school credit for his time and it shouldn't interfere with his studies. He'll have the opportunity to pick up valuable skills that will be helpful for whatever occupation he chooses," Esme cut in.

"Well, well, I guess that's fine then. If you can't maintain your grades with this job…we'll have to revisit this issue."

"Yes sir," I answered, feeling unnecessarily chastised.

"So, what brings you into town?" Carlisle gratefully changed the subject.

"I've been trying to get back for a while now, but Elle here has planned out my whole retirement. Maybe she'll give me a break when I'm dead," he heartily chuckled.

"Not even then, Ed," Mom teased.

"Anything for you," he adoringly replied without missing a beat. They shared a look that was disturbingly sweet, and I looked away, my eyes landing on something more pleasing to my sight.

"Bella," I said, my breath leaving me in a whoosh. Tossing the napkin that was laid across my lap onto the table, I speedily rose. Carlisle stood as well upon seeing her enter. And my dad…looked put out and surprised at her arrival, but eventually he lazily made it to his feet.

Walking around the table, I placed her silken hand in mine as I admired the lovely pinkish dress she wore. With each step she took towards our seats, her dress would inch up her legs, teasing me with a glimpse of her toned thighs. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, flaunting the delicate curve of her neck and collarbone which simply distracted me from forming a coherent thought, let alone verbalizing one.

Bella—witchy woman that she was—raised one eyebrow at me, silently telling me she knew exactly what I was thinking and now was not the time. Playfully smirking at her, I dropped my lips to her cheek.

"Where did you get this dress? Its…there are no words for how delectable you look," I said lowly, watching as goose bumps pebbled across her skin.

"Rosalie. And I owe her my first born for helping me out," she whispered. I smiled, making a mental note to buy Rosalie something to express my gratitude, and to let her know she was not getting her hands on my future children.

_Wait…What?_

Pushing those insane thoughts away, I took in the perfection that was by my side. Bella always looked perfect to me—whether she was dressed for comfort or in something super girly—but the sex appeal that radiated from her now...

Shaking my head to clear the avid images of her lifting her dress up and sliding down over my cock, I cleared my throat and turned to my parents.

"Mom, Dad. This is my Isabella," I introduced, barely able to take my eyes off of her. She ducked her head at the sound of her full name rolling off my tongue—even in public unable to hide her reaction—but quickly recovered, pushing her shoulders back as she made eye contact with my parents.

My father nodded, but didn't take her outstretched hand.

"We've met," he said, taking his seat.

"It's a pleasure to _formally_ meet you both," Bella said as she quickly dropped her hand to her side and tucked her chin into her chest.

Inwardly sighing, I looked to my mother, hoping that she would be more considerate. She did have the good grace to smile, but didn't offer any other form of greeting.

* * *

We sat down for an _interesting_ lunch, conversation flowing easily amongst the Cullens, Bella and me. Yet, whenever Bella spoke up, or when Carlisle and Esme would brag about her accomplishments, my parents had nothing to say in response. As a matter of fact, nothing she said or did garnered more than pitiful smiles and annoyed sighs from them. And as each moment passed, I grew more irate.

There wasn't anything that could be viewed as boring or ordinary about Bella, and she deserved their recognition.

Bella didn't let it get to her, though. At least she didn't exhibit any outward signs of distress. She put her best foot forward, obviously wanting to make a good impression, and was poised and faultless in her every movement. She even nudged me at one point because I let my elbows rest on the tabletop.

I knew that, like me, Bella endured countless etiquette classes. But it was odd watching her seamlessly slip into overly-refined mode. Not that I thought she was normally unintelligent or crass, but seeing her like some kind of Bella-bot bothered me. Especially knowing it was somehow for my benefit. I just wanted her to be herself. Nevertheless, she still went unnoticed by the two people I wanted to see her the most.

It was as if she didn't exist.

Interlacing my fingers with the hand Bella lightly rested on my thigh, I angled my body so that my lips scarcely brushed the shell of her ear.

"I love you, Bella," I breathed, unable to find the right words to apologize for dragging her into this awkward and degrading situation. I knew my parents were more than a little dismissive, and were often overly pretentious. But this was the first time I'd witnessed them treat anyone so poorly.

Maybe this was common for them, and I just didn't understand it for what it was when I was younger. Or perhaps I was blind to their less than accommodating behavior because they didn't spend enough time with me for me to truly know them at all.

Either way, I couldn't help but be appalled by their manners. Not only were their actions insensitive, but they also made me feel ashamed, and completely bewildered as to how we even shared the same DNA.

"I know," Bella replied just as quietly, turning to look me in the eyes. I hoped she could read in them all of the things I couldn't say in present company. I expected her to say that she loved me in return, but instead she told me, "I just want you to be happy."

Coercing a smile on my face, I turned my attention back to the others, instantly seeing the shocked expressions on my parent's face. A quick glance around showed me that everyone was looking at us with heightened interest, although Carlisle and Esme seemed especially proud.

Carlisle coughed into his napkin, refocusing our attentive audience and stood to the clear the table.

"I've got it, honey," Esme said, rising as well and began collecting plates.

"Nonsense, love. Elizabeth mentioned she wanted to see the greenhouse, so why don't you give her a tour? You can show Bella the Viburnum you've planted as well." Carlisle suggested. "We'll stay down here and have some coffee."

"Ladies?" Esme gestured towards the exit. My mother and Bella both stood at the same time, ready to follow Esme out. Bella slowed as she walked past me, reassuringly squeezing my shoulder on her way out.

"Sounds delightful," Mom said noncommittally. Had she always been this impassive?

Once we were left alone, I helped tidy the table as Carlisle brewed a pot of coffee.

"I've been thinking, Edward," Dad began, his improvisatory tone indicating that whatever he was about to say, he hadn't _been thinking_ about at all. "Well, first I should tell you that Elle and I are thinking of settling down."

_Sure you are. Just like you settled down in Washington, right?_

"Quite frankly, I can't keep up with your mother like I use to," he continued, the corner of his lips turning up with some sordid secret I did _not_ want to be privy to.

Dad—at sixty-one years old—was seventeen years mom's senior. Their age difference was something I never questioned growing up as it was pretty common in the circles my parent's frequented. Aside from that, Dad took good care of himself, and he wore his age relatively well. Even today, he looked liked he should've been sailing a yacht in Saint-Tropez as opposed to reaping the benefits of an AARP membership.

Mom probably had him on the verge of a heart attack considering that she was sort of a thrill seeker. From skiing to horseback riding, she never liked to be still. Come to think of it, she was always the one pushing me to get more involved with sports, karate, fencing…Typically, Dad would just go along with whatever she said, adding his two cents when asked.

"So, what do you think, Edward?" Dad asked. "You'll get that first stamp on your passport."

"Think of what?" I asked, not even bothering to pretend I had been listening.

"Are you feeling alright?" he questioned, sounding more aggravated than concerned with my absentmindedness. "We're going to be selling the house in Forks. The London property is already in escrow. We've purchased a home in Shaughnessy—just west of Vancouver," he reiterated, as if he were reviewing bullet points off a presentation. "I'm thinking you should come with us." My breath caught in my throat at the implication.

_They want me with them?_

I grinned at the thought. Dad noticed my unveiled happiness and chuckled at my expression. Distracted by this development, my mind immediately began making arrangements. Most importantly was how I needed to persuade Bella to come with me once we graduated. She was a year ahead of me, and I knew that asking her to put her life on hold while I finished school was asking a lot. But if she was amenable to the idea, and decided to come with me…there was just no possible way my parents wouldn't grow to love her.

"Dad...I don't even know what to say," I stammered, but quickly found the absent words. "I haven't decided on a major yet, but there's still time for that. And if I don't take the job—no offense Carlisle—and double my workload, I should be able to finish in maybe three years. Then I need to see what Bella wants. I know it won't be easy to leave Charlie and her friends behind, but we could be there within no time," I rambled.

"Son," Carlisle and Dad said in unison.

Looking up, I tensed at seeing both of their pained expressions.

"Son," Dad reiterated as Carlisle tensed beside me. "I don't mean when school is over, I mean tomorrow. We leave in the morning," he explained. "And I meant the invitation for you and you alone."

"Absolutely not," I said, jumping to my feet so fast my chair fell back, its sharp sound startling us all. "You just said that you didn't want me to have a job because it would distract me from my studies, but now you want to me to _leave_ school altogether, without Bella?" I asked confusedly. "What is this really about?" I asked, flinching at the loudness of my voice.

"Ed," Carlisle said. He walked around me and righted the chair I kicked back and gently pressed on my shoulders until I sat down. "I believe Edward has adjusted well here. He's very independent and is already on the fast track at the university. Did you know he's doing some senior level coursework?" he asked, surprising me that he'd remembered that from when he took me to orientation. "I think it would be detrimental to his…_future_ if he uprooted at this point. Not to mention the internship he was offered is with one of the largest hospital systems in the U.S. He'll be working right along with the CPA, learning the Masen trade," he said with a tight smile, and then shot me a look that said 'don't contradict me.'

I didn't. Even though I knew I would be sitting at a desk checking patients into the ER.

"Be that as it may, he can learn that anywhere. From his _own_ father even," he retorted, before turning back to me. "You haven't been in school long enough for it to be an issue. You could transfer to UBC in Vancouver. I'll see to it that everything is handled."

That sickening feeling I'd had all through dinner came back full force, the same knots of foreboding wreaking havoc on my stomach.

"This doesn't make sense, Dad. Why now? What have I done to finally deserve your undivided attention?" I questioned, letting my overworked emotions get the best of me.

"You will respect me," he snapped back.

"Why?" I asked, a morose laugh escaping me. "What reason have you given me to?"

"Ed, just give him some time to think it over," Carlisle calmly interjected, no doubt weary at seeing us both red-faced, our noses merely inches apart.

"The time is now. I_ am_ your father, Edward. Have I not provided for you?"

"Not in the one way that I needed you to," I said, realizing belatedly that I'd given voice to my innermost thoughts. The sound of heels clicking across the floor silenced any further conversation, and I used the much needed interruption to put some space between us. As soon as Esme, Mom, and Bella were back in sight, I faced Carlisle.

"Thank you for having us over, Carlisle. Sorry for the additional theatrics," I quietly apologized, but said it loud enough for Dad to hear. Not waiting for a response, I walked straight to Bella. Grabbing her by her elbow, I spun her around, pulling her behind me as we left the Cullens and all of that fuckery behind.

* * *

"Edward, slow down," Bella said as I made quick strides towards the exit. Still, I didn't let her go until we were behind the closed doors of the elevator.

Pacing around the small space like a caged bull made it hard to decipher anything Bella said to me. Although, I did catch the expression on her face, and swiftly looked away. I was grateful that the elevator dinged, granting me reprieve from the pity I saw there.

Once back inside, I told her to get her things, and I would take her home. I didn't want her around for the inevitable shit storm that was—without doubt—on its way. Hell, I didn't want to be around for it, either!

Taking a seat in the foyer, I unseeingly gazed at the piano, cringing when I heard the front door open.

_That was quick_.

I didn't need to look up to see which one of my parents it was; I could feel his animosity from where I sat. Dad entered the room with a sigh of discontentment, resuming his pacing in front of the piano as if he'd never left the spot. As he furiously tugged on his hair, I got up to go and check on Bella's progress.

"Edward, wait," he commanded. Bracing myself, I came to stand a few feet in front of him.

"I don't see what the problem is, son. A child should want to spend time with his family." Laughing at the irony of his statement, I folded my arms across my chest, clenching my jaw tightly when my hysteria calmed down.

_I'm not a child anymore._

"The problem is that this is exactly what I've always wanted, but you offer it now, so easily? " I asked, not really making any sense.

"Then take it!" he shouted. "You act as if though this is some life altering decision. You'll still be in school. You'll still have your goddamn independence. Hell, I'll find you a job at the hospital there if it will make you feel better. Haven't you heard that you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth?"

"Make me _feel_ _better_?" I bitterly recited. "You really think I should look at your parental responsibility as if it's some gift? Are you fucking serious?"

"Watch it…" he began before I cut him off.

"No, you watch it," I seethed. "You and mom—who couldn't be bothered to even accompany you for this little chat—have left me alone for…years! And because I want to finish school you're treating me like a stubborn child?

"The only thing I've ever wanted was for you two to care…about _anything_ concerning me. And you haven't. As parents you have completely failed, as loving and caring human beings…_You. Have. Failed_. Now that I have people that actually care how I'm doing, care if I'm happy, or whether I'm lonely or not, you want me to just up and leave it all on a whim?"

"These people aren't your family. We are!" he yelled, before taking a deep breath. "I get it, Edward, you're upset. But Elle has always wanted to travel—see the world—I couldn't do all the things she wanted while I was working 16-hour days. When I retired it was easier to give her those things. Doesn't your mother deserve to be happy, too? To get what _she_ wants? I'm sorry if you felt like we haven't been there for you, but we're here now. Let's not do this," he said, obviously trying a different, diplomatic approach.

"Fine," I replied coolly. "After I graduate, I'll come and spend some time in Canada. That is, if you really do settle down there."

"That's unreasonable," he said, rapidly shaking his head.

"Okay," I drew out the word. "Let me talk to Bella, and if she's willing to come with me now, I'll go."

It was his turn to laugh at me. "Do you really think some girl is going to drop her life for you over some summer tryst? Yes, Edward. By all means, ask her," he said mockingly.

"Well, I will." Was my weak comeback. "She isn't just _some girl_," I said. "I love her."

He must've have underestimated my feelings for her, though I hardly think that was the case. Given his stunned expression at the Cullens, I knew that there was no way he didn't know how much I cherished her.

Before I could take a step, he called me by my full name. His face was a shade of a crimson I'd never seen on a healthy human being, and his fists were tightly balled as they slammed down on the piano keys.

"You are not throwing away your future—everything I've worked so hard for—for _this_ girl. If I knew this was how you were spending your time, I would've been here sooner."

"What is your problem with Bella?" I fumed, absolutely confounded. "You hardly took the time to get to know her, because if you had, you'd see how wonderful she is," I explained. "Bella has done nothing to deserve your callous behavior. Nothing," I repeated. "And if you think she's distracting me somehow, you're wrong."

"My problem with her should be obvious! What is wrong with you, Edward? Your really think I'm going to allow a colored girl to weasel her way into the Masen inheritance? Let you create some half-breed child as my only heir?"

And there it was. The gut-wrenching sensation that had been prodding at me for too long had finally—painfully—began to rupture, attempting to drown me from the inside. My chest tightened, the beats beneath it stuttering before accelerating at an alarming rate. My mind swirled in a million directions as I moved to steady myself on the piano, lowering my head on its case in hopes that it would ease the pressure from my laden heart.

"You can't be serious," I panted. I couldn't breathe, and consequently pulled at my shirt's collar to seek some sort of relief. "You don't like her because she's…black," I stated rather than asked.

"It's more than that…" he fumbled, but couldn't supply me with any other reason.

"I seriously can't believe you right now. I love her, and she loves me. She doesn't care about money, she only cares about me."

"Think, Edward. Look at what you're saying. You're in love with someone you've known, what, a few weeks? Because she cares 'how your day went?' Or maybe she lets you have your way—as her kind is predisposed to do. You are mistaking this for love, son," he informed me. "You're in love with the idea of being taken care of. I get that. What man doesn't want to be looked after…?"

"No," I whispered, cutting him off as I disbelievingly shook my head. I did love that Bella did those things. I loved how she made me feel good in every way possible. But it was more than that, wasn't it? Not having a relationship to compare it to didn't help matters, but I knew this had to be love. I could feel as much.

"Yes," Dad said just as quietly.

"No, I love her," I said, my voice strengthened with the truth of the words.

"Well, I'm sorry to say I simply won't allow you to carry on with her!" he spat.

"I am not a child. I'm mature enough to make my own decisions," I retorted. "I can't believe I never realized how much of a bigot you are."

"Yes, sure, Edward you're very mature," he said, his tone overflowing with sarcasm as he drew my attention to the smiley face I'd traced on the piano's dusty black top. "This relationship will ruin your life. Do you think anyone will take you seriously when they see someone like her on your side? It's suicide. Socially, academically…think of your career."

"None of those things…" I started, but abruptly stopped when I heard the creak from a door opening followed by a soft thud. Bella was doing her best to be quiet as she obviously tried to sneak out the front door. But true to form, she dropped a book, alerting both of us to her presence.

My dad sighed in annoyance at the disturbance. "Oh good, you finally have your things. I take it you know where the door is?" he harshly asked.

"She's not going anywhere," I said. "Bella," I turned to her, pleading with her to just give me a minute. "Stay, I'll take you home. Just give me a minute."

"That's ludicrous, she can get a cab," Dad said. Trembling with barely contained rage, I glared at him. "Fine, I'll pay for it," he so _generously_ offered.

"Stay," I snapped, my dad's attitude pushing me over my limits.

Bella looked as overwrought as I felt, dressed again in her jeans and a casual t-shirt. Her hair was wild, loose curls falling around her face as she clutched her bag tightly to her chest. She still appeared to be sympathetic, though the fury was there in her slotted brown eyes. Whether it was because of my father boorish comments, my telling her what to do, or a combination of both, I didn't know. Either way, she listened to me—without argument—making her way back to our bedroom.

I partly think she stayed just to annoy my father.

The clicking of the door served as Dad's cue to continue his rant, and I blanked out for most of the one-sided conversation. No matter what he said or did, I was not leaving Bella. While he switched between shouting at me and trying to sway me with empty promises, I thought about everything that brought me to this point.

Coveting the one thing you didn't have, and then having it forced upon you was a lot to take in.

Minutes or hours passed as he continued to _persuade_ me to enjoy my 'fetish' for what it was. It wasn't until I heard the sound of Dad's cap-toe shoes coming toward me that I was jolted back into the present. And as he put his hand on my shoulder, I winced.

"Edward…" Shrugging his arm off of me, I said the first thing that was on my mind.

"I won't leave her. Ever," I verbally, yet quietly affirmed. I was tired of listening, tired of talking. Fucking tired of it all.

"Fine," Dad relented, his face a mask of indifference. "Look." He gestured around the room. "I don't know how long you two have been playing house, but it stops now. She is never allowed to set foot on this property again. I'll make sure the staff is notified."

"Whatever," I flippantly replied. We spent most of our time at her place, anyways.

"And if you plan to continue your…relationship," he said, as if the word was painful to say. "You're cut off. You can get your things and make your own way since you're a _man_ now."

Smirking, I began to walk away. What the fuck ever! I had my inheritance, which I would gratefully and scathingly spend. I didn't need anything from him.

When I made it to the bedroom door, I paused, wondering how I was going to explain things to Bella. Yet, Dad—not knowing when to leave well enough alone—was determined to be heard.

"I can't believe you'd throw away your life—cut ties with your own flesh and blood—for some tramp. A nigg…"

_I can't believe he has the audacity—that his lips would even begin to form_—_such an offensive and ignorant word!_

"Bella!" I barked, flinging the door open. I needed to get her out of here before she could hear anymore of this. God, I prayed she hadn't been able to make out any of our argument. What was I thinking when I told her to stay?

_Because I'd cut off my own nose to spite my face, that's why._

Once she was standing in front of me, I told her to leave. I hoped she'd find Emmett, or maybe go to Esme, but I'd pay her cab fare if she wanted to go home; as long as she was away from this. The things she already assumed—correctly, no doubt—about my father couldn't be removed from her mind. And as a result, I knew that Bella would always look at me and see the asshole lineage running through my veins.

I _hated_ him for that.

"I'm fine," she said, pushing past me with an unreadable expression on her face. Her eyes were wide and watery, but her chin was held up high. I tried to walk her to the door, but Dad wouldn't fucking give it rest.

"Let her go, son. It is what's best."

Stomping over to him, I stood directly in front him, 'getting all up in his face' as Bella would call it. I didn't know what I was going to say until I heard the door slamming as Bella exited. The sound of her leaving…it stirred something in me, and suddenly I only had one issue to ponder.

Whose 'I love yous' could I live without?

I knew who had given those words true meaning to me. Who was there for me and truly cared about my happiness. After waiting for so long to be acknowledged by my parents, to be more than just another tax deduction, I no longer _wanted_ their affection. In fact, they'd given me plenty of time to acclimate to their absence, so I didn't _need_ them, either.

It was obvious that I'd put them on a pedestal, ignoring what I perceived to be insignificant flaws while I sought their approval. As evident by today, I knew they were both far from perfect—far from decent, even, and I wanted nothing to do with these selfish, prejudiced strangers. With all of this in mind, I singlehandedly destroyed the one thing I'd waited so long to have.

"I don't want you in my life. You were never really there in the first place," I seethed. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my keys, taking the one to the penthouse off the ring. "This is all you ever where to me," I said, probably not making any sense to him, but it was true nonetheless. He could only give me material things. Things I didn't need.

He was dumbfounded by my actions, stuttering as he roughly rubbed the back of his neck. "How did this happen?" he asked, more to himself than me.

I laughed when something occurred to me. "When I was a kid," I recalled. "You told me that some jobs were beneath _certain_ people. I didn't understand it back then, but now I see what you meant. Jobs as the Masen cook, nanny, or even the driver were only okay for minorities, right?" I smiled without humor, realizing that he helped to perpetuate a repugnant stereotype.

"Thankfully, they taught me better, taught me how to respect everyone and to be a better man than you. If it weren't for your frequent absences, leaving me to be raised by your _staff_, maybe I would treat people as you do. Lucky for me, I'm nothing like you," I asserted. "You could say that in a way, you're responsible for my fondness of dark-skinned women," I smiled, seeing that my words hit a sore spot.

He lifted his hand as if to strike me, and I didn't dare close my eyes. I welcomed physical pain at this point, my mind and heart couldn't bear it all.

"Mr. Masen if you do not lower your hand, I promise you will regret it."

Looking over Dad's shoulder, I saw Esme, and my breath caught in my throat. She looked positively murderous, and although it was so foreign to see her this way, it didn't look completely unnatural.

"Edward, go pack up some things and head upstairs," she ordered. The look she gave me left no room for argument, and I acquiesced, going to my room and packing as many things as I could fit into my duffle bag. The last thing I grabbed was my cell phone that was haphazardly thrown across the room. The case was chipped but it was still working just fine. I quickly scrolled through it, regretting missing all of Esme's calls. There was one text from Bella, and I expected it to tell me where to find her. I was sorely disappointed with the cryptic message she'd left me instead.

_**And so they each spent their days until their days became an eternity. A fate of uncertainty and pain that humankind itself was not built to endure. **_

"What the fuck, Bella?" I grumbled. Only she would take the time to text out this convoluted shit as opposed to telling me where the hell she was!

As I made my way back out to the one-man firing squad, I watched as Esme silently glowered at Dad, evidently waiting for my departure before she spoke. Looking into his face—perhaps for the last time—I waited to feel a sentimental sadness, or maybe even abhorrence. But for once, the emotions that normally overwhelmed me were absent.

I felt absolutely nothing.

* * *

"Bella, please call me back. Tell me where you are," I begged, pressing the end call button as I aimlessly drove around in search of her.

After I left my house—what used to be mine—I went to Emmett's to pick up Bella, and to my dismay she wasn't there. I didn't think she would go back to the Cullens knowing that my mom was there, but I checked anyways, coming up empty-handed again.

My mom wasn't there either. Apparently she had some shopping to do. I couldn't even work up the adequate amount of anguish due to the fact that she had spent less than an hour with me, and wasn't at all concerned about my whereabouts. She should've have been the one to save me from Dad—not Esme.

Exiting at the nearest off-ramp, I pulled over when I came to the McDonald's that was just two blocks from Bella's apartment. My hands were shaking, and I couldn't think clearly but had the presence of mind to get off the road.

Repeatedly, I punched the dashboard, not letting up until my hands were swollen and red.

"Fuck!" I screamed, wanting to crawl out of my own skin. I needed Bella so fucking bad it hurt and I couldn't figure out why she wasn't answering her phone. Taking a deep breath, I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles ached from the exertion, and then laid my head there while I focused on my thundering heart.

With closed eyes, the nightmare that had now been near-constant tormented me, playing with stunning clarity beneath my lids. There was something about the dream that was so familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It felt like déjà vu.

In my mind's eye, I watched as Bella walked away with Paul, even though she looked hurt to be doing so. I watched as her face contorted with sadness and then acceptance when I told her to go. And as if someone had literally switched a light bulb on in my head, I finally realized where I went wrong.

_I told Bella to leave, all but demanded she go home. God, how does this look from her eyes? Does she think I've made some kind of choice?_

I dialed her again, getting voicemail a-fucking-gain!

Starting the car, I made my way back to her place for the second time in as many hours, knowing now that she probably had been there the whole time. I would avoid me too, so I couldn't fault her for her wariness.

"Bella," I called out, knocking—pounding on her door. No one answered.

Remembering that the patio door wasn't fully secure, I walked around to the back of the apartment. In that next moment, I recalled asking Jasper to have it fixed, and therefore, leaving me shit out of luck. Figuring I would just bang on the sliding glass door until she or Rosalie came out, I was shocked to find it easily slid when I tugged the handle. I would decide on whether to kill or thank Jasper later.

Feeling very stalker-ish, I stealthily walked to her bedroom door, throwing it open without any hesitation.

"Bella," I sighed, seeing her sitting cross-legged in the middle of her bed, clutching a pillow tightly to her body. She was more than a little apprehensive about my being there, and I wondered if she thought I was coming to tell her I was leaving. Hurriedly moving to the bed, I gently pulled her into my arms, crushing her body to mine when she tensed beneath me.

"Together," I whispered, repeating the word I'd said to her before everything went to shit. At my utterance, she collapsed into my arms, returning my hug with equal strength.

"Together." She nodded her head, before pulling us down so that we were lying side by side. We stayed that way, not daring to speak until we eventually fell asleep.

Sometime later, my eyes snapped open. Soft tremors were rocking the bed, and a hushed whimpering broke the silence. Bella's hands were securely wrapped around my torso, and I tried to turn around so that I could see her face. But she hitched her leg over my side, firmly holding me into place. Once I wiped at my eyes—to make sure it wasn't me who was crying—I asked her what was wrong. The stillness that followed stretched out for an immeasurable amount of time.

"Because I'm selfish enough to be happy that you chose me," she said, choking back a sob. Placing my hands on top of hers, I interlaced our fingers, scooting back to get even closer to her.

As long as I had Bella, everything would be okay.

* * *

**A/N Pics (links) of the Masens are on my profile. **

**This is where I ****p****̶****l****̶****e****̶****a****̶****d****̶****̶****f****̶****o****̶****r****̶****̶****r****̶****e****̶****v****̶****i****̶****e****̶****w****̶****s****̶****̶****b****̶****e****̶****c****̶****a****̶****u****̶****s****̶****e****̶****̶****I****̶****'****̶****m****̶****̶****s****̶****o****̶****̶****c****̶****l****̶****o****̶****s****̶****e****̶****̶****t****̶****o****̶****̶****1****̶****k ****ask you to review because you are all so thoughtful with** **your responses**!


	22. Creep

**A/N Has it really been that long since I last updated? Yowsa! Thank you ABG for all that you do!**

I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control.

Creep- (Cover) Karen Souza

* * *

As the week passed, I felt fine, inexplicably so. A bizarre sense of peace had overcome me, and rather than question the new feeling, I allowed myself to enjoy the nothingness.

Initially, I did take the time to think about what had brought me to this strange state of serenity. Between Bella and the Cullens constantly asking how I was doing, and even Emmett offering an ear should I need to talk, I had no choice but to do a self-evaluation. But the answer wasn't hard to find, it was simple logic.

I no longer had to wait, hope, and pray for some miraculous family reunion. I didn't need to spend my time wondering what I had done wrong or if I would hear from my parents soon. I knew the answer, and the closure it provided…well, it was the only reason I could tell anyone that bothered to ask that I was truly okay.

Not that they believed me. I saw the way that Bella looked at me, as if she were expecting me to have a breakdown at any moment, but it wasn't going to happen.

I was fine.

There were, however, new issues I had to contend with. Most importantly was the question of where I was supposed to live.

Most of the apartment buildings were already leased, or too far away for me to even consider. Campus housing wasn't an option unless I could wait until next semester, and even though Emmett and Carlisle opened their homes to me, I didn't feel right about it.

Bella even told me I could stay with her, for a week, a year, or whatever I needed. Yet, I couldn't take her up on her offer, either.

Dad was right in that respect. If I wanted to be taken seriously—be a man—I needed to make it on my own. Mooching off my girlfriend wasn't something I wanted to do.

After I was sure my parents had left town—to Canada, I presume—I went back to the penthouse to pack up a few things I'd left in my haste. I really wanted Bella to come with me, but she had class and then work. So, albeit reluctantly, I made the trip on my own.

There was a slight tinge of some emotion that poked and prodded at me when I entered my old place, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what it was.

When I met Ross at the front desk, he had two boxes labeled 'Masen' waiting for me. Since I no longer had a key, I asked him to let me up. And by his reaction, I immediately knew something was wrong. He was normally talkative, but he barely said two words to me as he grabbed his keys and led me to the elevator.

Assuming that my father had treated him just as poorly as he did Bella, I began apologizing profusely. However, when we were outside of the door, he stopped me and told me none of that was necessary.

"_Edward, I'm sorry that I even have to say this but…I'm not supposed to let you on the premises," he said, not wanting to make eye contact._

"_Don't worry about it. I understand, and I won't be long," I said, wanting to get that guilty expression off of his face. This was not his doing. _

_We stood silently in front of the door. Me, working up the courage to go in, and Ross, floundering as if he had something more to say._

"_You know what, I don't care. Here's the key," he said, taking my hand and placing it in my palm. "You take as long as you need," he instructed, turning on his heel and taking the stairs back down. Sighing, I made my way into the penthouse, my breath catching in my throat when I looked around. _

They had taken everything.

The paintings were gone, the furniture had been removed, and the walls were already painted in dreary beige.

_And my piano…_

Every step I took echoed in the large vacant space, and when I opened the door to my room, I saw it was just as bare. I stood for a moment, letting the memories of the room assault me.

The first time I'd divulged my past to anyone was in that room, the first time I'd made love was in that room. Embarrassingly enough, the first time I remember crying happened in that very room.

I didn't linger, but instead went back downstairs to load the boxes into my car. That place—my old room—was just that, a room. The only constant in all of those memories was Bella, and she was still mine.

When I got back to Bella's place, I took the boxes to her room, unpacking my clothes and placing them in the drawers she'd emptied just for me. Once that was done, I lay in her bed, counting the minutes until she returned to me.

* * *

There was one thing I could say without doubt that had changed. My need for Bella physically had grown by leaps and bound, a feat I thought impossible. It wasn't just that I wanted to make love to her every moment that I was in her presence, but I needed to touch her, to have her in my line of vision at all times.

When I wasn't in class, looking for an apartment, or at my new job, I was with her. I took her to work, bringing my books along so that I could study until her shift ended. We drove to school together, ate together, slept together, and when dawn broke we did it all over again.

Currently, I was waiting for her shift to end. It was Friday night, and we decided to meet Alice and Jasper back at his place for a few drinks. Preferring to just stay with Bella—solo—I tried to beg out until next weekend, but Bella wanted to get out of the house.

I filled Em in on our plans, asking him if he was interested in coming along. He accepted with more enthusiasm than the invitation warranted, saying he'd just ride with us when Bella was off so that we could go together.

"Can I get a…large caffèwith a double shot?" someone asked, his voice alerting me to the presence of another male.

"Do you want a flavor-shot?" Bella asked, and I lowered my book to see why her voice sounded so sultry, so welcoming.

I was man enough to admit that the guy at the counter was good looking, in that 'girls-probably-wouldn't-run-to-cross-the-street-if-they- saw-him-coming' kind of way. But I didn't need to worry about him, right?

"How about caramel," he finally answered, leaning over the register to check out her tits, "Bella."

Or to read her name tag, I wasn't sure.

"One grande Americano coming up," she said, reaching for his cash and promptly handing him his change. I didn't like the way her hand lingered when she slipped him the bills, so I stood up to make my way toward the counter.

Coffee Boy was definitely checking her ass out when I approached, and it took everything I had in me not to reach over and break his skinny neck. He politely smiled at me, tilting his head towards Bella as if to say 'this chick is hot.'

I was so caught up in glaring at this fucker, I didn't realize Bella was facing us again.

"You need something, baby?" she asked, smiling the smile she reserved only for me. I shook my head, smirking at Coffee Boy.

_She's mine, asshole!_

In order to hide my true intentions, I grabbed one of the newspapers from the counter, showing it to Bella as I took my seat. Feeling a bit cocky, I placed my feet in the adjacent chair, internally celebrating when the chime sounded to signal his exit.

Pulling the paper down beneath my eyes to visually confirm his departure, I was stunned to find Bella glaring at me.

_So much for being subtle._

Shrugging, I looked at her in disbelief. What was I _supposed_ to do? Let him stare at her? She didn't like it when girls ogled me, so I figured she didn't have any right to throw a fit.

Bella puffed out her cheeks in annoyance, but didn't say anything on the matter. Instead, she pulled out her cell phone—something that had become a habit when I irritated her—staring at the screen until her lips eventually curved into a smile.

Whenever I tried to peek over her shoulder to see what she was looking at, or came right out and asked, she would tell me 'it's just a reminder'. A reminder of what, I didn't know. I did know that no matter how well I knew her, she would always be a riddle to me.

With one last sigh, Bella tucked the phone away and gave me a 'you're not fooling anyone' look before she moved on to help the next customer.

The next _female_ customer.

* * *

"Do you need anything, Edward?" Bella asked as she began wiping down the tables. The place was pretty quiet since it was almost closing time. Save for one older lady and Bella's coworker, Bree, we were the only ones there. Never one to waste an opportunity, I grabbed her by her belt loops, pulling her onto my lap.

Her chiming laughter filled the air, drawing Bree's attention as she worked on sweeping the floor.

"Edward," Bella smiled, adjusting her position and inadvertently rubbing against my cock. I couldn't help the low groan that worked its way up from deep in my belly, leaving my lips on a sigh.

"I want you," I whispered, congratulating myself when she gasped in response.

"You're insatiable, you know that?" she asked, playing with the fine hairs just behind my ears. To further prove her point, I ground her hips into mine, letting her feel the hardness forming there.

"You do this to me," I breathed, trailing my fingers down to her thighs and tracing the cuff on those shorts I both hated and loved.

"Oh my God you guys, get a room! There's not enough bleach on earth to clean that chair _and_ my brain," Bree said, pretending to choke on her own vomit.

"Jealous," I joked, earning a wicked smile and a one-finger salute from her. Shortly after, Bree tucked the broom away and removed her apron.

"Bells? I'm taking off. I assume you'll be fine since your guard dog is with you?"

_The fuck?_

"Yeah, I'm good," Bella threw over her shoulder.

Bella slowly, _painfully_, worked her way out of my lap—making sure to rub every inch of her body that she possibly could against me—while clicking her tongue.

"I'm almost done here; I just need to restock. Did you want to call Emmett?" she asked. At the same time my, cell rang. "Speak of the devil?" she quipped.

Glancing at the display, I shook my head. "No, it's Esme."

"Well, answer it," she ordered, trying to take a step back when I ran my palm from her knee to her inner thigh, but choosing to stop and indulge in the feeling instead. Pressing the call button, I raised the phone to my ear.

"Hi Esme," I said, pulling Bella closer so she was standing directly in front of me, trapped between my legs.

"Hello dear," she replied, seemingly a bit out of a breath. "I was wondering if you had some time to stop by. Carlisle wanted to speak with you and I have something to give you."

"Yeah," I answered distractedly, holding my phone between my ear and shoulder so I could easily fondle Bella's…well, everything she'd let me touch publicly. "I'm just around the corner. I'll head over in say…ten minutes?"

"That's perfect," Esme chirped, mumbling something about finishing touches while Bella finally managed to slip through my fingers to let Bree out.

She and Bree shared some secret that had Bella digging her chin in to her collarbone, an action I'd labeled her 'invisiblush'. And as I stole another glance at her, I was pleased—fucking ecstatic—that this woman belonged to me.

Everything about her was utterly amazing.

But of all the things I loved about her, her heart definitely topped the list. It was in the little things she did that showed me how affectionate a person she was. Although she could be downright ferocious when she wanted to be, Bella was an innocent, kind, and loving person at heart.

The way she watched while Bree made her way to her car—to assure that she got in safe—was a clear example. Her character was even more evident by the fact that she hadn't judged me by my parent's actions or my Dad's fucked-up perspective on my relationship with her.

I didn't think it was humanly possible to love another person this much. And I knew that without her in my life, I would be nothing.

"…working the late shift and he'll be leaving shortly, so don't take too long," Esme said, reminding me that she was still on the phone.

"Come again?" I asked, trying not to focus on the alluring span and sway of Bella's hips, the ride of her breasts, and her generous backside while she got back to work.

_Okay, tried and failed._

"Sorry, what was that, mom?" I asked, hearing her sharply gasp as if she were right next to me. She had to be annoyed by my short attention span. God knows she wouldn't have been the first.

"Let Bella do her job," she playfully chided. "I was saying that Carlisle has to leave soon, so don't be late."

"Yes, ma'am," I saluted as if she could see me, promising to see her in ten—then after another look toward Bella, thirty—minutes tops.

After ending the call, I went to find Bella, who was prepping for the morning crew. While she refilled the coffee cup sleeves, humming some upbeat tune, I approached her from behind.

"Well, hello there," she said, grinding her ass into me.

_Temptress._

I didn't say anything in return as I skillfully un-tucked her shirt and eased the zipper on her shorts down.

"Edward…we can't do this here," she moaned, completely negating the validity of her statement.

Gliding my hand beneath the scrap of material she passed off as panties, I gently palmed her warmth, sliding a finger up and down her accumulating wetness. I softly pulled her hair to one side with my free hand, tasting the crease between her scalp and ear with my tongue.

When I made it to her earlobe, I pulled it into my mouth, lightly sucking until the sweet little sounds leaving her mouth turned loud and feral. Her body began to quake and tremble, and I slightly pulled my hips back, surprising her when I bucked forward and slipped a finger inside of her.

"Oh God!"

"I can stop if you want me to?" I asked, moving my finger at a snail's pace within her.

"No, don't stop," she panted, and I knew she was as good as gone.

"Did you bring clothes to change into for later?" I asked while my lips found their way to her shoulder, nipping the skin there. My hand released her hair and I moved it down to her shirt, tightly fisting the fabric.

"What?" she asked, both confused and annoyed by my audacity to attempt a conversation.

"Focus, baby. Clothes?" I repeated as I added another finger and sped my movements.

"Yes, I brought…" she began before I started clawing at her shirt, delighting in the tinkling sound the buttons made as they fell onto the marble counter top.

"Holy mother of fuck," she said, causing me to grin.

Easing the cup of her bra down, I massaged her breast, excited to find her already tight and straining when I reached her darkened peak.

I wanted to take her from behind, to spend some time worshipping her back side, but I couldn't _not_ look at her enticing cleavage. So, quickly removing my hand, I turned her around so that I could get full visual stimulation, and fuck if my cock didn't swell more at the sight.

Bella's hair was disheveled from leaning her head against my shoulder, and her shirt hung loosely around her shoulders, restricting her movement. One cup of her bra was bunched beneath her breast, and the waistband of her shorts had fallen into a delicious 'V', revealing the bare, satin flesh between her thighs.

Although, nothing topped the look on her face: the unmasked need and want written there instantly drove me into action.

Weaving my hands through her hair, I pulled her in for a kiss, groaning into her mouth when she brought her hand down to stroke my throbbing erection. Our kiss was rough and unrelenting. Our tongues twisted, and our teeth collided as we tried to get impossibly closer to each other.

"Fuck, baby," I said, when we pulled away, panting. "You are so fucking hot like this: wet for me, anxious for me," I said, my thumb brushing over her nipple as I cupped her center with my other hand.

With hooded eyes and a muttered 'fuck', she made quick work of my pants and boxers, releasing my cock from its confines. Lifting her for better leverage, I placed her on the countertop, sliding her shorts over her shoes and dropping them to the floor.

She wrapped her hand around my erection again, squeezing and twisting upward as I involuntarily pumped into her hand. My hands—on autopilot, now—were squeezing her ass, firmly caressing her flesh while I licked a trail from her throat to the center of her breasts. When her grip on me faltered, I bent down to take her hardened nipple between my teeth; applying more pressure than I was used to because she'd said she liked it.

"Shit!" she yelled," just like that." Her voice echoed in the shop and sent waves of pure, unadulterated lust through my whole being.

Placing her back on her feet, I parted her legs until my feet were in between hers. Stooping a little more, I positioned my cock right where it was needed; in that slick, silky warm space between her thighs.

She was so wet and ready for me that when I began to rise, the head of my cock easily slid inside of her, triggering the orgasm I had kept her from having.

"Oh, God. Don't stop, Edward. Please," she begged, and I complied. Pivoting my hips as I went deeper, feeling her muscles tightly contract around me.

My rhythmic strokes had her panting, moaning, bucking. Yet it still wasn't enough.

"Let go, Edward," Bella said breathlessly, knowing that when she said my name in that hushed, reverent, whisper, I would do anything she asked. It was still baffling to know she felt the same way about me as I did for her. "Harder," she pressed.

"Bella, Bella," I said through clenched teeth, my brow furrowed in concentration as I wavered between wanting to oblige, and not wanting to hurt her. Aside from that, I didn't want to come yet. I wanted this feeling to last forever.

"Now," she demanded, solving my conundrum.

The feel of her nails dragging down my back set me off, and I palmed her ass until her legs were tightly wrapped around me. Pushing her back onto the counter, my thrusts became erratic as I sank into her over and over again. I couldn't get deep enough, but fuck if I didn't try, impaling her until her body began to shiver with the beginning of a new orgasm.

Noticing her eyes falling close, I called her name.

"I like looking into your eyes when I take you," I whispered, "when you surrender to me." Without a moment's hesitation, her eyes were locked on mine, and she slowly, powerfully, came apart around me.

The intensity of her orgasm prompted mine, and my body seized as I came inside of her with her name tumbling off my lips.

* * *

"Oh good, you're here," Esme said, ushering me into her home. "Carlisle," she called, "Edward's _finally_ here." She tossed a smirk my way, and I ran my hands through my hair—straightened my shirt—to hide the evidence of my tryst.

"Where's Bella?" she inquired, once I sat down on the couch.

"She went to get Emmett. We're all going out later, but she should be up in a minute."

"That's good. With your and Bella's absence, I'm afraid Emmett's gone stir crazy! And I haven't seen Rosalie around here in forever."

I didn't know if it was my place to tell her about their break-up, so I just nodded to show that I was listening. I did feel a little guilty that I hadn't really checked in with Emmett to see how he was doing, but I pushed that thought away.

I had enough of my own shit to deal with!

Carlisle stumbled in a moment later, hopping on one foot as he tried to lace his shoe.

"You know, you could sit," Esme said, to which he playfully rolled his eyes.

"Hi, Edward," he breathed, finally taking her advice. "I talked to University Housing and it looks like they'll be able to get you set up on campus," he said, as if it were no big deal.

"Really, Carlisle? That's great!" I exclaimed, feeling a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. "I called and they said they couldn't do anything for me because all the room assignments were already handed out. They said to check back at the end of the semester."

"Well, Carlisle has his ways," Esme chimed in before getting a weird look on her face and rapidly leaving the room. Carlisle shook his head and grinned in the direction she had just fled.

"I may have called in a favor," he appended, before he turned serious. Once his shoe was tied, he scooted to the end of the couch and angled his body to face mine.

"How are you doing, Edward?" he asked.

"I'm good now that I'm not homeless anymore," I quipped, but his expression remained stern. "Look," I began. "I know I should be more upset about everything that's happened, but I can't find it in me to care. I have more than enough money to get by, and I don't need any of it for school as long as I can keep my grades up for the scholarship," I explained. "The way I see it, this was bound to happen at some point. I mean, it was really inevitable that they'd finally find a way to break ties."

Thinking I owed Carlisle and Esme an apology for my parent's behavior as well—for how they were unfairly caught in the middle—I stood and paced the room, looking for the right words.

"I'm sorry you had to witness what happened, and for how harshly my father treated you. The few times I'd spoken to them, I said nothing but good things about you and Esme. It bothers me that they couldn't be more respectful in your presence," I said, finally stopping to look at him.

Though I couldn't read the look in his eyes, his smile helped me to relax.

"You know that you don't have anything to apologize for, son. I'm just sorry things couldn't have gone differently. By the time Bella came up, she was already in tears. And Esme was already out the door!"

_Huh, so that's why she showed up._

"Esme is not the kind of person you want to piss off," he laughed. "Trust me, I know." Shaking his head, he rose to his feet, blindly straightening his tie before grabbing the black leather bag that sat on the coffee table. "I really must be going now." He made his way to the door, shouting to Esme that he would call her on his break. Before he left, he turned to me one last time. "I don't have to tell you that if you ever need anything..." he trailed off.

Again, I nodded, watching his back as he exited. It felt good to know that I wasn't completely abandoned.

"Edward? Back here, second door to your right," Esme called out, her voice muffled by the distance. When I made it to the door, it was closed, so I lightly knocked waiting for her permission to enter.

"Come in, come in," she said.

Upon opening the door, I had no idea what she wanted, or what room I was being led to. I had seen most of the common areas in their home, but I'd never been back this far. As I walked down the short entrance way, I wasn't nearly prepared for what I saw at the end.

"No fucking way!" I said, practically sprinting over to the mahogany beauty.

"Language," she reprimanded with a toothy grin, and I hurriedly apologized. Sitting in front of me was a Bösendorfer Imperial model piano, and it was polished to perfection. Taking a seat, I plucked out the first melody that came to mind, smiling down at the keys when the notes rang out. It was tuned to perfection.

Esme's wind-chime laughter filled the room, and before I could finish the verse, she was singing along.

"…and I think to myself, what a wonderful world," she finished with a sigh. "That was our wedding song," she said, getting lost in her memories.

"When did you guys get this?" I asked as I continued to softly play. "I didn't know either of you played."

"This is for you, Edward," she said slowly, using the same tone that Carlisle had used only moments ago.

_No, it's not a big deal. We just gave you somewhere to live and an expensive piano because that's how we roll._

My fingers stumbled over the keys, producing a discordant reverberation when I stopped playing.

"I…I can't take this," I said, standing up and stepping away from the piano. "You guys have already done so much for me, too much."

Welcoming me into their lives was only the beginning. They made sure I had food in my fridge when I was living on pizza rolls and Coke, they both encouraged my relationship with Bella, and Esme defended me at a time I needed a mother the most. There was no way I could continue to take from them.

"Of course you can't _take_ it," she said, "this thing ways a ton!" she laughed.

"Ha, ha. You know what I mean," I said, unable to hide my own smile.

"Neither one of us play. We just wanted you to have somewhere to go and…create when you need to." Though she didn't come right out and say it, I could tell she wanted me to have some way to express my feelings. Frankly it was something I didn't need to do because I really was okay.

"I don't know what to say," I said honestly, scratching at the back of my neck.

"A 'thank you' will do," she joked, nudging me with her elbow. "Just promise you'll come and play for me as often as you can, okay?"

Feeling a bit choked up, I reached out and gave her a hug. "Thank you. For everything."

"No need, Edward. If you'd like, you can play while you wait," she said, releasing me and straightening the assortment of pillows that made the room look like a sultan's lair. It was then that I realized the piano wasn't the only thing she'd meant as a surprise. Esme had decorated this whole room.

"Everything looks amazing," I complimented as she patted my arm and left the room. When the room fell silent, Esme's last comment finally penetrated my mind.

_Play while I _wait_? What the hell is taking Bella so long?_

_

* * *

_

"What is your problem?" Bella hissed at me as soon as Emmett stepped out of the car. We had just pulled up to Jasper's apartment, and she didn't waste any time fixing me with her glare.

Once Esme had left me, I called Bella to see what the holdup was, and she didn't answer her phone. Immediately trying Emmett next, I was disappointed when my call went straight to voicemail. Suddenly, the photo of the two of them hanging in her bedroom popped into my head, the intimate look they shared, and I wondered if they had ever been more than just friends. It was a ridiculous train of thought, and deep down I knew that, but I couldn't stop its perpetuation.

I left the Cullens right away, skipping the elevator to take the stairs two at a time until I arrived at Emmett's. Breathing heavily while I knocked—not from exertion—I folded her into my arms when she finally opened the door.

"_Why didn't you answer your phone?" I asked, pulling away to look in her eyes._

"_I was helping Em with…something," she replied, giving him a secretive smile. _

She must have been suspicious about my actions, the look of disbelief in my eyes, or the fact that I'd barely said two words to Em. Whatever it was that tipped her off, she soon realized what my issue was and proceeded to ignore me. She spent most of the damn ride staring at her phone, and occasionally, I would see her type out something.

Emmett, on the other hand, was a jittery mess, blind to the tension emanating from me and Bella. If I had to describe his behavior, I could do it in one word: guilt. And that very thought made me that much more upset.

"I'm serious, Edward," Bella huffed, shoving her cell into her bag before reaching for the door handle.

"Nothing!" I answered irately, clicking the automatic lock so she couldn't leave.

Of course, she just lifted the lock manually.

Hopping out of the car and running to the passenger side, I gently placed both my hands on her shoulders.

"I just want to know what you two were doing. What's the need for all the secrecy?"

"Look, baby," she said, removing my hands from her shoulders and taking a deep breath. "I understand that you're going through a lot right now, but you have got to stop being so damn paranoid."

I scoffed. It wasn't like my paranoia was _completely_ unfounded.

Pushing my hands into my pockets, I fisted the lining as I tried to hide my irritation. She still hadn't answered my question.

"Then who were you texting?" I asked.

"Why does it matter?" she shot back. "You don't trust me?"

Realizing that we were getting nowhere, and fast, I tried a different tactic. "Baby, I …I do trust you. I just worry…" I said, before Emmett made his reappearance.

"Guys, you can do this cuddly shit later. Did you get a hold of her, Bella?" Emmett asked, shuffling his feet.

"She texted about five minutes ago. She's was just leaving her parents," Bella said, stepping away from me and towards Em. She reached for his hand, and he seemed to relax. "Don't worry, Em. Ro will be here, okay?" she comforted.

"Okay," he sighed, reaching out to ruffle her hair. Bella swatted at him before smoothing her hair back down.

"Can you give us a minute?" she unnecessarily asked Emmett. He was already stalking away, looking a little green.

"Is he alright?" I asked when Bella turned her attention back to me.

"I'm surprised you noticed him at all," she bit, and I did have the good sense to be ashamed. "Em wanted my opinion on something. That's all. He's planning something big…" then, with wide eyes she corrected, "something huge for Rosalie."

There was nothing I could say in response. I wanted to tell Bella to just tell me these things, because if I was left to my own devices, I would assume the worst. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, but I didn't feel entirely apologetic. I mean, you can be upset if your girlfriend is hiding things from you, right?

Instead, I told her how I genuinely felt.

"I love you, Bella. You're all I have." She wrapped her arms around my neck, and laid her head on my shoulder.

"I love you," she said. "But I'm not all you have, baby. Everyone is here for you."

Squeezing her tightly, I planted a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

_But you're all I want._

_

* * *

_

"Bella, darlin', I'm glad you showed," Jasper said, handing her a cold beer.

"Thanks," Bella smiled sweetly, walking past him so that Emmett and I could enter. I made quick introductions, hoping he didn't mind that I'd invited someone without asking. He was cool with, not much seemed to faze him at all.

With a beer of my own, I found the only unoccupied seat and plunked down as I took in my surroundings. His apartment wasn't at all what I expected. I expected Bob Marley and Che Guevara posters hanging from the walls, bongs indiscreetly peeking out from the couch cushions. And I most definitely expected to see those beaded room dividers trickling down from the ceiling.

His place was nothing like that.

The room actually had a theme with its bold shades of grays and black. Waist high bookshelves were on either side of an expensive looking entertainment center, and a sole black and white photo of an oak tree hung just above the couch. The layout was similar to Bella's apartment, but there was more open space due to the fact it was obviously a one-bedroom.

There were a few people milling around, but my gaze was trained on Bella, who was chatting with Alice. Before I could go to her side, Jasper's voice grabbed my attention.

"Well shit-fire, sugar, you look prettier each time I see you," he said to Bella in that lazy voice of his.

She ducked her head—perhaps dazzled by his charm—and muttered something that I couldn't quite hear over the conversations going on around me. Not wanting to push my luck with Bella by hovering, I got up, deciding it was best I look for Emmett instead.

When I found him in the kitchen, I noticed how pitiful he looked. What I perceived as guilt in the car was clearly anxiety. There was an empty shot glass in front of him, and his hands shook as he trailed them through his short hair.

"You okay?" I asked, startling him.

"Shit, I don't know. I think I will be?" Emmett said, phrasing it more like a question.

"You will be," I agreed, patting him on the back. I asked him what he was so worried about but he evaded the question. And after a lull in our little chat, I asked him if he'd spoken with Rosalie since their breakup.

"She still won't listen to reason. But that changes tonight," he said, finding confidence and peace in his words. "Everything changes tonight."

There wasn't time to ask what he meant, because seconds later Rosalie arrived, and he made a beeline towards her. When she saw him, she folded her arms across her chest, already prepared to shut him down.

"Poor guy," I mumbled.

"What's that, baby?" Bella asked from behind me as she encircled her arms around my mid-section.

"Just feeling bad for Em," I answered, placing my beer on the counter and lifting up an arm to bring her in front of me. She made a 'psshh' sound and shook her head.

"He's got a crazy plan," she said, "but he's sure it's what he wants."

"Nice to see you again, Edward," Alice said, coming into the kitchen to discard some empty bottles.

"You too, Alice. How've you been?" I asked, tucking Bella into my side.

_You know, for safe keeping_.

I noticed throughout our banter that Alice was the kind of person who guessed a lot. None of her answers seemed to be absolute—that is, unless Jasper was around. He was currently changing the music from some annoying techno tune to classic rock. So, I attempted to pry some more exact answers out of her.

"Bella tells me you're originally from the south. How do you like living up here?" I asked.

"It's great. I have to get use to the cold all over again but I can handle it…I guess," she replied. Sighing internally, I excused myself to the living room, pulling Bella along with me.

"You having a good time?" Bella asked once we were seated.

"It's okay," I said noncommittally, lifting one shoulder. I just wanted to be alone with her.

"We can leave," she softly sighed, looking like I'd just killed her nonexistent puppy. Easily giving in to her pouty face, I told her I was really fine—which was a lie—and that we could stay as long as she wanted to.

"Okay, Edward, are you a lefty or righty?" Jasper asked, Alice close on his heels.

"Left, why?" I inquired. He shook his head, not wanting to tell me yet.

"And you, sweetheart?" he asked Bella, and I swallowed the last sip of my beer so I didn't make an unnecessary comment about the endearment.

Bella once told me that Jasper's pet names for her were a product of his southern upbringing, and I didn't need to take it as anything more than that. But it was hard to do when those words were accompanied by this hungry look in his eyes.

As I leaned over to put my empty bottle on the table, I caught Alice's expression. She didn't seem pleased with the exchange either.

"I'm right-handed, Jas," Bella answered, and Alice's face contorted even more.

"So…" Jasper began.

"You okay, Alice?" I interrupted, and she quickly masked her expression.

"Yeah, I guess…" Alice paused, before smiling at her boyfriend. "I'm fine. I'll take that," she said, reaching for my bottle and swiftly disappearing.

"So, like I was saying," Jasper continued, unconcerned about his girlfriend. "We have an ongoing game here called 'switch'. You," he pointed to Bella, "drink with your left hand. And Edward, you drink with your right. If you're caught drinking with the opposite hand…you have to chug the rest of your drink," he smiled, only half his lip curling with the motion.

Even his smile was lazy.

"Okay," I said, mustering up as much enthusiasm as I could to show Bella I was having fun.

Bella made the switch, accidentally spilling a bit of her drink from her cup onto her blouse. While she worked on cleaning the stain, Jasper's eyes were focused on her chest.

"Baby, grab me another," I said, sitting up a little to block his view. Bella had one eyebrow arched at me in question. "So I can play, too," I added, hoping she bought it.

"Alright," she said, kissing my cheek before she went. Oddly enough, Jasper nodded in approval—at what, I didn't know—before shouting at some girl standing next to the patio door .

"Drink up, Char," he said, making his way across the room. "Double fisting isn't an exception."

* * *

Eventually, Bella and I made rounds. We met people whose names I wouldn't remember, and I tried to remain social until the crowd started to thin out. I was glad that only a few of Jasper's friends remained, hoping that now Bella would be ready to go.

Besides, it was tiring having to scowl at anyone that dared look at Bella for longer than I thought necessary, quickly rearranging my expression when she'd catch my eye.

"Baby," I slurred. "Are you ready to go now?"

"Yes. Let's find Em and let him know we're leaving."

"Fuck," I said, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my palms. I definitely had one too many. "Can Em stay over? I can't drive like this," I said, and for good measure added, "and it's too late for you to drive him home."

Bella was definitely better than I was at 'switch', partly because she decided not to have anything in her hands at all, but it didn't mean I planned on letting her out of my sight.

"If things went according to plan, he'll be staying anyway."

Making polite goodbyes, I halfheartedly told Jasper and Alice we would try to stop by next weekend, getting annoyed when Jasper kissed Bella's hand 'goodnight'. We couldn't find Emmett or Rosalie, so we assumed they were already at the apartment.

Walking hand-in-hand in the cool night air was refreshing to my overheated skin, but when the wind picked up, Bella shivered and nuzzled into my side. I tried to offer her my jacket, but she said my body heat was more than enough.

"Why do you call him Jas?" I asked out of the blue. I blame the alcohol for my lack of self-censorship.

"Because the name _Jasper_ gives me the creeps," she said, shivering from the cold or the thought.

"Why?"

"They killed that guy down there, dragged him behind a truck. I mean, he was Charlie's age," she said, shaking again. I didn't know what she was referring to, but hearing those words creeped me out, too.

Once we made it inside, we saw Emmett sitting on the center of the couch. His elbows rested on his knees as he gazed at the coffee table. Bella flew to his side.

"I'm sorry, Em," she said, clutching his large hands between hers.

"You should be," he began, finally raising his head to reveal a devilish grin. "Rosalie is talking about making you wear pink."

"She said yes?" Bella asked before Rosalie came out from her bedroom.

"I said yes," Rosalie confirmed as they ran to each other, both jumping up and down, emitting girlish squeaks and giggles.

"If you guys wanna lose some of the clothes, maybe throw in some pillow fighting…that would be great," Emmett said.

Before I could help myself, I was laughing out loud, but tried to cover it up with a cough when both the girls turned to look at me.

"I hope you're comfortable on that couch," Rosalie said.

"Aw, Rosie," Emmett whined.

"So, does someone want to fill me in on what's going on?" I asked, tired of being the odd man out. Emmett proudly made his way to Rosalie, sweetly kissing her nose before turning to me.

"We're getting married."

Momentarily stumbling, I pulled myself together and quickly congratulated them. Though I was shocked, I was genuinely happy for them.

_And maybe a little jealous._

_

* * *

_

"This is it," I said, falling on top of my creaky mattress.

"I like it," Bella said. "It fits you."

I'd been moved into my dorm room for two weeks, but because of our schedules, she was just now seeing it. Despite having my own place now, I still stayed with her until the wee hours of the morning, if I made it back to my room at all.

It wasn't much: a twin bed, my books and music, and a poster that Emmett had bought me as a housewarming gift—his idea.

To be honest, I meant to take it down the second he left, or at least before Bella saw it.

_Not that it wouldn't be missed._

"Let me guess…Emmett," she said, pointing at the almost life-size poster of Ida Ljungqvist, Playboy Playmate of the year.

"He said that it was," I made air quotations, "normal for a young man to have these type of things in his room," I laughed.

"He's having a field day with this idea of being an old married man," she grinned, and as always, her smile triggered my own.

"You're beautiful," I said, pulling her down to the bed and latching on to her lips.

When she moved back to catch her breath, I worked my way down her neck, my hands already working on unbuckling her jeans. She muttered something that sounded like 'ravenous' before she gently pushed at my shoulders.

"No way she's watching us," she panted, pointing at the poster.

I ripped it down before she could blink.

"Now where were we, love?"

* * *

The one thing I didn't like about my new job was the tardiness of my co-worker Jen who worked the graveyard shift. On the nights I really wanted to get to Bella, it was a guaranteed that she'd call and say she was running late. And therefore, I'd be late.

Not that I _had_ to be anywhere. I just liked going to Bella's job to work on my assignments.

_Best view in the city._

I had just made it home to change, and was jogging to my car when someone called my name.

"I thought that was you," Tanya said.

"Hey Tan, long time no see," I said. She reached over to give me a hug, and I returned the gesture.

"Are you living here now?" she asked, and I couldn't think of any response that could sum up everything that had happened in the last few weeks of my life.

"Yeah…it's kind of a long story and I'm in a rush, Tan," I said, resembling the bouncing UPS guy from one of those MadTV episodes. Well, it was either that, or a toddler who had to go pee really bad.

"You promised to tutor me and I got a 'D' on my last exam," she sulked, and I felt bad that I'd forgotten.

"I'm sorry, there was just a lot going on," I apologized.

"Maybe we can catch up soon. You do owe me," she said in her no nonsense tone.

Ruffling her hair, I grinned at her. "Yes, I will make it up to you."

"Good. I'm just on the third floor," she said, and I did a double take.

"What? I thought this was male only," I said.

"You live in Oregon now, Edward. Need I point out the hippies?" she laughed. "PSU has 'gender inclusive' housing rules, so our building is co-ed."

"Good to know. Well, I'll find you later?" I asked, already walking backwards to my car. Bella would be leaving work in about twenty minutes and it would take me fifteen to get there.

_I'll have to call and just meet her at the apartment._

"Yep, don't make me wait. I can't afford to get another 'D'," she said.

"I won't," I promised, saying goodbye and driving to Bella's as fast as possible.

As expected, she wasn't there when I arrived, so I turned the car around and made the short drive to her place. Bella was pulling her bag out of her back seat when I parked the car.

"Sorry I'm late," I said, taking her bag and laptop from her arms.

"You weren't late, Edward," she said. "You know you don't have to come to my job, you could just meet me here," she suggested.

_Um, no_.

"I'll keep that in mind if I'm running late again," I said, taking her keys from her and unlocking the door.

Once I unloaded her things, I went to the kitchen to see what Bella was making for dinner. Her eyes were closed as she sniffed a bouquet of purple daisies.

"Who are those from?" I chuckled, thinking Emmett really was overdoing it nowadays. Rosalie already said yes.

"Jesus, Edward! Could you try making more noise when you walk?" she asked, holding her palm over her heart.

"Sorry, baby," I said, plucking the card from her hand.

_Bella_

_You looked sad, I hope these make you smile._

_-James_

As I repeated the simple yet messily scrawled line in my head, I could only think one thing.

_I am going to kill him._

* * *

When we came down from our post-coital high, Bella rolled over and asked me how I was doing. I was doing fine, as usual. But I joked that it was her wellbeing I was concerned about. I was rougher than usual with her, feeling the need to mark her as mine in some visible way. I blame those damn flowers: the flowers that I'd gotten rid of, those flowers that started a minor…disagreement, those flowers that led to hot, angry, make-up sex.

I'd kill James for that little stunt later. I made sure my girl never looked sad.

"No really, Edward," she said, using _that_ voice. I knew she was referring to the fact that I hadn't heard from my parents, but truly I didn't care.

"Really, love, I'm fine," I said, kissing her just below her ear. She didn't press further and I was glad because the only thing I wanted to do was fall asleep.

Over the next few days, she would occasionally ask how I was really doing, as if I expected some big apology from them and was biding my time until it arrived. The answer was always the same, 'I'm okay'.

As the days turned into weeks, and weeks into a month, I waited to be hit with the enormity of it all.

It never came.

* * *

**A/N Links on my profile for the murder Bella referred to and a link to the pic hanging in Jasper's place. Thank you as always for your reviews and for sticking with this story. I really do have the best readers ever!  
**


	23. Ordinary People

**A/N Hello again. All the usual warnings apply, and there is assault mentioned in this chapter. Nothing graphic, but you have been warned. Thanks to my beta ABG for all that she does, and for giving me the most awesome Star Trek fic rec : ) And Coxie for pre-reading, even though she hates spoilers!**

Girl I'm in love with you, this ain't the honeymoon  
Past the infatuation phase  
Right in the thick of love, at times we get sick of love  
It seems like we argue everyday

Ordinary People-John Legend

* * *

While I ran, I listened to the upbeat cadence my feet drummed out as they pounded against the asphalt. The air was increasingly crisp as summer had fled, leaving the trees bare in its wake. And with every breath I expelled, fog would appear, reminding me that it was too damn cold for me to be outside.

Running was one of the few things in my routine that hadn't changed. And even though the sun had yet to rise—and I deserted Bella's warm home and body—I felt like I needed to do this activity without deviation.

I tried to keep my mind blank as I jogged, even off the melody that was writing itself in the recesses of my brain, but the task proved harder than it should've been.

Bella and I had been disagreeing a lot lately over the stupidest things, and no matter what I'd say, I felt like I couldn't make things right. Sure, we would kiss and make-up, but there was still doubt that plagued me, leading me to ponder if anything was ever really resolved.

The spats began after I discovered the flowers James had left for Bella. The very thought of them pissed me off even now, but the fact that it hadn't been the first time he'd done so only served to provoke my anger . Once we had the best—the only—make-up sex I ever had, she revealed that she usually got a note or something from him weekly.

Not knowing why she felt the need to hide it from me, I questioned it, which lead to an even bigger argument. She said that I tended to blow things way out of proportion, citing my behavior towards her and Emmett as they planned his engagement as a prime example.

Bella tried to convince me that James was harmless, and said it was Rose who accepted the flowers in her absence. That did help calm me a bit, knowing that James didn't just enter her apartment without _my_ consent, but I made her promise that she would stop keeping things from me; even if she was doing it to 'protect' me.

From that point, the squabbling should have lessened.

We had communicated and came to an understanding. She wouldn't pick and choose what things she wanted to share with me, and I wouldn't overreact. Although, I knew my definition of 'overreacting' didn't match hers, but I agreed anyway.

Unfortunately, the disagreements continued.

Bella began spending more time with her mother. That didn't bother me so much after she explained that autumn was just the beginning of a new charity season; Coats for Kids and Toys for Tots were just a couple of the boards Renee served on, and events that Bella helped to organize. Renee also announced that she and Phil would be leaving shortly after Christmas as his contract with the Trailblazers would end. There were two other teams in need of a Sports Medicine doc, but because Renee loved the sun—or wanted to be on the Real Housewives of Miami as Bella suspected—they would be moving to Florida.

Again, I didn't mind that. I was actually happy that they seemed to be trying to mend their relationship and found some common ground to help them get along. I wasn't quite sure what their link was, but it wasn't strong enough to change how Renee treated Bella.

What did bother me, however, was that whenever she returned from being with her mother, or even having been on the phone with her, she was atypically irritable. Her temper was short, and everything I did or _didn't_ do upset her.

On one particular occasion, I'd been waiting for her at the apartment with Rose, wondering why she was running late. I called several times, leaving her voicemails to ask her that very question; a move that seemed to set her off.

"_Finally," I sighed when she walked into the living room looking much different that when she left. It wasn't just her expression, it was her physical appearance. Her hair hung straight down her back, and her make-up was heavier than I was use to seeing her wear. She had on a peach suit that was very business-like, very un-Bella. But even with these differences, she still looked amazing._

"_Wow, you look great," I said._

"_Really, you like this?" she asked, an odd lilt to her voice._

_My eyes widened as I struggled to find the right words. Was I supposed to say yes or no? Deciding that honesty would be the best route to take, I nodded my head._

"_Yes, I do. But you always look beautiful, love," I added, walking toward her and attempting to put my arms around shoulders. She easily dodged me, turning her back and heading off to the kitchen._

_She must have known I would follow and began speaking as she opened the fridge door. _

"_If you like it so much, I'm sure my mom could set you up with someone a little less _ethnic_," she spat, looking at the meager selection in the fridge. "And you don't need to call me every ten seconds."_

_Confused and annoyed that she was being so derisive with her words, I didn't think about the next words that left my mouth._

"_What the fuck is your problem?"_

Needless to say, when I swore _at_ her, it all went downhill from there.

Because Rose was still in the living room and the walls were paper thin, I pulled Bella outside so we could talk. She wrenched her arm out of my grasp as soon as the door closed, completely furious with me.

It took a while for her to calm down after that, but eventually we both tamed our tongues and got to the heart of the matter.

Renee had embarrassed her when she showed up to weed through the donations.

Bella was there to clean both the gently-worn toys and coats, and rightfully didn't see a need to be 'dressed up'. Once Renee saw her, she publicly and loudly addressed her wardrobe choice, using words like unsophisticated, ghetto, and shameful. Renee said she expected more out of her, and that if she expected to keep _'_her boyfriend', she needed to do better; she needed to _be_ better.

Renee then sent her away with her credit card, telling her to comeback when she was more _appropriate_. Bella said the first thought that crossed her mind was to go home and not look back, but she didn't want the kids to suffer because she was feeling vindictive.

The drama didn't end there.

Bella said she told Renee about what happened with my parents in attempt to savage some of their night, letting her know exactly why her earlier comments stung. Although Renee seemed somewhat saddened on her behalf, she insinuated that Bella must have done something wrong.

I held Bella's hands in mine as I walked us back into the warm confines of the apartment. I didn't know what to say to her, but I did address the other issues she mentioned. My frequent phone calls couldn't be helped because I constantly worried about her and missed her. The cooking thing…well, I hadn't realized that I had come to expect that she would feed me. I knew her days were just as long and tiring as mine, and I should've paid more attention and offered to help her when I could.

Bella shushed me, saying she was just lashing out and she didn't mean to say those things. So I took her word for it, letting the issue drop. But internally, I believed in that unguarded moment, she showed me her true feelings.

That night, I did my best to ease her grief, bristling with the knowledge that I was the cause of most, if not all of it.

Having completely failed at keeping my mind clear, I changed direction and headed back to my room. Bella didn't have to work or see Renee tonight, and I hoped that we could make it through the day unscathed.

* * *

Tanya and I had been arduously studying for midterms.

I didn't really need to cram for any of my classes. I just needed to re-read the material. Once I could do that, I knew the information would never leave me. Studying had always come easily to me. However, Tanya was not fairing so well.

Having promised her that I would indeed help her, I had been meeting her during my lunch breaks at work.

She thought it would be easier if I met her at our dorm, but she was only taking into consideration both of _our_ schedules. She didn't account for Bella, and I never made a move without her. As soon as I was free—from school, work, or whatever—I was at Bella's side.

"Okay, Tanya," I said, flipping through her lecture notes to see if there was anything left to cover. "We went over respiration, photosynthesis and cell division, genetics…"

"This is the only thing left," she interrupted, scooting her chair closer to mine so she could point out the final topic. "Sexual Encounters…of the Floral Kind," she breathed.

"We already covered that," I said, remembering here weird behavior when we did. "From Arctic Roses to Orchid Bees, you know this Tan."

"Okay," she said, standing to collect her books. "You're right, I know this." Her face showed determination, but oddly enough, it didn't seem to be related to the subject of Plant Biology. "So, we'll do this one last time, on Thursday. My test is on Friday," she reminded me.

"Yep," I said, grabbing my soda and heading back to the front desk. "Wait, I'm off on Thursday and my last exam is at noon." Bella was meeting with her mom that day, so there was no need for me to even leave campus. "We can just meet in the dorm."

"Sounds good," she smiled. "Oh! Before I forget, there's a big party next weekend…how about you un-leash yourself from the ol' ball and chain, and come with?"

"We'll see," I said, not wanting to destroy that hopeful look in her eyes. I already knew that Bella wouldn't want to hang out with Tanya, and I wouldn't go without her.

* * *

"How was your day, baby?" Bella asked as she sat on the couch, folding laundry.

"Same shit, different day," I said, dropping beside her with a groan. She placed the folded stacks on the coffee table and coaxed me to lie my head down on her lap.

Once I was comfortable, she soothingly ran her fingers through my hair, pausing every now and again to run them behind my ears and over my jaw. I closed my eyes, getting completely lost in the sensation, lost in her ability to make me feel so good by the smallest gesture. She leaned down to kiss my lips before she asked me to tell her about my day.

"I went to class, talked to you, went to work, tutored Tan, got off of work, and here I am," I said, opening my eyes when her hands ceased their movement.

I wasn't surprised to find her eyebrows cast down in repulsion.

"Tan really isn't a bad person," I grumbled. Tanya could be a little dimwitted, perhaps outspoken at times. But she was also kind, focused, and determined. All traits I envied.

Bella softly nudged my head, asking me to sit up, and I obeyed. When she stood to walk away, I pulled her back down by her waist.

"Oh, no you don't." I nuzzled the back of her neck with my nose. "Talk to me," I whispered against her skin.

"What did _she_ tell you?" she questioned, glancing over her shoulder to catch my eye. There was no malice in her tone, so I answered honestly.

"Not much," I began. "But Emmett did mention that something happened to Rose after a football game. That…she was hurt?"

"It was Homecoming," she said, seemingly transported to another time as she moved to stand once again. Reflexively tightening my grip, I raised one eyebrow at her in question. "I'm just going to get a drink. I'll be right back."

Letting her go, I scrubbed my hands down my cheeks. "I'll take one, too."

When Bella returned with our drinks, she sat beside me on the couch, popping the cap on her soda as she folded her legs and turned to face me.

"So what happened?" I asked, mimicking her pose. Releasing a deep breath, she began her story.

"When we were in high school, Rosalie, Tanya, and I were pretty close, but it all changed when Ro and I started dating. Her boyfriend, Royce King, was the captain of the football team, and I dated his friend Tyler," she began, and I cringed at the reminder that I was not her one and only. Luckily, Bella was in her own world and didn't notice my expression.

"We were already best friends, but with all the double dates we went on, we became more like sisters. Tanya was just left out. Not that we didn't try to keep her involved," she defended.

"During our junior year, Tyler and I became serious, and…and I was ready to lose my virginity…"

"If any of this next part is not essential to what happened, feel free to edit," I interrupted, my lips set in a thin grim line.

"Edward, do you want to hear it or not?" she asked, and I weakly nodded.

"As I was saying," she said, exaggerating the last word. "I decided to do _it_," she said, for my benefit, "after the Homecoming game. Things were going good. Drinks were being passed around, and I had a pretty good buzz going, so I decided it was time."

I didn't even try to hide my glare.

"Long story short, I heard someone scream," she paused then, no longer looking at me but at the aluminum can she was unconsciously crushing in her palm.

Removing it from her hand and placing it on the table, I pulled her to me, sitting her down until she straddled my lap. When she was able to, she picked up where she left off.

"I thought it was Rosalie, so we went to see what was going on. When we got to her, Royce had her pinned to the bed and tears were streaming down her face. She was fully dressed, so I assume we interrupted whatever he planned to do. But still…" she trailed off, shivering at the memory.

_Fuck_.

"I don't understand," I said. "What does Tanya have to do with it?"

"A few days later, I finally convinced Ro to tell someone: the cops, her parents, anyone. She didn't want to go to the police, so she told her parents. When Royce was questioned about it, he said that we'd all been drinking and Rosalie came on to him. He said that he turned her down and she was just trying to get revenge. Tyler vouched for him, too, saying that he and his _girlfriend_ were with Royce the whole night."

"What?"

"Yeah," she said. "I told them it wasn't true, that we were separated. But he was referring to his girlfriend _Tanya_. No one else knew what happened so it was our word against theirs."

"What happened after that?" I asked, completely shocked about Tanya's role in all of this.

"Well, Tanya came clean—once she had all the details—and apologized for lying, Tyler did too. But by then, Ro wanted to let it all go. She didn't talk about it anymore, and she asked us to do the same," she exhaled. "Tyler tried to apologize to me, but I just didn't want to hear it. After that, he and Tanya spent a lot of time together," she shrugged it off, but I knew their actions had hurt her.

Her story was a lot to take in, and I couldn't reconcile that Tanya to the one I knew today.

"I just felt like if I would've gotten there sooner, things could have turned out differently," Bella said, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Bella, none of that was your fault," I said, trying to comfort her. "That Royce guy was just an asshole, and Tanya…I think she's tried to make amends for what she's done." I tilted her chin up so that she would look into my eyes. She sniffed, a fat sparkling tear falling from her eye as she shook her head.

"I wasn't there when Rosalie needed someone, Edward. She wasn't all that close to her parents, and because me and Renee weren't that close, Ro and I were always there for each other. I feel like I failed her," she lamented, and I hugged her even tighter.

"Love, you can't be everything to everyone. You did all that you could," I said, continuing to massage her back and loosen her tense muscles.

"I get it now," I began, after we'd been silent for awhile, "why you don't trust Tanya. I mean, I don't know about _after_ that night, but she did say that she liked Tyler for a while, and that when he called and asked her to cover for him, she just did it. I don't think anything happened between them."

"Even so, she's not the kind of person I want in my life," she said apathetically as the silence covered us once again.

I hated that Bella thought this was in any way her fault, but I didn't know how to convince her otherwise. There was also the issue of Tanya. They weren't going to be friends—apparently ever—but I genuinely liked Tanya; maybe because we shared some kind of bond in that we knew how it felt to be left behind.

Either way, knowing what I knew now, I didn't think Bella would appreciate hearing that I was helping Tanya with her studies. So, when the mood lightened, and Bella asked me what I planned to do on Thursday while she was at dinner with her mom, I didn't tell her the whole truth.

"Class, and then I'll come here and wait for you to bring me a doggy bag," I smiled, knowing that it didn't reach my eyes.

* * *

"I'm hungry," I said, and my stomach growled loudly in agreement.

Bella finished reading the last line in her Pysch book before she shut it with a huff, making her way to the kitchen. I was hot on her heels as she began pulling spaghetti noodles from the cabinet, sighing dramatically as she took out other ingredients.

Stilling her hand, I placed myself between her and the counter.

"How about we go out for dinner?" I asked, pleased when a tired smile graced her face.

Half an hour later, we were sitting in a circular booth in the back of Mamma Mia Trattoria's Italian restaurant.

Taking the reins, I'd called ahead while Bella was getting dressed—mostly because she'd kicked me out of the bathroom saying she could accomplish the task alone, and that I needed to stop hovering. As usual, I disagreed, but she locked me out before I could protest further.

Since it was an off night, I didn't have too much trouble getting a reservation, and asked for something a little private.

When we entered, I took in the crystal chandeliers that hung from the tall ceilings, the warm palate of colors that transported us from downtown Portland to an authentic Italian kitchen. There was a multitude of windows that allowed you to see each star in the sky, all adding to the restaurant's whimsical beauty.

Ordering us both the infamous Ciminello's ravioli, I sat and watched Bella sitting rigidly across from me. To an outsider she may have looked entirely self-possessed, but I could see the little things that told me otherwise. Her knee was steadily bouncing underneath the table, occasionally brushing against mine, and whenever she glanced toward the hostess stand; her nose would wrinkle in distaste.

Things seemed to be going okay, but something happened between us entering and being seated that put a damper on Bella's mood.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked, tired of playing the guessing game.

"Nothing," she exhaled, running her hands through her hair. A trait she picked up from me.

"Bella," I admonished. She crossed her arms over her chest—which did wonderful things to her cleavage—before leaning slightly forward.

"I don't really know how to say this…" she began, gazing at my perplexed expression. "Okay, this may sound stupid to you, but I hate being sat at the back of a restaurant. I feel like I'm being hidden, like they don't want people to know I'm eating here."

"Well, Bella, I didn't know that the Italians had it out for you. Especially since you're one of their own," I joked, referring to her name.

She'd told me once that naming her Isabella was Renee's first attempt to control her life, make her into something she wasn't, and that she nicknamed herself Bella out of spite.

Up until she was fourteen, she wanted to change her name to Tasha, or Beyonce.

"You know what I mean, Edward," she huffed.

Sighing, I told her she was just being paranoid, and that I was sure the hostess wasn't some closet racist. That was apparently the wrong fucking thing to say. Her head rolled upon her shoulders in a way I might have found cute had the ferocious glare that came with it not been aimed at me.

"I asked for this table," I said, trying to diffuse the tension.

"I'm being paranoid?" she asked disbelievingly, ignoring my confession. "You think if you hadn't asked to be sat here that the outcome would've been different! The hostess practically ignored me when I came in, even more so when she realized we were together. Don't delude yourself, Edward."

"I'm not," I argued, "I just don't care." I was beyond the point of trying to please people. I knew I could only control so much, and most people weren't worth the fight.

"So, my feelings on the matter aren't important? Thanks," she said curtly, leaning back into her seat.

"That's not what I meant," I tried to defend, but it was pointless. I could see the moment she closed herself off to me, and I honestly didn't know what to say.

After sitting in dissonant silence for far too long, I gave up on trying to salvage the evening, telling her more forcibly than I'd intended to, to get her things so we could leave.

If Bella disliked the place that much, we didn't have to stay.

I asked for the check and for the food to be packed up to-go, irritated that the waitress took her sweet time bringing back the receipt.

When Bella and I were alone again, I noticed that her face had softened and she seemed to be on the verge of saying something. However, when she opened her mouth to speak, she shut it just as quickly.

"Edward…" Bella began, eventually finding her words only to have them interrupted by the waitress.

"Sir," she said lowly, bending over so she could speak directly into my ear. "There seems to be a problem with your card."

"Run it again," I shrugged.

"We did…a few times," she assured me.

Annoyed, I slid another card from my wallet, surprised when she returned with the same frown on her face.

"I'm sorry, sir," she began, before I could utter a word, and I noticed that Bella was already pulling her debit card from her purse. Her face had lost all traces of anger, and now she looked as confused as I felt.

Once the bill was taken care of, we left the restaurant hand in hand. I knew she was still upset—so was I—but she gave my hand a squeeze, saying that one way or another, we would work _everything_ out.

I wanted to believe her, but the only thing I could focus on was that the night seemed destined to be a disaster. Bella paying for dinner when I wanted to take her out, and our evening ending in another fight…

Fuck!

* * *

"That is rather odd," Carlisle agreed after I told him about my card being declined. Calling him was the first thing I did when we got back to Bella's place. "There's not much we can find out at this hour, but in the morning I'll make some calls, and you follow up directly with the company," he instructed. Scheduling a time for us to talk tomorrow, I disconnected the call and went back to my other issue.

Walking into Bella's room, I wondered if it would've been better for me to go back to my room, but even my internal voice scoffed at that. I could sleep on the couch, if I needed to but that was even a stretch.

"Baby," Bella called, her wide eyes beckoning me forth. I sat on the edge of the bed facing the door, unwilling to say anything in fear of starting another disagreement.

I felt the bed dip with her weight as she came to kneel behind me, placing her hands lightly on my shoulders.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I don't want to give you a bunch of…_excuses_ for my behavior, but know that I'm sorry for my reaction. I appreciate that you wanted to take me out…"

"Yeah, that worked out great," I interrupted, placing my elbows on my knees.

Her hands moved to my lower back, and her touch was tentative against my skin.

I didn't like it.

In an attempt not to over think her actions, I spoke up.

"Maybe I need to hear the explanation because I really don't know what happened back there," I said.

"You told me to be honest with you, tell you whatever I'm thinking without censoring myself, and that's what I did. But you made a joke out of my feelings," she said. "I just don't like it when you don't take me seriously," she said, her hands moving surely once again.

"I didn't want the night to end up like it did. I thought if I could make you laugh it would have went differently," I said honestly.

"That's why I'm sorry. I know you don't need any more added stress. It's just that I'm stressed, too. With school, work, my mom..."

"_You," is how I thought she wanted to end that sentence._

"I feel like I can't breathe sometimes," she said instead. "Forgive me?" she asked simply, and who was I to deny her. She'd easily forgiven me a million times, and those were just the times I knew I'd fucked up.

"Yes," I said, pulling her hands to my mouth and softly kissing the underside of her wrists. "Can we…uh…_make-up_ now?"

_What? The very thought of angry sex was making me hard._

She laughed, but moved until she was situated in my lap. I took her kiss as permission to proceed.

* * *

"No, please don't put me on hold… again," I finished, pleading to the sounds of Barry Manilow as the customer service agent did just that. After my call was routed to Jamaica, India, and what sounded like Kentucky, I was ready to give up on finding out why my card was declined.

The most I could get out of anyone was that a hold had been placed on the funds. However, when they realized I wasn't Edward Masen _Senior_ I was told I needed to speak to a supervisor.

That's when the waiting game began.

Tugging at my hair, I hummed along to _Mandy_ until a beeping sound alerted me to a new call. This was a life or death decision. It was inevitable that if I even thought about putting the call on hold, they would come back right at that moment.

Feeling unusually optimistic, I switched lines, hearing the intercom system page Dr. Cullen in the background.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, Edward. I spoke with the lawyer who handled your account today. I have some information…do you think you could meet me at the hospital around three?" he asked, and even though his voice was rushed, I could hear in his tone that it wasn't good news.

"Just tell me," I relented, shaking my head when I saw I no longer had the other call on hold. Carlisle paused a moment, deciding if he were going to continue. It was when he was paged again that he reached a conclusion.

"It's your father, Edward. He's contesting the trust," he said scornfully. "But don't worry, he has no legitimate reason. We'll talk more about this later, son. At three?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied, disconnecting the call and shoving my cell phone into my pocket.

_I'm not surprised. I'm not upset. Things will work out._

I wish I was better at convincing myself.

* * *

"Wow, Tan, the Jonas Brothers. Really?" I asked after I entered her dorm room and placed my messenger bag by the door.

"That's my roommates," she said, gesturing to the other side of the room. "This is mine. I wasn't lucky enough to get a single," she teased, pushing books and papers across the bed to make room for me to sit.

"Don't you have a desk? " I asked.

"Do you see one, _Edwood_?" she retorted, sitting cross-legged on the bed. "Come on, you're wasting time and I really need to understand this before tomorrow," she said, purposefully pulling out her syllabus.

Sitting down on the creaky mattress, I pulled the pages from her hands. Since we'd reviewed most of the material, I decided to just quiz her on each topic, but I even surprised myself with my first question.

"How could you cover for them, Tan?" I asked. "He tried to do something awful to your sister." Sighing, she pushed her book off of her lap.

"I guess Bella told you her version of the story then," she replied, not needing to ask what I was referring to. "Listen, I made a stupid mistake. I wanted to get back at Bella for taking my sister away from me, for taking the guy I liked away, and I just made things worse," she explained.

"As soon as I found out what happened, I told my sister the truth. I apologized to her for letting things get as far as they did, and she forgave me. She asked me not to say anything because she didn't want that to define her; she didn't want to be seen as helpless." She adjusted her position on the bed.

"Edward," she reached over and put her hand just above my kneecap. "I didn't mess around with Tyler. Rosalie and Bella were even closer after everything went down, and since Bella didn't want me around, I ended up hanging out Tyler. I didn't have anyone else to talk to," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Bella chooses to believe that there was more going on with Tyler and I than there was, and I chose not to correct her." She puffed out her cheeks to blow her bangs out of her eyes.

"You need to tell her the truth," I said, politely removing her hand.

"She wouldn't listen anyway," Tanya retorted.

"Well, until you can make her listen," I began, rising to my feet. "I don't feel right about being alone with you. If Bella ever got the wrong idea, I know you'd _choose_ not to correct her," I said, throwing her own words back at her. Making my way toward the door, I pulled out the questions I prepared for our session.

"Here," I said, handing over the sheet of paper. "If you can answer those questions, you should be okay for tomorrow. Turning my eyes from her watery gaze, I walked to the door and opened it, saying the only thing I could think to say.

"Good luck tomorrow."

* * *

**A/N** I do apologize for not getting back to reviews, but I will try to answer the PMs as soon as I can. We are close to the end. I can't put an exact number on it, but probably 5 more chapters. Thanks for hanging in there, and leave me some love!


	24. I Know

A/N Thank you ABG for your betaing prowess. SM owns the characters, all the errors are mine.

* * *

How could you deny me so vehemently?  
Now your body is shakin' trying to free it of me  
And your soul is in control, trying to lead it from me  
And your heart no longer pledge allegiance to me

I Know—Jay-Z

Bella began spending more and more time at work, a decision I wasn't at all happy with. I didn't hesitate in vocalizing my distaste to her, either. I may have even demanded she work less. Yet, regardless of my opinion, she accepted every extra shift offered.

First, Bella explained that Rosalie would be taking some time off to meet Em's family, and she owed Rosalie a few shifts because of all the times she covered for her so that _we_ could spend time together. Second, she said the extra money couldn't hurt due to recent _circumstances_. Though I did feel immense guilt over said conditions, the idea of having any of our time cut short made me physically ill.

All of my assets were frozen while my father searched for ways to get me to see 'reason'. No matter how many times he called me—tempting me with gifts and what I perceived to be empty promises—nothing would convince me to leave Portland. When all of his attempts at wooing me failed, he changed course and sought ways to completely cut me off. Carlisle and his lawyer were sure he didn't have valid justification, but until everything could be worked out, I had nothing.

_Except for Bella._

Bella's final argument as to why she would indeed be taking any shift she could was that my ultimate reason—that we weren't spending enough time together—was severely flawed. As she put it, 'I was always there'. Something in the way she said it sounded so resigned, maybe a little irritated that I was, in fact, always there. But instead of pondering it further, I shoved the thoughts away.

Realizing that I couldn't change her mind, and that with all of her obligations our time together would be depleted, I did the next best thing.

_I_ made more time for us.

I studied at her job while she worked. In between classes, I sought her out—sometimes skipping my own classes just to have an extra hour or so with her. At night, when I would normally leave her apartment to go back to the dorms, I stayed, spending every moment I could with her before we absolutely had to go our separate ways.

The few drawers she'd allocated to me were overflowing, and now half her closet was filled with my things too. I'd practically moved in with her, figuring at the very least we would see each other every night.

* * *

It was the third night this week that I did my homework while sitting at the coffee shop. Bella was scheduled to work the night shift, and even though I was exhausted after leaving my own job, I bypassed our place in order be near her.

What I hadn't known was that Bella was scheduled to work with Tanya—a rarity since new people were hired to take up the slack for the student employees. If I expected things to be awkward between them—or between Tanya and I since that speech I'd given her a few weeks ago—I was wrong. They both basically ignored each other, and Tanya ignored me.

Carefully watching both of them, I noticed there were times when it looked like Tanya was going to say something to Bella. She would be close to tapping Bella's shoulder before she lost her nerve, swiftly turning around to wipe down a counter.

Hoping that Tanya intended to make amends, I gave her a small reassuring smile, letting her know that this was as good a time as any to make things right. She seemed to have found strength in the gesture, lifting her chin up determinately as she turned to face Bella. Before she could give it another go, two customers entered. Tanya shifted her focus to take their orders as Bella walked over to me.

"You look tired," I observed, trying to pull her closer to me.

"I am," she replied, sitting down and exhaling slowly as I massaged the back of her neck. "I need to start counting out my register. If I'm lucky, we can close a little early," she said, rising to her feet in spite of my objections.

"Hey, you're in my lab right?"

Looking up, I saw it was one of the two brunettes who had just walked in. She didn't look familiar to me, so I shrugged in response, turning just in time to see Bella walk back to the counter.

"My name is Jessica," she said, then looked back to where her friend was. "My friend, Marie, used to be your lab partner." I did recognize the mousy girl that I scared the shit out of our first day of classes. Feeling a bit embarrassed by my past behavior, I introduced myself.

"I'm Edward," I said, nodding my head, and apparently she took the nod to mean 'please sit with me'. Jessica plopped down in Bella's abandoned seat without decorum, scooting her chair close to mine.

"You're welcome," she said.

"Excuse me?" I asked confusedly as I noisily shifted my chair away.

"That black chick," she motioned toward Bella as if it weren't obvious who she was referring to, "is bad news. She used to date my friend Mike. Took all his money and then left him. She probably uses this job to prey on rich guys that want an easy piece. That building next door is probably where she finds her victims," she continued, unconscious of my rising anger. "So…you're welcome."

I balled my hands into fists, reminding myself that you do _not_ hit women; although, in my opinion, she hardly qualified.

Her friend rushed over seconds later, her face flushed red in what I assumed was embarrassment as she tried to quiet Jessica. When I realized that her friend had heard everything from her distance, I quickly stood to seek out Bella, knowing it was more than likely she heard every word too.

"Jess!" her friend shout-whispered as she pulled her to her feet, telling her how loud she was being. Jessica merely shrugged as she was yanked to her feet. Everything happened so fast I felt frozen in my spot, unable to move in fear that I would strike this girl.

"Sorry, we're closed," Tanya said sharply, glaring at both girls as she escorted them out and turned off the neon 'open' sign. Taking a deep breath, Tanya turned to me.

"You and Bella can leave. I'll finish up here." Not taking the time to thank her, I headed straight toward the backroom.

As soon as we got back to the apartment, I tried to soothe Bella, but she avoided my touch. She changed into pajamas—which she never did—and turned off the lights, leaving me sitting on the edge of the bed in the dark. Tongue-tied, I followed suit, stripping down to my boxers and climbing into bed with her.

Before I could wrap my arms around her, she turned her back to me, pulling the covers up over her shoulders. Moving slightly forward, I moved a tentative arm out to drape over her waist, curving my body around hers when she didn't protest.

"I love you, Bella," I said, listening to her choppy breathing. After what seemed like forever, her hoarse voice reached my ears.

"You too."

* * *

"…we've already collected over two-thousand dollars in donations. Isn't that amazing?" Bella asked, smiling at Esme as she passed her a tray of croissants. Knowing that Bella and I came to brunch to relax, I tried to keep my mind focused on present company and conversation only, but I couldn't help but reflect on my father's latest stunt.

"Yes, it is," Esme replied. "Just wait until the major donors start sending in checks, then…

"Carlisle, have you heard anymore from the lawyer?" I asked louder than I intended to, cutting off Esme mid-sentence. He turned wide eyes to Bella and Esme before focusing back on me.

"We can go to my office and discuss this if you'd like," he offered. I was shaking my head 'no' before he even completed the sentence.

"My problems aren't secret to anyone here," I replied, feeling embarrassed nonetheless.

The little money I had in my account was quickly dwindling, and I wasn't making much from my job because it was primarily for school credit. I was progressively relying on Bella for things, whether it was lunch or her spotting me gas money, and I was sickened by this turn of events. I did contribute as much as I could monetarily, and tried to pay her back, but she always refused the money.

"_You can pay me back by taking me to Fiji when everything is worked out," _she'd say, giving me hope that this would pass soon.

Since, I knew that arguing with her would get me nowhere; I gave money to Rosalie, asking her to put it toward the rent. She could save whatever excess there was for whenever Bella needed it.

"Well," Carlisle hedged, his tranquil voice soothing the tension in the room. "Your father didn't have much to go on, so he's grasping at straws. When he couldn't prove you unfit due to your age, he found a clause in the trust that he feels will resolve everything…" he trailed off, glancing toward Esme.

"And?" I asked, looking at him expectantly.

"It seems that," Carlisle began, exasperation coloring his tone, "your trust can be revoked due to any behavior deemed _unbecoming_ of the Masen family name."

Shaking my head, I tried to wrap my mind around what he was saying. "What does that mean Carlisle? It's not like I have a criminal record or anything."

"He's basing it on your current relationship with Bella," he answered softly, as if he were approaching a sleeping bear, afraid of when I would lash out. I could only sigh in response.

"What do I do now?" I asked, again feeling that indefinable emotion course its way through my body, establishing itself in the pit of stomach.

"_We_ wait. Trust me, son, he's just digging a hole for himself," he assured me. It wasn't until Carlisle placed his hand over mine that I realized we were alone.

* * *

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Rosalie hissed, pushing me out of the door I'd just walked through.

"I was just checking on Bella. The last time she was here with her mom, they got into a fight, and she spent the whole night upset with me!" I huffed, looking over her head to see if I could spot Renee or Bella.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's the only reason she was angry. It couldn't have had anything to do with you," she retorted, arching one highly mobile brow as she folded her arms across her chest. "Besides, I distinctly remember her asking you not to come here…"

"She did _not_ say that. She said…"

"She _said_ that she wanted to focus on the kids tonight and that she would see you later. That's kind of hard to do with you shadowing her, Edward."

"Whatever Rosalie. If you're here, then she won't mind me being here," I said, moving to walk around her.

"I'm here," she said, once again blocking my path," because this is the only way I can spend time with _my_ roommate, just us two. Why don't you call Emmett, I'm sure he needs help with his costume."

"Maybe _you_ should spend this time with _your_ fiancé," I muttered, swiftly making my way around her. She said something about 'for your own good' preceded by whispered expletives that followed me on the way in.

The Coats for Kids program turned out to be a big success, and several organizations had sought out Bella for her expertise in event planning. She had to turn most of the invitations down due to scheduling conflicts, but she couldn't pass up the offer when the museum contacted her. The benefactors asked if Bella would organize the annual Halloween party they hosted for children city-wide, and she gladly accepted.

We planned to go to Jasper's place later as he and Alice were throwing a costume party, and to be honest, Bella did ask that I wait for her at the apartment. But after the first hour passed, and she didn't answer any of my phone calls, I decided to come down to see if everything was okay.

Minutes later, I thought I heard Bella's tinkling laughter and pushed—politely as I could—through a few girls dressed as princesses until I stood a few feet away from her. Bella was partially blocked by an ivory column, and I could only see her from the waist up as she was manning the 'treat' table. But I knew it was her by the way her high ponytail fell against her back, the pleasant grace she always exuded. She was dressed in a crimson red military uniform, posing as Lt. Uhura from the _Star Trek_ series. The color complemented her skin perfectly, causing my lower abdomen to tighten in anticipation of seeing it off of her later.

Shopping for costumes had been yet another…issue. Apparently, we needed to go dressed as a couple, which should've been simple enough, but there was a lack of costumes geared towards interracial couples. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but for whatever reason it really irritated Bella. Thinking back on it, I still didn't see the problem.

"_We can go as the Kennedys," I suggested, knowing it was easy enough for me to wear a suit._

"_Edward, if I dress as Jackie O, people are going to assume I'm...I don't know, Oprah Winfrey," she said, rolling her eyes at my insolence. _

"_What about that chick from Grease?" I suggested, already imagining her in the skintight leather outfit._

"_Then I'd be the black chick from the _Thriller_ video. I don't want to have to explain who I'm supposed to be. I want something more obvious. Some things should just be evident," she said sadly, and I had to wonder if she was still talking about shopping for costumes._

"_Salt and Pepper shakers?"_

"_People, not inanimate objects, Edward."_

_I held up a bag labeled 'Harry Potter' laughing at the expression on her face._

"_Harry Potter equals Steve Urkel. Oh!" she said, inspiration striking as she moved to a plastic crown. "Cleopatra and Marc Anthony?" she asked, slipping on the Egyptian headpiece. Giving the accompanying costume a cursory glance, I gently pulled the crown off of her head._

"_No," I said, looking for other options._

"_What do you mean 'no'?" she asked, genuinely confused._

"_You're not leaving the house wearing…that," I pointed at the few scraps of cloth that I knew couldn't contain all of her…uh, assets._

"_God, Edward, stop telling me what I can and can't do," she said._

"_Baby," I began. "Do you really want to fight over a stupid costume?" I asked calmly, maybe even pouting a little. It may have been a little manipulative, but whether it turned into a bigger ordeal or not, she was not wearing that outside of our bedroom. _

_With that thought in mind, I picked the costume back up._

"_Fine," she cut me off. "We can find something later."_

_She didn't speak to me on the ride home, her eyes—once again—glued to the screen of her phone._

We eventually decided on going as Spock and Nyota. Well, she told me what she picked out, and I reluctantly agreed to wear prosthetic ears and style my hair—ridiculously—into a bowl cut to accompany her. I hadn't seen her all dressed up yet, and I left my Vulcan get-up at home until I was _forced_ to put it on.

I wasn't going to let anyone think I was some closet trekkie.

Starting to move forward, I stilled again when Bella's voice pushed through my thoughts, her words catching me off-guard.

"That would defeat the purpose, Peter. Then you're just the geeky guy that got to be normal for one night," she laughed. A deep hearty laugh I hadn't had the pleasure of hearing in a long time.

Stepping closer, I peered as far as I could to see who she was speaking to, outraged when I saw the rest of her outfit. Or should I say the lack thereof. The uniform stretched up to her neck and it was long sleeved, but the fact that at first glance the dress looked like a shirt was a definite sign that it was too damn short.

I could see the edge of her red briefs as I looked lower, and I was seething as this _Peter_ looked down at those smooth brown legs—that hadn't been wrapped around me in days—for an unnecessary length of time. His beady eyes were ravishing Bella with an unsettling intensity, signifying that he was pleased with what he saw.

I was walking forward before I made the conscience decision to do so.

"Bella," I scowled, walking up from behind her, not bothering to acknowledge or even look in this other guy's direction. "Did you leave the rest of this…" I motioned to her costume "_this_ at home?"

"Edward?" she questioned, her eyes flashing with shock before they turned furious.

_Good_. _Now she knows how I feel_.

She turned away from me, plastering a beautiful yet false smile upon her face.

"I'm sorry, Peter. Maybe I can catch up with you and Lucy later?" she asked.

_Lucy?_

Promptly turning, I saw a small girl dressed as a bumble bee clutching at Peter's knees, her eyes displaying fear as she peered up at me. Bella squatted down until she was eye level with the little girl, redirecting her focus, and I took a step behind her to shield her body from anyone who wanted to stop and appreciate the view. Reaching up to the table, she picked up three miniature candy bars.

"Here's two for you, and one for your mom, Lucy. Don't let your dad here sneak into your treats, okay?"

"Yes, Miss Bella," Lucy lisped. Bella rose to her feet then, and Peter hesitated before leading his daughter away.

"Uh…" I began, scratching my jaw as I looked for a way out of this clusterfuck. She didn't say a word, just turned around and walked away. Dutifully following her, I noticed we'd arrived at the exit.

"I asked you to wait for me," she said, her voice eerily placid. It didn't match the anger her expression held.

"You weren't answering your phone and…"

"Did something happen?" she cut me off, her concern temporarily replacing her annoyance.

"Yeah, I just…"

"Then you just did what _you_ wanted to do. What I asked meant nothing to you," she stated, leaving no room for rebuttal. Before I could defend myself, she raised her hands in surrender.

"Edward, I can't do this right now…please just go," she exhaled, taking a step back. "I'm so tired of this. I need space."

"What?" I said, my voice echoing the confusion and fear I felt.

"God, keep your voice down," she said, reclaiming her position in front of me. "I asked you to do this _one_ thing, Edward. You just aren't giving me any room to breathe here…please," she pleaded.

"Whatever. Do what you want since my presence is so _stifling_ to you," I said with more venom than necessary. Hurriedly wanting to take those words back, I started again. "Bella, I…"

"Just go, Edward," she said, her lips pulled into a thin tight line. Afraid of what I might see if I met her eyes, I turned to leave, hearing nothing but the sound of my heartbeat thudding in my ears.

When I got to my car, I paced around trying to make sense of what just happened. I didn't want to start another argument with her, especially with all those kids around. So I knew it was best for me to leave. However, there was something else nagging me. It was the same heaviness I felt when my parents left Portland: the same wild affliction that had been making frequent appearances over the last few weeks.

It was in that foggy haze that I pulled out my phone and dialed the first number I could think of.

"Hey Tan, it's me. You said there was a party tonight?"

If Bella wanted space, I would give her space.

* * *

"So, this is what you do every weekend?" I shouted, trying to get Tanya's attention over the sound of the bass booming from the speakers.

We met at our dorm shortly after I called her, making the brief walk to the _Kappa Sigma _house together_. _Things were a bit awkward since our last real conversation, but I imagine she was just as content as I was to not bring it up. She tried to engage me in conversation, but I could only think of Bella.

It was hard to just walk away from her without some sort of resolution, but it was equally as hard to deny her anything. Given my behavior, I couldn't fault her for asking me to leave. But seriously, I swear that Peter guy was checking out her legs. How was I supposed to know he was looking down at his kid?

"Not every weekend, Edward. You make it sound so bad," Tanya said, dragging me away from the raucous crowd and out of my thoughts as we headed toward the kitchen. The music wasn't as deafening in this part of the house. Grabbing two shots of some unidentifiable liquid, she slid one into my hand.

"As the great Lindsay Lohan once said, 'I like to party as much as anyone my age'. Tanya easily tossed back the shot, reaching for my glass when I finished mine. "It's not a crime," she added. Clearing my throat, I took the next proffered shot of what had to be rubbing alcohol passing itself off as tequila.

"It's barely seven and you're already quoting Linsday? This can't end well," I joked, trying fruitlessly to both ignore and control the mounting feelings of doubt regarding my current state of affairs.

Part of me wanted to leave the party and go to my dorm, to let Bella feel the separation anxiety I so often dealt with in her absence. However, a bigger, stronger part wanted to go back to the museum and _make_ Bella talk to me. I needed to apologize for fucking up again.

Sighing, I picked up an empty cup and filled it to the brim with whatever heinous beer was in the keg. I drained my drink before we moved back to where things were in full swing.

As the time passed, Tanya introduced me to some of her friends, her gait becoming more precarious and her words beginning to slur as she continued to imbibe any drink within her reach. I lost count on how many I had, but I knew it was significantly less than her.

"I think you've had enough, Tan," I said, pulling the cup from her hand.

"What?"

Leaning into her ear, I repeated my statement, catching the way she began to shiver. When would she learn to wear less skimpy clothing? Removing my jacket, I draped it over her shoulders and placed my hand on her elbow to lead her out.

"I'm not ready to go yet," she pouted, twisting out of my grip and disappearing into the crowd. My reflexes were slow, and she was out of my sight before I could collect her.

"Fuck."

After what felt like forever, but was probably just under an hour, I spotted Tanya in the sea of bodies grinding away on the dance floor.

"I'm going to take off," I shouted. She reached her arms up to encircle my neck, burying her face there as all of her weight crashed into me.

"Come on, let's get you home," I said, irritated that my plan to leave her there had been suddenly derailed.

"No, Edwood," she yelled, dragging the name out as I maneuvered us through the mob of people. "I not wehdee to go," she whined, pushing her overly red lips out.

"Really? Baby talk?" I said, tightening my grip around her arm just before she tried to bolt again. "Knock it off, Tanya."

Once our dorm came into view, I loosened my hold on her while still helping her to stand upright. The cold air seemed to have cleared her mind a bit, and she spoke clearly for the first time since we'd left.

"What time is it?" Using the hand that wasn't holding her up, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, cursing when I saw the display.

"Shit! It's past midnight." Picking up the pace, I begged-yelled at Tanya to keep up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Finally tired of her stumbling, I easily picked her up, dropping her right on her ass when I took the first step.

"Looks like you drunkie too," she singsonged, groaning as she tried to right herself.

"Fuck!"

* * *

After begging Emmett to pick me up, I was shocked to find him sans costume, appearing as if he'd just rolled out of bed. He explained that he and Rosalie took off early, leaving Bella with Alice when she said she would wait for me.

Unfortunately, that was over two hours ago.

He dropped me off at Bella's complex, telling me that if I didn't call him for a ride within the hour, I was shit out of luck. Thanking him in spite of his grumpiness, I hauled ass to Jasper's.

People were loitering outside as the apartment could only hold so many, and I found myself trapped in a crowd for the second time in as many hours. Once I broke through, I scanned the living area and the kitchen, not seeing any sign of Bella. I made the short circuit again, looking for Jasper as well, but there was no sign of either of them. I was a second away from going to her apartment when a screen door slid open, the smell of smoke swiftly filtering in as some guy dressed as Fred Flinstone sauntered by.

Stepping outside onto the back patio, I instantly recognized Alice among the few people gathered out there. She wore a long wig—that was more yellow than blonde—with a silver tiara poised crookedly on her head. She seemed to be drowning in her frilly pink dress, her eyes catching mine as she gave me a diminutive smile.

"Princess Peach?" I hedged, knowing that my videogame knowledge would come in handy some day.

"Someone knows his Super Mario brothers," she smiled.

"Have you seen Bella?" I asked, cutting to the chase.

"Yeah, I think James was going to walk her home because she didn't think you were going to show," she said, a touch of arcane annoyance in her voice. "You probably passed them on the way back here." I turned around too quickly in my haste, having to stop and balance myself against the abrupt lightheadedness.

Back at the front of the building, I searched the crowd again, wincing at the nausea I felt. It took me less than a minute to jog down to Bella's unit, but I could see that all the lights were off. Bending over with my hand on my knees, I took a second to catch my breath and to reclaim my equilibrium.

Somewhat steady again, I reached into my pocket for my keys, coming up empty handed. It took me a full minute to realize that my keys were in my jacket and my jacket was with Tanya.

It surely went without saying, but I said it anyway. "Fuck!"

Disoriented, I twisted the door handle, unsurprised to find the door locked. I began knocking as I fumbled in my jeans pocket for my cell phone to call Bella, irritated at her lack of response on both accounts. Swiveling my head—too fast, again—I ran back to Jasper's, hoping that Bella was in the restroom and I'd just missed her.

The third look around produced no new results. And the eye-full I got when I barged in on a couple—dressed as a cartoonish cat and mouse—going at it in the restroom was enough to reignite my queasiness.

I would never look at Tom & Jerry the same again.

Standing in the hallway, I tried calling Bella again, noticing several missed calls and texts from her.

"_You've had too much to drink," a muffled, but feminine voice said._ Looking around, I tried to figure out where the sound was coming from.

"_You think you're something special because he lets you hang off of him like a little puppy? Don't fool yourself, honey. It's obvious you know your place. He takes care of your needs and I'm sure you take care of his…_

"_Excuse me?" _

"Bella?" I mumbled confusedly. In my drunken flurry, I opened the door on Tom & Jerry again—instantly regretting it—as I tried to hone in on her voice over the sound of their moans.

"_Maybe you could show me how you take care of him. I gotta admit, I'm curious…"_

Forcing back my involuntary impulse to vomit as I heard those words, I called out her name, pushing in the last door at the end of hallway. Whatever was blocking it was dislodged as I used my foot to pry it all the way open.

The scene my eyes fell on was disconcerting, and everything seemed to be moving so fast.

I could see Bella glaring at the heap of a person I'd obviously pushed down, their limp form struggling to rise to their feet. Bella moved closer to me, her hand seeking purchase on my arm before she started tugging me toward the door. Taking in the loose coveralls, the back of a blond head and the tool belt, I narrowed my eyes as James finally rose to his full height.

"James, if you ever lay a hand on her…"I began, feeling Bella abruptly remove her hand from my arm. Turning to see what was wrong with her, I was unable to hide my frown at the situation she'd gotten herself into. How many times did I have to tell her to stay away from him?

"Come on, Edward. Surely you don't mind sharing."

"Fuck you!" Bella spat, inching her way forward as was her foolish habit to do in any confrontation.

I vaguely recognized the fact that she'd cursed and that I was the one holding her back when the familiar voice instantly sobered me up.

"Jasper?" I questioned, rapidly blinking my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Why had he been blocking Bella's path? Overwhelmed with everything that was happening, I grabbed Bella's arm, promptly fleeing his place.

* * *

"Why were you in his room?" I asked. "This could've all been avoided…You can't stay here. Not with him so close," I added, my thoughts jumbled as I decided Bella would have to live in the dorm with me. Adrenaline was still pumping through my veins, causing me to pace the length of the bedroom while Bella sat on the edge of the bed with her arms tightly wrapped around her midsection.

When we'd entered the apartment, Bella wrenched her arm out of my grasp, yelling at me for manhandling her. I was too busy replaying the situation at Jasper's—solidifying details that weren't initially clear—to realize that I'd been careless with her. After I scrutinized every aspect, I knew Bella wasn't doing anything wrong with him, I was confident in that. But I still didn't understand how she found herself in that predicament to begin with.

Jasper…I would take care of him later. My first concern was getting Bella out of that place.

"Seriously, that's what you're concerned about? How I ended up in his room?" she asked incredulously. "And I'm not moving, Edward."

"Hell yeah I'm concerned about that. And yes, you are moving," I retorted. "Jesus Bella, if you would just listen to me…"

"I think 'obey' is the word you're looking for," she spat. "I'm so sick of this, of everything."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, finally looking at her; _really_ looking at her.

Bella's shoulders were slumped forward even though her chin jutted out in defiance. A faint tremor shook her small frame as her eyes glazed over with tears that had yet to fall. She looked naked, completely bare before me, and that look in her eyes…

It was bad enough that she looked so defeated, but that was trumped by the fact that I'd seen that look in her eyes for weeks.

_Why was I just noticing it now?_

"Did you pay my deposit? And having you been paying part of the rent?" she asked, avoiding my question. Not wanting to go down that road at the moment, I stayed quiet. When she saw that I wasn't going to respond, she continued.

"No wonder he thinks…" she began, before answering my original question. "It means I'm tired of you trying to control me, everything about me," she proclaimed, rising to her feet. "Telling me what to do, what not to wear, following me _everywhere_…"she paused, and I sensed there was more she wanted to add but didn't. "You don't own me," she finished.

But I did, didn't I? Her heart, spirit, and body were mine just as all that I was entirely belonged to her.

"Don't I?" I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief.

"God, you are just as bad as Renee!" she shouted, and I flinched at the volume of her voice. Slowly exhaling, she closed her eyes, seemingly fortifying her determination. "Like I said before, I need space. I think we need to take a break."

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe and my head was pounding. I could hear what she was saying but it didn't make any sense. This couldn't be happening. Remembering some of our recent disagreements and their results, I came to one conclusion.

"Is this about the race thing?" I asked, my stomach churning with alcohol and fear. "You're more concerned with what strangers think than the _truth_ of what we have?"

"Yes…no…yes!" she affirmed. "It does bother me that people look at us and make assumptions about our relationship, or assume that our love isn't real. I could shake that off most of the time because I knew what we had." I didn't miss how she used the past tense.

"People are always going to see us that way though: as black and white and nothing more, Edward. But what hurts worse is the fact that their assumptions hold truth. I'm the slave to your master. I do what you want and that makes you happy," she said matter-of-factly, and I recoiled as if I'd been struck.

"Meanwhile, I'm miserable and I can't do it anymore…I can't. I think we need to take a break," she suggested, and a mirthless laugh escaped me.

"Either you love me or you don't," I retorted. "No _break_ is going to change that." Maybe if I could get her to see reason she would stop it with this preposterous idea.

"You're doing it again Edward, taking away my choice," she exploded, oblivious to the panic attack I was having.

"Well, which is it?" My voice was foreign to my own ears. It was too calm to aptly portray the storm brewing in side. She didn't speak right away, and as the minutes ticked by I felt confident that we could fix things.

"Then we're through," she breathed, her voice devoid of all emotion.

I found myself sighing, the breath choked from me by the unyielding weight of regret.

Her reaction was all wrong. I expected that she would fight for us. But instead of strong Bella, a resigned one sat in her place. Couldn't she see that I needed her to fight for us because I didn't know how to? I tried before with my parents, but I'd long since realized that I was ill-equipped at making people want me.

_Maybe she just doesn't care enough to do so._

That thought was crippling.

"I was wrong," I said to myself, hating that the words were true. I thought things would be different with Bella, that she would be the one person to stay with me no matter what. But in the end, I wasn't enough. I was wrong to think I could be worthy of anyone's love, especially hers. I would always be deficient.

Mechanically moving to her closet, I grabbed one of the hoodies I had there, pulling it over my head as I prepared to leave. I didn't meet her eyes; I couldn't as I tried in vain to focus on making it through the next second while ignoring the implications of my heart.

"I'll get the rest of my things later," I whispered, facing the door.

I searched for the right words to say, to let her know I would always love her, but found none. Finding my face wet with the evidence of emotion I didn't know how to express, I left the only place I'd ever known as home.

* * *

A/N I know it's been a while, but due to work I've been living out of airports and hotels . When I am home, I spend the time with my fam. So don't be too upset with me. I think we have about two chapters left, hang in there if you can.

A special thank you to the ladies that reviewed my story on **The Fictionators**. I'll post a link on my profile for those interested. And in the meantime, I'm working on Bella's POV to a portion of this chapter for those that leave a review. So if you want it, you know what to do : )

Happy Halloween!


	25. When Doves Cry

A/N Thanks as always to my beta ABG . SM still owns the characters, all the errors are mine.

* * *

How can you just leave me standing?  
Alone in a world that's so cold  
Maybe I'm just too demanding  
Maybe I'm just like my father…

When Doves Cry—Prince

* * *

After Bella ended things, I began walking back to my dorm. It was cold as fuck outside but I didn't have choice. I couldn't stay with someone that didn't want me.

I felt somewhat _unhinged_ as every repulsive emotion within me rebelled, seeking to overtake me.

First, I felt guilt for being the one to put that dead, conquered look on Bella's face. Then, there was shock because without any hesitation, she asked me to leave _twice_ in the same day. I expected more from her. To top it all off I was frustrated. Frustrated because she didn't listen to me when I told her to be careful and wound up trapped in a room with Jasper. Sighing, I pulled my hood over my head and tried to push the events of the night out of my head.

Bella and I were over and there was nothing I could do about it.

However, believing those words proved an impossible task. I knew that my life was about to return to its usual state where I was alone and no one bothered with me, and I cursed my idiocy for thinking that I would ever receive more from life than rejection. Yet and still, I couldn't _accept_ that we were over. It was too…final.

When I was about a mile away from Bella's place, Em showed up from out of nowhere. He took one look at me and told me to get my 'sorry ass' in the car. My expression must have made it clear that I wasn't in the mood for insults or conversation, therefore we spent the ride in silence: me with my head pressed against the passenger-side window as he continuously cleared his throat, attempting to ask me about what happened.

I indistinctly remember thanking him for the ride before I slammed the car door and made my way to my room.

My head was swimming from too much liquor and too much drama, and I steadied myself against the wall before searching for my keys. Pulling out my cell first, I glanced at the display, noting it was well past three in the morning.

I stared at my screensaver a moment longer, gazing at the picture of Bella I took from the night we broke into the amusement park. That day felt like it happened a million years ago, not the short two months it had actually been. And as I thought back to the 'I love you's' we exchanged for the first time, that dark debilitating emotion came over me again; vibrations of it simmering just beneath the last bit of my control.

With trembling hands, I continued my search, reminded for the second time that I didn't have my keys. I leaned my head against the door, wishing that something would just work out for me.

_Just this once._

"Fuck!" I hissed, kicking the door to release some of my pent up frustration. The exertion felt good, and I started hurling my fist into the same wooden door, ignoring the stinging sensation that immediately followed.

Some guy came scrambling out of his room to see what caused the noise. Scratching his jaw, he took one look in my direction before his eyes widened and he went scurrying back into safety. His sudden appearance calmed me long enough to get my bearings, and I used that moment of clarity to head upstairs to Tanya's to get my keys.

When she opened the door, I was assaulted by the smell of vomit and mouthwash. Instantly recoiling, I asked her for my jacket.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Where's my jacket," I demanded, pushing past her to see if I could spot it on my own.

"You might want me to…um…wash it first," she giggled before placing her hand on my shoulder. Turning around to face her, I saw that she was struggling for balance. Obviously she was still enjoying her buzz.

_Lucky for her._

Walking her over to the bed, I sat her down, nodding curtly in response to her grateful smile. I resumed my search for the jacket, praying to God it wasn't in a vomit covered heap in her bathroom.

"Edward…really, tell me what's wrong," she pouted, patting the spot beside her.

"What's _wrong_ is that my keys are in my jacket and I can't get into my room," I spat, quickly losing my temper. "Where is it?"

"You're bleeding," she gasped, her gaze settling on my hands. At my glare, she rolled her overly concerned eyes. "Calm down, Eddie. I'll try to remember where I put it." Tanya stood on wobbly legs as she began searching in the pile of clothes on the floor nearest her closet. Her breathing was a bit erratic, hitching every now and again before she emitted a deep sound from the back of her throat.

In spite of her condition, she still wanted to help me, and I was being an ass to her. Shutting my eyes tightly, I reigned in my emotions and spoke without looking at her.

"Bella left me," I whispered, embarrassed at how weak I sounded in that moment. I wanted to…I wanted to do _something_ to stop the pain I felt, but it only increased with every breath I took.

Tanya slowly turned back to me, her expression unreadable. After a moment, she sighed and disappeared into the adjoining restroom. She reappeared with a towel and first-aid kit, reaching for me so that she could tend to the bloody mess. Once she had my sleeve pushed up, she cleared all the evidence of my earlier outburst, and then led me to her bed.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked, sitting next to me so that she could apply a bandage to my left hand.

"I don't know what happened," I told her honestly.

She scooted closer and my body tipped slightly toward the extra weight now close by my side. Her hand worked its way from my palm to the crook of my elbow, her icy fingers trailing an indiscernible path. She meant the action to be soothing, but it only served to remind me of the warm fingers that had touchedme in a similar way—fingers I would never feel again. Tanya cleared her throat, her eyes locked on the movement of her own hand.

"She doesn't deserve you, you know? You need someone who appreciates you, someone who loves you just as you are. You're better than her," she added casually. Her hand moved to cup my jaw and she was staring at my lips as she slowly, methodically inched even closer to me. Realizing her intentions, I batted her hand away and jumped to my feet.

"What are you talking about? Bella does appreciate me. She gave me a chance when I insulted her in the worst possible way," I yelled, recalling our first introduction. "She's been there for me whenever I needed her and I never even had to ask. She just…knew. When I lost everything she stayed with me. A lesser woman would have left me and all of my baggage long ago…"I cut myself off as the realization of truth of my words hit me hard, shattering the last remnants of my composure. "I'm the one that doesn't deserve her, I never did. She was…is, more than perfect for me. Better than anything I could've imagined. She was ideal and I fucked it up," I stated, my voice growing hoarse from shouting. My impromptu speech must have awakened something in Tanya, because she was in my face seconds later.

"Well, maybe if you would've said that a week ago instead of letting some girl trash talk her, you wouldn't be standing her with me now," she snapped.

Her statement pissed me right the fuck off and that familiar daunting emotion gained strength as she looked upon me with undisguised revulsion. In my current state, the unknown emotion was exposed, and I no longer needed to guess at what it was_._

I was angry.

"What did you think Tanya? That Bella and I would break up and suddenly I'd coming running to you? That I would _want_ to be with you?" I knew I was being harsh, but I didn't give a shit. Tanya didn't know anything about what Bella and I had. She could keep her fucking opinion to herself.

"You're standing in _my_ room. You called _me_ and asked if we could hang out and," she paused, moving just close enough to grab my shirt, her pungent aroma wafting up to my nostrils again, "and I'm pretty sure that's _my _lipstick on your collar."

Slinging her hand off of me, I turned my head to the side, seeing the irrefutable evidence of her claim. I combed my hands through my hair, fitfully pulling at the strands as I remembered trying to carry Tanya to her room when she couldn't walk, figuring that must have been when the transference took place. My stomach plummeted as I wondered what Bella thought upon seeing it.

Thinking my temper was momentarily subdued, Tanya released a rugged breath. Reaching her hand up to me _again_, she pushed strays hairs away from my forehead.

"Once you calm down…" I grabbed her wrist, successfully stilling her movements and shocking her into silence.

"If Bella and I don't speak again, I would _never_ choose to be with a mediocre version of Rosalie." I smirked, slowly and deliberately dropping her hand to show her how revolting her touch felt to me. Tanya hated being compared to her sister, especially in any way where she was made to feel as if she were second best. I didn't feel bad about using that against her now.

Her words were too painful to bear and I just wanted her to shut up.

That same hand I discarded came up again and slapped me across the face. _Hard_. I closed my eyes for a moment, reveling in the burn spreading over the side of my face. When I opened them, Tanya looked wonderfully murderous.

Good.

"This is your fault, Tanya. If you hadn't got so wasted trying to get anything with a dick to notice you, making me chase you around all night, we could have left. Then I would've been there for her. Bella would still be mine. You did this," I shouted, then tilted my head from side to side until I felt the satisfying crack of muscle.

"I'm so sick of being everybody's scapegoat! You did this to _yourself_, Edward. Don't try and put the blame on me," she retorted, letting a sinister smile settle on her face.

She swiftly moved to her closet, and I turned as well to see what she was doing. I wanted her to come back. No, I _needed_ her to come back and fight so that I could get some type of release from the storm brewing within me. Her voice was slightly muffled, making her tone sound softer than what the moment called for, but her words were so poignant it felt like she was screaming into a bullhorn.

"If you think your so-called friends are going to take your side over Little Miss Perfect's, you're an idiot."

Debilitated by her comment, I was caught off guard when she came back out, throwing my jacket at me. The smell of it as it breezed by told me she'd definitely hurled in its vicinity. My keys followed, grazing my chin before hitting the floor with a shrill clank.

"I hope you're happy. You just lost your only friend," she tersely said. "Now get the fuck out!"

* * *

Eleven days had passed since I last saw Bella.

It was officially the longest we'd ever gone without some form of communication since the day I met her. Because of that, my motivation to do anything was severely lacking.

I spent the majority of my time in my room, lying in bed and avoiding the outside world. It was easy to ignore the phone calls from Emmett, my job, and classes, but harder to avoid Carlisle and Esme.

_Hard, but still manageable. _

_

* * *

_

For the first couple of days, I let anger consume me, incapable of sleeping without having nightmares of my parents or Bella. Each instance replayed the moment I was rejected by them. The dreams didn't end there. After the inevitable dismissal by Bella or my Dad, they would then begin taunting me; telling me through sadistic laughter that I was foolish to believe they ever cared for me.

When I finally awoke, bitter and breathless, soaked in my own sweat, I had to fight to lower my heart rate. The illusions were so powerful that the despair was palpable, making it difficult for me to do anything other than pity myself as I tried to regulate my breathing.

Unfortunately, the dreams wouldn't bury themselves in the dark recesses of my mind. They stayed with me, tormenting me throughout the day.

By the third day, I couldn't take it anymore. So, I stopped sleeping altogether, taking fifteen minute naps when I couldn't keep myself upright anymore.

* * *

After going hours without sleep, I found that I was completely unaware of the exact date and time. I knew it was dark out, but couldn't remember seeing the sun rise or set. The pain that I thought was only in my head—in my heart—began to manifest itself physically. My body trembled, despite being wrapped in a thick comforter, and my vision would blur at times before things rapidly snapped back into focus. I was numb in some respects and painfully aware in others. The cognizance of how pathetic I'd become was enough motivation to get up and _do_ something.

Cathartically going through my things, I tried to physically rid myself of any reminder of what I'd lost. A shoebox with postcards and a few pictures of me and my parents was the first thing I sought. My intention was just to chuck the whole thing, but I found myself carefully going through its items.

Seeing tangible evidence of my unrequited affection wasn't helping, and without a second thought I plucked a photo from the stack and ripped it in half. The sound of the paper tearing was oddly pleasant, so I took my time shredding each one. Once I moved to the postcards, I started to notice a trend. All the cards had the same signature—from Mommy Dearest—but the handwriting was only consistent in groups of three or four. Understanding set in instantly.

"They didn't even write these!" Throwing the box against the wall, I slid back until I was huddled in the corner of my room, placing my head between my knees as I desperately tried to catch my breath.

I stayed in that position for hours.

When I could no longer overlook the pressure on my bladder, I slowly made my way to the restroom, crossing paths with a picture of me and Bella inches away from the destroyed postcards. My anger ignited easily as a match as I ran to the restroom, expelling the contents of my stomach.

* * *

A week went by before the RA knocked on my door.

The last thing I needed was a suspicious upperclassmen questioning me, wondering if I needed to be on suicide watch or something. With that in mind, I opened the door, scowling at his back as he walked away whistling. Soon enough, my gaze was redirected to the cardboard box labeled 'Masen' that he'd left at my door. Picking it up, I belatedly realized it was heavier than it looked, straining my fatigued body as I heaved it into the room.

Like my parents, Bella had successfully reduced my position in her life down to a single, cumbersome box.

* * *

The calls from Emmett and the Cullens kept coming, increasing every day. Rosalie even came to the dorm once, but I successfully hid myself away until the tenth day. That was the day that Carlisle showed up, slipping a note underneath my door when I didn't answer his plea for entrance. I was too ashamed for him to see me in my current state; I didn't want him to be disappointed in me.

The note he left, scribbled on the back of a dry cleaning receipt, asked that I come by as soon as possible. And a small—albeit brief—smile snuck onto my face after I read it. Everyday someone stopped by, even though I ignored them all.

Tanya was wrong. They hadn't forgotten about me.

* * *

Like any inconsolable man, I progressed through the stages of grief.

I was in the first stage, denial, since my parents left Portland, and it took Bella's absence to show me how not _fine_ I was.

Anger—the second stage—had always been with me, hiding just beneath the surface. Mostly it was aimed at my parents, but in my disposition I included Bella. My whole life changed because of her and I no longer knew if it was a good or bad thing.

Maybe I never would have known love if I hadn't met her, but maybe my parents would've came back and been there for me. I followed this circular train of thought for hours before I reached a conclusion. Bella had always been the right choice. She showed me that life could be about more than angst and regret; that my past didn't have to decide my future. She taught me that no matter how bad things were, you could live through them and come out happier on the other side. As the resentment began to ebb and fade, I knew that I would choose her again.

_I choose her now. _

I went into the bargaining stage without conscious thought, wishing that one of those calls or knocks at my door would be from Bella. If she would've reached out to me in any way for any reason, I would've snapped out of this funk. She didn't. And wishing for it left me depressed.

It was in that state of mind that I finally left my bed and showered, calling Carlisle back to let him know I would see him tomorrow. I wouldn't allow myself to go through that last stage of grief.

I couldn't accept that she'd never be mine again.

* * *

Carlisle wasn't there when I arrived, so I sat with Esme as she worried over my 'bony' appearance. I didn't bother with lying to her by telling her that I was fine, I just didn't say anything at all. Not discouraged by my silence, Esme led me to the piano room and asked me to play for her. I really didn't want to, but I owed her. She and Carlisle didn't turn their backs on me as I assumed they would. They welcomed me with open arms in spite of me and Bella's parting. Esme even went as far as to assure me that there would never be a time when I wasn't welcomed back home.

Sitting at the piano, I asked Esme how she knew about the situation between me and Bella.

"Did you really think you could disappear for a couple of days and no one would notice…or care?"

"Well, yeah," I replied. Without intending to do so, I began softly playing as she resumed her story.

"It started with Emmett. He came up for dinner one night and said he was worried about you, he asked if we'd seen you. I told him that we hadn't but that he didn't need to worry." She placed her palm on my shoulder and squeezed. "You've been dealing with a lot lately, so I thought you needed some time alone.

"The next day, Rosalie contacted us, basically saying the same thing. She said she could 'smell you' through your door but you wouldn't let her in," she laughed lightly, adding levity to our conversation. "Needless to say we were all concerned, dear. Carlisle spoke with your boss—gauging how much he knew about your whereabouts. When he learned that you weren't at work the previous day, and didn't call in, he told your supervisor that you had to take emergency leave and that he was sorry he forgot to notify him. Carlisle also informed your professors, so don't be surprised if someone thinks you've had pneumonia," she giggled, a mischievous glint in her eye.

Her laughter subsided, leaving a thoughtful but concerned expression upon her face. Even though I was happy knowing how much they cared for me—the lengths they would go in order to protect me—I didn't want to see _that_ look on Esme's face. The same pained expression I'd seen on Bella's the night… Stopping myself from slipping down that rabbit hole, I began to play _I Love to See You Smile_, appeased once again when she granted my wish.

At some point the music began to change, flowing erratically, yet still in sync with my emotions. I continued to play until the scabs over my knuckles began to split, sending a fresh burn pulsing through my hands and radiating throughout my body. Practically banging at the keys, I allowed the bile to rise once again.

Resentment toward my parents for discarding me without a second thought; disgusted when I found out that all those post cards I received were written by whatever staff member was around at the time. Most damaging of all was that they failed to do their primary function. They didn't teach me anything! Not the kind of things you learn in books, but how to love, when to hold back, and how to live when it felt like your heart was being ripped out of your chest.

Their absence left me deficient; worthless to the one person I needed the most in my life, the one person I desired above all others.

With those thoughts spinning around in my head, my hands froze, unable to remember what the next note was or what composition they played moments before. Silent tears fell onto the keys, and the moment was made worse by my embarrassment at not being able to pull myself together.

The sound of feet padding toward me was enough to catch my attention, and I bowed my head and bit the inside of my cheek, not wanting my misery seen or heard. Esme re-entered, pausing a minute to look me over. I wasn't surprised that she slipped out to give me privacy—she knew me better than my own mother—but I was surprised by what she said when she finally spoke.

"We we're always concerned about you, Edward. But Carlisle didn't come by until Bella expressed her worry," she said slowly, cautiously. "I didn't know if it was a good idea to give this to you now but…" She sat down on the bench beside me facing away from the keys, giving me a choice in whether or not I wanted her to continue. A slight shift in my posture and a tilt of my head and I found her eyes intently studying mine.

"Carlisle's in his office when you're ready," she said, placing the folded paper on the piano top. Rising to her feet, she kissed my temple and exited the room. As soon as the door shut behind her, I opened the note.

"Page 24," I said lowly, reading the contents of Bella's messily scrawled letter aloud. I slipped the piece of paper in my pocket, thinking that Bella was still as—infuriatingly—baffling as ever with her cryptic messages.

_Yet, she reached out to me._

_

* * *

_

As I made my way into Carlisle's office, I was greeted with a warm, welcoming smile. He stood, giving me the same inspection as Esme had before promptly producing papers he needed me to sign.

"I know this isn't a celebratory moment, but I hope that it can bring you some sort of closure, son." I nodded. The lawyer just needed me to sign an affidavit giving my side of the story for the record. The case was closed and all of my funds—and any other assets due me—were to be immediately disbursed. I definitely didn't feel any better about my father disowning me, but at least this way I could move on without constant reminders of his contempt.

"What happened exactly?" I asked. The court documents were in legalese and there were several reasons given for my supposed incompetence; why granting me my trust was a mistake. Yet, there was nothing listed in the documents about my relationship with Bella.

"Mr. Masen," he began, and it wasn't lost on me that he didn't refer to him as my father, "was in a rush to get this pushed through, and the only available judge at the time was Cornelius Nahuel."

"I don't get it," I said, raising an inquisitive brow.

"As you can see, he couldn't prove you were in any way unfit to manage your own trust. And he couldn't list his own…_prejudice_ as proof. If he had, the case would've been thrown out right away," he scoffed.

"At any rate, he used his contacts to have the process expedited, and when he realized that things weren't going in his favor he lost his temper, revealing that you were in a—what he believes to be—inappropriate relationship. Cornelius was a civil rights lawyer before he became a judge and is of mixed heritage himself. Needless to say, he wasn't impressed with Mr. Masen's bigoted rant."

"Then I'm lucky that this ended up on his desk," I remarked, handing the papers back to him.

"Yeah," Carlisle said, the corners of his mouth turning up ever so slightly, "_lucky_." He filed the papers away and then steepled his hands on top of his desk. "You probably already know this, but I need to _reiterate_ some facts," he began. "This wasn't just about your relationship with Bella. I think that Mr. Masen was shocked to see you thriving without him."

"It's not like I had a choice," I shrugged.

"True. But instead of being proud of your accomplishments, your strength, he took it as a personal affront," he exhaled. "I'm afraid that Esme and I didn't help matters by treating them as visitors when they were here; as if they were visiting _our_ son. It's hard for a man to see someone else fill his role, especially one he's been negligent in. I think hearing me call you 'son' was the last straw," he paused to gather his thoughts and then looked me in the eye.

"I'm sorry—we both are—for anything we did to contribute to this debacle." I opened my mouth to interject, but he put a hand up to silence me. "More than anything, I want you to know I'm proud of how you handled everything."

"Yeah, I handled things with Bella real well," I mumbled off topic. It didn't go unnoticed by Carlisle.

"Given what you've gone through, I'd say you did well there, too." I shrugged again, disagreeing with his assessment but not willing to say more.

"It's normal for those who've been _neglected_ to latch on to someone who willingly gives of themselves. You were blessed in that Bella loves you just as deeply as you love her. Trust me, there are worst things that could've happened," he explained, shaking his head as if to clear a memory. "You aren't capable of any of those things, so don't sell yourself short."

Quietly taking in his words, I tried to reconcile my past to that of someone that had been 'neglected'. For me, the word was synonymous with children who were physically abused and I didn't fit that bill. Still, I couldn't overlook all the other ways in which my parents were derelict in their parental duties.

"Latch on?" I asked, particularly interested in what he had to say about that. Carlisle flushed before he answered. He looked…guilty.

"It's not uncommon to hold close the things you treasure because at some level you don't want to lose them. It works the same in relationships. If you're worried that you'll lose that person, you attempt to protect them, which can lead to shutting that person off from the rest of the world or even trying to control them. Usually it's something you don't realize you're doing until…"he trailed off, his voice cracking.

"After Esme attempted…suicide, I took a sabbatical," he quietly disclosed. "I wanted to be there for her like I hadn't been before, and if I'm being completely honest with myself, I was afraid she'd try again. At first, I wanted to assure myself that she was recuperating physically—mentally—but at some point I became _angry_. How could she even think of leaving me, through death at that? Hadn't I lost children, too?" He took a second to compose himself.

"I didn't talk to her about my feelings then, and I went from being her husband to being her warden. I wanted to make sure she never left me—in any sense of the word. Thankfully we were able to resolve things before they were beyond repair," he finished, shaking off his memories.

I couldn't help but see certain parallels in our situations, and I was flooded with guilt as things started to fall in place.

_I did this to Bella?_

"Bella did say she needed space," I revealed. "I didn't completely understand why."

"I can't speak on specifics because I don't have them, but generally someone says that when they need physical and emotional space. I believe it's fair to say that Bella is the _only_ person you share your life's troubles with?"

"Yeah," I sighed, seeing where this was going. "She understands me the best and I trust her, I love her. I didn't realize that I was…suffocating her."

"Energy is not lost or destroyed, it's merely transferred," he muttered absentmindedly. "Bella enjoys taking care of people. Even more so with those she loves. I'm sure she didn't always feel _suffocated_," he said, using my word. "We, as human beings, inadvertently feed off of the emotions of others. An emotional transference if you will."

"Misery loves company," I said, to which he nodded.

"Though it's not always a negative thing, we like to absorb the good feelings as well," he clarified. "But with all you were dealing with, and I know Bella's had a hard time with her mother lately, perhaps it just all came to a head for the both of you. Maybe you both needed that space."

"There were some things that bothered me in the end," I ambiguously offered.

I didn't like the fact that she was always busy with something; that she seemed to be drifting away when I needed her the most. Looking back, I could see the instances where the stress was becoming too much for her. I did overreact to her absence whenever my dad called and reminded me of the huge mistake I was making, which was frequently. I didn't take it out on her in a bad way, but I did focus on my problems, letting her coddle me until I felt better.

When she did express her feelings to me—about her day, her mom, or whatever—I wasn't nearly as attentive as she was to me. It's no wonder she bothered talking to me at all! The more she pulled away, the more I clung to her, and on some level I knew I was losing her. I just assumed it would be to some other guy.

Even now the thought of Bella with someone else...

"Usually something serves as a catalyst, Edward," Carlisle thankfully interrupted my train of thought. "It may feel that it came out of left field, but whatever it was has probably been mounting for awhile. If you examine the events leading up to the disagreement, it will help you better understand it."

"Carlisle, I don't just want to understand it. I want her back!" I asserted, feeling the heat rise to my face at my curt tone.

"It'll help with that, too," he chuckled, waving me off before I could apologize. "It takes two to make or break a relationship. Neither party should shoulder all the blame," he finished.

After several minutes of silent reflection, I thanked him for everything. I felt a like I could breathe again for the first time in days. Before I crossed the threshold to exit his office, I turned back to him.

"For what it's worth, you've been the closest thing I've ever had to a father. I'm…_honored_ that you'd fill that role for me." He sucked in a breath of air and inclined his head, not saying anything in return.

Ready to head back out, I found myself face to face with Esme before I was enveloped by two sets of strong, unrepentant arms. I stood in between them, letting myself finally grieve for all I'd loss and appreciate what I gained.

And thinking of the piece of paper safely sheltered in my pocket, I allowed myself to hope.

* * *

"What did you do?" Emmett asked, handing me a cup of coffee with an exasperated huff.

He was tired of me giving him the runaround, and after he heard from Esme that I was in the neighborhood over a week ago and didn't stop by, he showed up outside of my science lab. We walked to the common area, both deep in our thoughts, and before we even exchanged greetings he wanted to know what happened. After I told him we weren't together anymore—giving him a vague explanation as to why—he immediately jumped to the conclusion that it was my fault.

"Why do you assume it was _me_ that did something?" I retorted, mildly offended. He paused with his drink halfway to his lips before giving me the most sarcastic look he could muster.

I really didn't think Em would understand my situation with Bella because Rosalie was as Anglo-Saxon as they came, and as Bella pointed out, one of her biggest issues with our relationship was how people saw us—black and white. I just didn't see what experiences in his own relationship could be parallel to mine. There was, however, another issue I could get his opinion on.

"This whole week that I've been back in class," I said, changing the subject. "I haven't seen Bella once. Isn't that…weird?"

"No, not really," he responded, a contemplative expression settling over his features. "You two have been so far up each other's asses that you haven't let any of us get to know you better as a couple. I do know you as individuals, and from what I've seen, I think it's safe to say that you more than went out of your way to make damn sure you did see Bella," he hedged. "Either that, or you were stalking her."

"I was _not_ stalking her," I asserted, even if unsure of some of my past actions.

"Maybe not. Besides, you don't really call it stalking when you're in a relationship and the other person welcomes the attention. But the fact is, you two were _always_ with each other and now…not so much," he paused, carefully choosing his next words. "Does it seem that maybe you were the _only_ one putting in the effort?" he asked.

His question took me off guard and I took a moment to seriously consider my answer before I spoke. Yeah, I may have been the one seeking Bella out, but she never turned me away. She provided me with so much more than mere physicality, but peace from the inner turmoil in both my mind and heart. Whether I was the one seeking her out or not, she made sure she was accessible to me.

_Right up until the end, anyways._

"No," I firmly answered. "She gave more than she got and never really complained." Em nodded his head, pleased with my answer. "It's just that _not_ seeing her…well, I didn't realize how much I'd been insinuating myself into her life," I said, annoyed with the whole fucking concept of hindsight.

"You do that when you're in love." Em said, lifting one shoulder. "Finding balance is key..._Dorothy_." A grin spread across his face, the same one he got when he was verbally sparring with Rosalie, and I knew where his mind had gone.

"So, when's the big day, _Blanche_?" I asked, watching the grin morph and stretch clear across his face.

"She's moving in with me…" he began, and I temporarily shelved my issues so that I could share in his joy.

* * *

Two days later, I found myself back in my room, staring at the box Bella left. I didn't know why I refused to open it, but since it held the majority of my wardrobe, I could no longer put it off. I continually reminded myself that it was just a piece of _cardboard_ filled with _fabric_, nothing more or less. Still, I was inundated with feelings of finality. Taking my time, I pulled off the tape, gradually opening each flap.

"Fabric," I breathed, feeling irrationally relieved that I didn't find my still-beating heart lying on top of the box.

_I never did get around to asking Carlisle for those hormone suppressants._

Carelessly sorting through my things, I put my clothes away, throwing the gold strip of condoms into my dresser drawer. And again, I was illogically comforted that Bella hadn't seen a need to keep them. By the time I reached the bottom, any sense of contentment fled as I looked upon the remaining item.

She'd found a way to give my heart back after all.

I stared at the book of poems I gave her for her birthday. The book that told her what I felt before I knew how to verbalize it. Really, had it come to this? Was the damage I'd done so irreparable? Replaying random events of our relationship and Carlisle's words, I thought that maybe it was. The argument with my father during his surprise visit continued to distress me, forcing me to see things I didn't want to deal with.

How much of _him_ was in me?

Bella telling me that I created some type of racial divide in our relationship bothered me. It wasn't my intention, but was I inadvertently acting like a self-entitled bigoted prick? Intended or not, if she perceived me to be that way…then I was no better than my father. At least when he saw her naked, he told her to get dressed. Whereas I stripped her in a far more intimate way, leaving her emotionally raw and bare for all to see.

For years I tried to follow in my father's footsteps, did anything I thought would earn his admiration. However, as of late, I was hell-bent on doing the opposite. I thought I was successful up until this point. Perhaps the Masen blood ran _too_ thick and our paths were just fated to diverge.

Picking up the book, I skimmed through its content, letting my inner masochist take over. I appreciated that it seemed to be well worn, especially given its relative newness. As I followed the dog-eared pages, I thoroughly read each word before I was suddenly hit with the reason Bella gave me the book back in the first place.

_Page 24._

I flipped the pages so fast that a few were ripped out in my haste.

It took nine painfully slow readings for me to grasp its simple subject matter. Another twelve before untamed optimism prevailed. By the time I put it away, the words had been memorized, and I mentally repeated the last stanza until I fell asleep.

_So I live for today._

_Not looking back at the time that's past, not looking at the days ahead,_

_just knowing that today is one less day I have to wait to be with you again._

Bella was waiting for me.

* * *

"Well, well, well _hok'at_." He greeted, once I identified myself.

"That's not your native tongue, _ship-hok_." I shot back. "Or does this mean you finally realized you're _not_ black and I should be calling you something else?"

"_Jackass_. I see Bella's taught you a few things with that _capable_ tongue of hers," he retorted, drawling the words and making me regret that I called him to begin with.

Shaking my head, I ignored the implication that he knew _anything_ about the wonders of her mouth. Bella did speak several languages. Granted, her knowledge was limited to greetings and words that held any racial connotations—she wanted to know if she was being insulted in any language. She didn't give me much of an explanation for this random knowledge, but I knew Mike was to blame. Snapping out of my drifting thoughts, I cleared my throat, ready to get this conversation back on track.

"Jacob," I paused, seriously questioning my own sanity at this point, "I need your help."

* * *

**A/N** _Hok'at _– non Native, Caucasian. _Ship-hok - _Black man. (From the Quileute Language Dictionary). The poem is by E. McCandless. It, as well as other entries from Bella's book of poems, can be found on my LiveJournal Page.

**As always, thanks for reading and drop me a review! **

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS!  
**


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